The city of Tartarus had transford itself. From a somber, spooky place, with dark spires and deep shadows, it had turned into cheerful, spooky place, with dark spires and deep shadows.
I had one more thing to do before we left. Like any town, it had a marketplace, and the rchants were doing a rousing business. I watched, at first, to get an idea what the demons would like before pitching my wares.
Everyone was talking about the woman who cucked the Archfiend, and her fashion sense, and people pointed everywhere I went. The won looked at lustfully, and then n tended to grab their arms and steer them away. I guess, outside of the rituals, the demons weren’t that into other people stealing their wives, which was good because I had no interest in doing so.
I noticed that several shapeshifter demons had transford themselves into won who looked a bit like – complete with the black makeup. That was good, in a way, because it cut down on the pointing, as people started to assu I was just another Abby wannabe.
The challenge was to find rchandise to sell them that was evil enough to appeal, and yet basically harmless. If only they had the internet, I could have gotten them hooked on gacha gas.
I walked up to a rchant who seed to be experiencing a lull.
“Hi,” I said. “I’m Abby.”
“Sure you are. I’m Phelobahotlysol.”
I rolled my eyes at the na but got on with it. I didn’t want to spend any more ti in Tartarus than I had to. I offered him my hand, and he shook it, and then got the most startled look on his face as he jerked away.
I grinned. “It’s called a joy buzzer. Just put this little baby in your palm, shake hands, and whammo!”
Haha! Now you’re cooking. I bet with a bit more power, you could turn that into a handshake of death!
It didn’t deliver a shock, it just vibrated and spooked people. Phelo seed amused. “Wow, that’s amazing.”
I grinned and told myself that just because Enash liked sothing didn’t necessarily an it was wrong. “Yes. And I have an exclusive supply.”
“How do they work?”
“That’s a secret. Can you sell them?”
“Can I? And how!”
I grinned. “Great. How much will you buy them for? I think we can both make a profit on this.”
We haggled for a bit. I thought of using Charm Person, but I needed him to pay a value he was willing to live with long term. By the ti I left, I had orders for whoopie cushions, candy that had a super-sour center, and vibrators, and I’d sold him the stock I had. The last I sold to him by pointing out they could be used to bring soone right to the edge of orgasm, and pulled away at the last second. Different cultures liked different things, but I’d yet to find one that didn’t appreciate a “Magic Wand.”
“You’ve got interesting wares,” he said. “Even if you aren’t the real Abby.”
“It was a pleasure doing business with you,” I said.
I was just turning to go, when soone yelled out, “It’s the Uber Archfiend!”
I looked, and there was a little four foot shrimp of a demon – red wizened skin, tail, horn, pointy ears, pointing at . And everyone turned to stare.
“Abby, the Uber Archfiend?” soone asked.
“Yes!” said the imp. “That’s her. That’s not just soone shapeshifted!”
People gaped. A few ca over to Phelo’s stall. “You know her?” they asked.
“Oh, yes, we’re business partners,” Phelo said proudly. “We go way back.”
Others ca up to . A pretty succubi asked point blank: “Would you like to fuck ? My husband’s only a Knight, but I’m sure with the notoriety he’d get from being cuckolded by the Uber Archfiend, he’d move up quickly enough.”
“Um, no, thank you?”
An eight foot tall guy with muscles on top of muscles asked, “What are you doing here, Uber Archfiend? Is there any way I can help?”
“I’m just setting up so business deals.”
“Business? Isn’t that beneath an Uber Archfiend?”
“No,” I said.
Tell him about capitalism! Demons will love the whole notion that you all have managed to turn greed into a civic virtue. I especially love the part where you’re convinced that people will pay less if everyone charges as much as they can possibly get away with.
A chant started going in the crowd, drowning out our discussion. Two chants, actually. One group was yelling, “Abby! Abby! Abby!”. The other was yelling, “Uber! Uber! Uber!” The groups started trying to outshout each other.
“What’s your na?” I asked the big guy. “Or, better, what are the first two syllables of your na?” I’d learned my lesson about demons. It wasn’t that their true nas could be used to control them, it was just that nobody could rember them.
He had to think. “Behel.”
“Great. What would really help, Behel, is if you just helped get away from this crowd.” The crowd was too thick for to just Dinsion Step past it. I pulled a tube out of my bag of holding. “This may not seem like much to you, but if you don’t like it, you can trade it to the elves for a lot.” Girl with a Pearl Earring. A classic. They’d love it.
He grinned. “Ha! I can do that!”
“Let try to calm them down first.” I got up on a platform. “There’s no need to argue about what to call !” I said. “Or even chant at all. But for goodness, er, evilness sakes, don’t argue about it.”
“We should compromise!” one of them yelled out. “Compromises are equally bad for both parties!”
“Sure,” I said.
“Ubey!” yelled soone.
“Abber!” yelled another.
Yay, compromise. Now there were four factions instead of two, but the volu hadn’t gone down a bit.
“Genuine Uber Archfiend trinkets, right here,” yelled Phelo, trying to be heard above the din. “Shock your friends by owning a genuine Uber Archfiend artifact!”
“Which way do you wanna go?” Behel asked .
I pointed.
“Great. Stay close behind, Uber Archfiend Abby.”
