“Good morning, North Arica!” A fetching young woman said as she sat behind her news desk. “I hope you are having a wonderful day so far!”
“Velut Luna!” her co-anchor, an elderly man, exclaid as he raised his tal fist.
“In the news today,” the woman said with a little smirk, “A demonstration and display of force by the True Terran National Front in New Pitt has been… disrupted.”
A hologram depicting scattered bodies, limbs, and viscera appeared behind her.
“The Republic, First Nations, and the Pennsylvania Regional Authority would like to remind all citizens that the use of indirect fire weapons, or any artillery for that matter, is illegal in the greater New Pitt area as well as all municipal zones in the Republic, no matter how accurate you may be or how little collateral damage is inflicted.”
“Yeah,” the old man said, “What’s wrong with a good old-fashioned drive-by? You kids have no respect for tradition.”
“Oh, Trey,” the pretty young woman laughed. “It isn’t the Sol Wars anymore. You can’t just pop a cap in soone’s ass because you don’t like their opinions, no matter how annoying.”
Trey rolled his eyes.
“Still,” the woman said, “you do have to admire that mortar work. That hit was clean… Still, you really shouldn’t be firing mortars inside a city.”
She smiled at the cara.
“The Republic is requesting any information related to this incident,” she smiled. “However, I would like to remind our viewers that snitches get stitches.”
“Well put, Tara,” Trey said approvingly, “The only worse than a True Terran or a mad bomber is a fucking rat… However, we are required to inform the entire truth, and this ti it just happens to include a request from the Republic for a fine upstanding Terran to rat out soone who was just taking out the trash… Just don’t use a mortar next ti.”
“Now Trey,” Tara laughed, “We can’t condone such terrible acts,” she grinned, “It would be wrong.”
“Of course, Tara,” Trey chuckled, “We aren’t condoning anything. We are just reporting the news… Holy shit!” he exclaid as a holo of the incident played. “Did you see that one guy? What was in that thing?”
“It looks like hyper-x,” Tara mused. “Perky!” she called out, “What do your eyes see?”
“Got it in one,” a synthetic voice chirped as a floating holographic young man said as he appeared, “AI analysis of the wavelength of the light emitted from the blast indicates that hyper-x was the filler with a little magnesium added in, a good old fashioned thermobaric clam bake. And Trey was complaining about not respecting traditions. You know all about clam bakes, don’t you, Trey?”
“I love those things!” Trey said, “They ripped apart wigglies even better than fascists!”
“I’m sitting right here!” the Juona weatherperson yelled from offscreen to the laughter of the crew. “I hated those!”
“You ran into so of those, did you, you old wiggly bitch?” Trey laughed.
“Yeah, I did, you fucking traitor!” the Juona exclaid as the cara switched over to her. “I was with the 5234th chanized Infantry back then. Empress, I hated those things...”
The Juona chuckled.
“Nice to see one of those old things used again… on soone else. Hey, Perky, does it look new, or is it an old one?”
“Hard to tell from the footage… Wait! It is a legacy round!” Perky the AI exclaid. “It looks like terminal guidance was provided by a very noisy Old Earth thruster, probably from a toy or sothing. Looks like an OG pulled up the floorboards again.”
“Explains the accuracy, too,” the Juon mused. “They put in exactly the right spot… This reminds . I have so vacation days built up, and if you assholes are starting to lob clam bakes around, it’s ti for to go on that pilgrimage to the Imperial palace I’ve been aning to take.”
“Sounds lovely!” Tara exclaid. “Bring back so souvenirs!”
“Certainly,” the Juon weatherperson replied, “Oh, and aside from the occasional mortar round, the weather looks great.”
“Wonderful!” Tara exclaid, “Looks like perfect weather for you True Terrans to gather in one convenient place a few hundred ters from anything important and exercise your freedom of speech.”
“Yeah,” Trey snerked, “Don’t let them take away your rights! Get on back out there… Unless you want people to think you’re pussies.”
“The station would like to request that if any ‘noble’ True Terrans do plan on a response to please let us know,” Tara said with a pleasant smile, “I have a new culling rifle I need to sight in.”
“Oh?” Trey asked. “What did you get?”
“A Diana thirty ‘aught six.”
“Nice!” Trey enthused, “How did you manage to get your hands on one of those?”
“Estate sale, if you can believe it.”
“Sweet!” Trey replied approvingly. “The thirty ‘aught six is one of my favorites.”
“Of course, it would be, you old fuck,” the Juona weatherperson said from off-screen. “It’s as obsolete as you are!”
“If you start about the Harbingers again, Vk-Teth, I will rip out your beak and put it on the shelf with all of the other ones.”
