The next morning, I awoke to discover a voicemail from Natalie. I couldn’t believe I’d slept through my phone ringing, but I’d drunk enough to make forget for a little while, so that ant I’d drunk enough to sleep through the rest of the night without waking.
"Hi, honey. Michelle is headed to Shady Pines Funeral ho. If you and Kennedy want to et there at four this afternoon, you can spend so ti with her before they get her ready for cremation. If you can’t make it, that’s absolutely okay. Just let know."
She hung up and I flopped back onto the bed.
"Bad news?" rrick asked as he pulled over his chest.
"Kennedy and I can go down to the funeral ho at four. She’s going to be cremated, but Michelle always wanted to donate."
"She might not qualify now if her heart’s destroyed."
"True."
"Mom wanted to do the sa thing, but she kind of blew her head off. They didn’t get to her fast enough, so..."
"Oh, god," I whispered, hugging him tight.
"She was far too damaged, so Dad had her cremated as well."
"I’m so sorry you had to deal with that."
"Yeah, it fucking sucked."
"I don’t doubt it." I kissed him just over his Dogs of Fire tattoo. "I love you."
"Love you back."
"You don’t need to co with today. Kennedy and I can go."
"You seriously think you’re going anywhere alone right now?"
"No. I just wanted to give you an out."
"I don’t want a fucking out," he ground out. "I’m driving you."
I nodded against his chest. "Thanks, honey."
"You’re welco." He gave a gentle squeeze. "How are you feeling?"
"Not bad, surprisingly." I smiled up at him. "The water and ibuprofen helped."
"Good," he said.
It hadn’t been lost on that rrick had watched like a hawk as I drank one amaretto sour after another, then foregoing the sour, making sure I drank water in between each new beverage. He’d virtually carried up to his room before making sure I took ibuprofen before we fell into bed. He’d tended to both my physical and emotional needs, as I was realizing he always did.
"You always take care of ," I whispered.
He kissed my temple. "I was serious when I said I’m in service of the queen."
"I’m letting that sink in, honey."
"Fuckin’ finally," he breathed out.
I rolled my eyes even as I snuggled closer.
"You hungry?"
"Starved," I admitted.
"Want your man to make you breakfast?"
"Is bacon on the table?"
"Bacon’s always on the table," he said.
"Then, yes, I’d like my man to make breakfast."
He kissed gently, then slid out of bed and pulled on his jeans and a T-shirt.
I gripped rrick’s hand as we walked into the funeral ho. Kennedy walked with us, her shoulders drooped, her defeated countenance so unlike her normal self. She refused to let Mouse co with her, making it clear (again) he was a one-night stand and it would never be more than that. I had to give it to Mouse, he took it like a man and didn’t seem to let her rejection faze him.
We were t by Mr. Lamb, who was an older man, balding and thin, with a calm and gentle deanor. "I am so sorry for your loss."
"Thank you," I said.
"Michelle’s parents are with her now. Will you follow ?"
I nodded, and Kennedy led the way, following Mr. Lamb.
"Whatever you need, Rem," rrick whispered as we were ushered to where Michelle was waiting.
Natalie sat between her husband, Don, and son, Gabriel, and turned with a sad smile as Kennedy and I walked in. I hadn’t seen Michelle’s dad, Don, in ages, but now he sat with his arm tight around Natalie and he looked wrecked. Understandably. Michelle was their only daughter and she’d always been a daddy’s girl.
Gabe and I were friends. Not like Michelle and I were friends, but he and his sister were close, so he was often at the sa parties, bars, clubs, and get-togethers we frequented. If he’d had a vagina, he would have been the fourth in our group.
We made our way to them and they stood and hugged us tight, Gabe holding a little longer than the rest, then they hung back and I walked with Kennedy up the three stairs to where Michelle was lying in a very simple but elegant casket.
Kennedy took my hand and squeezed, then reached in and fixed Michelle’s collar. "She has to look her best."
"Very true," I agreed as tears poured down my face.
Michelle used to joke that she wanted no hair out of place, even when she started losing it. She’d made the decision to shave her head the second her hair started falling out. I stroked her cheek, her skin so pale and soft it felt as thin as paper, but even in death she was beautiful.
All such a waste.
Strong arms wrapped around from behind as I crumpled, and rrick carried to a row of chairs next to Gabe, settling on his lap as he sat down. I wanted to be strong. I wanted to stop crying, because I was a friend who had lost a friend, but Don and Natalie had lost their child. But I couldn’t get a grip on my emotions and I sobbed uncontrollably into rrick’s neck.
It was real...all way too real. My best friend was dead. There was no way to bring her back and I was instantly lost.
"It’s okay, honey," Natalie crooned, rubbing my back. "Let it out."
"I’m so...sorry...Natalie. I didn’t...want to cry."
"Oh, baby, it’s okay to cry."
"But she was your daughter. It’s sadder for you," I rasped.
"Sweetness, I know how y’all feel about each other. You were...are sisters. It’s sad, so be sad. Your pain is no less real than mine. It’s okay."
I nodded into rrick’s chest, letting the sadness swamp . Kennedy sat beside Natalie and they held each other as Michelle’s dad left the room. He was a stoic man, so that didn’t surprise , but it did make cry a little harder.
rrick stroked my hair and pulled closer as I wept into his shirt. I couldn’t seem to stop, the loss so intense, the pain so visceral. I didn’t know what I was going to do without her. I didn’t know what the world was going to do without her.
I don’t know how long we sat there, him holding , Natalie and Kennedy holding each other, but the lights in the room ca on, so I figured it was probably getting dark outside.
I’d stopped crying, but continued to burrow into the warmth and safety of rrick’s body. Mr. Lamb cleared his throat and Natalie nodded, rising to her feet. "We should go. You can both co back tomorrow if you like. She’ll be cremated on Monday, then we’ll work on a morial service."
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