He charged into the crowd, waving the cardboard poster tube. I stayed right with him. Smaller demons, like imps and succubi, hurried to get out of his path. He pushed right through the sli demons, leaving them to ooze to the sides.
“Okay,” I said. “I’m going to run for it. Thanks!”
Dinsion Step. And again. Then I started running. I decided that my full demon na could be Uberabberubeyabby, and that way everyone could be right.
Once I started running, I wished I’d worn a bra. I understood they were about to be all the rage in Avonia. I got ho, and was happy to find that everyone was ready to leave.
Originally, I had been afraid Lysandra would be recognized as we headed for the gates, and we had a sort of solution, where Lesseth would wrap herself around Lysanda’s body like a Zentai suit, leaving just barely a gap around the mouth for her to breathe. That way, the elf looked basically like a sli demon. We were still going to do that, but now I was more worried that I’d be spotted. The wannabes would help, but not if we ran into another imp like the one who outed .
To fit in, Gren and Valeria had to be collared and leashed. I wiped the black makeup off my face and replaced it with a shade of pink that I’d gotten for Valeria. Once that was done Lesseth/Lysandra and I looked like any two young demon won, taking their slaves out for a walk. We got so stares.
A kid demon said, “Look mommy, there’s another Uber Abby look alike.”
“She’s got the lipstick all wrong,” Mom said. She had her hands full with all her kids, but fortunately she had four hands.
People were too busy celebrating to bother us much, although we did have to fend off several advances from gangs of single male demons who seed to wander about the streets.
“What’s up with those guys?” I asked Lesseth, after I made one of them take no for an answer by slapping him, hard.
“They’re part of small communities of students that go to Tartarus University,” she explained. “The communities have rituals of hazing and so forth, and there’s a lot of peer pressure. All the n of noble families try to get in them. There are female equivalents, too.”
“So, frat bros, basically.”
“It wouldn’t be Tartarus without them,” Lesseth said.
I wondered if the rituals of the University were part of what prepared the Princes of the future for the whole cucking thing. But I’m sure soone would say I was just biased because I lived in the dorms.
We managed to get out the gates, and once we were at the top of the canyon again, we could ride our bikes out. This ti, Lysandra was behind , and Lesseth went back in the bag.
“Whee!” Lysandra yelled.
“That’s because you’re not doing the pedaling,” I replied. The batteries wouldn’t last if we didn’t do most of the work.
She grinned, and slid her hands up, groping my breasts. “How can I help, Abby?”
I groaned, but I didn’t tell her to move her hands.
We pushed it as late as we could, but once the sun was all the way down, we headed off road and found a place to set up camp.
Lysandra was amazed by everything, from the bicycles, to the pop-up tent, to the little induction hot plate we used to heat up the freeze-dried rice and beans dish from REI.
I told Lesseth what had happened in the market square, and she laughed. “Abber?”
I shrugged.
“Ubey?”
“Y’know, it was kind of fun being on a leash like that,” Valeria said.
Normally, I would have been concerned, but in the circumstances, I was glad for the interruption. “Really? I don’t think it’s super safe. What if you tripped or sothing, or I did? A sudden pull on your neck could be catastrophic.”
Valeria sighed. “You’re so practical, Abby.” She paused. “Did you enjoy having on a leash, in spite of that?”
Out of the frying pan and into the fire. I turned to Lesseth. “Uberabberubeyabby. I think I can rember it, and the demons obviously seed to think my na was way too short.”
Lesseth nodded. “Only sli demons keep their nas to a few syllables,” she said. “My real na is Lessethandra, of course.”
“Really?” Lysandra asked.
Lesseth giggled, her entire jelly form shaking. “No, silly. It’s just Lesseth. And by the way, welco aboard.”
“Yes,” Gren said. “Welco.” She leaned over, and kissed Lysandra on the lips. Lysandra was a bit surprised. “Sylvan seductress,” Gren murmured. “Want to sleep with tonight? I think it’s Val’s turn with Abby.”
“Um, sure,” Lysandra said. “We can sleep together. As a princess, I’m not really accustod to sharing a bed with anyone, but –”
Yeah, so hot lesbo action while you’re banging the Paladin!
“Don’t you have a ga to play, or sothing?” I asked him under my breath.
Play a ga, when I can hang out with Uber Archfiend Uberabberubeyabby? Besides, I just rolled a natural 1.
“And what’s that do?”
Well, according to the sexual fumble table, it produces penile fracture.
I knew that Enash’s ga was entirely made up by him, so I had to ask. “Why did you make a sexual fumble table, and why did you include that on it?”
Hey, it’s funny when you imagine it happening to soone else. Can you imagine if you’d gotten unlucky when banging the princess in the throne room?
“It’s not a bed, it’s a sleeping bag,” Gren explained to Lysandra
“They are really nice,” Valeria said. “Especially when you zip them all up, it’s almost like you’re trapped in there.”
“Having Lesseth all over in town was claustrophobia enough for today,” Lysandra said.
“I was soooo jealous!” Valeria said and then turned to Lesseth. “Can we do that soti?”
“Of course, Val,” Lesseth said. “What flavor would you like to be?”
“Strawberry.”
I dished the evening al out into bowls and passed them around. Lysandra got quiet, but I thought I knew the cause. She was probably watching to see how the dynamics worked before diving in.
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