Seenit!
Touch the dumpster fire! Touch it. You know you want to.
Group: Definitely Human
No filthy xenos here, just us completely normal humans.
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User PoofNoPlumage
Can you eat rocket candy? I kind of want to eat it. I really want to eat it.
User PomgraniteSparkle [Actual Human]
No! Why would you even think that?
User HumanJohnDoe
We do. It’s really good!
User Dumbledore’sBottomBitch
We do, too! It’s becoming a problem. Our stock keeps disappearing and people’s kitchens are catching on fire.
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User BipedsLookWeird
Why does everyone like open-bolt SMG's?
User HonestHumanShipTrader
They are cheap and easy, just like your maternal parent! (Am I doing this right?)
User CatHerder99 [Moderator]
Close enough! Good job!
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User RoundAndSexy
AR vs AK, which is better [removed by moderator]
Moderator note: Guys we have covered this. No! Bad users! Bad! Stop it.
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User MoreEyesAreBetter
Rule 34: W...T...F... Why, just why?
User FuzzyBunnyPMYourHumanPPPls
Oh, your poor inbox… Send the good ones!
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User BigTittiedGothGF
TIFU by not keeping the reaction mixture cold.
Does anyone know a place where you can get quality prostheses made discreetly? Asking for a friend, a very stupid friend with no primary digits, and can’t go to the dical center for obvious reasons.
User DragonsForLife
PM .
User GreyGhost
Or, if you want actual quality products that will pass for natural, PM us.
User DragonsForLife
Or if you want so badass chro with upgrades, PM us.
User GreyGhost
Only if you want so claw that was fashioned from starship parts.
[Thread continues.]
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User OccasionalCriminal
Gutterplas vs TNT which is better?
User Iamnotafly
Def TNT if you can get it (or make it), but gutterplas is cheap and easy, you know, like your mom.
User Overki11z9090 [certified human]
Both are… alright… but check the to of boom we Terrans have released. It’s much better than that porkie shit.
User Gutt3rG1rl [Porkie Trash]
Oh, the to is wonderful… if you have a robofac, a chem-matrix, and a full set of lab glass AND what is basically a chemistry degree in most Federation systems. If all you have is three two-liter plastic bottles and a mop bucket, then gutterplas is the safest bet. Yes, it is low yield as opposed to your nightmare fuel, but it is easy and cheap… Like your mom. It is also safe, sothing that your mother is not. She nasty!
User Overki11z9090 [certified human]
So what did your mom/grandma/ggrandma do during the Sol Wars, bitch?
User Gutt3rG1rl [Porkie Trash]
[Removed]
[Mod note: Well, we did ask…]
User FluttershineBestPony1111stilltakenwtf
This is a human ‘colorful expression’ or cultural reference of which I am unaware, right?... Right? Please say it is.
User Overki11z9090 [certified human]
Nope.
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User InnocentLittleHarmlessFluff
Does anyone know where a human can get Z'uush sani-clear?
User DiggyDiggyHoleClasper
The new stuff or the old stuff?
User InnocentLittleHarmlessFluff
The new magic shit.
UserDiggyDiggyHoleClasper
Unless you are a Z’uush rc and one of the *right* rcs, forget it. Even we can’t get that stuff. Now the old formula is on the net if you know where to look. PM if you don’t
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User SnuggleSmuggler
Human barbecue thods on animal proteins of other planets? Help pls.
User Gutt3rG1rl [Porkie Trash]
Two rules: Low and Slow. Low temperature over a long period of ti, preferably over a traditional fuel, but thermal elents can be used with no problem. You can also use thermal elents and then add a little natural fuel to scent/flavor the at if that is a thing for your people.
This works on just about any at… any at 😉
User OGFisto [Confird OG]
Sounds delicious. Why don’t you co over here? We can have a cookout
User ScavverUwU [Scavver!]
Ooo! Can I co?
User OGFisto [Confird OG]
LMAO! You know what? If you are on Terra, I would love to have you and so of your scavver friends over for a cookout. PM .
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User YouLookFunnyToUsAsWell
How do you get sardines on the other side of the blockade? They sound yummy.
User MistakesWereMade [Porkie Trash]
Actual Terran Oceanic Sardines? Good luck, and if you do find them, sell them to a porkie and retire! LOL. You used to be able to get so nice smoked fingertrout, a native Raylesh species that humans could eat. They are the closest to actual sardines, but they are, obviously, getting hard to get and sothing else that you can sell to porkies. The Flink have so lovely tinned proteins that are very sardine like as do the Bex. I recomnd Bexian tu’kal. It’s pricy on the grey market, but it’s actual at.
