Thank You For Being Trash Chapter 84: What Ending (END)

Chapter 84 – What Ending (END)

There was a modest funeral. Even though it was a bad thing compared to extravagance, Derhan did not let go of the funeral.

I regretted not being able to hold his funeral in a grand manner.

As Derhan put a flower on it, it was a beautiful white and red flower that resembled him. Then, seemingly noticing my gaze, he opened his mouth and spoke quietly.

“It’s Eris.”

“…That's his na.”

“It’s a flower na, too, Eris.”

Derhan took one look at and turned his head away.

“He ca to … He reached out to to help with the treason. He was like a god to , because he gave a new life. His existence was God itself to .”

Flicker, flicker.

Through the montary silence. I heard the burning of a candle.

“By the way, seeing him die like this, he was a human being… I never thought that he would die like this. Life is very futile.”

Derhan laughed bitterly. He stared at the flickering candle for a long ti and closed his eyes before his lips parted, slowly speaking his words in a trembling way.

“He told before the treason. If he succeeds in rebellion, he will give his place to Arne, and if he dies, all his possessions will be given to Arne… and don't bla anyone for his death.”

“….”

“And to call him… by his original na… Eris.”

I braced my legs and got up from my seat. I walked toward the flower Derhan had put down. White and red… a flower that resembles him.

Tears flowed.

Gently holding the flower, I called out his na in a low voice.

“… Eris.”

“He said he had to die. He said he didn't exist… and that he lived such a twisted life that he couldn't straighten it. I don't know what kind of life he lived because I haven't heard in detail. However, only when you are by his side, he felt a certain emotion, a certain heartbeat. He said he seed alive.”

I lowered my head with my heart numb at the emotions and feelings he left behind and at the stupefying feeling of being weighed down by his love.

It felt like being hit by a rough wave.

Being swept and hit here and there. I was sick and tired and couldn't breathe properly. I gasped with rough breaths.

“That’s why he loved you… he told so.”

Did he love that much? Why does such a smart person fall in love with a stupid and stupid person? I wanted to ask him that. I was also talking about love that I do not understand myself, yet I wanted to bla him.

If only I had matured emotionally and was a better person. His end wouldn't have been so empty, either. His tragedy stepped from my selfishness.

It started from the ti I didn't hold Rewan's hand.

‘Eris… I feel guilty for your death.’

I felt guilty.

As my heart beat like this, it felt as if it was tearing.

It was caused by guilt, that was it.

You were also my sin.

I accepted the traces he left behind. The family promised to him, the honor promised to him, and the wealth promised to him. My heart ached because I couldn't do anything else.

***

It was like a glass ceiling… I spent those monts where I didn't know when it would break. I was happy with him, and I was unhappy with him. It was such a mont that I didn't know when it would crumble.

At first, I was afraid because I didn't know when his different personalities would co out. I was afraid to face four different personalities. Even so, the emotions I felt at that mont by his side are diverse.

I felt that my life was beautiful.

Happiness. Gratitude. Pleasure. Joy. And… inspiration and love.

I was afraid of my first taste of happiness. I wanted to be able to be this happy… though when misfortune would show its face—when happy feelings would break and disappear—I was afraid of it.

Sotis, whenever I saw him, I was gripped by so kind of guilt and struggled. On the day when a different personality ca out, I was particularly tornted by guilt. I lived with him for several years. At so mont, his other personality popped out.

Eventually, I found out what behavior called his other personalities.

After that, as promised, Acacia left .

“…I don't think I can keep my promise to you.”

“Why… is it.”

“If we stay together… I was afraid that soone would die.”

“But… Arne, shouldn't there be at least one ans to protect you? When I find the exact pattern of when his personality changes, then I'll leave.”

“You are faithful to the end. Thank you, Acacia, for thinking of .”

“Arne, call back whenever you need .”

He stayed the sa as ti passed. After packing up, I said goodbye to Acacia, who stood in front of the door. I confird that Acacia was leaving, seeing through the window.

Now that Acacia was out of sight, I had one last thing to do.

“Did you say goodbye properly?”

He gave a small smile as he asked . I hugged his back for a mont without saying anything. I shook my head, weakened by the rhythmic rapid thumping of his heart, because I didn’t want to deceive him anymore.

I wanted to clear up my last mistake, albeit belatedly.

