"Dahlia, Dahlia, can you hear ?"
Reagan’s voice cut through the noise that I was busy hearing in my head. I blinked a little and Reagan’s face ca into focus. Clear as daylight which ant everything he had just said was true.
My body drew in rapid breath but the sound broke through my chest. The painful rhythm of my heart flattened my ribs as the repeated beats knocked loudly within my ears.
He was serious.
He was really letting go.
I let out a feeble chuckle which sounded both strands of hatred and utter sadness.
"Oh gods above, you really are serious." I said looking at him but he just stood there!
Sothing like regret flashed in his eyes but Reagan being good at not revealing his emotions quickly masked it. He just continued to stand there looking at as if he didn’t just rip my heart clean out of my chest.
I held my fists tightly at my sides while my nails pierced into the skin of my palms. Good. I tried to create enough pain in myself to numb the worsening agony I experienced.
"You know what’s funny?" I asked as I continued to stare at him, "The fact that I keep thinking that I have a choice in anything but I don’t. I didn’t have a choice when I was born, not in choosing my parents or in getting married but I thought I could actually have one, or at least that I will in getting to choose the kind of man I can make you be. I thought I could make you love , but it seems I was delusional!"
As I spoke, tears rolled down my eyes and I hated it. I hated the way he was able to make look vulnerable every ti we talk, hated that even now, I still ached to reach out, to pull into his arms and choose , choose us!
But he just simply stood there.
Quietly.
Stoic!
As if this wasn’t hurting him too!
With a furious sniff, I wiped away the tears with the back of my hand. Willing my voice to be steady, I spoke again. "And what will happen to our child?"
"He will be taken care of!" Reagan responded with a bit, "I’m still going to fulfill my responsibilities as a father."
"And what about your responsibilities as a husband?" I challenged him.
Reagan’s mouth opened before they snapped shut again, not a word to be said.
How typical! I thought to myself with a scoff, "That’s what I thought." I whispered before wrapping my arms around myself as if they could sohow prevent from shattering entirely. My heart pounded awkwardly in my chest as is stared up at Reagan again, "You do know what will happen if you leave , or you just do not care what happens to ?"
"Of course I do." Reagan stated, "But don’t be afraid, you will be well protected. I may be letting you go but I’m not sending you back to your father?"
I laughed, the sound cold and bitter. "Well protected he says." I said before I raised my head back up to et him, "I do not need your protection hell hound! I never did, what I wanted was for you to see e, to see as an equal, soone worthy enough to stand right next to you, I always admired you and treated you with utter respect and I know I can never make you love but will you really throw away those monts we have?" I asked him and I didn’t realize I was crying again until the biting wind stroked the tears streaming down my face.
His jaw tightened, his eyes flashing with sothing that seed agonizingly close to remorse but still he said nothing. He never does, so I guess there was no point talking to him anymore, I was done here!
With a heavy heart, I nodded my head at him. "Very well then, let’s leave each other. I also think we are better off this toxicity we have with each other!" I said and then turned to leave.
The tears stread endlessly down my face, yet I couldn’t care to swipe them away because why should I? No one was left to see it, no one really wanted to see , at least not in the way that counted.
Even as the tears blurred my vision, I continued to walk forward. Taking one step forward and then another while my heart ached with each step and it felt as if sothing as dragging shards of broken glass across my chest. I walked forward nonetheless, I had to.
There was no hope of ever fixing whatever it was that was broken between us, I was done!
"Dahlia!" I suddenly heard Reagan’s voice behind , harsh and raw and also filled with uncertainty.
I froze mid-step, my heart lurching painfully and against my better judgnt, I turned back to look at him. Reagan stared back at , his mouth opened as if he was about to speak. And like the fool I was, I waited!
I waited to hear what he has to say like a fool but alas, nothing ca out of his mouth.
Coward! I thought to myself bitterly.
He might be the brave knight but he was nothing but a coward who can’t speak his truth. And I...I was the fool who kept waiting around for him to choose .
Swallowing I nodded my head at him, "Have a good life my lord." I said and turned around to move on, ready to leave him alone
When all of a sudden, I heard him.
"I see you!"
Those three words made pause in my steps, my breath caught in my throat and I stood there not willing to believe what I heard but he spoke them.
Was he joking with right now? I honestly do not know how much of this I can take anymore! I thought to myself and whirled around to speak them to him.
"Reagan, I can’t..."
Before I could speak my sentence completely, Reagan crossed the space between us in three long strides and before I knew what was happening, Regan grabbed by my waist and then slamd his mouth on mine.
My eyes widened in surprise as his lips claid mine, bitter, hungry and completely unexpected. I froze for a second caught between the part of that wanted to shove him away and the other traitorous part of my body that had longed for this exact mont.
I hated this, I hated him!
Hells, I hated him but what I hated more, was how easily my body succumbed to his touch, softening at the way he held my waist to his and kissed deeply like he was a man starving.
A ragged noise escaped my lips, a soft gasp and that was all the invitation needed for Reagan. He swallowed my gasp, his arms tightening around , pulling in so close to him as if he was afraid I would disappear any mont.
This wasn’t fair!
This wasn’t fair because it’s not supposed to be easy for him and so with the small sense that I had, I gathered my strength and shoved him away from , breaking the kiss.
Reagan stumbled away from , breathing heavily and it wasn’t just him. I was breathing heavily too and my mouth tingled painfully from the brutal kiss we had shared earlier.
Two of us stood still staring at each other not saying anything and the only sound that could be heard was nothing but our ragged breathing in the forest. The taste of his lips still lingered causing to sway lightly but I was still angry at him, but more so on my treacherous body that didn’t seem to understand what was going on.
"Wha..." I had to clear my throat from the hoarseness, "And what do you think you are doing?"
Reagan’s chest heaved and fell as he gazed at , those dark of eyes flashing with sothing that made the traitorous part between my legs ache, sothing raw, desperate and...and haunted! He also looked like a man that was standing on the edge of a cliff, unsure of what to do.
"Dahlia, I..." Reagan said in a gruff voice as he stepped forward but I was quick to move backwards.
"No, don’t do that! You do not get to call by my na!" I whispered, my voice trembling, "And most importantly, you do not get to kiss or touch !"
Reagan nodded his head at , "You are right." He said still breathing heavily, "I’m sorry."
"And that’s all you seem to be good at, giving half ass apologies!" I hissed at him, "Just do a favor and stay the hell away from !" I hissed at him and turned, walking away finally.
Good, that was good! I handled it well! I praised myself as I walked ignoring the way my body still reeled from the kiss, the way his body felt against mine, the way those strong hands felt on my waist and the way he kissed with inhibited passion and the way...
No, no, no, no, do not think about that! Just keep walking and do not think of that, just rember one step forward and you won’t look back, you won’t...Oh fuck it!
I whirled around to look at Reagan who stood few feet behind, staring at , his lips parted as he continued to draw in ragged breath and before I knew what I was doing, I ran towards him. All thoughts of pride, anger and self-respect flew out my head as I ran towards him.
I hated him but there was also not denying the fact that I wanted him just as much!
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