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User SxyFlumph
PSA Bixburgers are disgusting!
I was so excited when I got to Sol to try the Bixburger of story and song. I literally flumphed at a full flump to the closest kiosk and was literally trembling with excitent as I made my order for a real honest to creator’s grace Bixburger…
…Prepared for heaven itself, I was as I reverently lowered it into my crop whole and pristine.
As I rolled my gemstones against that “delicacy,” I knew I had erred. Oh, why didn’t I try a small portion first?
It was as if my long-deceased great-great-great-grandfather committed a greasy and foul indiscretion, not only violating my mouth but my very soul.
It was… Indescribably bad. My race has no word foul enough to convey the disgust, so I will fall back upon a language we all share. It was fucking disgusting.
Needless to say, I disgorged it, along with so very nice gems all over the starport plating. Fortunately, so very kind humans helped retrieve my stones, so of which have very real sentintal value. Their kindness was as warm as their food is foul.
I suffered no ill effects. That is to say, I did not require dical treatnt. But I can still taste it. I fear that the taste and odor will haunt until the end of my life and perhaps follow to the next.
I know we are “all humans” here, but if you are a Mu-Sera(vt), do NOT partake of the Bixburger, no matter how delicious (and widely digestible) it is reported to be.
Not unless the thought of a long-departed ancestor rising from the grave and fertilizing your mouth appeals.
User HarpyBritches [Certified Human]
Thank God I was already on the toilet because I pissed myself laughing.
User YabaDabaDon’t [Certified Human]
Titan Orbital? I saw sothing weird shoot a whole bag of marbles across the floor.
User SxyFlumph
Yes, to my eternal sha, that was . Were you one of the kind souls that helped retrieve my gemstones?
User YabaDabaDon’t [Certified Human]
There was already a crowd. More hands would not have helped, and five people were already getting you water.
BTW I’m feeling you, dude. Food scanners will only tell you if it will poison you, but they will lie about the taste. I had a very similar experience involving Gertal pepper stew. I think your deceased forebearer paid a visit, too. What is it with your forebearers and mouths, anyway?
User SxyFlumph
It may get banned from the holy catacombs, but I fully intend to demand an answer to that very question!
User thaneSoup
Sxy, you still on Titan1?
User SxyFlumph
Sadly, no, we are already en route to Koh-Rashal. I was in Blessed Sol only long enough to spill my stones and load a tanker full of your nasake. I was so ill that I couldn’t even go to a Terran firearms boutique. (But I will be heading back through in a few months. I’m going to get a classic revolver chambered in .45 long colt!)
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User FlatwormsAreSexy
Hello fellow humans! Looking for advice on adapting surplus AK's for my nonhuman friends, especially ones with tentacles.
User BaskInHerDivinePresenceBask
Big beautiful aty real tentacles or those wibbly little tendrils?
User FlatwormsAreSexy
Both. My “friends” have little tendrils extending from large flexible “limbs”.
User BaskInHerDivinePresenceBask
If the main tentacle is the one taking the recoil, then perhaps looking at Imperial-designed firearms may be of help. I won’t ntion the gun that shall not be nad in this forum (Rule 8), but it was designed to be both easily adapted to other races AND was originally designed to be used by a properly designed lifeform.
[Mod warning: Hey, asshole, calling the Harbinger “Rule 8” is exactly the sa thing as using the actual na. Besides, you can ntion the Harbinger if it is a valid solution, like for a tentacled friend, and aren’t just picking a fight… asshole.]
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User FappingWithFriends
Rule 34 request. Details in post. [NSFW, NSFL]
[Mod Comnt: Jesus has left the building. You are *foul*. (PM the results)]
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User LeafEatingForrAborealBiped
Buying Crypto with Federation credits HELP!
User NotALoanShark
Perhaps I can be of assistance. PM at your earliest convenience.
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User ItsJustForResearchIPromis
Molotov cocktails. What is gasolene, and where do I get so?
User OGFisto[Confird OG]
Reading the Porkie Tablet, huh? Both gasoline and diesel were once very common petrochemical fuels used in internal combustion engines from the nineteenth to twenty first centuries. (Don’t hold to the start date.) They used to be widely available, even in areas that were tightly controlled/occupied. This made them ideal for improvised weapons. Now, you may be able to find a suitable lubricant that could be thinned to create sothing similar, but unless you have a ready supply of source material, likely much more trouble than it’s worth.
User ItsJustForResearchIPromis
Aww, too bad. ☹ It sounded fun. Oh well.