“Rewan. I love you.”

I hoped this would be my last love confession.

He constantly spat out love. If I died, he would die, too. I didn’t know if this was the right thing to do, but I didn't want to deceive him until the end and I didn't want to live a life of lies to him anymore.

Rewan silently hugged and stroked .

With the small blade hidden in my chest, I cut a small cut on my finger. As soon as he slled my blood, I felt ‘he’ had co to the chilled atmosphere.

Feeling his heart beating, I gently caressed his back.

“Arne.”

He still lusted after .

“Yes, Rewan. I am not the Arne you knew… and the reason you beca like this is because of . I knew the country would be ruined. I knew I would end up like this.”

I held onto his body and told him quickly. I had to tell him since these were the truths that should have been said.

He didn't say anything the whole ti.

That was what I was trying to say to the gentle Rewan, who hadn't changed.

Still, I couldn't. No matter what I said, he couldn't hear it. It seed that he couldn't hear my ugly, selfish features. I felt disappointed when the confession I had uttered with great courage was not heard. so it took a long ti to gather the will to confess to him that was in a different personality.

When he transford into a different personality, I couldn't speak with Acacia near the room. I was afraid my talks would leak out, and Acacia would hear it. Even though it was selfish, I didn't want Acacia to know about this.

I had to muster up another courage to tell him.

I spat out the hidden, ugly things of that day. He didn't say anything until I finished talking.

…Was he calming down his anger?

He said nothing. I was afraid of him not moving.

Eventually, he turned his head. His expression, which I thought was distorted with anger, was nothing. He looked at with a curt face.

“So what? You want to kill you? But I don't want to kill you…”

His cold eyes t mine. He touched my body with one hand. He took a deep breath and whispered in my ear.

“Arne. I don't want to talk much about things that couldn’t change now.”

Rewan grabbed my arm. He swallowed my lips.

“I am lusting after you now, that's the only thing I'm concentrating on. It's none of my business what the past was like or what you were like.”

Among the reactions I thought of, I didn’t expect this reaction from him. Even though I was embarrassed, I laughed for a while. Sohow, I was comforted by his cold words that didn't sound like consolation.

Even when he said that he only wanted my body, I laughed.

“Don’t laugh? Spread your legs.”

I gladly put my hand on his shoulder.

***

Many nights passed, and I was happy with the monts I had with Rewan. Sotis I even called him using blood. After intense s*x with him, I talked to him a lot. Even if he hated , he couldn’t help but love because he was Rewan.

He was sotis eaten up by so emotion and vomited resentnt on —sotis jealousy, sotis anger, sotis love—such huge, big emotions rained on .

I was willing to endure all of that.

After spitting that out for a long ti, he collapsed like a doll with an untied string. I stroked him wordlessly. His emotions sitting in the abyss were shady, sticky, and dirty, but I didn't hate them.

The days pass like that.

Occasionally, when sothing filled my body with emptiness, I would ask Rewan a question to calm my anxiety. I always ask the sa question.

“Do you regret your life?”

“Why do you say that? Arne. Standing by your side, I have never regretted my life for a single mont. Don't say that, Arne.”

[ You. What answer do you want to hear from such a question? This personality is also strange. I regret it. Sotis. But what kind of life is there without regret? ]

“What about you? Do you regret living by my side?”

[ What about you? ]

I regretted my life.

I realized that at the last mont when it was all twisted, broken, and ssed up. The end could have been reached without twisting it like this. If I hadn't been greedy, the ending would have been better than now.

I regretted loving him. Even so, every mont I was by his side was a light or a twinkle that I wouldn’t regret the mont I caught him.

So, I shook my head.

“No. Not at all.”

I smiled at him.

[ Arne. You told the whole truth, but there's one thing I didn't tell you.

You know that? The most misleading thing about love is sympathy. The feelings you feel for are sympathy disguised as love. Silly, foolish, you don't know until the end. You think you love miserably.

I don't know when or what day you felt sympathy for and confused it with love… because your eyes looking at are not love. I'm so terribly selfish to admit that you don't love .

I wanted to have you, even if only your body.

I hate you for sympathizing with because I am so selfish because my hatred towards you starts here.

Arne. I want to ask you: Who did you love, not ? When will you love ? ]

[ Thank you for being trash.

The End. ]

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