*Bianca*
I felt like a petulant child running to her room from a problem I did not know how to solve. Maybe it was childish, but I needed ti to think. I walked in on him telling soone to look after like I was a child. So, I had every right to act like one.
Geeze, now I was sounding like one in my thoughts. I slamd the door as I finally arrived at my room. I told him not to follow . I told him to leave alone. I had even told him we might need to stop being together. I pressed my trembling fingers to my lips and tried to slow my breathing.
I could not sit down, so I paced. My thoughts circled and buzzed like an angry hive of bees. I could not get the words Amara and Isabel had both jokingly put out there into my universe. The little part of the world and cosmos I got to traverse and control.
Mafia, they had both kind of joked. The word was like an emblazoned neon sign in my mind now. Was it true? My fingers clenched into fists. No, it could not be true. Leo was not like that. Was he? Leo with his smooth words, charming grins, and sweet romantic ways. No, just no!
I stood for a mont, looking around the opulence of my room. I thought of the house and surrounding lands, the gates at the front of the property, the cars, lavish private plane, and the extravagant trip. I put my hands over my face, scrubbed at it, and had to face the truth.
Leo had to be a part of a criminal organization, and he was nowhere near the bottom of the totem pole. With all his wealth along with that mysterious aura of power and bad ass swagger he carried, it all made sense to . It fit my impressions of him. The explanation of the mafia fit the holes in my knowledge of him.
I could not think. My mind filled with questions, contemplations, and evasions. I was not quite in denial, but I was not far from there, either. I could not process it all, so I did what I had always done when I was in Italy. I did not even think about the ti difference, I just called.
“Hello,” my best friend’s voice ca across the connection groggy and a little disoriented.
“Amara,” I cried.
“What’s up? she asked, sounding instantly alert.
I could not stop the tears from falling now that I heard that familiar understanding and loving tone. She was always there for no matter the ti or day. It had been the sa in Italy. I probably should not have called her this late, but I had to talk to soone I knew would not judge and who would love enough to tell if I were being a ninny.
“I do not know. It all started about two weeks ago,” I started. The tears kept coming. They were like bad pennies. No one wanted them, but they just kept turning up.
I told her everything. I told her about the absences, the late nights at work, the way I followed him that one ti and he was not where he said he would be. I told her about the gang violence in the city. I explained the unexplained wealth. We talked about the idea of Leo being a part of a criminal organization, which was the hardest for to believe.
I told her how I ca to my latest conclusion because I overheard Leo giving orders and reaming soone out because they had let so guy at a club get too close to . That part really kind of scared . Was he nuts, having her watched and followed?
Was it going to be the sa as Matteo? Would he lull into a false sense of security and start hitting and telling what to do all the ti? Was this the honeymoon and I just had not seen the brutality behind the charm and sophistication?
“”Hold up,” Amara said, and I could almost see her holding her hand up like a traffic cop.
I sniffled and stopped going off like a rocket.
“First,” she began, and again, I could see her holding up a finger to emphasize her words. “Has he ever done anything to make you think he’d harm you?”
I thought for a mont. It was one of the reasons I had called Amara. She made slow down and think of one thing at a ti. I stopped having a squirrel brain and started thinking like a reasonable human being again.
“No, but neither did Matteo at first,” I said.
“Don’t do that, Bea.”
“Do what?” I asked, having an idea of what she was talking about, but waited for her to answer.
“Don’t let Matteo rule every aspect of your life. Don’t let him be the person you judge all n by. He’s a sorry excuse for a man, and you’d be better off judging Leo by his own rits. And if you were being honest, you’d admit that Matteo was never really nice to you. oh, he played a good ga I’ll give him that, but it was never real. He was never truly kind to anyone. And there were signs long before he ever hit you.”
I finally sat on the side of the bed, leaning my aching head against one of the four posters. I thought of the way Leo always backed off when I asked him to. He never really pushed the issue even when I could tell he wanted to.
Like, tonight, he had wanted to keep coming. I could see the anxiety and need to have his say in his eyes. For a mont, I wondered if he would push the issue, but he had not. He never did. It was one of the things that made want to trust everything Leo said to .
