Cierra
Cierra could feel the relatively light touch of the ceremonial knife that Cyril was using to carve the Mark into her skin, and it was honestly less painful than she had expected. She didn't think to ask Kord or her mothers if the process had hurt, but that was mostly because she wasn't sure that she wanted to know.
Evidently, the Qi that Cyril was infusing into the blade to make the cuts cleaner had done sothing similar to sharpening the knife to the point that the cuts didn't really hurt. They were actually barely even noticeable.
Except they itched about as badly as Cierra could imagine sothing ever itching. If she hadn't been so focused on her ditation, she was sure she would be rolling around on the ground scratching at her chest like a dog with fleas. Even as it was, it was taking most of her concentration to remain in her ditation because the itch was trying its best to pull her out of it.
When she finally felt the knife pull away, a shudder ran through her body, so twisted combination of relief and the desire to scratch.
"I'm going to start channeling the Qi now, Cierra. Do your best and concentrate." Cyril said softly. "Make sure you move the Qi through your new Cultivation pattern."
Cierra nodded and then waited. She felt the area around her chest where the Mark had been made grow warm as the expected fire Qi passed through it. Following her instincts, she caught the Qi and directed onto the ridians that she had prepared for a new fire Qi Cultivation technique. Thankfully, her Foundation had been flexible enough to handle the occasional practice with fire Qi, and she had spent months preparing these channels for that exact mont.
The fire Qi flowed through her more easily than she had expected. Although there was no reason for it, she had been prepared for the Qi to fight her, or move sluggishly through her ridians. But instead it seed to flow like smooth, liquid fire, flowing down wherever she directed it.
The only noticeable feeling was so form of pressure in her ridians where it traveled. It wasn't painful, just enough to make note of, so she continued on. But when the fire Qi had finally made its way to her Core, that pressure expanded rapidly. It hadn't fought against the restraint of her ridians, but it pooled so quickly in her Core that it was almost imdiately fighting against the shell she had created so many years ago.
And then, all at once, that pressure seed to vanish. Cierra tried to remain in ditation, but there was suddenly a breeze in the room that definitely was not supposed to be there, so deep in a cave system. And it was cold.
Cierra couldn't rember the last ti she had genuinely been cold, protected as she was by her Cultivation. And that made her eyes snap open.
She wasn't in the ceremonial chamber anymore. She was in the middle of a snowy field, flurries lightly falling around her amidst a surprisingly gentle breeze. And seated directly across from her was her mirror image. But the other Cierra was smiling coldly at her in an expression that Cierra had never seen on her face before. It was an icy disdain that carried disappointnt and maybe even disgust.
"Hello, ."
The perfect copy of her voice in icy tones sent a shiver down her spine, despite the cold.
"You know, I've been waiting here a long ti for you." The other Cierra motioned wide with her arms to take in the absolutely empty surroundings that faded to white snow in the distance. "How do you like your inner world? Is the emptiness to your taste?"
The copy went on, her icy expression clashing horribly with her too-chipper tone. "You know, I was surprised when the snow started? I thought for sure that this whole place would remain an empty canvas. But I guess you can stick with a decision well enough to do sothing." She took a mont to dramatically look over the space. "Well. Enough to make so snow, I guess. Not enough to actually create any features."
When she shrugged dismissively, Cierra's stomach dropped. Had this really been all she was capable of? She knew she had spent far too much ti trying to settle on how she wanted her Cultivation to proceed, putting off making a solid decision so long that, in the end, she settled on not really making it at all. And then she just let herself drift toward the option that she had a more natural talent for.
Her copy smiled. "Yes, you just sort of fell into your current path, didn't you? But making a choice and then not following through on it? That's just so like you, isn't it?" The grin widened, showing teeth. "I an, just look around! Do you see any tal here? Weren't you supposed to be half and half? What decision did you make, Cierra?"
She didn't respond aloud, but she knew what the other her ant. She had made the decision to follow a split path. But when she found her natural ability in water and ice to exceed her natural skill with tal, she had shifted like a leaf in a breeze.
Afterall, she could always work on her tal side later, right? Wouldn't it be better to focus on her stronger side first, improve, then bring her weaker half up to speed later?
Except that she just…never did. She had learned so tal Qi based techniques, sure, but she had never mastered them. Not even the simpler ones, like the tal manipulation that her mother was so good at. If she had been serious about learning it, she knew Ery would have dropped everything to teach her personally.
Instead, she didn't bother trying to hold on to anything. She hadn't truly made the decision, instead letting herself just float on, wherever the current took her.
"It's so funny that Stena is so obsessed with beating you." Her copy said, the sudden change in topic catching her off guard. "She spent years chasing your back. Pushing as hard as she could, just trying to keep up. And yet, here you are, getting knocked around in the breeze."
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As if on cue, the wind around Cierra kicked up, and she felt it pull on her loose robes, trying to knock her this way and that. "Sure is convenient that the breeze carried you forward, isn't it?" Once again, Cierra felt the icy smile of her other self creep through her uncomfortably. "We both know that if you had to actually fight to get to where you are, you wouldn't be here. Stena knows what she wants, and she gets it. Every. Ti."
"You? You just fall into what's convenient."
Cierra's blood ran cold. She knew, deep down, that this had been the sort of feeling that had been tickling the back of her mind for weeks. Years, even. And she couldn't help but feel like it was true.
