*Bianca*
We did not get to talk the night before. He rushed out of here, talking about going to the gym, but I did not quite believe that was where he was going, even though he was dressed for it. It was odd to .
I knew that I was still being suspicious of him because I could not trust my own judgnt about n. After Matteo, I was not able to truly trust myself. Well, at least where n were concerned.
This morning Amara and I were going to visit UCLA’s campus. So, I jumped out of bed all excited to go see where I was going to go to school. I put on a pair of Capri jeans and a cream tank. I wore my blue Chucks and put my hair up in a high ponytail. I looked at myself in the mirror and thought I looked pretty good for a girl from Italy.
I did not think anybody would care what I looked like, but I certainly did. I put on a little lip gloss, and felt like I was OK. I was not much into makeup, but I would wear it when needed. This morning, I did not feel like it was needed.
Amara ran into my room without knocking, having the sa idea. She had on nearly the sa outfit only with a red top and red Chucks. We looked at each other and laughed.
"We’re matching!" Amara shouted as if I was not right there to hear her.
"Yes, we seem to be," I said laughing with her. She always made everything so lively and great. I was going to miss her so much when she left. We had decided last night to tour the campus while she was here. Because she was leaving tomorrow, we would do it today and have lunch nearby.
"Are you ready?" Amara asked.
"Yes, I am very ready."
"Are you going to drive today?" Amara asked, giving her teasing look.
"Not on your life," I said, handing her the keys to the car Leo lent us dor use while Amara was there. "I’m going to depend on the driver that Leo assigned . I refuse to drive here."
"You’re such a chicken," Amara teased, as we walked down the stairs to the garage.
"Have you had breakfast?" I asked Amara.
"No, I thought we would grab sothing on the way to campus," Amara said.
"Fine, I like the Starbucks here."
"At least I know where that is at. We won’t get lost on the way to campus."
We laughed because there were too many tis since she ca that we had been lost trying to get to where we were going. I swear there was a Starbucks on every corner in the United States, so it did not matter if we got lost, we would end up at one.
"Do we have enough ti to go in?" Amara asked.
"Yeah, we’re not scheduled to be there until 11:00. It’s like 9:15."
"We’re not leaving too early, trust . We might need to grab our coffee and biscuit to go, depending on the traffic."
I chuckled at her, thinking she was joking, but she probably was not. She was right. We probably needed the extra ti to navigate the streets.
"I’m getting used to driving in LA traffic, though. It’s going to be weird driving on the roads and in our traffic when I get ho."
"I am so glad I have a driver here."
Amara glanced over at and chuckled as she maneuvered through LA traffic. I have no clue how she did it. We stopped at Starbucks to grab our coffee. I decided to get a blueberry scone and Amara got the spinach and feta wrap that she loves so much. "Just think. When I get ho, I’ll have all kinds of stories about driving in LA."
"I’m sure everybody already knows about that because you call and tell them about it."
"Yeah, but I didn’t tell them what a chicken you are. You big clucker!"
"Damn Skippy, as the Aricans say."
Amara cracked up. "You’re going to make have to pull over just to laugh at you."
We laughed and talked the whole way to campus as we ate our breakfast and drank our coffee.
"My God, this place is huge!" Amara said.
"I told you it would be," I said, just a little nervous about everything.
We walked around, staring at all the lovely buildings and marveling over the gardens.
She was going to be going to university in Italy. I would still be here, and I wanted her to see where I would be going to school. We signed up for a tour and walked along with the rest of the tour mbers.
When the tour was over, we walked around for a little while by ourselves. It was so lovely. I heard so many different languages as we walked through campus. It was like a lting pot of demographics. There were several people from an array of places.
I did not feel out of place anymore because I would not be the only person here who did not have English as a first language. There were a lot of people from nurous backgrounds. The buildings were eclectic as well. They ranged from historic to completely modern. Everything was so lovely. The campus sprawled, but it was beautiful—the architecture and the landscaping.
"It looks like a really great campus," Amara said.