“You are cordially invited to try, rebel scum,” the Juona laughed. “At least interview that cute little xeno before you finally et the Empress’s justice.”
“Get a room, you guys,” Tara said with a musical laugh as she rose and walked to another part of the set where Neeph fidgeted nervously in front of her charcoal brazier.
“Sothing slls good,” Trey said as he followed.
Neeph squeaked nervously.
“Thanks!” she said (also nervously).
“Neeph here hails from the Miami Free Port area where she is fast making a na for herself and her… What do you call these again?”
“My people call them ixeeeeeaiii,” Neeph replied, “But everyone calls them dumplings, which is what they are.”
“Well, they sll heavenly!” Tara said.
“(monch) They taste heavenly, too!” Trey said as he chewed happily.
“(nibble) Oh my God,” Tara said as her eyes sparkled with delight. “These are amazing!”
“Thanks!” Neeph replied, a bit more sure of herself. “You had a alworm one, and you had a cockroach special with poppyseed!”
“This was roaches?” Tara asked, both impressed and horrified.
“Lem try one of those… (monch)… Holy shit!” Trey exclaid.
“And you are going to make a few for us?” Tara asked, “I’m surprised you would reveal your secret recipe.”
“Oh, it’s no secret,” Neeph giggled, “You just put so stuff in so other stuff and put it on the fire! Here! I’ll show you…”
***
After Neeph’s demonstration. Tara looked indulgently at Trey, who was happily stuffing his face.
“If you want to try so of Neeph’s dumplings yourself,” she said, “Neeph and her food cart can be found at the Miami Free Port just outside a… um… place called The Drop of Oil.”
“Right next to the coffee shop!” Neeph exclaid, “Charlotte looks scary, but she’s really nice, and the coffee is good!”
Neeph bead at the cara.
“Just look for the giant Sheloran!”
“Sheloran?” Trey said from around a mouthful of cockroach dumpling. “Is that (monch) that blue frog thing?”
“Uh, Huh!” Neeph said. “I’ve never t her, though. They say she’s real nice!”
“So we’ve seen,” Trey grinned.
“She really is!” Neeph insisted, “It’s because she is so nice that all that… stuff happened. They say that she really doesn’t like bullies very much.”
“She sure doesn’t!” Tara laughed with that musical laugh that made her loved by millions, “But we aren’t here to grill her about Sheloran. We’re here to let her grill so of her delicious dumplings!”
Tara bead at the cara for a mont before smiling angelically at Neeph.
“Tell our friends out there where to get these,” she smiled. “You say you have a food cart?”
“Oh yes!” Neeph replied happily, “It’s green and has flowers and bugs on it and…”
Tara smiled happily while Trey shoved dumpling after dumpling into his face, making orgasmic noises.
That little… caterpillar(?)… couldn’t be more photogenic if it tried, and its enthusiasm and happiness when describing its food cart in detail was infectious.
This was great holovid, and the data scrolling across her vision only confird it.
“So, Neeph,” she said with an innocent smile. “You are set up next to the Drop of Oil?”
“Yep! We just call it The Drop, though.”
“That’s a xeno brothel, right? I bet things get pretty interesting over there.”
“It gets crazy!” Neeph exclaid as she turned the next batch of dumplings as Trey gazed at them lovingly, the program forgotten. “I used to work there and there was always…”
“You worked there?” Tara asked, truly shocked (which took so doing). “Were you a… a…”
“A prostitute?” Neeph said with a wiggle of her feet, “Sort of. I wasn’t very good at it, though. I was getting better but then I started making dumplings and Craxina, she’s the boss, said that I should do that, at least on the side, so I did! Craxina is so smart!”
“Oh you have to have so great stories!”
“Oh, do I!” Neeph exclaid, “There was this one guy…”
Poor Trey almost needed dical intervention a mont later. Swallowing dumplings while laughing your ass off is nearly impossible.
Tara wasn’t in much better shape, as the entire studio was in stitches. Vk-Teth, the Juona “weather girl,” lost complete control of her chromophores and her grip and fell from her stool, a kaleidoscope of colors washing over her body (also caught by the caraman desperately trying, between guffaws, to capture the chaos).
As Tara was reluctantly about to go to comrcial, Neeph started talking about The Battle of Free Port.
Keep it rolling! Flashed across her feed, a ssage from the producer. The advertisers will understand, or they won’t. Fuck them. I have to hear what happens next before this little gal regains their senses. Also, find out what the HELL she did at that brothel because damd if any of us can figure it out. And tell Trey to leave at least a few of those dumplings for us! The sll is driving all of us crazy!
Tara grinned and kept feeding the chaos as Trey kept feeding his face. They were going to go viral!
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