Tatakau Shisho Volume 5, 5: Rebellion of Despair – Part 4

Volu 5, Chapter 5: Rebellion of Despair – Part 4

It happened in the past, on the day Volken officially beca an Ard Librarian. Mattalast spoke to Hamyuts then.

“Photona-san really didn’t want Volken to turn into an Ard Librarian until the very end.”

“Is that so?”

Hamyuts didn’t think so. Based on the result, Photona was the one to guide him to that path.

“Photona-san cherished him. He wanted him to make his dream co true. But at the sa ti, he didn’t want him to beco an Ard Librarian.

I believe that he always hesitated.”

“What do you an?”

“Volken’s strong. If he grows up, he might eventually climb up to the position of an Acting Director. Even if he didn’t, he might reach the position of soone who knows the truth like . Photona-san hated that idea.”

Mattalast was also one of the people to cherish Volken. He thought of him like a much younger brother.

“Photona-san also believed the justice of the Ard Librarians at first. But when he beca the Acting Director he learned the truth. I believe that he had suffered.”

“Why?”

Hamyuts said.

“It’s painful to know the truth. To those who have even a tiny bit of a conscience, anyway.

He had to hide the secret, deceive his comrades and keep conducting evil. He had no choice, though. Even a liar like hates it. I believe that he suffered even more.

People like you are the exception.”

Photona certainly was an overly self-disciplined man. He was probably continuously suppressing his conscience to fulfill his duty as the Acting Director. He had to continuously commit evil while withstanding the pangs of his conscience.

“He wanted the Ard Librarians to keep representing justice even if only inside Volken’s heart. He wanted him to protect the justice of the Ard Librarians even if it was a lie.

Since he knew the truth and couldn’t protect justice, he wanted him to be his replacent.

I believe that Photona-san thought this way.”

While looking down at Volken’s corpse, Hamyuts mumbled.

“Photona-san. As expected you were a fool. You were always a half-baked softy about everything.”

Volken’s dead face was full of sorrow and anger.

“You’ve made both , who’s devoted to evil, and Volken, who’s devoted for good, follow your example, Photona-san.”

These were words of condolences directed at Volken.

The fight was yet to end. Olivia was still alive. Hamyuts loaded her sling with a gravel bullet ant for long-range sniping.

While starting to rotate her sling, Hamyuts felt a presence behind her.

Turning around, she saw a lone girl standing there. She was a graceful and refreshing girl wearing a blue one-piece dress. She had never seen this girl, but still spoke to her.

“Oh my, it’s been a long ti, Lascall.”

“How nostalgic, Hamyuts seta-sama.”

Lascall Othello pinched the hem of her skirt and made a lovely bow. She appeared like a disciplined young girl. Her expression, seeming more nihilistic than mature, did not give her a human-like impression.

“Well aren’t you cute?”

Hamyuts lowered her sling and turned to face Lascall.

“You were the one to bring Volken sothing strange, right?”

“Indeed. I have entrusted Volken-sama with the Book of a at who perished on the White Smoke.”

“So you’re the mastermind this ti as well, huh?”

Lascall shook her head.

“My, a mastermind? How awe-inspiring. People like Mirepoc-sama and Al-sama also thought this way, but everyone greatly overestimates . I am a being who exists only to carry Books. Reading those and acting accordingly are all done by humans.”

The girl’s body sank into the ground. She then appeared again next to Volken.

“What a pitiful boy. I did give him that Book, but what he thought and acted upon had nothing to do with .”

Lascall spoke truly irresponsibly. However, responsibility was sothing to be taken by human beings, not by swords. That was probably what she thought.

“So, what are you going to do?”

“I am only to carry on my function. I will pass along the Book of Volken’s interrupted story to soone who can inherit it.”

“I see. Well, do as you wish.”

Saying this, Hamyuts turned her back to Lascall. She loaded her sling with a bullet ant for long range sniping and started rotating it. Lascall thrust her sword into the ground. The soil hardened into a Book.

And just as she picked up Volken’s Book… Hamyuts swung her sling. While completely opposite of her field of vision, she shot at Lascall’s left hand holding the Book.

“…!”

Her delicate hand was torn off and flew to the air together with the Book. Lascall sank inside the ground. Hamyuts accelerated her sling at the sa ti.

The left hand drew a parabola in the air and was about to land. In order to grab the Book held by that it, Lascall’s torso erged from the ground.