I agreed with her. It was nice and I felt like eventually it would beco a second ho for . I already felt safe and at ho at Leo’s. I felt like campus life would be safe for as well, especially now that Matteo was out of my life for good.
"Are you nervous?"
"Yes, I am a little nervous, but I feel better about coming to school here than I did before. Everyone seems to be down to earth and kind of cool."
"Yes, it seems like you might have a good community here if you engage in it," Amara said, knowing how I could isolate myself at tis.
"Yes, I think I want to be a part of so of the clubs." I showed her one of the brochures we had picked up with the different community information in it. There were so many clubs on campus. I would have to choose one to belong to, but I wanted to be a part of campus life just like I wanted to be a part of life in the compound.
"What about Leo?" Amara asked.
"What about him?" I asked, wary of where the conversation was going as we continued to walk and look around campus.
"Are you going to have sex with him again?" Amara asked.
I wanted to. There was this deep desire within to be with him in every way, but I was not sure I could trust my judgnt about him.
"I don’t know about that, Amara," I hedged with my answer, not really wanting to get into everything about why I did not trust him.
"Why not? You said it was the best you’ve ever had."
"I was not lying. It’s just...," I looked down and fidgeted and my words trailed off.
Amara stopped and turned to . "What’s wrong, Bea?"
"I don’t know. There’s sothing about him. That makes wonder if he’s hiding sothing," I said, realizing I could not really keep my mistrust of him away from her, but I did not want to discuss all of it.
I was not sure what it was about him that kept wondering if I could trust him or not. Leo was just so mysterious. He had this strength and power about him that did not go quite well with the real estate mogul identity.
It was as if that part of him was the illusion and there was an underlying power in him that ant sothing completely different. It did not have to be sinister, but it was well hidden behind charm and affability, and I just could not quite put my finger on it.
I knew that maybe I was being a little too apprehensive. I rember reading sowhere that there is a healthy level of suspicion, but I was wondering if I was going beyond that level with this train of thought I was on. I thought that maybe if I told Amara so of what I was thinking she could help figure out how to handle it.
"Do you have a reason to mistrust him?" Amara asked.
"Not really. He has been nothing but good to ."
It was true. Leo had been good to from the mont he picked up from the airport. He did not push himself on even though I could tell in his eyes that he wanted . I found out what that was the night that we made love.
"You know what I think?"
"No, I don’t know what you think, but I’m sure you’re going to share it with ," I said, grabbing her hand and pulling her along with so that we could walk across campus back to the car. I was starting to get hungry.
"Oh, Bea, don’t sound like that."
"I’m just teasing you. I really do want to know what you think."
"Well, I think you should give this a chance, whatever it is. You don’t really know him all that well, but you already have feelings for him, which is not a problem. There is nothing wrong with that. The thing is that you don’t know him well enough to doubt him any more than you do to have complete faith in him. So, I think what you should do is, keep going and have the relationship you are already cultivating with him until he gives you a reason not to believe in him. Has he done anything to make you question him?"
"No..." but my tone was questioning. Amara was right.
Leo had not done anything overt to make mistrust him. I was more worried about my ability to judge people’s behaviors and to have a relationship that would not turn toxic after the shine wore off.
That was on , not him. I thought I would do as Amara suggested. I would trust Leo until he gave a reason not to.
Leo had done more for in the last couple of weeks than Matteo ever had in the entirety of our relationship. Yes, I had made a bad judgnt, believing in Matteo and staying with him the way I did, but I should not punish Leo for that.
When Amara and I got ho, Amara went upstairs to pack, and I decided to take matters into my own hands. It was my fault things were awkward between Leo and . I figured I had ti now to at least try to make them better.
I went to look for him and discovered that he was not ho.
What luck I had. I stood for a mont sulking a bit over my bad luck, but then I rembered that I had his number. I decided to text him. It was not an ergency. I did not feel like I was in any danger or anything like that. So, I would not call him when he was out more than likely working. The man worked like a dog. He rarely took ti for himself. Going to the gym last night was one of the first tis I had known him to do sothing for himself.
: "I hope you’re having a good day. I just wanted to know if it would be all right if we talked when you got ho?"
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