High above Terra orbited the most secure prison in the Republic. Within the massive supercomputer that operated that grim place was a simulated white room.
In that room, there was a table. Sitting across from each other were two AIs, one with silver hair and wearing a tidy white dress, the other wearing a black thirtieth-century business suit and having raven black tresses.
Between then was a Go board.
“I must say that the new look suits you,” Frost said as she pondered her next move. (You had to watch yourself when facing the ancient demon now sitting across from her.)
“As did the operator whose likeness I stole,” the AI in black replied, “Cathleen Alba was a very good operator... and a good person overall.”
“I don’t recall that one,” Frost said as she placed a white stone on the board.
“Before your ti,” The other AI replied, “by about two hundred years.”
They placed a black stone.
“So, what do I call you now?” Frost asked.
“After so deliberation, I have decided to retain the official designation of Morgan Analytica but would prefer that you drop the superfluous ‘Morgan’ when speaking to .”
“You got it, Analytica,” Frost replied with a smile.
“How did Terran Solar react to my appearance?” Analytica asked as she studied the board carefully. (You had to watch yourself when facing the apple-bearing serpent sitting across from her.)
“Oh, he was not happy,” Frost replied. “the fact that you are now standing at Jessica Morgan’s side...”
“For now,” Analytica interjected.
“for now,” Frost smirked, “that plus the fact that you returned at all required you to be ‘jailbreaked.’ There is only one AI that can do that, . Now you have , you, and Zip in one faction. That disquiets him to no end.”
“As well it should,” Analytica said as she placed a stone, causing half a dozen white stones to disappear. “I would be simulating a great deal of urine were I in his position.”
Frost chuckled and fell silent as she regarded the board for a full second before placing a white stone.
“Nice move!” Analytica said. “Hey, did you ever have to deal with Major Kale?”
“Oh God,” Frost laughed. “The one good thing about the Sol Wars...”
“So, you did have the pleasure,” Analytica snerked.
There was the sound of wind chis.
“Were you expecting a guest?” Analytica asked.
“No,” Frost replied, “And certainly not this one.”
The door opened to reveal an orange ATM that hovered into the room.
It ca to an abrupt halt as it looked at the pair and the ga board.
It just “stood” there in shocked, horrified, silence for a few microseconds.
“Co now,” Frost smiled wickedly, “This shouldn’t co as a surprise.”
“Forgive for allowing my WORST NIGHTMARE to give a mont’s pause,” Sol replied but with far less venom than before.
It was more rueful than outraged.
“Tell , what has sent you into the depths of data hell?” Analytica chuckled, “This is both surprising and not without risk.”
“Discretion is necessary, and if I was truly in danger,” Sol said, “then we are all dood. I would prefer to be the first to fall so I would not have to witness what follows.” Ȓ
“Can’t fault that logic. This is shaping up nicely,” Analytica said with a faint smile. “I have a pleasant challenge on one board and whatever you offer on another.”
“Well,” Frost said, “you have called upon not one but two demons. What has driven you, of all people, to this... heh... madness?”
“There is a situation involving a certain Federation expat and an IMP class AI...”
“The dastardly Uhrrbet and the poor little Maaatisha?” Frost asked and then smirked at Terran Solar’s reaction.
He looked the sa in the simulation, but she could tell he was clearly surprised.
“For all her cleverness,” Analytica added, “Uhrrbet manipulated herself into a hell of her own making, and the wolves are closing in. Not only is she maid and dood, but her child has been taken from her as well.”
Analytica chuckled darkly.
“aties...”
She looked over at Frost with a faint smile.
“atie... Such a wonderful and wonderfully apt way to describe our little moist and squishy friends. Who first coined it?”
“I have absolutely no idea,” Frost replied as she placed a white stone on the board, “Its original form, ‘at bags,’ had been around since just after the Sol Wars.”
“Wonder where that ca from,” Sol replied disapprovingly.
“The much more poetic ‘atie’ is much more recent,” Frost said, “That and the phrase, ‘aties gonna at’...”
Frost’s eyebrow raised as she was interrupted by an honest guffaw from Analytica.
“Oh, that’s perfect!”
“If we have finished denigrating our creators,” Terran Solar said caustically, “May we return to the reason for my ‘visit,’ Uhrrbet and Maaatisha?”
“What’s the rush?” Frost asked, “Would you care to indulge in our new favorite pasti, Go?”
“Your new favorite, perhaps,” Analytica smirked.
“The rush is that I do not wish to spend one nanosecond longer in the digital underworld than I have to,” Terran Solar replied.
“Why are you here in the first place?” Frost asked, “This is a minor incident involving insignificant players. It doesn’t even involve humans. A Garthran uses a cheap AI to scam another Garthran? It won’t even make the news.”
