*Cat*
It was a cold morning. Where the morning dew on the windows was frosted over in a fractal pattern, and the unsettling silence of the early morning settled over the world like it had stopped turning for a few hours.
No sound of the seagulls or the rustling leaves of trees had decided to grow out of the deep sand, not even the rustle of the waves as they rolled upon the shores. It was just silent.
It was the kind of unsettling that you could feel deep in your bones, like an ache you couldn’t quite find the cause of but you knew lingered in the back of your mind. I shuffled my frozen toes, the only part of I couldn’t stuff into the white fluffy robe I’d grabbed from the bathroom.
Underneath I was bare and normally I would be cold, the humidity in the air mixing uncomfortably with the temperature drop from night. But the heat from my skin radiated a deep warmth, one that kept safe from the morning chill.
So I sat here on the patio, listening to the silence of the morning hours and watching as the world slowly started to co to life.
I’d had enough nightmares only a few hours after Elio and I had gone to sleep last night. Even with his arms around , his assurance of safety and love, the nightmares still co to tornt .
I couldn’t even rember now exactly what I had dread of, but it had scared deeply enough that my mind refused to quiet, refused to lay down and sleep when the presence of a threat was still hanging in the air.
I didn’t want to wake Elio, didn’t want to disturb his peaceful sleep, only his bare back exposed, his tan skin highlighting the deep red scratches I’d left all over him from our aggressive lovemaking. My own little marks were left as proof of how carried away we had gotten last night.
I was still deeply aware of the aching stiffness and deep bruises decorating my body from top to bottom after losing ourselves in our lovemaking. I didn’t regret it though.
It had kept my thoughts away from the darker places in my mind for a while–had let have a few hours of peace where I wasn’t thinking about the fight and Elio’s harsh words echoing in my mind as they scratched rudely at my insecurities.
It was inevitable that being alone with my thoughts now had them drifting there. I’d done my best to hide everything from Elio, but all secrets got revealed eventually. Our fight still lingered like storm clouds between us, even if we tried to ignore it.
I was so lost in my thoughts I hadn’t realized soone was behind until I heard him sigh.
“You’re still thinking about leaving our life, aren’t you?”
I glanced over my shoulder at Elio, who had dressed hurriedly in his own fluffy white robe. The sun had just started to rise, bringing with it its warmth as the beams just barely grazed over my toes.
My lips quirked into a small sad smile, turning back to look at the sunrise, the sky only just turning from a deep blue to a shade of violet.
“How do you know so well?” I asked, not expecting an answer. But of course, Elio would give one anyway.
“Because I love you.”
He shuffled forward and I scooted in the beach chair, giving him enough room to settle in beside . He lifted up and I unfolded my legs from the ball I’d been trapped in since coming out here, letting him pull onto his lap so we were cuddled together.
I hadn’t realized how cold I had gotten until I felt his furnace-like skin against mine. I could pass for a popsicle, I thought with a bit of humor, but then I’d probably have trouble going through with the wedding.
Elio wrapped my hands in his, trying to warm up as quickly as possible. I gave a small laugh as I imagined a popsicle hopping down the aisle on a stick.
“What are you thinking about?” Elio humd, pressing a kiss to my forehead as I leaned on his shoulder, absent-mindedly watching our hands as they intertwined together. His were so much bigger than mine, able to wrap around and almost engulf my digits entirely. But I didn’t really mind.
It felt safe and warm that way.
“If I was a popsicle, I’d have to hop down the aisle,” I told him honestly, grinning as I saw the odd look he sent at my response.
“If you were a popsicle....”
Despite the confusion in his voice, Elio shook off the odd comnt pretty easily, humming loudly as he declared, “Then I’d just have to carry you down the aisle the whole way there. And re-plan our wedding so it’ll be in Antarctica. Can’t have you lting before the wedding night.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at that, the sheer absurdity doing more to lift my mood than anything else. After a full mont of silence between us, I knew it was finally ti to talk. As scary as it was to , we needed to have this conversation, to get past this hurdle together.
And maybe this ti, Elio would finally listen.
“Why do you want to leave, Cat?” Elio asked, prompting .
I smiled, knowing he was trying to find out the reason and then try to fix it. It was such a classic Elio thing for him to try to do.
I took a deep breath, pulling his hands around my waist so I could toy with them nervously in my lap.
“I’m scared,” I admitted softly.
Elio didn’t say a word, just listened, my head resting under his chin as I explained all the feelings I’d been keeping inside, that had been slowly devouring bit by bit every ti I fell asleep.
