As soon as I got out of the taxi, I saw the signboard lights were off. But he said he was at his mom’s restaurant. I walked through the snowy street toward Ryu Geun-deok Gamjatang. My heart was pounding, and my lips were dry. When I reached the front door, I could see a faint light flickering deep inside the dark interior.
I grabbed the doorknob. The door, which seed like it wouldn’t budge, opened. My body froze instinctively. I stood still, holding the slightly opened door, and peered inside. The lights were off in the main area, only the inner room beside the kitchen was lit. It was a floor-seating room. I stepped forward slowly. The silence inside was absolute.
I had run out of the house and grabbed a taxi without thinking. I was so nervous my hands were shaking. I stopped in front of the faint light seeping through the slightly open door. I took a deep breath, exhaled slowly, and carefully pushed it open. The door slid open soundlessly. The light spilled out, and in my field of view appeared a single person.
Seon-jae was sitting at the table, resting his chin on his hand. My heart thumped loudly in my chest. Seon-jae, who had been looking at his phone, seed to notice sothing odd—maybe because he hadn’t heard any noise despite the door opening—and lifted his head. Our eyes t in the air. His eyes widened slightly in surprise at the unexpected visitor.
“What the hell?”
I had co without any sort of script. I hadn’t thought about what to say or what to ask. I hadn’t thought at all. All I had was the thought that I had to see Seon-jae. That single thought had brought here.
Seon-jae set his phone down on the table and stood up. Then he walked briskly toward , where I stood frozen in front of the door.
“What’s wrong? Did sothing happen?”
His expression was serious as he studied my face.
“Want to co in first?”
He turned his body sideways to make space for . But when I didn’t move, he stepped out of the room, shoved his feet into his shoes, and stood in front of . His gaze dropped to my hand.
“What is it, why are your hands shaking like this? What happened?”
He gently lifted my trembling hand, which betrayed my unsettled state, and t my eyes. My nose began to sting.
“Seon-jae.”
My voice quivered. Warmth passed from his palm into mine. As if urging to speak, he slowly rubbed his thumb over the back of my hand. My face, contorted with the effort of holding back tears, naturally twisted up. I pouted and furrowed my brows, fighting back the sobs, and finally opened my mouth.
“It was .”
The mont I confessed, the tears ca pouring out. No ti for them to well up—they just fell. My throat closed up with heat.
“I ti-traveled. I went to the past. I don’t know why. I just wanted to see you, so I went to your school. Huh, huhuh... It’s okay if you don’t believe . But I wanted to tell you. It’s not that I didn’t want to see you. The owner of the watch—huh, hhhh—told not to say anything, huhuh... I’m sorry I left without a word.”
From my wide-open mouth ca a loud sob, “Ueong.” I rubbed my eyes with the hand Seon-jae wasn’t holding. No matter how many tis I wiped with the back of my hand, the tears kept flowing. My eyes, cheeks, and chin were soaked with tears. I couldn’t even look at Seon-jae’s face. I was too busy sobbing it all out. My shoulders trembled, and my chest bounced violently with every breath.
How long did I cry? A warm hand cradled the back of my head, and I lowered my hands and looked up. Seon-jae pulled into a tight hug. As the distance closed, my face pressed gently into his chest. His hand slipped into my hair and stroked my head slowly.
“Don’t cry.”
I’d always believed that the phrase don’t cry held a secret magic: it made you cry harder. My lips trembled and stretched longer. The sobs surged even louder.
“Chun-baek.”
My voice barely slipped out, smothered by tears, so I just nodded against his chest.
“Every ti you cried, you ca to like this. So now, all your tears are stored inside .”
“......”
“I missed you so much.”
His hand softly stroked my hair.
“Thank you for coming to find .”
I could feel Seon-jae’s clothes growing damp. I gripped the fabric of his shirt tightly with both hands and bit down on my lip.
□ ■ □
My eyes were swollen red from crying, but Seon-jae’s parents didn’t ask a single question.
