Sweet Hatred Chapter 294: July 30th pt 3

I didn’t expect it.

The question hit like a goddamn truck.

I sat there for a mont, staring at the lting ice in my glass, before I even found the words.

"Her na’s Aria," I murmured, her na heavy in my mouth like a confession.

And once I started... I couldn’t stop.

I told Erin about her laugh, sharp, reckless, unforgettable. About her stubbornness that drove insane and sohow made want to kneel at her feet. About the way she hated being vulnerable. About the night I knew I was done for, when she didn’t even have to touch to completely wreck .

I don’t know what ca over .

Maybe it was the drink.

Maybe it was the ghost of Ivan beside , nodding along silently.

Maybe it was the fact that she hadn’t called. Not once.

I missed her so fucking much it made physically ache.

I wanted to see her. Breathe the sa air. Even if she looked away. Even if she said nothing.

I was losing my mind pretending like I was okay. I wasn’t.

I loved her. So much it scared . So much it made no goddamn sense why I couldn’t do without her.

I drank more.

Erin, on the other hand, was completely unraveling now. Her ex, her regrets, Ivan, all of it tumbling out of her mouth in pieces. Her eyes glassy, lips trembling, hands shaking. And when her voice cracked for the fourth ti in two sentences, I knew it was ti.

"Let’s get you ho," I said gently, placing cash on the table and helping her to her feet.

She stumbled a little, but I held her steady. My own head was a little light, but I was still in control. Barely.

I texted Niko:

_Co get Erin. I’m outside. Might be out longer than usual.

We made it outside. The air was cold. It sobered a little.

But just as we got to the car, Erin stopped. Froze. Then she turned to and her face crumpled completely.

The kind of broken that didn’t even try to hold itself together anymore.

"I think... I think the universe is punishing ," she whispered.

Tears stread down her cheeks, and her voice cracked so hard it physically hurt to hear.

"Everything bad that happens to , I feel like I deserve it. Like I must have done sothing to be hated this much. I... I loved him. I loved that asshole and he... he said I was easy. That he never... he never even liked ."

She doubled over, sobbing now, clinging to herself.

And sothing inside just moved, instinctively, protectively.

I pulled her close into a hug. My arms wrapped tight around her as she buried her face in my chest.

I stroked her hair, gently.

Held her like it would fix things. Like it could change anything.

It couldn’t. But I still did it.

Because I knew that feeling. That exact fucking feeling.

Of believing your pain was deserved. That you were broken from the start.

And maybe that’s why I couldn’t let go. Maybe that’s why I needed to see Aria tonight.

Because for once... I wanted sothing I didn’t think I deserved.

And I wanted her to know that. Even if it broke .

Erin pulled back, still crying, her tears streaking her flushed cheeks and her lips trembling like she didn’t even know how to stop.

And I just... I held her face.

Both palms on her cheeks, thumbs brushing beneath her eyes. She looked so much like Ivan in that mont, it winded . That fragile, shattered expression he used to wear on the worst nights when he thought no one could hear him cry. When he curled up in my bunk, silent but shaking. When the war inside him was louder than the gunfire outside.

Erin looked like that now.

And it fucking destroyed .

My eyes searched hers, not because I was trying to find her, but because, selfishly, I was trying to find him.

Why did everything about her remind of him? Was it the shape of her mouth? The way her voice cracked? The way she tried so hard to be okay even when she was bleeding from the inside out?

Or was it just... ?

Did I miss him that much?

So much that I was clawing for pieces of him in his sister’s face?

So much that I kept trying to hold on to ghosts just to keep breathing?

God, I missed him.

And not just him.

I missed her too.

Aria.

Her na echoed sowhere inside , quiet but sharp like the sting of old wounds.

It was a different ache, but just as deep.

Because unlike Ivan, she wasn’t dead. She wasn’t gone.

She was just... not mine.

Not anymore.

And yet, she still haunted in the space between my ribs. Still lingered in the back of my throat like a prayer I wasn’t brave enough to say out loud. I missed her so fucking much I didn’t know how to be in my body anymore without the urge to reach for her. To hear her voice. To tell her I couldn’t do this, any of this, without her.

I could touch Erin.

Hold her.

Feel her warmth beneath my hands.

But Aria?

She wouldn’t let .

She wouldn’t let close.

Even though she was the only thing keeping from completely falling apart.

So I stayed still.

Just held Erin.

Felt the shake of her breath.

Let my hands tremble slightly as she rested her cheeks in my hands... not out of love, not even comfort, but the desperate, quiet need to feel soone alive. Soone still here.

"I’m sorry," she whispered, voice soaked in liquor and regret.

And I didn’t know which of us she was saying it to.

Or if maybe we were both apologizing for different ghosts, in the sa language.

Her breath hitched. Her eyes, glassy and red, lifted to mine.

Then... before I could even register the shift...

She leaned in.

And kissed .

It wasn’t soft.

It wasn’t romantic.

It was desperate.

And drunk.

Her mouth crushed against mine clumsily, and for a second—I froze.

A single second.

My brain stalled.

But before I could push her away, before I could even speak, a car door slamd softly across the street..

And I felt it.

Like a cold shot to the spine.