Becca
By the ti I left the doctor’s office and made my way back to my apartnt, I was too shocked to speak. I was too shocked to f*cking do anything. All the way ho, I’d cried. I’d cried for the last thirty minutes I had been sitting on my sofa.
I sat contemplating how I was going to tell Jas I was pregnant with his child.
I thought we were over.
I thought I was going to move on.
I thought about a life with Neal.
But no... fate decided to pull out their funny f*cking card and made get pregnant by a man who wanted nothing to do with .
I had literally beco ironic, a sitcom for whatever f*cking gods were up there watching below them saying, ‘Hey, let’s pick on this girl because she hasn’t already been through enough.’
With a sigh, I grabbed my phone, flipping through to Jas’s number. I debated on whether to call him, but I called the one person who wasn’t a man.
I called Allegra.
“Hey sweet cheeks, what’s going on? Heard you haven’t been feeling good. Everything okay?”
Before I could probably get words out, the tears magically started reappearing. “No, everything is all f*cked up, and I have no idea what I’m supposed to do.”
“What the f*ck did he do? I will kill him,” was the first thing that ca out of her mouth, and for a mont, I hesitated. It completely caught off guard, my tears turning thin as I tried to contemplate which man she actually was talking about, Jas or Neal?
“Kill who?”
“My brother, Neal, he did sothing, didn’t he? I warned him if hurt you in any way, he was done. So help God, I will f*cking castrate him,” she snapped, obviously in an angry rage. “What did he do? Tell . I am getting my keys right now. I’m getting on a plane, and I’m coming up there.”
“Oh, my god, Allegra, no!” I scread at her quickly with panic. “Neal did nothing. It’s . I did sothing and I... I can’t fix it. I don’t know what to do.” I said, causing the silence in her background to quiet down.
“You’re pregnant, aren’t you?”
How the f*ck did she know? I had only just found out myself.
“Uh... how—how did you know?” I stuttered over my words as I tried to figure out how to formulate my thoughts properly again.
She sighed into the phone as the sound of her fridge opening echoed in the background. “The day you left, Neal called and told about you being sick. We talked about you being pregnant, and he said he would be happy to be a dad, but of course, the idea that you could be pregnant by Jas was the only thing on my mind.”
“I don’t know what to do, Allegra. I don’t know what to do about anything. Jas wants nothing to do with , and I care so much about Neal. Things are so good between us. Uncomplicated... this is going to break his heart.” I told her, trying not to think about how Neal was going to be so disappointed in to hear this, to realize I was damaged.
“Oh, Becca, I don’t think like that. You need to tell him now. He will be a lot more understanding than you think.”
“I don’t see how,” I scoffed. “The girl he is with is pregnant by another man.”
Allegra laughed through the phone, finding amusent in what I did not. “It’s not like you cheated on him. You and Jas were together, Becca. Stop being so hard on yourself.”
She was right. I was being abnormally hard on myself, but how could I not? I was pregnant, and still trying to figure out how to get my life together. Still trying to understand what I was going to do after graduation. I wasn’t prepared for any of this.
“I will tell Neal, but I still have to tell Jas, and I don’t want to tell him on the phone. It’s sothing that I have to do in person,” I replied to her, thinking of how that conversation would go.
“Start by calling my brother first. Talk to him. He will be able to help,” she countered. And I knew she was right. I had always been able to count on Neal, but I didn’t expect him to step up and play daddy. That wasn’t his place.
I had gotten myself into this ss, and I was going to have to figure it out by myself. I couldn’t rely on anyone, and even though Jas would more than likely want to move down there, move in, and so on and so forth, that was a whole chaotic catastrophe I wasn’t sure I was prepared for.
Taking a mont to breathe, I picked up the small photos of my unborn child that lay upon the table and tried to prepare myself for a conversation I was going to have, one that I knew I wouldn’t be prepared for.
The conversation that more or less could have destroyed everything I had with Neal, or by so small hope, would grow stronger if that was even possible.
*****
Neal
It had been just over a day since Becca had left, and with every second she was gone, I wondered what she was doing, contemplating more than once if going up to spend ti with her there was a good idea. I was aware she had school, so it wasn’t her fault she couldn’t be here.
But it still didn’t make it any better. Perhaps I was being too much.
The last thing I wanted was to be overbearing.
I wasn’t even sure what to call what we had because we weren’t technically in a relationship. Even though we had slept together, we were still simply just friends.
