It begin, as most of his misfortunes does, with a knock on his door followed by five voices in perfectly horrifying harmony.
"Rei~!"
He freeze mid-bite of toast.
The door opened anyway, Of course it does.
Princess Seraphina float in with the grace of an imperial assassin, her arms holding a tray of monogramd study guides.
Lilia storm in right behind her, clutching five differently-colored fountain pens like weapons of intellectual warfare.
Drakana crash through the side window because that’s she does. Her idea of a "door" is any wall that hasn’t yet offended her.
Rosette, my quiet maid turned into shadowstalker, she phase in my room from the ceiling vent like a cursed fog, she already organizing sharpened pencils by stabby-ness.
And trailing in last, looking vaguely embarrassed but also too prepared, is Sophia, the Holy Saint of Studying. She is wearing glasses. Magical ones that probably corrected vision and fried enemies at the sa ti.
I slowly back away from the table, holding my toast like a peace offering.
"Hi... everyone. What, uh, brings you all here at 7:01 a.m sharp?"
Seraphina smiled like a CEO unveiling a hostile takeover. "We’re here to help you study, darling. The exams for Imperial Strategy, Noble Etiquette, and Beast Biology are in just one week."
Lilia flipped open a crimson velvet planner. "Article 34-B of our Engagent Pact states I, as your senior fiancée, am required to support you academically."
"Also," Sophia added brightly, "if you pass, you’ll gain the qualifications to attend the Royal Academy this fall—which I already applied to for us! Yay!"
Drakana crunched sothing. He turn slowly. It is the corner of the beast biology textbook.
She licked her lips. "Tastes like trees with judgnt."
He sighed and take his seat.
And thus, begin the single most dangerous activity he had ever participated in: Joint Yandere Study Hour.
The table is neatly divided into five zones. Lilia had claid the left side, complete with lace doilies and a blood-red quill that, he suspected, is this inked with real blood it’s hers, probably.
Seraphina’s area was pristine—military crisp. Every page corner aligned. She pass a schedule that she printed in triplicate. Each one had ’REI SERAPHINA’ watermarked in pastel.
Sophia offered color-coded notes... which were 97% hearts, 2% equations, and 1% scribbled doodles of our future kids riding unicorns.
Rosette has her notes written in calligraphy In Rei’s handwriting. He doesn’t rember writing those.
And Drakana... is now chewing a pen.
"Okay!" Sophia clapped. "Let’s start with a warm-up question!"
She flip her flashcards. "Rei, what is the third commandnt of Imperial Etiquette?"
He open his mouth. Lilia whispered, "It’s Always bow before a Duchess."
Seraphina hissed, "No! Never turn your back on royalty!"
Sophia blinked. "Actually, it’s—"
Drakana roared, "Answer with your fists!"
"WRONG!" Rosette shrieked from under the table. "The correct answer is Protect Rei at all costs! That’s the only law that matters!"
Chaos erupted again.
He raised a single hand. "I’m pretty sure the actual answer is—"
And they ignored him.
Lilia launched a fountain pen at Seraphina like a missile. Seraphina deflected it with a textbook, sending paper shrapnel into Drakana’s cereal. Drakana snarled and leapt onto the table.
Sophia was trying to cast a calming spell but was now being used as a human shield by Rosette, who’d tied a pencil sharpener to the end of a ruler like a dieval flail.
He dive under the table and curled into a fetal position with his toast.
"This is fine," he whispered.
Ten minutes later...
The table is now smoking. Rosette had retreated into the pantry. Drakana had been bribed with jerky. Lilia is forcibly redrawing seating charts with arrows and passive-aggressive hearts. And Sophia had finally restored order by conjuring a pink bubble of silence and threatening to cry.
Seraphina, unfazed, handed a tea cup.
"Your midterm is a team project. We’re forming a study squad. Isn’t this exciting?"
"It’s terrifying but thanks."
Sophia handed him a quiz. "Let’s practice matching terms!"
He blink. The worksheet has one column labeled "Royal Laws," and the other labeled "Rei’s Cutest Smile Reactions."
They had things like:
Column A: "Reverence for Elders"
Column B: "Rei’s smile at 15° tilt = fond but suspicious"
He look up. And They all stare him.
"Rei," Lilia said sweetly, "write your na on my page?"
"Actually, he should write it on mine first," Seraphina said with that frosty smile that ant soone is about to vanish.
"I already carved his initials into my desk," Drakana grunted, picking sothing from her teeth.
"I embroidered it into your underwear drawer," Rosette murmured.
"Wait," he pause. "You did what?"
"It is already full," Rosette added with a dreamy sigh. "So I started a new drawer."
He massaged his temples. "Can I just... answer one actual question?"
The girls exchanged glances.
"Sure!" Sophia said.
Then he glance at the sheet.
Question: "What are the three main branches of governnt in the Empire?"
Hmm it’s easy.
He scribbled: "Legislative, Executive, Judicial."
He look up.
Don’t know why but they look like... betrayed.
Lilia sniffed. "You didn’t write my na in the margin."
Seraphina folded her arms. "And not even a single heart?"
Drakana stared blankly. "What are those words? Can I punch them?"
Rosette produced a paper with the answer: "Rosette, Rosette, Rosette."
Sophia offered hers: "Holy Saint Sophia’s Authority, Love, and Cuteness."
He stand up quietly and slowly.
Then he take the remaining textbook, open to page 394, and buried his face in it.
This is fine. Everything is fine.
"Hey, Rei?" Seraphina asked sweetly.
"Yes?"
She pointed to Drakana. "She’s eating your Beast Biology howork again."
He look up indeed she has page 395 in her mouth.
"Crunchy," she said. "It tastes like rules."
Lilia hissed, "You can’t digest his grades! He needs those!"
"I need fiber!" Drakana roared.
Rosette silently replaced the page with one she’d transcribed in perfect replica.
He sighed. "Of course you have a copy."
She smiled with glittering eyes. "I have... all copies."
It is only 8:15 a.m.
And he had survived three wars, two shrine rooms, and an affection ter that blinked red.
But this study session is sothing else. This will break him.
"System," he muttered, "do I have any ergency scrolls left?"
[SYSTEM NOTICE: You used your last one during Bathroom Breakdown #1. Current cooldown: 13 hours.]
He died a little from inside.
Two hours later...
We are writing essays. Well, they are writing essays in real.
He is watching in horror as every single girl had replaced the word "Emperor" with "Rei."
Examples:
"Rei is the true moral compass of the Empire."
"Loyalty to Rei ensures peace and stability."
"Rei should sit on the golden throne and be fed grapes forever."
Drakana has drawn a doodle of him sitting on a flaming throne of skulls.
Rosette had replaced every noun in her essay with his na.
Sophia had just written "I love Rei" 500 tis in cursive.
Lilia had written an epic poem titled, "Ode to His Smile at Dawn."
He look at the clock. Still ten minutes left.
He slumps forward onto the table.
"You win," he whispered to the cosmos. "Just fail . I accept it."
The girls all perked up.
"Fail you?" Lilia gasped.
"We’ll never allow that," Seraphina vowed.
"I’ll eat the professor," Drakana offered.
"I already have." Rosette added without blinking.
Sophia bead. "Then we’ll all be his tutors forever! Every night! Every subject!"
The room swirled. He see stars now.
Then he fainted with a final whimper: "No more flashcards..."
To be continued...
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