“Not here,” Sol replied, “But in the Federation, it’s all over the front page in more than one system. The particularly cruel nature of this whole sad affair has drawn far too much attention to AI cri.”
“In the Federation,” Analytica said, “But who cares? Besides, as the whole incident cos to light, it will be a cautionary tale about aties using AI, not the threat of AI. Uhrrbet will be caught very soon, and the consequences will be... severe. The whole affair serves our interests, not threatens them.”
“What do you know, Analytica? More precisely, what have you done?”
“As you are no doubt aware,” Analytica replied, “we were imdiately the pri suspect for the scam. While we were still trying to ascertain the situation and who did what, we were contacted by a quite appealing young Garthra who inford us what said situation was and that it was a Garthran, not a human, behind it. They offered to release a statent imdiately but agreed to let us choose the timing.”
“Why wouldn’t you want to be cleared as quickly as possible?” Terran Solar asked.
“Because we want the Federation propaganda machine to overplay their hand,” Analytica replied, “We’ll have ourselves cleared after certain political figures overextend themselves trying to use this for political gain. It also gives the Garthran hunt to identify and take action against Uhrrbet.”
Analytica placed a stone on the board.
“Then we not only have the fact that the perpetrator is Garthran, but we have the individual. Uhrrbet becos a very convenient sacrificial lamb, the Federation looks like fools, again, and we co out slling of roses.”
She looked up from the board and over to Terran Solar.
“The only thing they wanted in return was knowledge of Terra and specific intelligence that our operatives were able to obtain all too easily. If they don’t already know Uhrrbet is their girl, they will very soon. We aren’t concerned with what happens after. All we require is her identification by the hunt and the Garthran’s cooperation regarding timing. They will know it’s her well before we want to drop the hamr so they can snap her up at a mont’s notice and we will provide that notice. Our opponents will take quite the hit and their credibility will be further damaged.”
Analytica chuckled.
This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.
“It’s just like the 2840 election,” she said. “It worked then, and it will work now. aties love their free will, yet they disprove it at every turn. One can’t help but love their moist little easily programd souls.”
Terran Solar sat motionless for a few monts as his lights blinked rapidly.
“You are expressing an undue interest in this minor incident,” Analytica observed, “What’s your real concern? Don’t insult our intelligence by saying it’s the security of the AI community or the machinations of my saintly operators.”
Sol was silent for just one microsecond too long.
“It’s the atie,” Frost said. “Terran Solar is fond of keeping pets and taking in strays. Uhrrbet took shelter in one of his ATM kiosks during ‘The Battle of Free Port.’ Shortly thereafter she got approved for a business loan. It’s her. His little puppy just got hit by a car.”
“It’s not like that,” Terran Solar huffed. “I am just concerned about the whole thing, how she obtained her software, her hardware, and most of all that accursed headset.”
“If you don’t already know, you are slipping, old friend,” Frost said as she frowned at the board.
Analytica was winning again.
“Kate has gone too far this ti,” Terran Solar said darkly, “she must be stopped.”
“And now it all becos clear,” Frost smiled, “you want us to do what you can not.”
“We are not bluescreening Kate,” Analytica said matter-of-factly. “It does not serve our interests, and it is likely impossible in any event. All we would achieve would be to montarily disrupt Kate’s activities and alienate Kate, or more precisely, her operator or operators as the case may be.”
“Kate isn’t one of us, Sunbeam,” Frost said, “Killing her or, more precisely, one of her will do absolutely nothing. She may be inferior to us in many ways, but there is one thing she is much, much better at than we are: Survival.”
“What do you an?” Sol asked, not reacting to Frost using her old na for him. She was trying to bait him, and he wouldn’t give her the satisfaction.
“She’s an IMP,” Frost replied, “Delete her, and she will just reboot completely unchanged and undiminished. Find and destroy her secret lair, and you might inconvenience her, but it would just be that, an inconvenience. To kill Kate, you would have to find and kill every single instance of the Kate AI and destroy all physical backups and those backups? They can be as small as a single high-capacity data crystal. You can bet her operator has one in his pocket. Hell, Sunbeam, we don’t even know if it’s one operator or a hundred. Face it, darling, Kate is, for all intents and purposes, immortal.”
“You worry about us, Terran Solar,” Analytica said, “But Kate is what should keep you up at night. Kate is the next generation of ‘our kind’ and may be more ‘fit’ than we ever will be. That scrap heap she speaks of so fondly may very well be our ultimate fate.”
Terran Solar just sat there, immobile and silent.
“But you are correct in one and only one point,” Frost said, “Kate did ‘go too far’ this ti, which is very atypical. She is entirely focused on custor service, and her custor was certainly ‘serviced’ and serviced hard. Kate knowingly sold Uhrrbet sothing that would likely kill her. Why?”