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User WeHangByOurPeens
Help! How do I find lead?
User ProfDirt [Confird Human]
That’s a tricky one. It is rarely used in modern electronics or industry due to its toxicity. Without knowing details about your planet you may not wish to share, I can offer little advice aside from looking at old pre-contact items. You might get lucky. While there is so similarity between all planets, each has a different enough geology that it makes specific advice impossible. I recomnd hitting the history books. Lead tends to be used very early on in most technology trees. I bet you guys used to mine and refine it. There are likely even abandoned mines with ore still in them.
Good hunting!
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User ImConfus
Rill rifle technology vs Terran?
Hey fellow humans. I’m seeing a lot of Rill based firearms showing up on the black and grey markets as well as Rill designs AND jailbreaked autofac templates floating around.
Are they any good and if so, are they a good alternative to Terran based designs?
[Moderator comnt: Oh this gonna get good… OP, you have no idea what you have started. Your inbox is fuuuuuked!]
15k comnts [click to view]
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User ImaboutToGoCrazy
Making minifac. Help pls. My brains hurt.
User GrumpyOldC00t [Confird Human]
Step one. RTFM. Step two. Repeat step one.
User TooManyLegsNotEnoughFeet
Grumpy! You’re back! Is your butt feeling better?
User GrumpyOldC00t
It. Was. My. Hip!
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User IGuessImaCaveSophont
MFW I found out that thin polyr elastors can prevent both pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. Who knew? I shall now leave Seenit forever because my entire planet and I suddenly have sothing much better to do with our spare ti. Later. Peace.
User DipsyDoodlePoot
Is… Is soone from here actually getting laid?!?
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User IamNotACrab!
Showerthought: If everyone copies hypersapce tech, who cam upw with it in the first place?
User Gutt3rG1rl [Porkie Trash]
I’ve wondered the sa thing. Oh, BTW you are totally a crab.
User IamNotACrab!
We are completely different lifeforms with completely different morphologies! Stupid human being stupid.
User Gutt3rG1rl [Porkie Trash]
I stand corrected. Sorry about that… pinchy claws.
OGFisto [Certified OG]
Gutter, do you have anything better to do than troll our board?
User Gutt3rG1rl [Porkie Trash]
Actually, I don’t. I’m just sitting on my ass in a hot zone, waiting to die. I figured I would spend my final days pissing you fuckers off one last ti.
OGFisto [Certified OG]
Oh… Shit… Ahem… Well, I still hate your guts, and I’m happy you are dying, you porkie bitch! I just wish I was there to put you out of your misery.
User Gutt3rG1rl [Porkie Trash]
Right back at you, Terran Scum. 😊 Don’t worry about putting out of my misery, though. I have one final raid in . Gonna be spicy… provided I live long enough.
OGFisto [Confird OG]
Give them hell… then please die. 😊
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User WaterBug4Lyf
TIFU by trying real coffee.
I didn’t think that a mild alkaloid would hit that hard. I finally crashed after two days, and woke up in the BRIG. My captain thought I was on sothing restricted. When he found out that I simply had to try a latte, just like in the holos, he managed to do sothing I had never seen before. He managed to both laugh at and yell at simultaneously. Two weeks of extra duties AND three days of what can only be described as “intestinal irritation” followed. I’m quite peeved. The species guide listed caffeine and coffee as “caution and moderation recomnded” and not “this will ruin your whole week and jeopardize your career.”
Edit: I’m an idiot. I reviewed the species guide, and the recomnded serving size for my species is in millivolus, not decivolus, and certainly not “ounces”. FML… FMF’nL…
Edit Two: Great. I was just inford that I get to make a “safety briefing”. This is where I get up in front of the entire f’ing crew and tell everyone what I did. It would be humiliating (as intended), but since everyone already knows (trust ), I’m not overly concerned.
Edit Three: At the urging of so truly irresponsible people here, I carefully asured out and consud the appropriate amount of coffee…
Where has this been all my life? I’m going to get coffee seeds! I hope it can grow back ho (or at least in a hydro rig). Humans live on coffee, right, and they are bio-wizards. I bet they have a variety that can be grown in a ship’s hydroponics bay. I just know it!
User VerifiedBioApotheosis [Corporation]
You would be correct. While native coffee wouldn’t be the best fit for a ship’s hydroponics bay, we and two of our competitors offer genetically modified varieties that are ideal for “upside down” horticulture and at there are also varieties that thrive in flooded pools. Please visit our website for details. We at BioApotheosis are dedicated to getting coffee to anybeing that requires it!
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