He was dreaming of peace, a adow, Birds and a gentle breeze brushing through his hair.
And then—
[DING!]
[SYSTEM UPDATE COMPLETE.]
[Now installing: YANDERE MODE 1]
[New Feature Unlocked: "Yandere Thermoter – Know Who’s Ready to Explode!"]
His eyes snapped open.
"Why," he muttered into his pillow, "does my life co with patch notes?"
A sharp knock echoed from the door, then another. Then the sound of five different girls fighting over who gets to break it down first.
"REI-SAMA, GOOD MORNING~!"
"I brought breakfast and a vow of eternal loyalty!"
"LET IN OR I’LL—I’ll love you so hard you won’t survive!"
One of them bit the doorknob.
He sat up in bed, chanically summoned a [Daily Health Potion] from his Inventory, and chugged it like a man prepping for war.
[System Notification: Daily Health Potion used. You are now 2% more durable to Affection-Based Trauma.]
[Note: This does NOT apply to tongue-based attacks.]
"Thank you for the specificity," he grumbled.
His vision swam with the new interface. A glowing thermoter now hovered above every girl’s head, with cute—but extrely alarming—icons.
Across the mansion, they all read the sa word:
[OVERHEATING.]
Location: Main Hall, aka the Love Arena
He made his way to breakfast under heavy guard. By guard, he an his shadow was being shared by five girls walking way too close. His personal space bubble had popped and was replaced by a collective oxygen-sharing agreent.
"Rei," Seraphina purred, leaning in until her breath fogged his ear. Then her thermoter blinked [99°C – Boiling With Bridal Intentions].
"Have you selected today’s royal kiss target?" she asked, already puckering her lips like a swan prepped for homicide.
"I have not, because that’s not a thing!"
"It should be," she replied. "A national law, even."
Next to her, Drakana flexed her tail with a grin that promised violence and cuddles.
"I forged you a breakfast plate using volcanic stone and bacon," she said proudly, her thermoter reading:
[103°C – Singed and Suggestive.]
"I... thank you?" Rei said, eyeing the sizzling bacon now burning a hole in the table.
Lilia pushed past them, dragging a silver tray.
"Here," she said coldly, placing a heart-shaped olet in front of him. It read: REI FOREVER OR ELSE.
[Lilia: 101°C – Ice-Cold Outside, Boiling Inside.]
"I didn’t poison it this ti," she added after a long pause. "Probably."
Even Rosette appeared behind him like a gentle poltergeist. She slid a napkin across the table with his na written in red thread, a blood-red.
She whispered, "I ironed your clothes and removed every strand of hair that wasn’t yours from your room."
[Rosette: 102°C – Murderously Dostic.]
"Thanks, I... think?"
The system chid again.
[YANDERE THERMOTER GUIDE:]
[90°C–99°C] = Mild Delirium (Expect sudden hugging, intense blushing, minor stabbing.)
[100°C–109°C] = Critical Temperature (Do not make sudden movents. Proposals may co with traps.)
[110°C ] = ltdown Mode (May result in elopent, combat, or cuddling with handcuffs.)
[WARNING: All known fiancées currently fall into the "May Require Cold Shower" zone.]
He wanted to cry. Instead, he drank another Health Potion.
Apparently, the new update ca with a new System Daily Mission.
[System Mission #37: "Survive 10 Yandere Hugs Before Noon."]
[Reward: Temporary Invincibility (15 seconds) or a nap. You choose.]
[Bonus: Don’t die.]
He could already hear the stampede.
"REIIIIIIII~!!!"
Rosette struck first, silently lunging from a hallway tapestry like a ghost bear. She wrapped her arms around him like velvet steel.
HUG 1: Internal organs compacted to 80% efficiency.
" 1 affection," she whispered sweetly.
"Hhhngk," he replied, patting her arm and trying not to black out.
Then Lilia approached with a quiet, dangerous smile. Her hug was precise, swift—like being caught by a sniping assassin mid-snuggle.
HUG 2: Spine compressed but no major fractures yet.
"Is this... good enough?" she asked, while blushing.
"I—I’m honored, also... seeing stars," he mumbled.
Drakana didn’t hug but she charged like a romantic bull.
He activated [Evasive Pirouette Lv. 3], but she still caught him in mid-spin and slamd him into a tree trunk like a WWE bridal suplex.
"YEAH!" she cheered, hugging him upside down. "DRAGON BRIDE SUPLEX HUG: COMPLETE!"
HUG 3: Bones vibrated and Tree destroyed.
[System Alert: Hug Resistance Leveling Up... but not fast enough.]
Then ca Seraphina.
"Your turn, darling," she whispered, teleporting behind him. "Royal Embrace: Heavenly Clamp."
His ribs squeaked, now he coughed up glitter.
"H-How... how are you this strong?!"
"Love is strength," she said, while winking.
And then she licked his cheek.
[System Ergency Response Activated.]
[Auto-Potion Deployed.]
[Sanity -5]
In the afternoon he finally found a mont of peace hiding in a decorative barrel.
System interface opened again with a suspiciously cheerful chi.
[NEW UPDATE FEEDBACK FORM:]
[Q1: Are you enjoying the Yandere Thermoter feature?]
Options:
☐ Yes, I love living in fear.
☐ No, I value my lungs.
☐ Please uninstall from existence.
☐ I no longer fear death, only hugs.
He selected: ☐ I no longer fear death, only hugs.
The system pinged sympathetically.
[Thank you for your feedback. We regret to inform you that emotional damage is part of the intended gaplay experience.]
[Also, here’s a sticker: "I Survived The Hugpocalypse!"]
He placed the sticker on his shirt, suddenly It caught fire from residual Drakana hugs.
In the evening Romantic Cooldown Session (Mandatory) happened.
Seraphina, Lilia, Drakana, and Rosette decided that the only way to "cool off their love levels" was a group cuddle session in the courtyard under the stars.
He was the pillow, not taphorically but literally.
They stacked themselves on top of him like the world’s deadliest romantic lasagna.
Seraphina was wrapped around his arm. Drakana snored into his chest. Rosette held my hand like she was asuring for ring sizes. Lilia murmured sothing about "eliminating rivals" in her sleep.
His thermoter blinked with a new label:
[Rei: 112°C – Boiling. Warning: Emotional Overload Imminent.]
[System Tip: Love may warm your heart. Also possibly ignite your kidneys.]
As the stars twinkled overhead and his bones cracked gently from the weight of too much love, he whispered:
"...Is it too late to defect to the Demon King’s army?"
[System Response: Too late, The Demon Queen sent you a proposal. It’s heart-shaped and ticking.]
To be continued...
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