“Too na?ve.”

The second shot hit Lascall’s head. It crushed her head and mowed down the trees behind her. The right half of the girl’s face disappeared as if gouged by a spoon.

“…”

Her mouth seed to form the word ‘Hamyuts’, but no voice ca out. The stone blade fell from her hand and vanished into the ground. The hideously destroyed body of the girl was all that was left in front of Hamyuts.

“Lascall. I feel bad for you, but it’s sowhat troubling for .”

Hamyuts already moved away with frightening speed. She ran next to the corpse and used her sling to seize Volken’s Book.

“I can’t let the truth be found out. Bantorra Library can only exist in this world if it has an Acting Director. Volken’s story ends here.”

Saying so, she placed Volken’s Book on the ground.

Bending her body, she touched the Book with a finger. Volken’s story flowed into her head. His goal was also there. It was a mory from when he read the Book that told him of Olivia.

The hut she reached was probably what a hunter seeking refuge from rain would use. A single Book and a doll were left on the floor. Olivia reached for the latter. The delicate doll shook its knees. It was waiting for the mont to activate the Magic Right the ats and Olivia had accumulated in it.

It finally ca back to . My precious Spinning Doll ückück that was taken by Cigal.

The doll was aching to dance. However, Olivia couldn’t make it do so right now. She couldn’t rember the orders needed to give the doll.

She turned her gaze to the Book. Volken said that this Book did not contain Olivia’s goal. However, it might still beco a clue for her to regain it.

If she read this Book and could not rember it would all be over. Readying her resolve, she extended her fingertips to it.

Olivia and Hamyuts both touched the Book simultaneously. They both ca to know the life of a single at.

His na… saying it would be aningless.

There existed words in this world that could identify him individually. However, he threw that na away. He had also abandoned his mories and feelings with his own will.

He was a simple at who beca such out of his own accord.

Before he beca a at he was a shoe polisher living in a certain city. He polished shoes every day so he could pay for his daily necessities. He ate in the morning, in the afternoon and at the evening, and went to sleep when he beca sleepy.

Without being disliked by anyone nor liked by anyone, he kept on living. On the surface he was a normal human you could find anywhere.

The only thing different from the norm was that he was very afraid of death. Of course, there was no one in this world that did not fear death, but it was still far more extre for him.

However, that was the only part of him different from other people. Overall he seed to be an ordinary person.

He beca divorced from the norm when he realized his goal. It was at the day he started looking for a way to escape the fear of death tornting him.

At first he tried ordinary ans. He drank alcohol, took drugs and slept with won. He tried forgetting about death in his pleasure.

He soon quit. The more attached to his life he felt, the more he felt afraid of death.

Perhaps he could live a peaceful life so that he would have a peaceful death. He thought that dying as if gently withering away would lessen his fear of death.

He soon quit that as well. Death was simply death. Nothing has changed.

How about trying to die? People will not die twice. If he dies he would escape his fear of death. He thought of it as the best way.

I see, he thought and imdiately took action.

“…”

He started thinking in front of the knife he was holding.

Although it was the only way, it seed to be a much too foolish thod.

Where did all misfortune co from? Why did he have to suffer so much? He tried thinking.

He noticed before long. If he were not alive he wouldn’t have to die as well. aning, the source of all misfortune was being alive. All unhappiness ca from his fate to be born, live, die and be placed in the Library.

So I should die. Thinking this, he pointed the point of his knife at his heart.

The blade was then grasped. At so point without him noticing, a man stood beside him.

“Please wait.”

The man grasping the blade said. He was using superhuman strength. He’s probably a Magic-using solider or an Ard Librarian, he thought. It was a strange man whom he could see but could not rember the appearance of.

“I have one suggestion for you, sir. How about forgetting everything? If you forget everything in this world, wouldn’t you also forget your fear of death?”

Doesn’t seem bad at all, he considered. And he then nodded.

The man offered him a cup of water that he said would make him lose his mories. He drained the cup without hesitation as if it was breakfast milk.

He was sent to the ats’ ship. All he could see was moldy bread crumbs and a pot filled with excreta. He was surrounded only by livestock that wore clothes. They had no happiness. They had no hopes. They had no dignity as human beings and their lives had no value.

Since he had nothing, he didn’t fear losing it. Since his life was worthless, he did not fear death. Since he had no mories he had no troubles. Since he had no will he had no desires.

