The first cracks in Lilia’s utopia appeared not even an hour later.
In the cafeteria, Rei sat hunched at the farthest corner, his breakfast tray barricaded by plates like a desperate fort. The scrambled eggs were cold, his bacon had been stolen three tis, and every bite he took was scrutinized by the Marriage Compliance Patrol.
A maid leaned in. "Sir Husband, please chew only 26 tis before swallowing. It is the certified holy number of your vows."
Rei stared at her, half an olet dangling from his fork. "...How do you people know how many tis I chew?"
The maid smiled with terrifying calm. "Your dental acoustics are monitored in real-ti."
Rei dropped his fork. "NOPE, I am done. I don’t need breakfast. I will simply starve."
[Warning: Starvation reduces Groom Appeal by -5%.]
[Tip: Hungry husbands are statistically more likely to be smothered-fed by yanderes.]
[Probability of "mouth-to-mouth feeding" scenario: 92%.]
"NOT HELPING!" Rei hissed at the sky.
Across the cafeteria, the rival wives were not sitting idly.
Seraphina stabbed her holy fork into a pancake so hard it glowed. "This cannot stand. A counterfeit commandnt! Does she think herself holier than ?!"
Her attendants nodded, half from loyalty and half from fear of being turned into divine toast.
Rosette, anwhile, was sketching furious diagrams on napkins. Flowcharts of Rei’s daily schedule, marriage clause loopholes, and assassination contingencies were scattered across the table like the plans of a corporate warlord.
"Divine certification, hmm? Pathetic. Easily countered with Bureaucratic Counterasures. If she wants paperwork, I’ll bury her in paperwork." Rosette’s glasses flashed as she scribbled: "Proposal: Departnt of Husband Licensing."
Drakana snorted, a faint plu of smoke curling from her nostrils. "Bah! All this paper... humans and their weakling tricks. I don’t need laws. My claws ARE the law. If she tries to stop , I’ll bite through her commandnts and make Mate sign my scale with his blood."
Emilia sipped her tea, utterly calm amidst the storm. "You’re all wasting energy. Rei will co to when he needs soone sane."
Seraphina glared. "What did you say?"
Emilia placed her teacup down. "I said... sanity wins."
The entire table froze.
Then—
A maid enforcer slamd down a parchnt beside Emilia. "Violation #22: Spreading unauthorized sanity rhetoric. Strike recorded."
Emilia blinked. "...They made sanity illegal. Incredible."
[New Faction Buff Unlocked: The Edict Wars.]
[Status: Rival wives preparing counter-legislation. Expect ridiculous laws soon.]
[Warning: Rei is now the contested territory of a multi-party political conflict.]
Rei groaned into his arms. "...I’m literally being legislated into insanity."
By afternoon, the Academy was no longer recognizable as a school. It was a battlefield of propaganda.
Lilia’s faction plastered crimson banners across the west wing: "One Husband, One Bride, One Eternal Vow."
Rosette retaliated with blue posters in the east wing: "Equal Marriage Licensing Bureau—Because Monopolies Are Unethical."
Seraphina’s holy choir stord the library, chanting: "By Angelic Right, Only Sacred Brides May Apply!" Each hymn conveniently included footnotes about her divine bloodline.
Drakana simply carved her ssage into stone walls with her claws: "REI IS MATE. ALL TRESPASSERS WILL BE ASH."
Emilia? She wrote a single sticky note and slapped it on Rei’s forehead while he was napping in despair: "Just talk to . ♥ –Emilia."
The simplicity was almost more terrifying than the others.
That evening, Rei tried sneaking to the n’s bathhouse to hide. Unfortunately, Lilia had already anticipated this. The bath entrance was now guarded by two enormous stone tablets engraved with commandnts like:
"Thou shalt not bathe without Wife Supervision."
"Thou shalt not expose thy torso unless divinely licensed."
Rei scread into the night. "CAN’T I EVEN TAKE A BATH?!"
[Bath Access Revoked: Divine Certification Required.]
[Penalty for Unauthorized Bathing: Imdiate Bride Enforcent Squad deploynt.]
[Note: Please enjoy slling like despair.]
And yet, despite everything, Rei’s biggest problem was the growing unity of his pursuers.
Normally, Seraphina and Rosette would argue until dawn, Drakana would punch sothing, and Emilia would just sip tea in the background. But now... the Edict had given them a common enemy.
And that enemy... was each other’s paperwork.
"Your edict is invalid!" Seraphina shouted in the debate hall, slamming divine seals onto a chalkboard. "Only I have the celestial authority to ordain Husband’s heart!"
"Incorrect," Rosette said smoothly, already distributing handouts. "Clause 47 of the Husband Neutrality Agreent proves you’re overstepping. Your hymns lack sub-clauses."
Drakana slamd her fist down, shattering the desk. "ENOUGH TALK! I CLAIM HIM BY RIGHT OF FIRE AND FANG!"
"Try it," Seraphina hissed, aura blazing.
"Please do," Rosette purred, fingering a poisoned quill.
Emilia calmly flipped a page of her book. "...You all sound insane."
All four turned to glare at her.
A maid enforcer popped in the doorway. "Violation #56: Unauthorized sanity again."
Emilia sighed. "...This is harassnt."
Rei, hiding under the table with cold tea, clutched his head.
"This is... this is worse than the Hunt. This is worse than the chainsaws. I’m being regulated to death!"
[Warning: You are now the subject of the Sanity War.]
[Condition: Every wife is drafting new laws to monopolize your existence.]
