*Bianca*
All I could do as I felt Leo stiffen beside and pulled his hand from mine was glare at Taylor. I wished I was one of those superheroes with so kind of power that would allow to disappear Taylor in that mont.
I was furious with him and terrified of what Leo would do. I was more afraid that Leo would think the wrong thing. It wasn’t that I hadn’t wanted to tell him. I’d started to tell him a thousand tis. each ti I went to tell him, sothing new ca up.
That first night when I had taken all those pregnancy tests, I was scared and confused about what I wanted. Even as I had turned away from Leo’s office, wondering if I wanted to bring a child into his world, which was now my world through my own choices, I still had not fully processed the news myself.
Then, hearing about the deaths of Leo’s n and the fact that they were going to take more lives by going after Michael had made weary of telling Leo anything.
By the ti I knew what I wanted, I felt it was too late to tell him. We kept getting into argunts and fighting over trivial things. Let’s not even get into the night he told he didn’t want children yet. I just couldn’t tell him about the baby after that.
Now, feeling his body stiffen against mine and having him pull away from , I was terrified. It cented all my fears in that mont. He didn’t want the baby, I thought. He would not want anymore either.
“Leo,” I began, trying to think up a way to back peddle and make him think Taylor was either lying or mistaken. Before I could say anything or even move closer to try and get his attention off that traitor, Taylor, he glared at Taylor in that way he had of commanding attention and demanding obedience.
“Stay the fuck away from Bianca, you feel !” he said.
The cold threat in his voice made shiver. He turned, glared at for a second that felt like an hour, and stord from the room.
I took one last look into Taylor’s smug eyes and followed Leo from the room. I swore to myself mont that I’d never forgive Taylor for his duplicity. That one glance into his eyes told all I needed to know. It hadn’t been an accident.
And even if it had been, he was happy enough to be smug with the results of his little slip of the lips. I wasn’t buying for a mont that it had been an accident. I’d bet the family jewels Taylor had accidentally on purpose had diarrhea of the mouth.
I followed Leo into his room and shut the door quietly behind .
“Leo, let explain,” I began, but he put up his hand like a traffic cop, and I stopped in my tracks, the words drying up in my throat.
“Is it true?” he asked.
The scowl on his face was formidable and a little terrifying. I didn’t move away from the door, as a matter of fact, I backed up against it until I couldn’t move anymore. I swallowed hard and tried to wet my throat with nonexistent saliva.
“Yes,” I answered simply.
I couldn’t bring myself to say anymore in that mont. He was so angry. His eyes blazed at . his sensuous lips in an angry line. The muscle in his jaw was ticking as if it were a signal that he was a bomb that was about to blow.
“Why in the world wouldn’t you tell you were pregnant with our child?” he demanded.
I shook at the ire I saw in his eyes. I didn’t believe Leo would hurt , but my mind only saw a furious man, standing there, his muscles bulging with withheld fury, and his face a rictus of rage. My body reacted accordingly. It was my worst nightmare, but I wouldn’t run from him. I would face this wrath. Perhaps I deserved to face it.
“I tried to, but I got scared at first. Then, I tried to a few more tis. Every ti I tried to tell you sothing else was happening. Then, we kept arguing all the ti, and I...,” my words trailed off when I realized Leo wasn’t even looking at anymore.
“Do you know how it feels that you didn’t trust to hear what you had to say? You didn’t trust that I would step up to the plate.”
“My baby is not a baseball ga, Leo. I tried to tell you.”
“Sure, you did. And I guess that’s why everybody knew before including Taylor,” Leo growled, turning away from and beginning to pace the length of the room in front of the bed.
“You’re being ridiculous,” I said, throwing my hands up, finally getting angry right along with him.
“Fuck that, Bianca, why’d you tell him before you told ? I assu I’m the father.”
I gaped at him. “Excuse ?” I shouted at him. “You know damn well it is. You have no right to ask that stupid question.”
“Oh, yeah, well, I’m not the one keeping secrets, running off to another country with another person, and then telling them the one thing I was supposed to tell my lover, am I?”
“Leo, this is not about Taylor. This is about and you, and I wasn’t the one who told Taylor if you want to know.”
“Oh, that just ans you told soone else who told him. guess what, Bianca, that person wasn’t either.”
“Yeah, well, you’re the one who said that a baby would only be a burden for you right now. aren’t you the one who told you were not ready for a baby. What was I supposed to do with that, Leo?