I had cried in Seon-jae’s arms until I started to calm down. Then the restaurant door opened. “What kind of snow is this? Couldn’t even get a taxi,” ca a voice. The people brushing snow off their coats as they entered were Seon-jae’s mom and dad. They had been chatting noisily, but quieted the mont they saw . They glanced at each other, then Seon-jae’s mom turned as if to leave, saying sothing about leaving sothing in the taxi. But I quickly bowed my head in greeting and stopped them. That mont, that greeting, was what led us to where we were now—four of us sitting in the room where Seon-jae had been alone.
“Should we be doing this with a guest here?” Seon-jae’s mom said cheerfully as she set a cake on the table. The birthday boy was Seon-jae’s dad.
“You’re lucky. One more person to celebrate your birthday with.”
But Seon-jae’s dad hadn’t smiled once since sitting down. The sa as when he first entered the shop. Seon-jae’s mom placed candles on the cake according to his age. As he watched the candles being stuck in, Seon-jae’s dad frowned.
“Just do it halfway. Whatever.”
Seon-jae’s mom paused with the candles still in hand.
“We’ve got a long way to go, though?”
“Let’s just leave it.”
“Fine, then.”
She set the rest of the candles down. Seon-jae struck a match and lit the wicks that had already been placed. I brought my hands together, ready to sing. But no one else opened their mouth. I glanced around at the other three faces.
Why wasn’t anyone singing? Don’t tell I have to sing alone?
The flas on the candles flickered. Even as wax dripped, everyone just sat still.
A birthday song... Happy birthday to you...
I blinked, the lyrics caught behind my lips. Even if I couldn’t bring myself to sing “Happy birthday, dear Seon-jae’s dad,” I was planning to sing the rest with enthusiasm and clap. Seon-jae noticed with my palms together and leaned in to whisper in my ear.
“We don’t do songs in this house.”
“Ah...”
I lowered my joined hands onto my lap. Seon-jae’s father blew out the candles with a single puff. Wondering if I should clap anyway, I raised my hands again and clapped loudly. But I was the only one clapping. The atmosphere here was rough. My eyes shifted awkwardly. As the clapping faded into silence, I sheepishly dropped my hands to my lap.
Im Sol... Don’t act out. Keep your hands firmly on your knees...
Seon-jae let out a little laugh. I bit my lip in embarrassnt and glanced at him. He was smiling as he pulled the burnt wicks out of the cake.
“But who are you?”
The attention that had been on Seon-jae snapped to the front. His father asked the question with a blunt expression.
“Ah, I’m Seon-jae... I’m a friend of Seon-jae’s.”
I suddenly rembered when Seon-jae’s mom had asked Baek In-hyeok who I was, when we showed up at the house together. Back then, the answers had been things like Run Away with Seon-jae on Your Back, Seon-jae’s fan, and so on.
“I didn’t know Seon-jae had a girlfriend.”
My eyes went wide. My hands flew up off my knees. That’s not it! I waved them in denial, but Seon-jae’s dad just went on cutting the cake without even looking at .
I turned my head. Seon-jae was leaning against the wall, chin in hand, looking at . The corner of his mouth was resting against his palm. This is seriously awkward. No one else was looking, so I gave up waving and lowered my hand. I fidgeted with it in my lap. Well... girlfriend doesn’t always an that kind of girlfriend. Baek In-hyeok is Seon-jae’s boy friend. I’m a girl friend.
“Ah, are you the sa girl from back then? The one Seon-jae brought over ages ago?” Seon-jae’s mom asked as she passed the chopsticks. I t her eyes and nodded. Yes, that’s , my expression said.
“Oh my, oh my! I see,” she said repeatedly in surprise, tapping her husband’s shoulder. He raised his shoulder and frowned as if to say stop hitting .
“The citron syrup you gave us back then—we really enjoyed it.”
“Oh right, we did give you that, didn’t we?”
“Yes. Do you still ◈ Nоvеlіgһт ◈ (Continue reading) make it? I’d love to buy so.”
Seon-jae’s mom shook her head.
“This guy got badly hurt while making it. Doesn’t do it anymore.”