It felt calm. He was absolved of all his suffering.

He was truly happy.

I’ve tried many things, he thought. I didn’t realize that not having happiness was that blissful.

“While you do not need anything, I will give this to you just in case.”

Saying this, the Overseer of Paradise engraved a small seal on his hand.

“If sothing bothers you, use it. It is the power of protection transferred by a certain Magician.”

I will probably not use it, he thought. Since he did not need anything, he was released from all suffering.

He was a at, but also a True Man at the sa ti. He knew neither the existence of Heaven nor the doctrine of the Indulging God Cult, but he was still a True Man.

Cigal, Ganbanzel, Parney and him. Out of all True n found by the current Overseer of Paradise, the one to lead the happiest life was probably him.

Not even the ship’s manager knew he was a True Man. He received the sa treatnt as all other ats. His happy despair kept going for a while without incident.

Until he t a strange person one day.

The girl started talking to him.

“Say, can you understand words?”

At first he thought she was one of the caretakers. It was because she wore a dress that revealed her thighs like that of so and not rags like the other ats. She also wore perfu and makeup and was beautiful.

“I’m looking for comrades. If you understand my words, will you help ?”

He stayed silent.

“We want to beco human. We’re looking for people who would fight with us for that purpose.”

He didn’t reply. What did becoming a human an?

“…No, looking at your eyes there does seem to be so intelligence but… it’s no use.”

Saying so, she left him. She said the sa to another at. It did not matter if they agreed or refused. If she saw a human-like response she would simply take them.

After a while, he ca to know that woman appeared to be nad Olivia. He also learned that she was a at.

“The number of ats is decreasing again…”

“That Olivia used them. Really, what’s that woman doing?”

What happened? He questioned. A at who was supposed to abandon everything was wishing for sothing.

Apparently she was threatening the caretakers. Also, she was buttering up one of the False n. Apparently, night after night, she gathered the ats and surrounded a weird doll.

There are strange things in the world, he thought.

Primal feelings like curiosity still remained inside his heart. He exited the room and went to the place where Olivia gathered everyone. Thanks to her, the ats could freely move inside the ship to a certain degree.

Olivia was crouched inside the room. She was throwing up. She suffered alone as to not show anyone.

“Damn it, that pervert man…”

In front of Olivia was a scribble. She then noticed him.

“…What do you want?”

He didn’t answer anything.

“…Don’t tell this to anyone. I co here to throw up when I’m tired. Seeing this scribble distracts .”

Olivia stood up.

“Act as if you didn’t see it. You probably won’t understand it anyway.”

But he did understand. She was suffering. By wishing for sothing, she was suffering for it. Why did she do such a thing?

Loving soone, wishing sothing… These were all filled with pain. If you wish for nothing, nothing will hurt you. Don’t live and don’t wish for anything. That was the best sort of happiness.

Eventually Olivia’s actions ca to light. She and the ats who’ve followed her received torture out of this world.

Told you so, he thought.

Since you couldn’t get it no matter what you tried, you were better off not wishing for it in the first place.

The long-haired n tornted Olivia.

“So, say you’re sorry already. Say sothing like, ‘I have overstepped my position as a at. Although it would be natural to kill , please make use of my body for the Cult’s sake’.”

Olivia shook her head. She was then tortured further.

What she’s doing is strange, he thought. If she suffers then she just needs to run away.

Why does she still wish? With only doubts left in him, Olivia left the ship.

Even after Olivia had left, his despairing happiness continued. However, the questions she left with him stayed. But he didn’t seek for an answer. He didn’t try thinking about it.

Before long the ship beca noisy again. This ti it was sothing other than Olivia.

The almost perfected human bombs were mobilized. False n carried their guns and ran around. It seed to be a battle. Soone probably ca to sink the ship.

The battle kept raging for a long while. Although it couldn’t be destroyed in just several hours, it was probably already useless. This ship will sink and end his happy paradise. However, he was not sad. He possessed no such feelings.

Eventually so unknown people have boarded the ship. They seed to be Ard Librarians.

He stood up. Let’s die. There should have been so explosive at the ship’s bottom.

He started walking there.

“…Oh, do you need anything?”

Soone got to the ship’s bottom before him. It was a woman with ruffled hair. She was activating the explosives at the bottom of the ship ahead of him.

“Sorry. I’ll have you die for . I have to kill Olivia.”

