_____Damian’s POV
She signed.
I had expected relief - perhaps triumph - sothing clean and simple. Instead, the mont her pen left the paper, a tightness ford in my chest, as if I had just sealed my own fate along with hers.
’This is necessary for my revenge and for the sake of...finding the truth.’
I repeated that to myself again and again.
A legal bond was the only way to protect her without exposing my hand. A public relationship would shield her from the wolves waiting to tear her apart. And if she ever needed a shield strong enough to stand against them all, I wanted to be the one holding it.
That was all. That was the logic.
Then why did I feel... unsteady?
Jenna Lorance looked at the contract with furrowed brows and parted lips, completely unaware of how dangerously breathtaking she was in that mont - determined and fragile all at once. She looked so much like my own Jenna that I felt butterflies in my stomach just looking at her.
’This is dangerous. My heart is only supposed to belong to one person. So why? Why has it started to beat for another?’
I had to turn away, afraid she might see the truth written on my face.
When she suggested public appearances, I nodded, forcing myself to treat the topic coldly. I
But the way she flinched when I reminded her that I could never love her - that was a mistake. One I should not have made.
And yet... a part of wanted her reaction. I wanted to know if she cared and if this would make her feel sothing...different for .
Ridiculous, right?
My heart already belonged to soone else - didn’t it?
I clung to the idea like a lifeline, even though the mory of the woman I claid to love had been fading for a long ti. I rembered her smile, and when I did, I still felt moved. However, her face was quickly being replaced by a very similar and slightly different one in my mories.
I rembered her voice, but it no longer echoed. And when I tried to picture a life with her, it was blurry - weightless.
But when I pictured standing beside the woman across from ... everything was painfully vivid.
That was why I needed distance. She needed to think I didn’t care.
Because if she ever found out how much she was starting to affect , she would use and then discard . And if she left, I would lose the only chance I had to do Jenna right and get my revenge.
And I couldn’t afford that.
Not again.
This girl might not be my Jenna, but she was soone close enough to act like one.
I stared at the marriage contract in my bag. The signature next to mine - her signature - had weight. It shouldn’t have. This was supposed to be business. Strategy. A temporary union.
Then why did the idea of annulling our engagent make sothing ugly curl inside ?
Possessiveness? Jealousy? Or sothing even worse - sothing dangerously close to longing?
No. I couldn’t let that happen.
I would protect her because it was necessary.
Not because I wanted her.
Not because I watched her sleep longer than I should have last night. Not because I caught myself morizing the pattern of her breathing or the softness in her expression when her guard dropped.
Not because I carried her to bed even though I could have just woken her up.
’I am just doing what I need to do. None of this is wrong and I am not betraying anyone by doing this either.’
I reminded myself as I ford a plan in my mind about what to do next.
"Let us prepare our first outing. We will give the public exactly what they expect to see."
I said, keeping my voice steady and cool.
I walked away before I could look at her again - because if I did...
...I wasn’t sure I would be able to pretend anymore.
________Jenna’s Pov
I felt a little excited about the next outing. After much deliberation on where we should go next, I decided that our ’first’ date should be at a low-key coffee place. Low-key enough that no one would question why we were whispering... or why he kept leaning close.
Not only would that make it seem romantic, but also make people think we wanted to remain out of the public eye. A lie sweet enough to swallow, dangerous enough to tempt.
As for the presence of reporters...? Well, that was easy enough to control.
It was everything else-my feelings-that refused to be controlled.
A small talk here, a quick word there, and the reporters would follow what we wanted on their own. There was not much for to do in that regard.
They were pawns. He wasn’t. And that scared .
I had pretty much planned out everything that we were going to do in this outing. From the small ’gestures’ of affection we were going to make, to the subtle way we were going to move.
Pretend. Perform. And yet, the mont he looks at , nothing feels pretend.
However, just because I planned it all out did not an I was not nervous. A ’fake’ date or not, this was the first date of my life, and I wanted to enjoy it as much as I could.
And I hated how badly I wanted it to feel real.
Looking in the mirror, a girl dressed in street-fashion greeted . She looked nothing like . Her eyes looked too innocent and wide, almost as if she had not seen the horrors of the world and was still untainted.
Damian calls that innocence beautiful. I call it a lie I learned to wear flawlessly.
But I knew the truth.
That girl in the mirror was , and she would always be . Even that innocence looking back at was fake.
But when he sees it, when he praises it... I almost want it to be real.
Did I even have anything real about at this point? My na, my life, my very identity was fake-
Except the way my pulse reacts to him. I can’t fake that.
"What are you thinking so hard about? Relax your face and give a smile. You look the best when you smile."
His voice lowered when he said it, almost tender... almost possessive.
Damian told as he ruffled my hair, but he quickly caught himself and looked away. As if touching burned him. As if not touching burned him more.
His hand on my head felt heavy but reassuring at the sa ti. I felt warmth fill my heart as I considered his words and actions. God, why does it feel like comfort when it should feel like danger?
It also helped calm down and rethink my actions... only to realize that perhaps, I had been worrying about nothing. Or maybe I should be worrying about how easily he affects .
"You are right. Let’s head out now."
Our ’fake’ date starts now. So why does it feel like the start of sothing that could ruin us both?