Through all of my worries, I couldn’t stop thinking about what Allegra had said.
What would I honestly do if Becca turned out to be pregnant? It would be obvious it wasn’t mine. Not enough ti had gone by.
Would I tell her to figure it out herself and to contact Jas?
Would I be supportive and understanding of what she was going through and still stay by her side?
There were so many variations of things I could do, things I could say if she was, but every part of hoped she wasn’t. Hoped she just simply had the flu or had eaten sothing bad, and I knew that was awful to say because I would never wish ill on anyone.
But it was just better than the alternative.
Sitting behind my desk at work, I tried to force my mind into the paperwork; closures needed to happen, deeds needed to be drawn up. But when my phone rang, startling from the concentration I was putting forth, I was happy to see Becca calling .
“Hey gorgeous, what are you doing?”
There was a slight hesitation on the phone before she spoke, and when she did, I knew sothing was wrong. “Hey, are you busy?”
The soft gentleness of her voice stroked at my heart, making miss her even more than I had already. “For you, I’m never busy. This is just work. I don’t live to work. I work to live.”
She giggled softly at my comnt, and hearing that soft laugh made lt further. “I went to the doctor today.”
“Oh, yeah. How did that go? Did they give you so dication to help with your nausea?” I asked her, hoping and praying she was going to say she had the flu.
“Umm, kind of, but it’s not—I don’t even know how to explain this.”
“Just take your ti. What’s going on? Is it sothing serious?” I asked, trying to reassure her, but in the back of my mind, I knew exactly what she was going to say.
Please don’t say you’re pregnant. Please don’t say you’re pregnant.
“I’m pregnant, Neal.”
F*ck. I knew it.
Her statent made my heart drop into my stomach. This beautiful woman that deserved the world and a life of happiness was pregnant, and it wasn’t so much the pregnancy that was the issue because I would love to see her pregnant.
The problem was who she was pregnant by. He didn’t deserve to breathe the sa air as her in my opinion. I’d sat back for too long and saw how he treated her. Saw her try to love him despite the shit going on, and in the end, he broke her heart again and again.
I couldn’t let her hear upset, though. I cared about her, and being supportive was important.
“I had a feeling that you may be,” I admitted. “It’s okay, Becca. Everything’s going to be okay.”
“How can you say that? How can you tell everything’s going to be okay? My baby’s father is Jas. What am I gonna do? He wants nothing to do with , and even if he did, I would have to live in the chaos that seems to surround him.”
“You still love him, don’t you?” I asked her, curious to know her answer.
I wasn’t sure what I was going to do if she said yes.
I could lose the woman I was falling in love with.
“That’s complicated,” she replied softly through the phone. “Of course, a part of still loves him. He was everything I had hoped for initially, but then the sa part of woke up and realized I was living in a fantasy.”
Her answer wasn’t what I was expecting, and I found myself swimming in a sea of emotions because she admitted she did, but also that she didn’t.
“It’s simple. You either love him or you don’t.”
“Nothing is ever simple, Neal. A part of may care about him, but also a part of cares about you. Really cares about you, but I know this isn’t ideal for our situation. I’m not asking you to step up and be anything. I’m not asking you to do anything because this is my ss to fix, but I don’t want to lose you,” she replied, and it was obvious that she was crying.
Hearing those soft sobs co through the phone made want to go to her even sooner, but I wasn’t even sure where my place was any more.
“You’re never going to lose , Becca. I am falling in love with you. But I don’t want to end up making your situation more complicated considering you’re carrying his child.”
“You’re falling in love with ?” she asked in almost a whisper, as if she didn’t realize it.
“I am, but that’s sothing we can talk about later. When do you finish your exams?”
“Three weeks,” she replied quietly. “I have to figure out my internship situation.”
Taking a mont to consider what she was saying, a smile crept over my face. “Well, that doesn’t have to start till January, right?”
“Yes, technically, but I have to give them an answer before Christmas break.”
“Okay, and you will. However, once you finish your last exam, I want you to pack up so stuff and co back here. I hate that you will want to drive, but go ahead and co back here, and we will talk about everything when you get here,” I told her as a plan formulated in my mind.
“Are you sure you want there?”
I couldn’t believe she even had to ask that. It should have been obvious I wanted her with here, but instead of pointing that out, I smiled.
“Yes, more than anything.”
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