Oh, she put work in. She wouldn't deny herself that. She put in the hours and the effort to move forward. But what was forward, exactly? Had she chosen the path she was walking down?
"No, you didn't." Her copy said. "You stumbled down the path that was placed in front of you. Every ti you arrived at a crossroads, you waited until sothing else - snow, perhaps - ca along to obscure the other paths so you wouldn't have to pick. Just keep on moving down the one that seed most clear."
"You've never made the decisions that got you to where you are. Honestly, Stena deserves to be ahead of you. You didn't put in the effort you should have to get here. You don't deserve it."
Cierra watched as the copy of herself slowly worked its way to its feet from the ditation position. It pointed down at her, its eyes full of cold judgent. "Dragon-Kin? Sky Realm?" she scoffed, "You don't deserve to get there. You aren't worthy of those heights. Just keep on floating on that breeze and let it carry you to diocrity where you belong."
Cierra knew that there were holes in what her other self was saying. The issue was, she was having trouble making those holes large enough to do sothing with them, because she agreed with a lot of what her mirror said. Cierra wasn't a slacker, but she wasn't sure that the effort that she did put in was enough to make her worthy of the boons she had received over the years.
And those worries spiraled into splinters that kept getting lodged in her thoughts. Was she only chosen for the Dragon-Kin Bond because she was the eldest of their family? Sure, she was perhaps the closest to the peak of the Earth Realm, but Enrik and Elise weren't far behind her. And they were both rock solid in their Foundations and in who they were. Maybe one of them should have taken the spot. Elise and her focus on healing and protection would have done wonders for the family if she had been given this boost.
Or, if this truly was her inner world, was she worthy of reaching the Sky Realm? When a Cultivator broke through and unlocked their Domain and inner world, it was supposed to be a reflection of their true self, seen through the window of their Cultivation. And yet, here was Cierra's, blank and basically empty. Who was she, really? Even she didn't know. If a person's choices dictated who they were, then Cierra, who had basically run from major decisions her entire life, wasn't anyone at all, was she?
Suddenly, it felt like her surroundings were closing in around her. It hardly mattered that there was nothing but blank whiteness and snow, Cierra was sure that she could feel sothing closing in around her.
"How did you ever think you were good enough?" Cierra's double taunted her. "Not once - once - have you been challenged. We both know that if you had hit a wall, you would've given up. You don't have the spine to put in any real effort."
Cierra felt sick. And that feeling only grew when she caught motion out of the corner of her eye. She didn't just feel like her surroundings were closing in, they were literally doing so. She could visibly see where the snow ceased to exist a little ways away from her, and the distance was getting shorter. Whatever this space she was in was, it was getting smaller and she was boxed in with nowhere to run.
"See?" Her other self taunted again. "If you have no escape routes, you simply stop functioning. Any other person in your family would figure sothing out - but you? You're just going to sit here and wait until it's too late."
Cierra tried to take a deep breath. The coldness of the space burned her lungs, but she desperately wanted to calm down. She did her best to focus, pushing her own taunts out of her mind. Even if the other her was right, saying she would sit here and do nothing as the literal end of things closed in on her was a step too far.
It was more of a struggle to focus than Cierra had expected. Calming her thoughts and roiling heart took more ti than she would have liked. It took her ti to rember that all of the vitriol that her copy was spewing was nothing more than a small voice inside her head. It may have been a personification of all of her fears and doubts about her current situation, but that was all it was. And her fears didn't have to rule her.
Once she managed to calm herself, she found that her Qi moved easily. Easier than ever before, even. It responded to her imdiately, moving as she desired. As the Qi exploded out from her, it traveled all of a few ters and then stopped dead. Whatever this place she was in was closing in, just like she had thought. And the 'walls' felt physical to her Qi.
But she could push against them with it, too.
"Stop struggling, Cierra." Her shadow said, coaxing her to give in. "It's not in your nature. You've always been the one to ride the breeze and let it pull you about. It's not worth fighting it now…"
There was sothing intensely unnerving in hearing her own voice entice her with sweet poison like that. And once she had gotten her thoughts in order, she was more aware than before of exactly how much of what the other her had said was exactly that - poison.
She used a touch of Qi to block out the sound entirely, but to her confusion, it simply didn't work. The copy's words continued unaffected, so she had to put so work into ignoring them. But at this point, Cierra had resolved not to take the easy way out.
In addition to fighting the words, she was fighting a second battle with her Qi. It pushed valiantly against whatever it was that was closing in around her, but it had only served to slow it down. As she felt the sphere of nothingness close in even further, her concentration narrowed. Eventually, the edges of it swallowed up her copy, too, finally cutting off the constant stream of self-hate.
Cierra tensed, feeling the edges of whatever it was that she was struggling against growing close enough that it made her shiver. She redoubled her focus and pushed. Finally, she felt a slight bit of give, at the very end. Taking that as a good sign, she took in a deep, burning breath, preparing to push again.
The second ti, she put her all into it. Truly. She scread with the effort, and it felt like that mont could have been minutes long.
And then she felt whatever it was around her give way and shatter. Her Qi exploded outwards, the force of her pushing it out launching it away from her body in a rush.
The sudden release made her eyelids flutter, and she caught a short glimpse of a beautiful forested glade before her vision fuzzed and she passed out.
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