DAHLIA POV
The ship rocked gently as if the sea was trying to soothe us with its movent. I leaned against the wood at the front of the boat, watching as soft orange hue rose from the snow laced clouds. We were going to be approaching sumr soon, winter was saying good bye.
It had been a long winter, a long one that was filled with pain and I was glad that it was finally over. The sun that was peaking from the gray clouds looked seed like the beginning of sothing new. I exhaled slowly as I closed my eyes enjoying my mont of peace.
It was only mont like this that I am able to be at peace. When night cos, it was always horrible. Sleeping was supposed to be a way to escape but apparently that isn’t the case for . It would seem that night ti was when the demons co from . Tornting each ti and making feel like I was back in that horrible place.
During day ti, it was easy for to pretend. It was easy for to pretend as if I do not care, act like I was completely fine. I smile every day, I laugh and even make jokes, I do anything to take my mind away from the horrors that it faced. But when its night ti and everywhere gets quiet, I am being dragged to go relieve the past.
Reagan worries about , I can see it in his eyes. The way he stares at with so much helpless in his gaze and anyti I catch him, he would look away. Anyti we stayed together, his hands brush mine. As if he wanted to touch but he is scared to.
I also noticed he doesn’t sleep which is mostly my fault. My nightmares kept both of us up, him longer than but he acts like he has just co out of bed. But what infuriates the most is the fact that he stares at like I was made of glass, like I was going to break at the slightest little thing.
I hated it so much because it also felt like the truth and I didn’t want it to look that way. I didn’t want it to look like I might be broken.
But I was, I was broken.
So nights when I get scared of my nightmare, I want to do reach for him. Hug him and juts let all my tears out. Most days I wished he would hold and kiss senseless till I forget or maybe fuck . But I was also going to hold off on that, at least not till I get Madam Heidi to get so salve to make the scars on my body disappear.
They were too hideous to see I had smashed the mirror in the bathroom and when Reagan had asked , I had claim it was an accident. He didn’t believe though, I could see it in his eyes but he still didn’t push.
I was going to tell him everything. I was going to tell him everything later but not when I was afraid. I might be out now but there was still so part of that is locked inside that it. Drawing in a deep breath, I tightened the belt around my tunic. Well it wasn’t mine exactly, it belongs to Reagan. Even though he had packed my clothes, I didn’t wear them, I preferred loose fittings like this that covered up my scars.
I climbed back into the bed, preparing to just sleep when all of a sudden, I heard a knock on the door. Sitting up, I adjust the tunic on my body before I called out to whoever it was at the other end. The door opened and I saw it was my brother Bjorn.
Smiling, I stood up from the bed as I stared at him. I tried to step forward but I withheld myself, choosing to fist my hands by my side instead.
Bjorn noticed before he chuckled, "You know he isn’t here." He said but I still remained still, Bjorn grinned at before he stretched his hands open, "Co here sis, I’ve missed you."
I didn’t need any other invitation than that, I ran straight into his arms. Bjorn cut , his arms wrapped around , hugging fiercely. Tears stread down my as I hugged Bjorn, taking in a deep breath as I breathed in his scent.
Gods I’ve missed him, I’ve missed him so much.
"I missed you too." Bjorn whispered placing a kiss on the top of my forehead as he gently patted my back.
I wasn’t going to lie, it felt nice to be held. Even if it was just for a while, I loved the comfort he provided. It felt like I could breathe back again, like I was again. Smiling, I eased away from Bjorn as I stared up at him.
Bjorn offered a wry smile. "So, how are you?"
"I am fine."
"Dahlia," Bjorn called but I just smiled at him, "It’s , you can talk to ."
I laughed but it sounded forced to my own ears, "Bjorn, I am really fine. I don’t know what Reagan has been telling you but if it’s how I’ve been waking up it’s because I am uncomfortable and I honestly cannot wait to get off this ship!"
"You know you haven’t asked for them once."
I knew what he was talking about. I smiled as I looked up at him, not asking doesn’t an that I didn’t want to see them. "Because I know I am going to be seeing them soon."
"Or because you are afraid." Bjorn suddenly said, "It’s okay to be scared Dahlia. What you’ve went through, isn’t a small ordeal. So it’s okay to be scared Dahlia, he can’t hurt you anymore. No one can hurt you ever again. So, if you need to talk to soone at all about anything that has happened, I want you to know that I’m right here."
Except I do not want to talk! I do not want to say anything! I just want to be left alone. I want to continue saying I was fine till my body learns to accept it, till my body finally accepts that I was fine and I do not care how long I was going to continue to tell myself that I was fine. My body will accept it.
But through it all, I smiled as I stared up at Bjorn. "Alright, I will." I said and he opened his mouth to talk but I cut him off, "If that’s all, I think I would like to get so rest now. I’ve been up since dawn and I would like to get all the rest I can before we arrive back at Iravia!"
Bjorn stared at like he wanted to say sothing else but then he decided against it. Nodding his head, he smiled at one last ti before he turned and walked out the door.
It was only when he left did I feel like I could breathe again. I went back to the bed and laid down, staring at the nothing in particular as I slowly disappeared into that dark place in my mind.
***
REAGAN POV
Bjorn approached us from where I was standing on the deck with Killian and Nikolai. He had a foreboding expression on his face. The one that suggested that suggested the conversation that he had with Dahlia had proven to be unsuccessful.
"So how did it go?" Nikolai asked even though how it went was clearly written all over his face.
Bjorn shook his head at us before he grabbed a cu that contained wine from which we had been drinking to chase away the cold. He settled down on an empty barrel, downing down his drink. "You are right, sothing I definitely up with her."
I sighed already knowing that my worst fear has been confird. I sent Bjorn to check on her with the hope that he would at least get through to her in a way that I couldn’t. She was affected by what happened. All of them were, but they were finding different ways to cope with it. So of them drink their sorrows away and the rest that couldn’t just found things to do so they would stop thinking about what happened.
"Maybe I could try to talk to her." Killian suggested and I shook my head at him.
"I’m afraid that would only make her angry." I inford him, "She’s clearly doing this because she doesn’t want to be seen as soone who needs help." I said and Killian humd in agreent.
"Perhaps what she needs is to face her fears." Nikolai said.
I snorted, "Yeah, I don’t think she is ready to face her father."
"I wasn’t talking about her facing her father." Nikolai said and we all looked up at him wondering just who he might be talking about this ti around, "I’m talking about the guy who is under this boat."
We were all quiet for a mont but Bjorn shook his head. "Yeah, I do not think she is ready for that yet."
"You think it will help?" I asked him.
Nikolai shrugged at , "There’s no better way to beat your trauma than facing your biggest fears."
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