It began, as all disasters did lately, with an innocent smile.
Rei had just settled into his hard-won corner desk in Classroom 2-S of the Royal Magic Academy, his chair still charred from last week’s "Love Hex Midterm," when Emilia waved at him like an actual sane person. Her soft brown hair bounced with each step, her sunshine-bright eyes sparkled like she hadn’t considered murder before breakfast, and worst of all—she carried a neatly wrapped bento box.
"Good morning, Rei! I made you lunch!" she said, placing the box on his desk.
The air temperature dropped by ten degrees. Sowhere in the courtyard, a raven cawed ominously.
Rei blinked slowly. "Why...?"
"Because you looked tired yesterday," Emilia said with an earnest smile. "I thought you could use sothing sweet. You’ve got dark circles under your eyes—have you been sleeping okay?"
Sleeping? Oh right, that thing normal people did when they weren’t dodging assassination attempts from their overly affectionate wives. Rei offered a nervous chuckle and cracked open the box.
Inside: fluffy olet rice, arranged into the shape of a smiley face. A small flag poked from the top, reading: Ganbatte, Rei-kun! ❤️
[System Alert: Foreign food item detected. Scanning for poisons...]
[Scan complete. Threat level: 0]
[Threat level of gesture: 999 ]
[Warning: Emilia’s Affection Score has risen.]
[System Alert: Target "Emilia" Affection Score = 37%]
[Yandere Response Threshold = 40%]
[Catastrophe Imminent.]
[Suggested Action: Pretend to die.]
Rei dropped the spoon like it was laced with plague.
"Th-that’s... really nice of you, Emilia," he said, glancing nervously toward the windows, no movent and no suspicious shadows and then—clink.
A dagger landed on the desk beside the bento box.
"Whoops," Rosette murmured behind him. "My hand slipped."
She smiled sweetly as if she hadn’t just tried to casually lodge steel into his spleen.
"I was aiming for the tomato," she added.
"Oh! That’s okay," Emilia said, completely unfazed. "Want so too, Rosette-san? I made extras!"
She offered another box, decorated with glittery star stickers.
Rosette’s eye twitched. Her hand moved to pull out another dagger—but before she could, a shadow lood from the back of the classroom.
Lilia, now self-declared Saintess of Sacred Husband Protection, walked forward holding a gold-trimd parchnt.
"I have here," she declared, "a sacred decree that all als offered to our husband be pre-blessed under the Church of Husbandology. For safety, of course."
"Is this because I made him lunch?" Emilia asked, blinking.
"It’s because you made him lunch and smiled while doing it," Lilia replied grimly.
[System Alert: Affection Score Emilia 2 → 39%]
[System Alert: Ergency Yandere Containnt Procedures Incomplete]
[Activating Subprotocol: "Panic and Run"]
Rei stood, carefully scooped up the bento, and smiled like a hostage during a news broadcast.
"Thanks, Emilia! I’ll... treasure it! Gotta go!"
He ran, not walked but ran.
Rei ducked into the janitor’s closet—currently his favorite panic room—and slamd the door.
"Okay, okay," he muttered. "Just eat half. Complint it. Move on. Maybe this won’t go nuclear."
He took one bite and then a single tear rolled down his cheek. "...Damn it. It’s actually good."
[System Alert: Affection Score Emilia 1 → 40%]
[ALERT: YANDERE RESPONSE THRESHOLD BREACHED]
[ERROR: CONTAINNT FIELD FAILURE]
Ding-dong!
The academy’s PA system buzzed to life with a shriek of static.
"This is not a drill!" scread the voice of Professor Gindlefrank, the Arcane Safety Coordinator. "Lock down all magical wards! We have a Category 5 Yandere Cascade in progress!"
Rei dropped his chopsticks.
"Oh no."
A second voice followed—Lilia’s—sohow hijacking the broadcast system.
"Attention students and faculty. An unauthorized affection breach has occurred. All Wife Factions, deploy to Sector C imdiately. Target: Normal Girl."
Drakana’s voice chid in with draconic fury. "WHO TOUCHED HIS MOUTH?!"
Rei bolted from the closet before it turned into a coffin.
Back in the classroom, Emilia blinked as five magical signatures converged like nuclear warheads with GPS.
Seraphina appeared in a flash of feathers and smoke.
"Darling dearest Emilia. You gave Rei a lunchbox."
"Yes?"
"Why?"
"...Because he looked tired?"
"Do you know how many tis I’ve tried to make him tired?"
"...W-What?"
"Never mind," Seraphina muttered, drawing a sword from thin air. "Suffer!"
"Wait—!" Emilia dodged.
Three desks exploded. A barrage of enchanted arrows whizzed through the air. A chalkboard levitated and turned into a rotating saw blade. Rosette erged from the shadows to apply poison to the class hamster, "just in case."
And in the middle of it all, Emilia held the now-empty bento box protectively, shielding it from harm.
"Why are you like this?! I just like cooking!" she shouted.
"Suspicious," muttered Lilia. "No trauma? No blood rituals? Definitely a trap."
[System Alert: Emilia has triggered passive "Normal Girl Aura"]
[Status Effect on Wives: UNNATURAL BALANCE DETECTED]
[Inducing mass hysteria...]
Rei skidded back into the chaos as fire rained from the ceiling.
"Okay, STOP! EVERYONE, PAUSE!"
The classroom froze briefly. He held up the bent lunchbox lid like a sacred relic.
"...The rice was perfectly seasoned."