[Upcoming Event: The First Annual Husband Summit.]
[Outco Forecast: Negative, very negative.]
Rei slamd his forehead on the floor. "Why is my life a parliantary circus?!"
[Correction: This is not a circus. Circuses have fun.]
"...I hate you."
By midnight, the Academy was a battlefield of propaganda posters, confiscated sanity permits, and students too afraid to even look at Rei.
And above it all, on the highest tower, Lilia stood with her scarlet robes fluttering, watching over the chaos she’d created like a bride-goddess surveying her kingdom.
Her smile was serene. Her voice carried on the wind.
"All according to vow."
Rei wept quietly into his pillow.
[Status: Dood Husband.]
[Duration: Eternity.]
The night wasn’t peaceful, not even close.
At two in the morning, Rei jolted awake to chanting outside his dorm window.
"Praise be Husband! Praise be to his bed hair! Praise be the way he snores!"
Rei shoved his pillow over his head. "No. No. No, this is a dream. This is sleep paralysis. Sobody kill ."
[System Alert: Sleep mode unavailable due to Religious Pilgrimage Noise.]
[Tip: Try ditating on your Wife-Blessed Responsibilities.]
[Note: Crying into pillow boosts Charisma by 1 due to pitiful aura.]
"...I hate my life."
He stumbled over to the window and peeked outside. A crowd of first-years was marching in circles around the dorm, waving torches and banners that read: "HUSBAND IS OUR SALVATION."
Sobody had even carved a wooden statue of him—only the proportions were so flattering it looked like a heroic demigod with a six-pack Rei had never seen in his life.
"...That’s not even !" he whispered.
"It is now," muttered a maid enforcer stationed outside, stamping new commandnts onto the cobblestones. "Article 77: Husband’s likeness shall always be idealized."
Rei slamd the window shut and collapsed back into bed.
Morning brought no relief. Instead of class bells, the school awoke to yet another proclamation. Lilia’s voice, magically magnified, thundered across the Academy grounds:
"Hear ye! Day Two of the Sacred Marriage Edict begins! All disciples, prepare your compliance scrolls!"
Students groaned as though taxes had just been raised.
Rei groaned louder. "It’s only Day TWO?!"
[Correction: Day Two of Infinity.]
[Motivational Tip: Please embrace your destiny as Eternal Husband.]
Rei buried his face in the mattress. "I will never embrace anything again."
But even as Lilia’s enforcent squads swept the campus, the resistance was forming.
Rosette convened a midnight eting in an abandoned lecture hall. Blueprints, scrolls, and bureaucratic forms covered the desks.
"Our counterasure is simple," she said, adjusting her glasses. "We establish The Equal Marriage Bureau. With proper permits, interviews, and stamped authorizations, Husband can legally engage with all of us."
Seraphina slamd her palm onto the table, sending holy sparks flying. "Blasphemy! You dare reduce Husband’s sanctity to paperwork?!"
Rosette smirked. "Better paperwork than dictatorship."
Drakana growled, pacing like a caged beast. "All of this is useless! The mont Mate walks into my claws, I’ll mark him as mine in blood. No parchnt can erase that!"
Emilia sat quietly in the back, sipping tea as usual. When the others paused to glare at her, she only shrugged.
"My plan is the simplest," she said flatly. "Do nothing, let him crawl to after all your insanity collapses."
The room fell silent. For once, even Rosette had no coback.
[New Event Detected: Counter-Edicts Drafted.]
[Warning: Bureaucracy War is escalating. Expect endless paperwork and holy duels.]
anwhile, Rei himself was desperately trying to bribe his way to freedom.
He cornered one of the younger maid enforcers in the corridor. "Look, if I sign ten scrolls saying I love Lilia, will you let at least go to class in peace?"
The maid checked her clipboard. "Unfortunately, Husband interactions must be witnessed by at least three certified Bridesmaids of the Vow."
Three more maids appeared from the shadows, clipboards at the ready.
Rei’s eye twitched. "...You people are multiplying."
[New Passive Effect: Surrounded.]
[Status: Zero Escape Routes.]
By noon, the Academy was divided into literal zones.
West Wing: Crimson banners, enforced hymns, and patrols by Lilia’s Crimson Vow cult.
East Wing: Blue posters, marriage application forms, and Rosette’s Licensing Bureau lines stretching for hours.
Library: Occupied by Seraphina’s holy choir, singing increasingly aggressive hymns.
Courtyard: Claid by Drakana, who had dug actual trenches and declared it "Mate’s Fortress."
And in the tiny north corner, Emilia had claid a single bench under a tree. Her sign read simply: "Rei, you can sit here. It’s quiet."
It was the most popular zone among terrified neutral students.
Rei wandered through this war-torn campus like a condemned prisoner, clutching his head.
"This isn’t a school anymore... It’s—it’s the League of Lunatics."
[Correction: This is now recognized as The First Sanity War.]
[Forecast: Total collapse of your ntal stability in 3... 2...]
"DON’T COUNT DOWN!" Rei shrieked.
But even as he shouted, another bell tolled.
A new proclamation unfurled across the sky in glowing script:
"Notice: The First Annual Husband Summit shall convene tomorrow. All factions must present their marriage constitutions for approval. Attendance by Husband is mandatory."
Rei fell to his knees in despair. "Oh no, They’re making the keynote speaker."
[Congratulations: You are now Chairman of the Sanity War.]
[Reward: Absolutely nothing.]
Rei’s scream echoed across the Academy.
And above, from her scarlet tower, Lilia’s laughter rang like church bells.
To be continued...
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