*Bianca*
I should have known better than to spend so much ti alone with Leo. I had avoided it for days. I tried to make sure there was always soone there as a buffer. I preferred that we had several chaperones, but I couldn’t turn him down when I saw his face fall at breakfast when he asked to go for a walk.
I hesitated and sputtered. At first, I didn’t want to go. I was tired. It was cold. I knew my resolve would waiver. The truth was that was the main reason I didn’t want to go anywhere alone with Leo.
I wasn’t angry with him anymore. Having him show up out of the blue in Italy had changed things inside of . Maybe Taylor was wrong and Leo did love and just didn’t know how to show it.
Leo and I had never really spent ti together without interruptions. Even the nights that we had planned to spend ti together watching movies or just spending ti in each other’s presents, there was a lingering tension that at any mont our ti would co to an end and Leo would have to rush off to do this or that for either the Family business or his real estate firm.
I was tired of being the last call. Leo always had sothing else to do or soone else to see. Everything else in his life seed more important than . And then there was that reaction when he asked if I was pregnant.
I knew that when Franky called, he took the call because more than likely there was an ergency. For crying out loud, I knew there was a war going on between our family and the LA mafia. Again, I wasn’t stupid.
Regardless, I still wanted to be as important as Franky’s phone calls, the warehouses, the real estate business. For them. I wasn’t completely blind to what was going on around , but I felt like an outsider. I felt I should be the most important part of Leo’s life, but I wasn’t.
When we began walking, I knew Leo felt awkward. I could tell because he wasn’t trying to talk to . His eyes shifted and wandered around us. There was no danger here, but he continued to look for it to jump out and pounce on us anyway. I’m not sure if he felt there was danger around us, or if he felt like the situation was dangerous. Emotions and bullets aren’t as similar as we would like to think they are.
I left him in the bitter cold of the distance between us. I did not try to engage with him. I did not try to fill in the void that seed to grow wider between us. Then, he said the words I had needed to hear from him for all these months we had been together.
‘You are my priority,’ he had said. He had not hesitated. He had spoken the words boldly. My heart flipped over. I had wanted to reach for him right then and there, but still, sothing inside held back. I needed to wait and see and watch.
I enjoyed myself at the lake. It was nice seeing him carefree. Leo was a strong, resilient man. He was also loving, kind, and generous. I had known all of that for months, but him teaching how to balance without skates let know exactly how great he was.
He was generous with his ti and his money. He gave equally to all of his people and unfortunately he couldn’t give the sa amount of ti and attention to . I was the one who hadn’t realized that he was trying hard to et the needs of hundreds, maybe even thousands of people, and keep in his life as well.
Still, I didn’t think he wanted the things I did. He didn’t want our child. He didn’t want the love I was willing to offer, or was it that I wanted him to accept it only on my terms? That was sothing to think about and maybe I should.
When we ended up staring into each other’s eyes, all I could think was this was not a good idea. I was losing the battle, and he was going to win. I forced the words out that I wouldn’t forgive him as easily as he thought I would with all his charm and his antics and spending ti with . I wanted him so much, but I was terrified of inching forward to fulfill that desire.
How could I give in and let him take down that torturous road of emotion and fear again? I couldn’t, I told myself, and walked away across the ice making him take back to the house because I was too afraid to open my heart to him again.
Once we returned to the house, I made sure to stay away from him for the rest of the day. I knitted with one of the ants. I cooked with Mama. I babysat for a set of cousins, read to the kids until they fell asleep.
That night, while I was sitting with a group of my cousins, laughing at their stories, I watched as Mia gave Leo a nasty smirk. I lifted my brows, wondering what that was about. I was on the other side of the room from Leo. I was sitting next to Taylor and talking with the cousins.
Leo was nursing a drink by the window watching the new snowfall. I glanced over at him a few tis, trying to gauge his mood and determine whether or not he was angry with for deliberately avoiding him all day.
It was silly. I couldn’t stand it anymore. I had to occasionally look over at him. He was handso, silent, and pensive. I wondered what he was thinking. Then, I noticed Mia’s smirk. I think I knew what it was all about. But she confird it when she ca over after putting her coat in the closet.
“I see that you have been avoiding Leo since he’s been here,” Mia said.