Ch 20
Click
The sound of a cara shutter going off reached my ear and I pulled the shades off my face to show more of it. The lens of the cara flashed in the glass in front of and I angled my face to get more of it on cara.
If they wanted a show, we would give them one-dangerously close to real.
Damian followed my lead as he posed for the cara as well without making it seem natural. He didn’t even have to try. Just standing next to him made it look like I belonged there.
Click click
A few more cara clicks went off in rapid succession at our actions and I realized that our act was working.
The small coffee shop we had chosen was a small walk away from Damian’s place. It had a cozy atmosphere and was high-class enough that no one would question why soone as famous as Damian was here.
At the sa ti, it was also private enough to justify it being a dating place for so people and no one would find out.
Private... but not private enough to stop from noticing every brush of his breath, every shift of his body.
So how had the reporters found this place? It was simply because of a small ’tip’ I had left them.
"They are still clicking photos. Make sure you face them and let them capture you clearly."
I reminded Damian and he turned around as I had asked him to. He had a talent for acting that he might not have even realized as he turned around and leaned close to . Too close. Close enough that my pulse forgot what pretending ant.
His lips rested inches away from my ears and he made sure he was away from the side where those reporters with caras were.
"Is this better?"
Damian asked and his breath brushed against my ear. I felt a shiver go down my spine that I tried to control. I also resisted the urge to reach my hand toward my ear and rub my ear to get rid of the shiver I felt.
I hated how quickly my body reacted to him... and how much a part of wanted him to notice.
From our reflection in the glass, it looked like we were kissing. But in reality, all Damian was doing was whispering in my ear... which was not any less intimate than kissing.
Maybe it was even worse-because whispers can’t be explained away.
Still, we had no physical contact and all our actions were done in order to fool the people into believing what we wanted. At least that’s what we kept telling ourselves.
"You are doing good. Perhaps, you should pull back-"
"Wait a second. We need to make your reaction a little more genuine."
Damian told before he blew air on my ear. The sudden action caused to shiver and I imdiately put my hand on my ear to block the air.
My cheeks gained so red to them and when Damian pulled back, he looked a little startled but his eyes contained amusent and he let out a chuckle.
He looked at like he’d just discovered a weakness-one he liked far too much.
"You... what do you think you are doing?"
I hissed these words out. I tried to keep my reaction as neutral as I could, but I was not able to control myself perfectly.
Damian noticed my reactions and seed to... be enjoying my fury? He even chuckled as he looked at .
A man far too used to control suddenly thrilled by soone he couldn’t control at all. It reminded of who he used to be.
"Ah, please forgive . I just... found your reactions amusing and refreshing. As you know, people around don’t tend to... be as free as you have been with . It is nice to be with you like this."
Damian told and his voice sounded genuine. Too genuine. Like he ant more than he should.
Even if our date and relationship was fake, the re fact that we were together seed to make Damian joyous.
And that, more than anything, made feel sorry for him. Sorry-because he deserved sothing real, and I was everything but.
"I understand. Your line of work is... not the most stable. You should look for soone who understands you and keeps up with you once it is all over."
Sohow, these words left a bitter taste in my mouth. Even if I knew that they were the right thing to say in my mind, my heart did not agree.
The words hurt, like I had punched myself in the ribs instead of him.
It kept wanting to tell that I should hold on to Damian for as long as I can.
’Is it my loneliness talking, or my heart... whatever it is, I need to tone it down. This man is not mine to have and he has made it more than clear to as well.’
Damian’s face smiled when he looked at , but I could tell that sothing had unsettled him at my words as well. His smile did not reach his eyes as he looked at .
"Perhaps, you are right. Once it’s all over, I should look forward to settling down... right? But for so reason, the very thought is..."
Damian trailed off, not wanting to continue. I just sipped my coffee as I watched him get lost in his own thoughts. He looked haunted-by sothing he didn’t want, or sothing he wanted too much.
Snap
The sudden sound of a cara snapped out of my daze and made realize where we were and what we were doing.
So I not-so-subtly reached for Damian’s hand, causing him to look at . I told myself it was for the caras. My heart knew better.
"I’m sure it’ll be fine. You do not have to worry about much. Now, shall we leave?"
I asked, my eyes looking subtly at the reflection of the cara in the glass. Damian caught my aning and he tightened his hold around my hand.
His grip made my wrist feel like they were burning. Everywhere he touched, I could feel my body shudder as I tried to control myself. If this was pretending, I didn’t want to know what real would do to .
Whether Damian noticed my reaction or not was not sothing I got to think about because he tugged out behind him.
His pace was slow enough for to be able to keep up with him and he was calm enough for his expression to co off as serene and not annoyed.
And yet, sothing about the way he moved made feel like he was frustrated... not at but at himself.
As if he was fighting the sa battle I was-and losing.
I felt too aware of him but I felt even more aware of the caras following us.
Those caras were sothing I had invited and they were here to help out. But sohow, all I wanted was for these caras to go away.
Because without them, I wouldn’t have a single excuse left for wanting him this close.
My feelings felt conflicted, not allowing to know what exactly I wanted.
But every step with his hand around mine made it clearer-I wanted him. And I wasn’t supposed to.
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