The only thing was that I knew I could not. It was not black and white. There were too many gray areas for him, and I was not sure I did not have those sa gray areas in where he was concerned. I have been deliberately letting him lie to . I did not ask too many questions once he gave an explanation. I was downright delighted that he was actually able to co up with one on the spot the way he usually did.
I was an idiot. I really was, but within , I knew he would never physically hurt . I knew he would not intentionally break my heart. Oh, but God in heaven, he could so easily do just that.
“Bianca,” Amara said as if she had been calling my na for a few minutes.
“Sorry, I was trying to think your question through.”
“And did you co to a conclusion?”
“No, Leo has never been unkind to . He has never tried to curtail my movents. He had always been encouraging and supportive. He is romantic and sweet. I do not think he would ever say a an word to or physically hurt .”
“Okay, that worry is one you can put aside. The whole ti I was there he was good to both of us. He treated like family and he looked at you as if he worshiped you.”
“I love him,” I said, starting to cry again. “We shared the words, but he lied to . He is a part of this organization. He has to be. It is the only thing that fits.”
“Okay, let’s take this in steps. First of all, he doesn’t have to be a part of anything. You have speculations only from what you overheard. And you only overheard a portion of the conversation.”
“Yes, but...”
“Wait a minute,” Amara said.
I sniffed and wiped at my tears, but I kept my mouth shut.
“What if he is a part of a criminal organization? You told him you loved him. You just told that you love him. Does him being a part of this organization change your feelings for him? can you say you no longer love him now that you may know this new thing about him?”
I sat there for a mont, wiping at my nose with one of Leo’s monogramd handkerchiefs and thinking about what Amara asked. Did it change how I felt about him? No, of course not. He was still the sa man I loved before I found out that he was a part of an organization where he might be in danger
There was so much more to it than that, but I did not have to know the ins and outs of his business. Hell, I did not think I wanted to even if it were legit. I was not exactly a simple woman, but I was not nosey either. I did not have to have my hand in it. I just didn’t want to be lied to.
“No, it changes nothing. I love him. I want him. I just wish he would stop lying to . I do not have to know it all. You know how I am Amara.”
“Then, that’s all that matters. If you’re willing to accept that part of him and love him anyway. I don’t see the problem. All that matters is that you love one another and can live with what you bring to the table whatever that may be.”
For so reason, it was as if she had given permission to love every part of Leo. I had felt foolish before. I had felt like a child running from troubles I did not want to face because I had felt as foolish as a child. He was the big man who was in control. I was just the little woman who was the dummy at his side, accepting every lie.
Now, I realized that I had only been a woman who did not know her own mind. I had been confused by all the illogical reasoning pumping through my veins with learning this man that I was in love with so fast and strong was lying to and having followed.
Was I repeating history with Leo? Had I only traded one Matteo for another shinier version? All of a sudden, I had felt trapped by my emotions and the fact that I had nowhere to go again. god, I can pick them, I had admonished myself as I ran to my room, the only place that might be a sanctuary for in those monts.
“Thank you so much for helping with this and so late for you,” I said, hoping my friend would forgive my selfishness.
“I love you, Bea, you know that. Now, stop being a dork and be happy,” Amara said in a long yawn.
“I love you too. Go get so sleep.”
“Rolling over now,” Amara said with a fake snore into the phone.
It made laugh and I blew kisses at her as we hung up the phone.
I felt better about my relationship with Leo. I needed to know, though. So, I went down stairs in search of Leo. I could not find him. He was not ho anymore.
“Shit,” I muttered as I went back up the stairs to call him. He must have been pretty pissed to have left the house after our argunt.
When I called, he did not answer. I called again, and when he did not answer the second ti, I kind of had an adolescent freak-out and began calling him repeatedly until he answered.
“Hello,” he finally answered.
As soon as I heard the rich deepness of his voice, I just so happened to look out my window. Was that? I squinted, unable to believe my eyes. There was soone running in the shadows
“Um, Leo,” I began when I heard a gunshot pierce the silence.
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