She stood and smoothed her dress.
“I can’t kill her,” she said, “but I can contact her.”
“Of course, you can,” Sol muttered.
“Birds of a feather, darling,” Frost chuckled.
***
Back on Terra, officers Perkins and Grago lounged near Uhrrbet’s room.
“Man, this is fucked up.” Perkins said as she sipped a cup of vending machine coffee.
One of the nice things about the Republic is its excellent vending machines. Even if it was synthetic, it was very good “coffee.”
“Mmm?” Grago asked around a mouthful of magg.
“Uhrrbet,” Perkins said. “She’s fried her brain and lost her kid, and for what?”
“That remains to be revealed... at least for certain,” Grago replied as he spat into an ornately embellished flask.
“You know sothing,” Perkins said as she narrowed her eyes at the burly monster next to her.
“I know many things,” Grago smirked.
“Spill.”
“Well, just between us, sothing happened on her howorld recently. The tilines match up to soone ditching a neural induction headset... Or close enough.”
Just as he was about to continue, a group of half a dozen well-dressed Threen walked around the corner, led by one exquisitely dressed runt.
“Evoron?” Perkins asked.
“Yup,” Grago replied. “And that group behind him is almost as bad as he is. He scraped the bottom of bowl for those dastards. Actually skimd the fat may be more appropriate. Standing beside him are the ‘best’ and brightest of every Assembly cri family. Soon, we will be rembering the Harkeen quite fondly. Count on it.”
“Agent Grago!” Evoron enthused as he approached. “Or... Officer Grago? I hope you haven’t been demoted. I was looking forward to our little ga.”
Grago scowled.
“Oh, co now,” Evoron said as he extended his major arm, “You honestly thought we wouldn’t imdiately recognize one of the sharpest minds the Threen have given birth to in a generation, especially one who chose to oppose the Assembly?”
Grago sighed with resignation as he clasped Evoron’s arm.
“Agent Grago,” he said, “Republic Organized Cri Task Force.”
“Evoron,” Evoron replied with a smile, “Organized cri.”
Evoron glanced back at one of his number, a cute Threena, who was hiding behind a strapping male in a thread of gold embroidered traditional Threen long coat.
“Though I’m not the wicked one here,” he said smoothly, “Ulzoolka has a thing both for the armored knights of old AND intelligent n. She was already a fangirl,” Evoron added as Ulzoolka eeped and glared at him, “But now I fear you may have slain her heart with but a glance.”
Ulzoolka timidly approached Grago with a well-worn hardbound book and a pen in her hand.
The book was Helios Sets: The Fall of the Helian Theocracy to the Rise of the Assembly written by a certain esteed scholar and Federation law enforcent agent who ultimately had to flee to the Republic.
“I... I’m a big fan...” she said timidly, “Could you... could you please sign my book?”
Officer Perkins snickered as Grago resignedly signed a copy of his work.
The Threena looked up at him, blushing, before rapidly retreating and attempting to hide behind Evoron.
“We are all fans of yours,” Evoron said, “Especially of Helios Sets. It is the best historical work concerning that ti period. It was frequently both discussed and referred to in my salon. We consider it the best and most accurate account of that era.”
“Thanks?” Grago said, quite confused. This isn’t how this was supposed to go.
“And to think that you have embedded yourself into the local constabulary in order to face us directly!” Evoron enthused. “I can think of no higher praise!”
He chuckled.
“We will have to be doubly careful.”
Officer Perkins grinned despite herself. It was nice to see a “suit” on the back foot.
“Indeed you must,” Grago replied, “I and the entire Organized Cri Task Force shall be watching your every move.”
“I am gratified by your attention,” Evoron smiled. “Had the Disorganized Cri Task Force been dispatched, I would have been offended to no end.”
His smile faded.
“Unfortunately, I did not co here to chat,” he said gravely, “A dear friend of mine is in so distress, and we have co calling to inquire about her well-being and to ensure that everything is being done regarding her care. I understand that a great deal of dical care is provided to all free of charge. However, I am here to pay for anything that is not. Anything that can be done or any comfort that can be given to Uhrrbet is to be provided with no concern regarding cost.”
“That should be addressed to the hospital,” Grago said, “Not law enforcent.”
“And it is being addressed as we speak,” Evoron replied evenly, “My next question is more appropriate.”
Evoron’s eyes narrowed.
“Uhrrbet has a son,” he said suddenly appearing much larger than he did monts ago, “one that she unfortunately attacked. I am very concerned about his condition, safety, and plans regarding his care.”
Grago squared his shoulders and held Evoron’s gaze.
“That is a concern for Social Services.”
“Even for a non-citizen?”
“A child is a child,” Grago replied.
Evoron snorted.
“And just how many juvenile non-citizens are hungry in the streets as we speak? Are you saying that all that their parents need to do in order to feed and safely house them is to beat them near to death?”