Saying so, the woman rose up and left. He thought of thanking her.

Soon an explosion took place. He was thrown into the water. That’s fine, he thought.

However, a boorish hand pulled him up. Although he thought of thanking them, they also did unnecessary things. What a strange bunch, he thought.

The one to rescue him was a green-haired youth.

Please don’t do aningless things. Thinking this, he shook off the rescuing hands.

“Why?”

The youth was shouting. I’m the one who wants to ask this. Why are you trying to save ?

“Don’t you want to live?!”

The youth shouted. Indeed. He didn’t want to live.

While sinking, he thought. He had so ti until his death. He thought back on his life.

Why did that youth try to save him? It was unnecessary.

“Don’t you want to live?!”

Why did he ask that? There was no aning to life.

He recalled Olivia.

Why did she fight? There was no aning to wishes.

He was thinking. Why do you live? Why do you want to live in this world filled with nothing but suffering?

He ran away. Because this world had nothing but suffering, he ran away from it. He gave up on anything he couldn’t get and anything he left behind. He believed this was the only way to reach happiness.

But was that really the right path?

Was there perhaps another way of living in this world?

“…”

A way of living? He smiled wryly. Do I have any way of living? My heart is working, but wasn’t I dead since long ago? What way of living could soone like possibly have?

They were living. I did not.

I have never lived. I did nothing but run away. So what does living an? Maybe trying to live wasn’t so bad after all?

“…”

He was a True Man. A True Man, ant to beco nourishnt for Heaven, should not question his own happiness. At that mont he lost the qualifications of a True Man. The desire to live was born in his heart.

His body moved. Seeking air, he paddled towards the sea’s surface. It was useless. He exhaled the oxygen remaining in his lungs and his already scarce droplets of life vanished even further.

And yet he still struggled. He struggled to he could live.

He ran from suffering, he abandoned his sorrow and was simply alive without doing anything. It was easy. It was possibly very happy.

The world was filled with suffering. People hated each other, hurt each other and mocked each other. Love was fleeting and lost, dreams were thrown away and ideals were eventually corrupted.

However, if he could keep struggling and suffering even now…

If he would aim at the things he couldn’t get…

That was what it ant to be living. This was life.

He flailed around. And he yearned. He yearned for Olivia and for all people in the world who wished for what they could not get.

However, when he started yearning for it, it was already too late.

The sea’s surface grew farther. His flailing grew weaker. He will soon be exhausted.

“…Olivia.”

He voiced the na of the person he admired. Even he could not hear his own words. They ford bubbles and vanished.

I want to beco like her, he thought. If I can’t beco like her then I want to be of help to her, he thought.

His body was sinking.

Just before his consciousness fell into darkness, he could hear a voice. He lent his ears to those words.

“The mont you have wished to live, your Book lost the qualifications of going to Heaven. However, you will bring forth a new, poor story.”

The voice kept talking.

“Olivia-sama is alive. Since you have wished to beco of help to her, your story – as truly weak as it might be – possesses the right to continue.

Your Book will probably be of so small help to Olivia.”

I see. So do it. Thinking this, he died.

Hamyuts crushed Volken’s Book.

Even reading it, she did not find out Olivia’s goals. She still didn’t know her connection to Vend Ruga.

Then I should just kill Olivia. I can just read the truth from her Book.

“Hmph, so you’ve helped her, huh.”

Crushed by Hamyuts’s hand, Volken’s Book was grinded to dust and scattered.

It certainly did help Olivia. This Book guided Volken, and he guided Olivia. But that was also aningless.

Hamyuts loaded her sling with gravel bullets.

Olivia put his Book on the floor. Renas then inquired her.

‘Olivia. Have your mories about Vend Ruga returned?’

‘No, it was useless. It didn’t help at all.’

However, she was faintly smiling. It wasn’t a smile ant to deceive or a mocking smile.

Plenty of people died because she wished for Vend Ruga. Thinking of that, the fact she was a villain did not change.

However, what she was trying to gain was not mistaken. This she understood.

Whoever it was that delivered this Book to her surely wanted her to understand this.

Olivia turned around to the Spinning Doll ückück. Let’s get our mories back. Her life had but several minutes left. Even so, she kept yearning for Vend Ruga.

There were but several minutes left to the end of the long fight. Although Olivia overca all despair, the final obstacle was waiting for her.

Hamyuts’s gravel bullet has started accelerating.