“She went for a walk with him today,” Taylor said.
I glared at him.
“Why is what I do any of either of your business?” I asked standing up and walking away from them.
Mia followed into the garden where I went to get a breath of air.
“I left because I wanted to be alone,” I said, staring at her.
“I know what you wanted. But, I am here for you. Bianca, sweetheart, regardless of what you think of , you have an important decision to make soon.”
I sat on one of the benches next to a vining plant that almost looked like a waterfall and stared out the window at the snow.
“I know, Mia, and I just don’t know what I should do.”
“I understand, but no matter if you decide to stay with Leo or not... You have to at the very least tell him about the baby.”
I nodded and waited for her to leave. She went back into the great room with everyone else while I sat for a mont in silence, staring out at the night. The stars were lovely, the snow was pristine.
I thought about our ti on the lake and the way Leo smiled. I rembered his arms around and the soft waltz we danced across the ice. It had been so romantic. I chuckled a little, rembering his face when he fell on the ice.
I don’t know why I seed so surprised, but everything about that afternoon was the embodint of what I wanted with Leo. I wanted him. I just didn’t know if it was right.
I yawned as a shiver passed through . It was getting late. I went back inside to see that people were going to bed early. Soon it was just Leo, Taylor, and I.
“Bianca, can we go sowhere and talk in private?” Leo asked.
Before I could even open my mouth, Taylor put in his two cents.
“No, I will not leave you alone with her. She doesn’t need you trying to force her to make a decision. She needs you to leave her alone.”
“Taylor!” I snapped. “You do not get to speak for . Please leave us alone.” I sowhat understood that he was trying to protect , but I needed to stand up for myself and my baby.
“Fine,” Taylor hissed, as he stood from his chair and headed towards the door. “Maybe the monkey can rub two words together that will make sense,” Taylor said and stord out the room.
I glared at Taylor’s back as it retreated down the hallway.
“I made these with Lucia,” Leo said, pulling my attention back to him and offering a small platter of cookies. “Will you try one?”
I nodded and took one of the cookies. I took a bite and chewed and sputtered. I couldn’t help it. I swore they must have put a gallon of salt in the damn cookies. I swallowed hard and grabbed my water sipping at it thirstily.
“What’s the problem?” Leo asked, staring at as if I’d lost my mind.
“Have you tasted them?” I asked, still coughing and sipping my water.
“No,” he said, lifting one of the cookies to his lips and taking a bite. “Shit, I accidentally put salt in the cookies instead of sugar.” He grimaced, making the most adorable face. He looked like a kid who had sucked on a lemon.
I burst out laughing. I couldn’t help it. I felt the urge to pull him close and kiss his lips.
Leo and I sat beside the fire and I began to sing him a lullaby that father sang to when I was a girl. I missed Daddy and wanted to tell Leo all about him. He seed to understand my shifting mood and wrapped an arm around .
We sang the words together, and I kept thinking. I hoped that this would be the future Leo and I had with our baby. I loved having his arm around , holding close and bathing in the warmth of his love.
Then, the phone rang, and I saw Franky’s na on the screen. I stiffened and pulled away from Leo’s arm, crestfallen. I was sure Leo would get up and take the call and run back to the United States so he could go back to work.
I was surprised when Leo denied the call and sent it to voicemail.
“You are everything to ,” Leo said, and I couldn’t help myself as I leaned forward and kissed his lips.
At first, the kiss was slow and patient, his lips softly stroking my mine. But soon it deepened. We were both breathing hard and kissing each other frantically. Leo pulled into his lap gathering my skirt around my hips, pulling close to him. I straddled him, kissing him and pulling at his shirt. Then, we heard sobody shuffling in.
“Oh shit, I’m sorry. I wanted a glass of water,” Mia sputtered.
I hastily pulled myself out of Leo’s lap and sat beside him. I straightened my clothes, while Leo did the sa. When Mia left, Leo walked to my room door.
I lifted myself up on tiptoe to kiss his lips. He held close for a mont and rubbed my back.
I wanted to tell him that I loved him, forgave him, and I wanted him in our lives. But the words remained unsaid as he kissed the top of my head.
I promised myself I would tell him on Christmas Day, as I watched him walk away to sleep in his own room.
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