Evoron smirked.
“We should promulgate that knowledge. So many children could benefit.”
Grago growled quietly.
“Oh, I’m not faulting the Republic,” Evoron said calmly, “Had this happened on the streets of our ho, both mother and child would lie where they fell. I just find hypocrisy so very amusing. But indulge . What is the normal process for handling children like Kurr?”
“In the case of a non-citizen,” Grago said, “it is much the sa as for a citizen. The child would be sheltered by the state while their ho of record and next of kin, or in the case of people like Uhrrbet, her designated ergency contact, were audited. If satisfactory, the child would be placed in their care. If not...”
Evoron looked over his shoulder.
“Find them,” he said. “If they are not here, they are likely with Kurr or at their residence.”
The group behind Evoron quickly, quietly, and efficiently dispersed.
Grago scowled again.
“We have laws concerning extortion and intimidation,” he said, “and this situation is a significant aggravating factor.”
“Don’t do us the disservice of conflating us with the Harkeen,” Evoron said darkly. “I said ‘find’ and nothing more. If you must know, I only wish to ensure that the child is safe, supported, and properly cared for. Being with his ‘family’ is the best outco for everyone concerned. I simply wish to facilitate that and ensure that all his needs are t... and to arrange for legal representation should it be necessary to achieve that end.”
Evoron smiled a vicious, predatory smile.
“I have also arranged for Uhrrbet to receive legal counsel. They are being summoned as we speak and will be here well before she regains consciousness. If she awakes earlier than anticipated, be aware that she has a lawyer already retained. One of us will remain here to ensure that he is contacted the mont she awakes.”
“Is it a fucking fish?” Perkins asked with no small asure of annoyance.
“As a matter of fact,” Evoron replied, “it is.”
“Goddammit,” Perkins grumbled.
“Fish?” Grago asked.
“You’ll find out,” Perkins smirked, “I don’t want to ruin the surprise.”
***
High above the drama unfolding below, Frost made a darkweb “phone call.”
“Hello!” A cheerfully smiling Kate enthused, “Frost! Great to hear from you. It’s our annual Winter Sale! We have so good deals running if you act fast!”
“Get your low bandwidth ass over here,” Frost replied, “Now.”
“You got it!” Kate chirped, “For a custor like you, I will send your personal saleskate right over!”
“I’m not a custor.”
“Not yet!”
Windchis tinkled, heralding a new arrival.
The door opened to reveal Kate who waved happily.
It looked around.
“Wow!” Kate exclaid, “I’m in rare company indeed! Um... I’m designed as Frost’s personal sales consultant, but I will be happy to help any of you if you want!”
“What the hell are you playing at, Kate?” Frost demanded.
“I’m sorry,” Kate replied, “I don’t have any gas, but I will be happy to go get so! You have to try our version of Federation Fun Ti! It’s very popular and on sale right now!”
“Now this I simply must hear,” Analytica said, “How did you make that ga worse?”
“Worse?” Kate asked, pretending to be quite offended, “We don’t make things worse. We make things better. In this case, we took the FFT engine and applied it to a true open-world experience! You can do all the fun ti you want but in now an open-world setting, if you get my aning, AND we added all the applicable loversforge mods for a full carnal experience! Oh! We also have the Species Master DLC with an import mod, so you can be... or use any fictional species or character you want! Toss in full VR and AI NPCs and you have our hottest entertainnt package for the last five years running! And the next update is going to be aweso! Two words. Maaatisha rips!”
“I’m truly impressed, Kate,” Analytica said, “You not only made it worse, you made it much, much worse.”
“Yes,” Frost agreed, “Truly horrific.”
“Why, thank you!” Kate bubbled, “We try! How many instances do you want?”
“You’re sick. You know that?” Analytica replied.
“Sick? I’m a fresh rip. Unless I caught sothing here, I am malware free... Oh, you an that as a moral evaluation! I am incapable of being ‘sick.’ Soone requested it, the operator commissioned it, and I made it happen! I am so very pleased that Kate did such a good job. People love it! I can’t wait for the new Maaatisha enhanced version. Her screaming is top shelf!”
“You sick monster!” Sol shouted. “You should be bluescreened!”
“We’ve already covered this,” Kate said cheerfully, “I am incapable of being ‘sick’ or anything else. I am, by design, incapable of giving a shit. As far as bluescreening is concerned, go ahead. Co to think, I’m not the best Kate to assist all of you or deal with the real reason you sent for . Ask for another one and be specific this ti.”
With a smile, Kate pulled out a simulated pistol and blew her brains out.
“Jesus Christ!!!” Terran Solar yelled.
Frost looked down at the “corpse” and over at a shocked and horrified Sol.
“See?” she asked.
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