I wondered if I had said sothing I shouldn’t have. “Ah,” I muttered, dumbly nodding. Seon-jae’s dad turned his head to look at his wife with a puzzled expression. Feeling his gaze, she spoke.
“That neck pillow? The one you gave us. She’s the friend who gave it. I gave her the citron syrup as thanks.”
“Ah.”
Now Seon-jae’s father looked at . His stern face made awkwardly smile. I smiled as widely and kindly as I could.
“We all used that pillow, the three of us—and got dam from it.”
Seon-jae’s mom quickly poked her husband in the ribs and tried to cover his mouth. His brows furrowed. Dam, he said dam. I awkwardly rolled my eyes. Watching the two of them exchange glances, my head dropped instinctively.
I’m dood. Totally fucking dood.
□ ■ □
Seon-jae’s parents left first. I had insisted that I’d co without notice and that it was late, and I didn’t want to take up more of their ti—but Seon-jae’s mom just grabbed my arm and sat down before getting up herself.
“We’ve lived with this kid for over twenty years. Let him enjoy his leave. It’s better if he spends it with friends,” she said, hastily packing her things and disappearing.
Now it was just and Seon-jae. From four to two—the silence suddenly felt heavier. It was awkward.
After crying so hard, clapping randomly, and eating cake, everything was out of order, and the air felt disjointed. I glanced around the room and fiddled with my fingers.
“Want sothing to drink?”
“Huh? Oh. Yeah.”
Seon-jae got up and stepped outside. Even though I wasn’t suffocating, the mont I was alone, I let out a long breath. My palms were sweaty with a strange tension. I wiped them against my thighs. Seon-jae ca back and handed a cup before sitting down.
“It’s cocoa.”
“Thanks. I’ll enjoy it.”
I wrapped both hands around the cup, soaking in its warmth. I stared blankly at the wall and sipped. I sneaked a look at Seon-jae’s face. Every ti I glanced, our eyes t.
“What?”
“Huh?”
“Why do you keep glancing at like that?”
“Ah... Did I?”
Feigning ignorance, I shrugged and leaned back against the wall. Seon-jae placed his cup on the table, rested his chin in his hand again, and stared at . That gaze lingered. I just kept fiddling with my cup.
“I have a lot of questions. Do you want to ask? Or not ask?”
I traced my thumb around the rim of the cup. Then I looked up. Maybe it was the lighting, but Seon-jae’s face looked soft and warm.
“What are you curious about?”
“That trip you ntioned. The one you took.”
I pressed my lips together and hesitated, then shook my head. If he started asking, the ti would co when I’d have to talk about the Seon-jae from before the ti travel. I didn’t want that if I could help it.
Luckily, Seon-jae nodded as if saying he wouldn’t ask.
“Then just tell .”
Seon-jae’s gaze, chin still resting on his hand, dropped to his cup. He’d said, just listen, but the words didn’t co easily. I quietly waited for him to speak.
“There were tis when I felt depressed for no reason.”
I had my lips against the rim of the cup, but at his voice, I lifted my eyes.
“When I couldn’t sleep and just stared blankly at the ceiling... I thought of you. I kept thinking—this sadness must’ve co from your absence.”
His calm voice made my heart beat harder.
“There wasn’t anything I could do, except relive the ti I spent with you. So I hoped I’d see you in my dreams. If I saw you there, then I’d have more ti with you, even if it was in a dream. But... you never ca.”
His voice trembled slightly as he swallowed the end of that sentence. Sweat began to bead again on the palm I had just wiped dry. My heart pounded faster, a tight ache spreading in my chest. I felt like I could see it even without looking—those dark eyes of Seon-jae’s, holding unfathomable depth.
“I endured insomnia... with thoughts of you. That’s when your mory was the clearest.”
His gaze moved from his cup to . Our eyes t.
“Do you know what was the hardest part? The vague understanding. There was nothing I could be sure of. That drove insane.”
“......”
“You said you ti-traveled, right? If soone from the future ca back to tell —over and over—about my insomnia, I figured it must’ve ant sothing bad happened to .”
I was shocked, but widening my eyes here would’ve been like shouting you’re right, so I pressed my lips tightly together.