“Tell , was I supposed to stay in the States with a man who had just called my baby a burden? No, I was not going to do that. I had already been weak for you. I wasn’t going to continue to be. So, scared, hurt and dying inside I ran away. tell you would have done better,” I said, tears flooded my eyes, but I refused to let them fall.
I stared at him. my entire body shook as I tried to hold back the tears that flooded more than just my eyes. My entire nervous system felt as if it would stop with the excruciating pain of what was happening.
I thought he loved . I knew I loved him. Just because I’d been angry and ready to run away from him and even give him up did not an I wasn’t still in love with him and ached for him every mont we were apart.
I turned away from his glaring eyes and walked out the door. I could finally let the tears fall from my eyes as I sought solace in the conservatory at the other end of the house as far away from Leo and Taylor as I could get.
Before I could get very far, I ran into Taylor.
“Jerk!” I hissed up at him, my eyes betraying my sorrow.
“Bi, I’m so sorry,” he said, and it was hard to believe him.
“No, you’re not,” I said, wiping at my cheeks, trying to hide the tears as if that were possible. “I’m sure you’re ecstatic at the havoc you’ve caused.”
“Please forgive , Bi, I really didn’t an to do that. I was just so mad.”
“Yeah, well, now, I’m just so mad, too,” I said, trying to get around him and go to my room before I lost my battle with the tears again.
Taylor reached for and tried to hold .
“Taylor, I know it’s not all your fault. I know I have a lot to do with this, but I cannot have this conversation with you right now. I’m not sure if I will ever be able to.”
“Bianca, at least let comfort you. I know I was wrong, but you shouldn’t be alone right now.”
“Thank you but I want to be alone for a little while. I just need to be by myself,” I stuttered out and finally made it around him. I didn’t have the fortitude to make it to the conservatory, so I slipped into my room and cracked the window enough to let a bit of the frosty air in. Then, I just fell apart.
As I sat by the window, letting the air flow over my hot cheeks and the tears trickle over them, I could hear the festivities. Music played, children laughed, and everybody seed to be in a festive mood except Leo and .
While I silently wept, my mom ca into the room with a glass of water.
“Co here my baby,” she said and pulled into her arms.
“Oh, Mom,” I cried and began to sob for all I was worth.
I knew that in her arms I was safe. There would be no recriminations or reprimands. There would be no reason to pretend that I was all right. she would understand. She always did. Her arms had always been open and held so tight and caring.
“He was so mad,” I cried, and the story hiccupped and stumbled out in fits and starts over my sobs.
As I knew she would, Mama listened. She never shushed or tried to interrupt. She made little listening noises and rubbed my back while she rocked in her arms.
When I was finished sobbing and telling her my story, I was rocked and was able to listen to her heartbeat. My breaths were coming easier, and my heartbeat seed to match hers.
“Do you want to know what I think?” she asked.
I nodded, giving her permission to tell what she was dying to say.
“You and Leo have a special connection, and it is clear and obvious to anyone who’s got a brain in their heads and the sense God gave a goat that you love each other. The way you two are looking at it is all wrong. Your baby is a miracle, not a burden, but sothing to be celebrated because it’s a new life created between you,” she said, kissed my forehead, and left the room.
I sat in the window seat of my room again, staring out the window at the blowing snow. She was right, as always. I smiled at the way she just shared her little nuggets of wisdom and hurried off to the next task as if she hadn’t just changed my whole world with a few sentences.
I rubbed my still flat tummy and thought about the gift Leo had given . I rembered my words when he and I were fighting, my baby, I had said as if Leo had nothing to do with it.
They had not been words of anger. I began to think of the baby as mine from the mont I had found out I was pregnant. I had thought of them as a miracle from the first. I had been afraid of what it all ant. I had even contemplated whether I wanted a baby or not, but from the mont I had seen the plus signs, to lines, and so on, I had known, hadn’t I?
“Yes,” I answered myself aloud.
I rembered the monts Leo and I had spent in our big bed together. Lips touching, bodies intertwined, our souls spoke to one another. It had been mystical and magical for .
His gentle fingertips had traced the curves and dips of as if he were a blind man trying to map for rembrance. I had done the sa to him. I rembered the way his body had entered mine. We had loved. We still loved. Now, I just had to convince him of that.
My mind made up, I took one of the face wipes from my bedside table, wiped my face as best I could and went out the door to find the man I loved and make him see who we were together and that our baby was an extension of us and our love.
Before I could make my way to Leo and pull him aside, Taylor rushed into the room, a look of genuine worry on his face.
“The house is surrounded by Michael’s n,” Taylor shouted, putting everyone, especially Leo on alert.
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