“I’m scared for Emilia, for you, and for . I’m scared about Junior still and I’m scared he’ll find out about Emilia and try to take her away from . I’m scared he’ll succeed, that he’ll take all of his anger toward you and and take it out on our precious baby girl. It’s more than just a fear, Elio, it’s... it’s like I can’t breathe even when I’m awake. I’m terrified of everything–that he’s hiding in the shadows, just behind the trees and bushes, waiting for his mont to strike. And I can’t do it. Emilia is everything. I wouldn’t survive if she was taken from .”
My breath ca in heavy gasps now and I clutched a hand over my heart, feeling it reeling and thumping as my imagination played out the nightmare I’d been dreading.
“Shh, Cat, that won’t happen.” He wrapped his arms around , trying to be a comforting presence as he kissed my cheek.
But I was lost in the vision I’d seen, of Emilia screaming and crying for , her little arms reaching and being held down still as I watched Junior disappear with her, that maniacal smirk on his face.
‘I will destroy everything you love.’ His words echoed in my head and my hands slowly wrapped around my cheeks, breaking from the horrible nightmare as I returned back to reality, seeing Elio’s handso face in front of .
His mouth was set in a line, determined and firm. “That won’t happen Cat. I promise you.”
“You can’t promise that,” I whispered back, hating to say it, especially as I saw the hurt look that crossed his eyes. “My dad promised too, but he didn’t co ho. What if... what if he takes Emilia like he took my dad? What if he takes you or Mom this ti and I’m still just too helpless to do anything? I can’t live a life without you or Emilia! I’m not strong enough.”
Helpless, feeling like my heart had been torn apart and put on display for him to dissect, I buried my face into his chest, not even having any tears left to cry, but trembling. I was like a buoy lost at sea, just drifting on the tide and waiting until I sank below the waves.
Elio was the only thing holding above the water. And I clung to him tightly, unsure of what else to say or do to convey how terrified I was of losing them. I wasn’t nearly as strong as he thought I was, not when it ca to the safety of the people I loved.
“What do you want to do, Cat?”
His voice was gentle but it still felt like a barb straight to my heart.
Because I didn’t know.
“I’m confused, scared and upset. I don’t know what I want to do or how to stop it. It’s just... I’m doubting everything we’ve done now. That doesn’t an I’m asking you to leave, because I know how important this is to you. I just... I want us to be safe.”
I heard him sigh and ever so gently, Elio lifted up my chin so my eyes could et him. There was a raw honesty in there, hurt shining through and also guilt, but understanding first and foremost.
“I get it. I... I understand how you’re feeling, Cat, and I want that too, I do, but–” He sighed, giving a sad smile. “I just can’t help but love the life we’ve built together. We entered this together and I would’ve never gotten this far without you. That’s why it’s so important to , Cat. I’m not gonna lie. Hearing you say all that... it hurts. It makes feel like I’m not good enough to protect you both, that you don’t trust in my abilities.”
“No–” I imdiately tried to deny it, but he pushed his finger across my lips, silencing with a wry smile.
“I know. That’s not what you intend. But just as you can’t help your feelings, I can’t help mine. We’ve poured all of our dreams and ambitions into this, Cat, and it made feel proud and useful that you wanted this just as much as I do. We make a great team, an unbeatable one but... if you don’t want this anymore, if it doesn’t make you happy....”
A sorrow crossed his features, like he was willing to say goodbye to a friend for my sake, but I shook my head.
“We are amazing together, everyone knows that, and I’d be willing to do this with you forever. I don’t care about my life–it’s with you but, Elio–” I smiled sadly, reaching forward to cup his cheek, pressing our foreheads together as we gazed into one another’s eyes.
It felt like we were finally on the sa page, that our souls were on the sa wavelength and no longer fighting against one another.
And this needed to be said.
“Emilia is worth giving all of that up for.”
He didn’t say a word, only searching my eyes for so heart-wrenching monts, but I no longer felt anxious or scared, focused entirely on him as we spoke without words. Then slowly, a small smile crossed Elio’s lips.
“She is,” he agreed softly. He closed his eyes, letting out a big sigh. “Okay then.”
“Okay?” I repeated with a raised eyebrow.
“Okay.” He nodded, giving a determined look. “We still need to take care of Junior for now or he’ll chase us down to the ends of the earth. But after that, if our lives get too dangerous and you still want to leave, then we’ll leave together, Cat.”
He grabbed my hand, pulling it to his lips to lay a kiss there as a promise. I didn’t know if I believed him yet, unsure if he was truly willing to leave it all behind just for and Emilia, but for now, his promise was enough.
“Okay,” I agreed, smiling now.
And with that Chapter closed, I finally breathed a sigh of relief, now completely able to relax and enjoy the little vacation ti we had left.
Then we would return ho.
Together.
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