Five girls looked at each other then at Emilia then at Rei.
Then...
Boom.
The classroom exploded. ( It was nurse’s Office, Again)
Rei lay bandaged on a cot, again.
Beside him, Emilia nursed a bump on her head with an ice pack. She looked worried.
"...Rei-kun? Is this always your school life?"
He chuckled weakly. "Only when I make eye contact with people."
[System Notification: Mission Update]
[Emilia Affection Score = 40%]
[Yandere Threat Level: MAXIMUM]
[System Suggestion: Enroll her into the Harem to preserve tiline stability]
"...No."
[System Correction: Yes.]
[New Sub-Mission: Keep Emilia Alive Until Sester Ends]
[Reward: One Peaceful Day. Maybe.]
Emilia smiled.
"I’ll make you lunch again tomorrow!"
Rei scread.
Later that day, in the Wife Faction War Room (forrly the unused faculty lounge), a gathering of apocalyptic proportions was taking place.
Seraphina, seated regally on a floating chaise lounge, swirled her tea like a storm was brewing inside it. "We’ve let this ’Emilia situation’ fester long enough. She’s now at 40% Affection Score."
Rosette adjusted her glasses, pulling up an enchanted scroll that displayed live emotional teletry. "Correction 41%. She handed him a napkin on the way to the infirmary."
Lilia slamd a ceremonial dagger into the table. "That’s napkin-level intimacy! Blasphemy!"
Drakana chewed on the remains of a steel chair, eyes glowing red. "She’s stealing my job! I’m supposed to emotionally confuse him with warm gestures!"
Seraphina narrowed her eyes. "We need a plan. Not just attacks. Subtlety. Sabotage. Psychological warfare."
"...Like hiding his pants again?" Lilia asked.
"No, better."
Rosette raised a hand. "I suggest re-activating Operation: Bake-Off of Doom."
They all turned to her.
"...You want to beat her at cooking?" Seraphina asked.
Rosette nodded. "Yes. But with poison. Tastefully."
"No poison," Lilia countered, "unless it’s holy-certified and non-lethal."
"Fine," Rosette muttered. "Barely poisoned."
anwhile, back in the nurse’s office, Rei was attempting to sneak out through the second-story window using only bedsheets, healing potions, and sheer desperation.
Unfortunately, Emilia noticed.
"Rei-kun?" she asked sweetly, poking her head around the curtain.
Rei scread and almost fell out the window.
"Oh! Be careful!" she rushed over, tugging him back inside like a very loving grappling hook.
Rei collapsed onto the bed again, emotionally bruised. "You shouldn’t sneak up like that."
"I brought pudding!" she said cheerfully, setting down a tray. "I made it myself. It’s not cursed or magical or designed to seduce you—I swear!"
Rei eyed the pudding like it owed him money.
"...Thank you but maybe... give it to soone else?"
Her smile faltered, just slightly. A crack in the sun.
"Oh... okay." She tucked the tray away, trying not to look hurt. "I just wanted to cheer you up."
[System Alert: Emilia Affection Score -1 → 40%] [System Passive Response: Guilt Field Activated]
Rei groaned. "I’m the bad guy now, huh?"
[System: Affirmative.]
[System Passive ssage: You monster.]
"...Fine. I’ll try the pudding."
She perked up instantly, eyes shining like she’d just been proposed to.
Rei scooped up a small spoonful and took a bite. It was vanilla and smooth and unreasonably good.
[System Alert: Pudding contains "Heartfruit Essence"] [Effect: Warm fuzzy feelings, mild trust enhancent, possible daydreams involving marriage and puppies]
"Wha—pffft—why would you even own Heartfruit Essence?! That stuff is rare and classified as semi-romantic contraband in the dormitories!"
"I got it from Seraphina’s cabinet," she said innocently. "I thought it slled nice."
Rei blinked. "Wait. You broke into Seraphina’s private cabinet?"
She giggled. "Her trap spell was very enthusiastic!"
Back in the war room, Seraphina suddenly sneezed... and then gasped.
"...SHE TOUCHED MY SEASONINGS."
Rosette summoned a shadow wolf. "Permission to maim."
"Granted," Seraphina growled.
Back in the infirmary, Rei had finished the pudding, and with it, the last of his self-respect.
He sighed.
"You’re very... persistent, you know?"
Emilia tilted her head. "Is that a bad thing?"
"...No. Just terrifying."
She leaned forward, eyes wide and sincere. "Rei-kun, if all your wives hate , and they try to kill , would you protect ?"
"...That’s a trap."
"But would you?"
"...Damn it."
[System Alert: Affection Score 1 → 41%] [System Alert: Yandere Overclocking Engaged]
Just then—
BOOM!
The infirmary wall exploded. Through the dust stepped all four wives, in unison, radiating divine wrath.
Seraphina pointed a fan at Emilia. "You touched my spice rack. You die now."
Emilia stood up, unafraid. "Co at , then. I made him pudding and he liked it!"
Gasps echoed then Rei dived under the cot.
[System Notification: New Conflict Zone Detected – "Harem Thermonuclear ltdown"]
[Sub-Mission: Survive 10 Minutes Without Developing a Kink for Chaos] [Reward: Emotional Maturity Badge (Unclaid)]
Rei scread into a pillow. The bento box had started this and pudding sealed his fate and sowhere in the rubble of the nurse’s office, the janitor swept quietly and sighed.
"Yup. Another Wednesday."
To be continued...
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