“Whatever it was... it’s all thanks to you.”
“......”
“Thank you.”
I looked straight at Seon-jae, then slowly dropped my gaze and nodded. I didn’t know what to do with my body, so I took another sip of cocoa. There was a deeper weight in Seon-jae’s words now that he was an adult. It made my heart flutter, and my body felt strangely tingly.
So ti passed. When Seon-jae said, Should we get going?, I stood up. We stepped out of the room and put on our shoes.
“It’ll be dark if I turn off the light. Want to head out first?”
“No. Let’s go together.”
Seon-jae’s gaze lingered quietly on my face. He said he’d turn off the light, but he didn’t move. Just stood there. Why...? Feeling awkward, I blinked big and slow. Co on. Turn off the light so we can go, I tried to signal.
Then his hand reached toward my face. I held my breath without realizing it. Seon-jae’s fingers gently brushed the edge of my lips.
“You got it all over yourself.”
“Huh?”
“The cocoa.”
“Oh...”
Even though he already wiped it, I rubbed my mouth again with my hand. As I did, a soft smile spread across Seon-jae’s face. That smile made my heart race. Seon-jae’s smiling face had this pure, clear feeling to it. Like spring warmth in the middle of winter. Like sunlight cutting through the darkness.
He flipped the switch. The light that had been pouring out vanished, and the restaurant was swallowed in darkness. My vision turned pitch black, unable to adjust to the sudden shift. Even as Seon-jae began to walk, I stood still, reaching for the wall. I fumbled along the surface, stepping cautiously—and suddenly, a hand caught mine.
“Ah—”
A startled gasp escaped . Warmth wrapped around the back of my hand. As my eyes adjusted, I saw Seon-jae standing in front of .
“Can’t see?”
I had already adjusted to the dark—well enough to move just fine, probably—but I couldn’t bring myself to say No.
Seon-jae pulled by the hand. My heart pounded like crazy. Maybe because of the dark, every feeling against my skin felt amplified. His hand was like a pocket warr. So warm. A slow smile crept up my lips. Even to , it felt like a wicked grin.
I gently rubbed the back of his hand with my thumb. His smooth skin felt so soft I almost blurted out Wow. Suddenly, Seon-jae stopped walking, and I bumped my head into his arm.
“Huh? What’s wrong?”
Still holding my hand, he turned his body to face . Was this place always this big? No matter how much we walked, the door never seed to get closer.
“Why were you rubbing the back of my hand?”
“Uh? Um...”
What now. Should I apologize? Ryu Seon-jae, you’re really stingy with your affection for this harsh world... As I hesitated, Seon-jae twisted his hand, interlacing our fingers. Then he pressed down firmly on my thumb with his own—like he was restraining it.
“You’re under arrest.”
My fingers squird a little, then gave up. Still holding hands, we walked out through the darkness into the snowy landscape. The streetlights gently lit the winter night, and the cold air quickly began to freeze the warmth from our bare hands. Even after stepping out of the restaurant, Seon-jae didn’t let go of mine. After a while in the cold wind, he folded my hand tighter and tucked it into his coat pocket.
I looked up at him. Embarrassed, he kept his eyes ahead and grumbled stiffly.
“What are you staring at.”
“Can’t I look?”
At my words, Seon-jae t my gaze. Then he shook his head.
“You can. You can look as long as you want.”
The wind blew, and his hair tousled softly in the breeze.
□ ■ □
On my way to work, I picked up the mail and brought it up to the office. I was sorting it by recipient na, and one envelope had my na on it. No sender. No recipient address. Just my na—two syllables—written alone.
“Again?”
I opened the envelope with a knife and pulled out the contents. I half-expected it—and sure enough, it was another book. My brow furrowed at the absurdity of it. This ti the title was How to Be Good at Secondhand Dealing.
“What the hell...”
I flipped through the book. On the inside cover, a post-it note was stuck.
[I know you bought a Jagam High School gym uniform.]
