"Where are you going?" deia held Lucian’s hand as he was about to stand up.
Lucian answered softly, "I just want to make sure the doctors have left the base."
"You don’t have to do that." She reassured him, "The rooms in the base aren’t soundproof, so they must have heard the doctor’s screams a while ago. I doubt any of them are brave enough to not listen to my words."
Lucian sighed and sat back down on the edge of the bed, his hand still clasped in hers. "Are you deliberately telling that so that I don’t leave?"
deia lifted her hand, her fingers brushing along his jawline.. "Maybe," she teased. "I’ve grown quite fond of having you around ."
Lucian chuckled softly. He lowered his head, kissing her palm gently. "You don’t have to find a reason, deia. If you want to stay, just say so."
Her smile softened into sothing more genuine. "Stay with ," she murmured.
"Alright," Lucian replied without hesitation.
deia tugged at his hand, guiding him to lie down beside her. They faced each other, observing each other’s faces in silence.
Lucian’s fingers traced her hair gently, moving to her soft cheeks. "Are you okay?" His voice sounded warm and genuine. "You can talk to if you want to."
She had killed dozens of children just a while ago, but now she lay beside him with an eerily calm expression. It was as if her actions didn’t faze her at all, which only made Lucian feel more concerned.
There was no hint of sadness in her eyes. They were empty, like a hollow casket, reflecting nothing but the void within her.
Was it possible for a human to act like that?
"I’m fine," replied deia.
deia had been feeling the pain for thousands of years. Her heart would torn apart whenever she saw sothing that disturbed her peace, but after she passed the crisis, she could calm down by herself.
She felt the pain of losing the children, but what was done was done.
If she wasn’t able to manage her own pain, how could she survive in hell for thousands of years?
But ... Could she really manage her own pain or just threw it behind her back?
deia lay still, her thoughts spinning like there was a storm inside her head. She had carried the pain for so long, burying it, pretending it didn’t exist.
But when she faced the sa traumatic event once again, she found herself unable to breathe, the weight of it pressing down on her chest.
If she tried to bury the pain once again, could she endure carrying this burden forever?
She wasn’t a demon now. Her heart was not as strong as before.
For the first ti in what felt like an eternity, deia questioned her own strength.
She had been so used to hiding her emotions on her own, but she had Lucian now. She had a company that was willing to listen to her.
Maybe ... just maybe, she could stop pretending and embrace the pain.
"No, I’m lying." deia brought her body closer to him. "I’m not fine."
Lucian wrapped his arms around her, hugging her tightly. "I know," he whispered. "I know you’re lying. It’s okay if you want to cry."
"I can’t cry." deia murmured, "I don’t want to cry."
The last ti she cried was when she thought Lucian was dead, but she knew better than anyone else that if she cried now, she didn’t know how to stop it.
She had held her tears since her first child was killed, then held her tears again after her second child was killed, and eventually it beca a habit.
"If I cry now, I can’t hold it anymore."
deia pressed her face deeper into Lucian’s chest, fighting the urge to let the tears fall.
She could feel the familiar ache in her chest, the weight of everything she had buried for so long. It had been too long, and if she gave in now, she feared she might drown in it.
"Then, you don’t have to hold it." Lucian caressed the strands of her long hair. "You can cry as much as you want."
deia trembled at his words, the gentle touch of his hand in her hair soothing her in a way she hadn’t felt in years. Her chest tightened as she tried to hold back the flood of emotions in her heart.
"I don’t know how to stop once I start," she whispered.
Lucian’s hand moved to her back, rubbing soothing circles as he spoke softly. "Then don’t try to stop it."
There was no single word that ca out of her mouth any longer.
The tears she had suppressed for so long began to fall, slow at first, then faster, like a dam breaking free.
The grief, the guilt, the anger, everything she had buried for so long ca to the surface, and she could feel the pain in every tear that escaped.
Lucian tightened his hold around her, pulling her close again as her sobs grew louder, more desperate.
He didn’t say anything, didn’t try to fix it. He just held her, letting her cry, letting her break down without any sha.
"Let it out," Lucian murmured softly.
Lucian stayed with her, holding her until the last of the tears were spent, until her sobs turned to quiet sniffles.
When her breathing evened out, deia closed her eyes and slowly drifted into a peaceful sleep. Her body finally relaxed in his arms, the weight of her emotions starting to lift as exhaustion claid her.
Lucian remained still, his arms wrapped protectively around her, not wanting to disturb her. He could feel the steady rhythm of her breathing, and he finally let out a sigh of relief.
"Sleep tight." He kissed her temple and caressed her hair before he closed the curtain, so the sunlight couldn’t disturb her peaceful sleep.
• •
deia woke up the next day with swollen eyes. She clicked her tongue and hissed because it was hard for her to open her eyes widely. The aftermath of last day’s breakdown still lingered, her body feeling heavy and exhausted.
She shouldn’t have cried for so long yesterday. Now she has to face the consequences of being ugly in the morning.
She lifted her head slightly, noticing that Lucian was no longer beside her. The bed was cold and the absence of his warmth made feel empty.
She didn’t want to admit it, but the silence in the room felt strange without him there.
[You’re a crybaby, Host.]
All the sadness and emptiness in her heart imdiately turned into anger as she heard the system’s insult.
"Shut up." deia spoke out loud, knowing no one could hear her. "What does a machine know about feelings?"
[The system actually knows a lot after reading many theories of human’s emotions.]
deia rolled her eyes. "You can’t equate the real feeling with those rotten theories of yours."
[Maybe after the system reads so many of the theories, the system can also have real feelings.]
deia felt a bit uncomfortable after she heard the words. "Once a machine will always be a machine."
The system didn’t respond imdiately, which made her wonder if it was contemplating the truth of her words or just processing the data. Either way, she didn’t care.
She moved her eyes to the bedside and found a basin of fresh water and a small towel on the table.
She smiled slightly. Lucian must have placed it there for her before he left the room, so she could compress her eyes and clean her face.
deia dipped the towel into the cool water, wrung it out, and gently pressed it against her swollen eyes. The soothing sensation helped her relax, and she let out a small sigh of relief.
"I really want to marry him," said deia in frustration.
[You’ve only been dating him for less than a week, Host.]
"Oh, shut up. Don’t ruin my mont," protested her.
After cleaning her face and feeling slightly refreshed, deia decided to search for Lucian. The base had beco quiet after all the doctors left and the soldiers died in the dungeon.
There were a lot of weapons and war vehicles in the base, so deia thought that the Red Star Alliance could take over the Warstock entirely.
She just had to find a way to bring all of these weapons and vehicles to the Red Canyon.
"Brother, the doctor told you to rest longer!"
deia sighed as soon as she heard the commotion first in the morning.
"M-Mr. Zhang, please let us take care of you longer!" Joy and the other doctors followed Tian like ducklings following their mother.
Tian tried to shoo them away. "I’m fine now. deia won’t kill you just because I left my room." He clicked his tongue. "She is just using to prove your loyalty."
"How cruel." deia pretended to be hurt by his words and walked closer to them. "You’re my friend. Of course, I ask the best doctors to take care of your weak body."
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