*Bianca*
Things have gotten better between Leo and after our date. Leo started taking steps to be more open with , his sincerity shining through all the bad things.
He still had quite a few late nights at the warehouse, and his frustration with Michael evading capture was a point of contention between us so nights, but overall, I was hopeful that most of our troubles were behind us.
Now, if only I could muster up the courage to tell him I was pregnant.
After sleeping in that morning, Leo was already gone when I woke up. I lazily got out of bed to head for a shower. I only had a half-day at school today so I figured I’d use my extra ti to get so sleep.
I stripped out of my clothes in the bathroom, inevitably glancing at my reflection in the mirror. I laid a hand over my belly, now slightly swollen. It wasn’t too bad, it only looked like I’d eaten a bit too much at a buffet but I knew it would keep getting bigger.
The baby was only the size of a grain of rice and my body was already changing.
I sighed, starting up the shower and the steam of the hot water hit first, relaxing my poor aching muscles. Out of all the pregnancy symptoms, the exhaustion and achiness I felt had to be the worst.
I hadn’t had any bouts of morning sickness so far, which I was thankful for but that normally didn’t start until the second or third month.
At least from what I’d read online.
I stayed under the hot water a little longer than usual before stepping out and getting dressed. Since I still had so extra ti, I headed down to the couch, curling up under the blankets as I debated what to do next.
But ultimately, there was always one person I would go to for advice.
I hesitated as I fiddled with my phone in my lap but I knew this had to be done soti. The call went through almost imdiately as my mother’s voice piped up on the other end, a whole ringing of chaos loudly drowning her out.
“You wait right there! No, you don’t! Wait, hold on a minute, sweetheart,” she said to while simultaneously yelling at who were no doubt my cousins. Boy and girl twins with a penchant for mischief. I hadn’t seen them in so long but I recognized their shrieks of laughter instantly.
I waited for Mom to reach a quieter place, listening to the activity of ho on the other end. I was nostalgic, listening to the craziness over there, especially when I was so used to the silence here now.
Sotis it was the thing I missed the most back ho. All the noise.
“Alright, what is it, honey?” Mom said in relief as it finally cald down on the other end.
I chuckled. “Twins causing trouble, already?”
“You wouldn’t believe it. Your uncle introduced them to sports. You’re aunt’s already drinking in the bathroom,” Mom huffed. “What about you, sweetie? Things going well over there?”
“Uh...not exactly,” I said nervously. I knew that I’d have to tell soone eventually but I still didn’t feel ready. It’s unfair to Leo but I just need my mom right now. To tell I’m not fucking all this up already.
“What’s wrong, Bianca? Is that man of yours treating you badly?” Mom asked worriedly. Tears welled up in my eyes at the concerned and motherly tone in her voice - sothing I’d dearly missed since leaving Italy.
I don’t regret it one bit, coming here. I t Leo and my friends at school, I’d started learning about the culture here in Arica and how different it was, and even making my own na by getting my degree.
It was one of the best choices I’d ever made.
But damn, if it didn’t hit hard sotis that my mother’s embrace was across the world. I’d give anything to bury myself in her arms right now.
I sniffed, brushing away my tears as I told her the truth.
“Mom, I’m pregnant.”
A pregnant pause awaited on the other side and I waited anxiously for her reaction, wondering if I might be scolded for being careless, if she might demand I co ho, or maybe disown altogether.
“Mom, please, say sothing,” I said shakily once I couldn’t take the silence anymore.
“Are you...Are you sure?” Mom asked first and foremost, her voice tight. “You took a pregnancy test?”
“Yeah. It was positive.”
“Did you take only one? Sa make and model? It’s more accurate if you try from multiple,” Mom said hurriedly. “Though the best accuracy is from going to the doctor. Did you go for an ultrasound to make sure? False positives can be common, especially if sothing is going on underneath.”
I blinked in surprise. “Um, no. I haven’t really thought that far ahead. I just assud it was...”
The thought that it might be a false positive, that I might not really be pregnant left with mixed feelings. A hope like the flicker of a fla on a windy night but also disappointnt. It was the last feeling that I felt stuck on.