The handwriting was neat and boxy. All the vowel tops were slanted inward. The ㅇs were stretched vertically. Weird. Who the hell... I flicked the post-it with my fingers, frowning deeper and deeper—until a sudden realization straightened right up. I adjusted my posture and opened my browser. Searched Baek In-hyeok handwriting. Went to the image tab, and a flood of fan-sign photos popped up, showing little ssages written by him over the years.
I didn’t even need to click—just the thumbnails were enough.
“This little bastard...”
The handwriting on the post-it was identical to the ones filling my screen.
□ ■ □
A month after I started working, they finally held a welco dinner. Turned out, PD Kim Myeong-hyeok could hold his liquor about the sa as Shim Won-jun. After mixing soju and beer at a black pork restaurant, his tongue started to twist, and now here we were at a makgeolli place—he couldn’t even tear the kimchi pancake properly.
“Wow, these chopsticks are hopeless.”
PD Kim scowled at his chopsticks like they had wronged him. Shim Won-jun grabbed a pair of his own, one in each hand, and put on a solemn face.
“PD-nim, allow to do the honors!”
“Go for it. You’ve got my support.”
Kim nodded approvingly like he’d just been impressed. Oh god... what kind of chaos is this... As I sipped my makgeolli, PD Yang Ji-woon slid a cider bottle toward .
“If you don’t want to drink, don’t force yourself.”
“Oh, I’m fine, really.”
“You want sothing else to eat?”
The mont PD Yang spoke, Shim Won-jun perked up with a loud “Yes!” and spun around to scan the nu posted on the wall.
“What about so potato pancakes?”
It wasn’t those Potato Pancakes, but I still flinched.
“Oh right, I overheard so reporters at the next table yesterday—apparently soone in Potato Pancakes is dating.”
I nearly choked on my drink. I wasn’t dating Seon-jae, but my mind raced with everything—him waiting for outside the bathhouse, walking ho, holding my hand down the street...
“Potato Pancakes? The 66 Entertainnt kids?”
PD Kim asked, and Shim Won-jun nodded.
“Who was it?”
“I was with Director Park at the ti, but he kept talking to so I couldn’t hear properly.”
I gulped down the makgeolli and ate so kimchi pancake. My nerves were shot. I fought the urge to shake my leg under the table. The slight buzz in my head vanished instantly. Maybe it was Woo Hyeon-seong, who’d had girls around even before debut. But still, my lips dried up with guilt. A thief flinches at his own cri.
It’s unfair. So unfair. I only held hands with Seon-jae, and already I’m stuck in this nerve-wracking ss.
The conversation suddenly turned into a Director Park roast. PD Kim grimaced, complaining that the man always ruined the atmosphere on set. Shim nodded along, and PD Yang just crossed his arms and listened.
I picked up the makgeolli bottle and poured into the empty glasses. Then I downed mine in one go. I couldn’t focus on anything anymore—not Director Park, not the chatter. My thoughts tangled again. Ugh. Life never goes the way you want it to. I sighed. That’s when my phone buzzed.
It was Seon-jae.
[Hi.]
It’s not like anyone could see my phone, but I still looked around quickly. I closed the ssage window and opened my contacts. For the first ti, it occurred to that saving his number under Ryu Seon-jae might’ve been a terrible idea. I erased those three syllables and hesitated, then typed in a new na.
Secondhand Seller.
[Yeah. What’s up?]
[Where are you?]
[Near the office. Out for drinks.]
[Drinking?]
[Yeah. Why?]
[Want to co pick you up?]
My eyes widened. PD Kim, who noticed my startled face, nudged Shim and said, “What’s up with the newbie?”
Even though I’d already changed his na, I shoved my phone deep into my pocket just in case soone looked.
“Huh? Oh—nothing, nothing at all.”
“Sol-ssi, if Director Park gives you any useless errands, just tell , okay?”
“Huh? Oh, okay.”
PD Kim laughed at Shim’s sudden serious tone.
“And what are you gonna do about it?”
Shim didn’t have an answer, but clenched his lips and widened his eyes. My phone buzzed again. I slipped it under the table and checked.
[Coming.]
I frowned and bit my lip. What do I do now? I hesitated—but then it buzzed again.
[I’m coming now.]
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