The Royal Academy’s grand festival had been chaotic enough with booths, obstacle courses, holy mascots, and suspiciously "free" wedding contracts. But none of that compared to what ca next.
For in the wake of Rei’s trembling declaration that Emilia was his "only sanity", the delicate balance of the yandere ecosystem collapsed.
The sun dimd. The air thickened. Sowhere, a chicken clucked ominously before spontaneously combusting.
Rei sat at the edge of the festival forest, still wearing his torn magical tuxedo from the "Wife Hunt" event. He had tree sap in his hair, his shoelaces tied together in a cruel prank (thanks, Rosette), and the distant echo of chainsaws in his ears (thanks, Lilia).
And he had made a single, catastrophic mistake.
"I just ant—she was calm, you know?!" Rei muttered, face buried in his hands. "Normal! Not trying to stab with a love-spear or set on fire during hide-and-seek! Why is that so bad?!"
The [System] chid.
[Congratulations! You have unlocked Hidden Disaster Route #3: "Yandere Unity Against a Common Threat."]
[Threat Identified: Emilia.]
[Correction: Actually, YOU.]
Rei: "...I hate you."
[Response Logged: ♥]
The Velvet Manor ballroom had been commandeered for what the servants were already calling The Summit of Doom.
On the long banquet table sat five distinct "faction banners":
Lilia’s Holy Veil Order – symbol: a blood-red wedding ring tied to a dagger.
Drakana’s Dragon Fang Clan – symbol: a burning heart inside dragon jaws.
Seraphina’s Radiant Bride Army – symbol: a halo stabbing a groom doll.
Rosette’s Black Veil Syndicate – symbol: an embroidered skull holding a bouquet.
Emilia’s Tea Society of Rational Lovers – symbol: ...a teapot, that’s a nice one with daisies.
Except, tonight, Emilia wasn’t even present.
She was busy baking muffins for festival cleanup volunteers.
The other four? They were sharpening knives, polishing claws, and scribbling declarations of eternal vengeance.
Rosette, ever the quiet assassin, was the one to speak first. She rose from her chair, her maid uniform crisp, her voice flat and terrifyingly calm.
"Proposal," she said, eyes glinting like obsidian. "Joint Elimination Pact.
Objective: neutralize Emilia. Long-term
goal: prevent Groom from finding false ’sanity’ in a single rival. Groom must remain equally destabilized at all tis."
Lilia slamd her holy scepter onto the table. "Seconded! For how dare he imply anyone is his sanity? Do I not stitch his initials into every pillowcase? Did I not schedule a fifty-year honeymoon route across the continent?"
Seraphina pounded her spear down next. "Thirded! If Rei-sama believes another is ’sanity,’ then I shall ensure that sanity is eradicated from this world! My bridal crusade shall be eternal, holy, and rciless!"
Drakana bared her fangs and growled. "Fourth. If my mate finds calm in tea girl instead of dragon flas, then dragon flas will simply eat the tea."
Rosette tilted her head, lips curling faintly. "Consensus, then?"
All four won: "Consensus."
The chandeliers rattled. The servants fainted. The world itself seed to lean in to watch.
Rei sneezed. Then shivered. Then sneezed again.
"Why... why do I feel like I’ve just been voted off the island in so horrible reality show?"
[System Notification: Correct. You are now the target of a full five-wife coalition.]
[New Title Acquired: "The Sanity Traitor."]
[Effect: -100 Wife Loyalty, 100 Wife Murderous Energy.]
Rei: "That’s not even fair!"
[System Sarcasm Mode: Activated.]
[Oh, yes, so unfair. Poor baby. Accidentally told one wife she was his sanity. Entire multiverse dood. Boo hoo.]
"Stop mocking !" Rei yelled at nothing. "You don’t know how terrifying they get when they work together!"
[Actually, statistical projections show a 99.9% chance of your imdiate dismbernt within 48 hours.]
[The 0.1% chance is "they get distracted by fighting each other again."]
Rei perked up. "...So you’re saying there’s a chance?"
[Correction: That was sarcasm.]
"...I hate you."
[♥ Logged Again.]
Inside the ballroom, the four factions formally sealed their alliance.
Rosette produced a parchnt labeled "Sanity War Declaration." Lilia dipped her dagger in consecrated ink.
Seraphina used holy fire as a wax seal. Drakana just bit the docunt, leaving fang marks.
Together, they read aloud:
"We, the undersigned, hereby declare eternal war against any concept of ’sanity’ that dares separate us from Groom Rei. From this mont forth, Emilia shall be targeted, cornered, and pressured until she breaks—or until Groom acknowledges no peace but ours."
Then, chillingly, they all smiled.
The doors creaked open. Emilia walked in, balancing a tray of muffins.
"Oh, are you all having a eting?" she asked sweetly, setting the tray on the table. "I thought you might need snacks."