I’d been so focused on what Leo would think, what I was going to do, and the troubles between us and the mafia that I hadn’t stopped to think about what I wanted.
“Then, your first move is to make a doctor’s appointnt as quickly as you can, alright? They’ll confirm that you’re really pregnant and if you are, make sure the baby is healthy,” Mom said determinedly. “After that, you call and we’ll talk about what you want to do in the future, okay?”
“Okay, Mom,” I said, taking a deep breath as I felt just a tad bit better than I had before. Calr, more in control, and not nearly as overwheld.
Mom chatted with , giving advice and I was grateful that she didn’t ntion Leo at all, especially since I thought she’d scold for not telling him. Once we hung up, I ssaged my professors, telling them I wouldn’t be in class then I went online to book an appointnt with my doctor.
But as I stared at the screen, I hesitated thinking more deeply about it. Leo had been the one who’d set up with this doctor and I trusted them but if Leo was going to find out about the pregnancy, I needed it to co from .
I had to tell him.
Even if I wasn’t ready to do so quite yet.
I set my face in determination, googling a clinic nearby and luckily, they had an opening today. I was nervous as I got ready to leave, pocketing my keys and heading out. But as soon as I stepped outside, my phone buzzed with a text.
It was Leo.
‘What are you doing today?’
It was just a casual ssage, one he sent quite often but today, I could feel my heart racing like I was doing sothing bad. My fingers moved before I could think about it.
‘Have afternoon class. Be back later.’
I sent the text off and the regret hit imdiately afterwards. I had to hope he didn’t find out the truth or my ass would be cooked.
The clinic I chose was a small one for won’s health, mainly for those low on money or insurance and couldn’t afford the big hospitals. Or were trying to hide their results from prying eyes like .
The mont I stepped in, and saw the few won standing around, mainly with gaunt looks or oversized bellies, I knew exactly what kind of place this was. Part of wanted to turn around, forget about it and just go to the regular doctor but I knew that if I wanted to keep this secret, this was my only choice.
I sat down, filled out the paperwork, and waited for my turn. An hour turned to two before my na was finally called and I was brought back. I explained to the nurse my situation, keeping the details as vague as possible and she was surprisingly understanding.
She gave a cup to pee in and then I had to wait thirty minutes for the results to co back. Simple enough.
I fidgeted with my phone as I waited impatiently, texting Amara and then my Mom about random things. I even hovered over Leo’s na a few tis, wanting to call him and tell him where I was and what I was doing but the small burst, of course, would always dissipate before I could.
When the nurse ca back, it was with a smile and I knew imdiately.
I was right. I was pregnant.
She went over the results with and told the baby was developing healthily much to my relief but that my pregnancy was only about three weeks out. Counting back in my head, that seed about right and I sighed, nervously as I walked out of the office with the paperwork.
I imdiately hid it in my dashboard as I got into my car and drove ho with a blank look. When I pulled into the compound, I didn’t even notice the car that normally wouldn’t be ho until late in the driveway.
I just sat in my car for a mont, truly trying to process it all.
It had been so quick and I couldn’t even figure out what I was feeling right now. Happy? Scared? Angry? Nervous?
Just a jumbled ss inside of like a bunch of tangled headphone wires left in your pocket for too long. The responsibility of having a baby was real. I knew how much work went into raising a child and I couldn’t help but wonder what would happen once the baby was born.
I couldn’t go to school like I have been, the baby would need . I couldn’t start my career like I planned, it would have to take a back seat.
My breath ca quicker as panic settled in. I felt trapped and not ready for this, confused and guilty.
I shut my eyes, brushing away all the thoughts as I laid a hand over my belly. No matter what I’d love this child.
But would Leo?
I trudged into the house, feeling lost and confused about everything and wanting nothing more than to crawl into bed and sleep for a week but the mont I entered, a pair of sleek black shoes stepped in my way.
I glanced up to et Leo’s eyes and my heart dropped to my feet.
“You lied to ,” Leo said harshly, “Why?”
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