Chapter 62: Weight of Weakness
The jungle was quiet when I stepped into it. Not the heavy, suffocating silence of that night when the monster had stalked —just the normal kind. Birds calling in the distance, insects buzzing, leaves rustling in the breeze.
Life going on like nothing had happened.
I walked straight into the trees, letting the branches close behind
like a door shutting, sealing
off from the village and everything in it.
The sounds of children laughing, Mia’s sharp voice, the clatter of the kitchen—all of it faded until there was nothing left but leaves and dirt and the slow, patient breathing of the jungle itself.
I needed to think.
The clearing where I’d fought that monster was deeper in, but I didn’t go there either. I found a spot maybe fifty yards from the village’s edge, where thick roots rose from the earth to form a natural platform and a fallen log, slick with moss, gave
sothing to sit on.
The morning light barely reached here. It filtered through the canopy in pale green shafts, illuminating nothing and everything at once, turning the air itself into sothing heavy and half-alive.
I sat down and stared at my hands.
That fight. I’d been replaying it in my head for days, turning it over like a stone that never got any lighter. The monster moved like it had all the ti in the world—smooth, effortless, unhurried.
I moved like prey. Panicked, clumsy, desperate.
I stabbed it with that pathetic stick and watched the point sink in maybe an inch before stopping dead, like I’d tried to pierce a wall of stone.
Even if I’d had a real weapon that night, I wouldn’t have killed it. Not because it was stronger or two ranks above .
Because I was... weak.
My attacks had no weight, no power, no anything behind them. I just swung like I expected the monster to fall over out of pity.
I didn’t have a sword technique. I had stances—empty shapes without the mana to fill them. I’d spent weeks practicing them in Frosthollow, letting Theron correct my grip and my posture and my breathing until they were almost second nature.
But they were just movents.
A sword stance doesn’t kill monsters. A sword stance with mana and affinity woven through it? That kills monsters.
And I hadn’t even tried to use my affinities. Not once. Not in the fight, not after, not in any of the days since.
Lightning slept in my blood, passed down through generations of Celestials who’d used it to carve their nas into history. Space coiled sowhere in my soul, the echo of another world still clinging to . Black fla waited in whatever shadowy corner of my existence I couldn’t na yet.
And I swung a sharpened stick at a monster like I was still the sa guy who’d never left Earth.
The old Leo never used his affinities either.
He had lightning, the Celestial birthright, and he let it rot while he drowned himself in alcohol and self-pity. He awakened a B-rank core and decided that ant he was worthless, so why bother trying?
So he didn’t. He never pushed. He never even tested the limits of what he had.
I needed to use mana. Not just for Starlight Steps, not just for Flash Instinct. I needed to infuse it into my attacks, layer it into my sword, make every strike an sothing. Normal swings wouldn’t kill anything stronger than a rabbit. The monster taught
that.
The only reason I survived that night was Flash Instinct and Starlight Steps.
Flash Instinct saved my life. It sharpened my senses, told
where to go, warned
before the monster struck. It was the only reason I dodged that first lunge, the only reason I lasted long enough to reach the river.
But it was just sothing to lean on. It saved my life, but it didn’t make
stronger. It didn’t make my hits land harder. It just kept
alive long enough to run.
I wondered what it would beco when I finally pushed past the wall I’d been hitting. Could I sense the whole jungle? The village? Further? The thought made my pulse quicken, but I shoved it down. That was future thinking.
Starlight Steps, though. That was sothing.
I hadn’t mastered it. Not even close. But in that fight, when the monster lunged and I moved without thinking, when my feet found paths I didn’t know were there, when the world slowed down just enough for
to slip through gaps that shouldn’t have existed—that was the technique working.
It had saved
and given
a chance when nothing else did.
I needed to make it better.
I stood up, rolled my shoulders, and faced the jungle.
I closed my eyes and reached for Flash Instinct, letting the skill unfold like a second skin, stretching over my senses until the world sharpened into sothing almost unbearable.
The drip of water sowhere to my left, each drop hitting a leaf with a soft pat. The scuttle of sothing small beneath the roots, its claws scratching against bark. My own heartbeat, steady and loud, counting the seconds like a clock I couldn’t turn off.
I pushed harder. I couldn’t just stop here.
The edges of my awareness pushed outward, reaching for the trees, the space between the branches, the pockets of air where nothing moved. I could feel the shape of the clearing now, the roots twisting beneath the soil, the way the light fell on the forest floor in uneven patches.
Pain flickered behind my eyes. I tried to ignore it.
I pushed further. The village hovered at the edge of my awareness, a wall I couldn’t cross, a boundary made of sothing that wasn’t quite physical. I tried anyway. The pain sharpened, driving into my skull like nails.
My nose itched, and when I touched it, my fingers ca away red.
I didn’t stop.
The wall pressed back. My temples throbbed. Blood dripped down my lip, warm and thick, pooling in the hollow of my chin before falling onto my shirt. I pushed harder—
Sothing cracked.
Not the wall. Sothing inside . The world tilted, my vision went white, and I felt myself falling before I even knew I’d lost my balance.