The room froze. Four pairs of eyes turned on her at once. Murderous intent thickened like fog.
Rei—hiding behind a potted plant nearby—nearly scread.
"No, no, no, NO! Don’t do it, Emilia! Abort mission! Run!"
Emilia just blinked. "Huh?"
[Warning: Hostility Levels Maxed.]
[Advice: Sacrifice Self Imdiately To Buy Her Ti.]
Rei: "Like hell I will!"
Drakana stood first, fire curling between her teeth. "So, tea girl. Groom calls you his sanity, hm? Then dragon shall test that claim with fire trial."
Lilia rose next, clutching a bouquet of knives. "If you are his sanity, then let us see if sanity survives my marital vows, embroidered in blood."
Seraphina raised her spear, holy light gleaming. "Sanity is falsehood! Only divine bridehood shall remain!"
Rosette didn’t even move. She simply whispered: "Target acquired."
Emilia looked at them. Then at Rei peeking from behind the plant. Then back at them.
"...Honestly," she sighed, "you’re all insane."
Rei nearly collapsed. "THANK YOU, finally soone said it—wait no don’t antagonize them!!"
[System Notification: Incoming Disaster Level – Maximum.]
The ballroom erupted into chaos. Holy spears clashed with dragon fire. Knives flew. Shadows darted. Muffins exploded (apparently Emilia had reinforced them with protective sugar enchantnts).
And in the middle of it all, Rei crawled under the table, hands shaking, tuxedo sleeves singed.
"This is it," he whispered. "This is the end. I’ll die in a muffin-fueled crossfire. History books will call ’the idiot who declared sanity in a harem.’"
[New Mission Generated!]
[Mission: Survive the Declaration of Sanity War.]
[Reward: Temporary Restraining Order Against All Five (Expires After 10 Seconds).]
[Penalty: Groom Burial by Muffins.]
"...The reward is USELESS!" Rei shouted.
[Yes, but thematically appropriate.]
The battle raged for hours. The servants recorded it in trembling script as "The Night of Muffins and Blood."
And when dawn broke, the factions—bloodied but united—stood together.
Rosette spoke the final words: "Sanity shall not divide us. Groom belongs to none, or to all. Preferably all. Equally. Until he breaks."
The pact was sealed. The Sanity War had begun.
And Rei, still under the table clutching a burnt muffin, whispered in horror:
"...I should’ve just lied and said my only sanity was chocolate."
[System Notification: Too Late.]
[Welco to Arc 3: The Sanity War.]
[Survival Odds: Please stop asking. It’s depressing.]
Rei staggered out from under the banquet table when the dust began to settle. The floor was littered with broken spears, smoldering napkins, dagger-embroidered tablecloths, and exactly one untouched tray of muffins (Emilia had apparently reinforced that one with so obscure barrier magic).
He picked it up shakily. "Okay... okay... maybe if I just... bribe them with carbs?"
The [System] buzzed.
[Analysis: Probability of Hostile Wives Accepting Muffin-Based Peace Treaty = 0%.]
[Correction: -5%. Because Drakana might eat one before burning you alive.]
Rei groaned. "Do you ever deliver good news?"
[Yes. Good news: You will be rembered. Bad news: As an instructional cautionary tale.]
Rei: "...That’s not helpful!!"
Before he could whine further, the ballroom doors creaked open again. This ti, it wasn’t Emilia—it was the Academy’s Ethics Committee, dragging their weary, sleep-deprived bodies into the chaos.
Their leader, a middle-aged professor with three bandages on his face, surveyed the destruction with a hollow stare. "For the love of the gods, what is this?"
Lilia, serene and glowing with unholy marital light, replied: "A declaration of justice in matrimony."
Seraphina added: "A divine crusade against false sanity."
Drakana snarled: "Dragon fire trial."
Rosette, deadpan: "Muffins."
The professor twitched. "I’m writing all of you up."
Rei leapt forward, desperate. "Yes! Please! Write them up! Expel them! Seal them in volcanoes!"
The committee scribbled a few notes, then looked at Rei. "...And what did you do, young man?"
Rei froze. "...Uh. Declared one of them my sanity?"
A long silence followed. The Ethics Committee sighed in perfect unison.
"Idiot," said the professor. Then they walked out.
Rei collapsed to his knees. "Even the teachers are against ..."
The [System] chid one last ti.
[Summary of Events: You have survived the first night of the Sanity War.]
[Projected Tiline Until Nervous Breakdown: 6 Days.]
[Projected Tiline Until Spontaneous Groom Combustion: 9 Days.]
[Encouragent: Try to look on the bright side!]
"...There’s no bright side."
[Correct.]
Rei dragged himself across the floor, clutching the last muffin like it was a holy relic. Behind him, the four yanderes regrouped around the table, eyes blazing with murderous unity.
The war was no longer hypothetical. It was here. And the Groom? He was already the first casualty.
To be continued...
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