I hit the ground hard, my shoulder taking the impact, leaves and dirt filling my mouth. For a mont, I just lay there, waiting for the world to stop spinning.
When it did, I was face-down in the dirt, blood dripping from my nose onto the leaves, my head pounding so hard I thought I might be sick.
I rolled onto my back and stared up at the canopy, waiting for my vision to clear. The leaves blurred and sharpened, blurred and sharpened, until finally, they held.
It was too fast. But I’d felt sothing there at the edge. A crack. A glimpse of sothing larger. Not the whole jungle, not the village, but the space between them. The connection. The awareness that there was more to reach for.
I sat up slowly, wiped the blood off my face, and let the skill fade.
The pain in my head took its ti leaving.
I sat there for a while, letting my breathing even out, letting the ache behind my eyes settle into sothing manageable. My nose had stopped bleeding, but my shirt was ruined. Another one for the pile.
When I finally pushed myself to my feet, my legs were steady enough.
Now, Starlight Steps, I thought. Ti to move.
I found a path between the trees, marked it in my mind, and started moving.
The first attempt ended before it really began. A root I should have seen caught my toe, sent
stumbling sideways, and I barely caught myself against a trunk before my face hit the ground.
I stood up and tried again. I made it further this ti—ducked under a low branch, stepped over a knot of roots, felt the rhythm start to build. Then a patch of loose leaves gave way beneath my foot and I went down hard, my shoulder slamming into the dirt.
I lay there for a mont, staring up at the canopy, waiting for the pain to fade. Then I pushed myself up and went again.
The third try was smoother. My body was learning, adjusting. My feet found the gaps between the roots without
telling them where to go. My weight shifted earlier, my shoulders ducked lower, my steps ca faster. The path that had tripped
before felt almost familiar now.
I pushed more mana into my legs, felt the warmth spread from my core down through my thighs, my calves, my feet.
The technique demanded it—Starlight Steps wasn’t just footwork. It was fuel. Mana turning each movent into sothing faster, smoother, more than my muscles could manage alone.
The trees blurred past . The roots beca stepping stones, the trunks beca pivot points, the gaps between branches beca doorways I slipped through without thinking.
For a mont, I was flying.
Then my foot caught a root I hadn’t seen. My mana stuttered. The world lurched, and I crashed into a tree hard enough to knock the air out of my lungs.
I slid down the trunk, gasping, my shoulder throbbing, my legs shaking so badly I couldn’t stand. Blood dripped from my nose again, mixing with the sweat on my lip.
I sat there for a long mont, letting the pain settle into sothing I could ignore. When I looked up, the light had shifted. The green shafts of morning had moved, the shadows longer than before. I’d lost track of how many tis I’d run the path. How many tis I’d fallen.
I didn’t stop.
I pushed myself up, found my feet, and went again. And again. And again.
Each run blurred into the next. The roots beca obstacles I knew, the branches beca markers I anticipated, the path beca sothing my body rembered even when my mind was too tired to think. The falls ca less often. The recoveries ca faster.
I kept moving until the light turned gold and my legs refused to carry
anymore.
I collapsed at the base of a tree, my chest heaving, my whole body screaming. The mana in my core was nearly gone, drained from hours of pushing, falling, pushing again. My nose had stopped bleeding, but my head still throbbed, and there was a bruise forming on my shoulder that would be purple by morning.
I let my head fall back against the trunk and stared up at the canopy. The leaves shifted in a breeze I couldn’t feel, their edges soft in the fading light, and for a mont, the jungle felt less like a place I’d stumbled into and more like sothing I was slowly learning to understand.
I closed my eyes and reached for Foundation Breathing Art.
The rhythm ca back like an old habit. Inhale, pull. Hold, compress. Exhale, release.
The mana ca slowly, a trickle instead of a stream, filling my core one drop at a ti. I sat there as the light faded, feeling the warmth spread from my core to my limbs, the ache in my shoulder easing, the throb behind my eyes softening.
When I opened my eyes, the jungle had gone dark.
The village would be eating dinner now. The children laughing, Mia bossing soone around, Roran probably drinking himself stupid on his porch. I didn’t move. I sat there in the dark, listening to the jungle breathe around , and thought about tomorrow.
Tomorrow, I’d start sothing new. Not today. I was too drained, too beaten.
Tomorrow, after I’d rested and filled my core back up, I’d try to infuse mana into my attacks. Let it build in my chest, let it flow into my sword with each swing. Nothing fancy—just the basics. But it would be a start.
And maybe, if I could manage that, I’d try to reach for my affinities.
Lightning was the obvious choice. A spark. Just a spark. That would be more than I’d done since I got here.
I’ll go to Roran too. I’ll knock on his door and ask him to train . And if he says no—like he always does—I’ll co back the next day. And the day after that. And the day after that. I’ll keep asking until he finally gets tired of saying no.
I pushed myself to my feet, found the path back to the village, and started walking.
The jungle was quiet around , the sounds of the day replaced by the slow, steady hum of night. My feet found the way without thinking, the roots and stones familiar now, the gaps between the trees wide enough for
to pass without slowing.
It wasn’t perfect. It wasn’t even close to perfect.
But it was sothing. Tomorrow, I’d try again.
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