*Olivia*
I rubbed my hands together, feeling a wash of nerves and excitent. I sat in Dr. Schmidt’s office on the day of the embryo transfer, talking the procedure over with her while Elena got prepped for the process in the other room. The clinic allowed her one guest during the process, and I’d cried when she chose .
I would get to be present for the mont of my baby’s implantation, just like I wanted.
Gio had driven to the clinic again, but he sat in the waiting room. He said he couldn’t bear being further than that, even if he couldn’t co in. I wished I could hold his hand as well, but I knew the procedure room would start to get crowded.
“So,” Dr. Schmidt said, a bright smile on her face, “today is the day! I know we’ve talked this through a couple of tis already, but do you have any final questions?”
I fidgeted in my seat. They’d taken the eggs from a few weeks ago, and I’d only gotten a brief glimpse of their tranquil procedure room before the sedation took . I hoped Elena would feel comforted by the soft blue walls like I had.
What was truly remarkable was that they had been able to gather a few of Gio’s swimrs that were viable after all, and they’d used those to fertalize my eggs, so this baby was truly ours.
“Where are the embryos right now?” I blurted.
She smiled and pointed at the wall to her left. “Just through there. We’ve got a team of highly trained embryologists selecting the most viable ones as they thaw.”
I stared at the wall covered in Dr. Schmidt’s degrees and accomplishnts. Just through a thin sheet of drywall, my baby was being chosen. I would hold one of those embryos in my arms one day. I would send them to kindergarten and college.
I grinned.
“And she’ll be awake, right? Elena?”
Dr. Schmidt nodded. “Her end of the procedure is far less painful. We’re just inserting a speculum and the embryos. She’s being given a muscle relaxant, but she should be fully conscious.”
I smiled widely, practically bouncing up and down in my seat. I would get to look into the eyes of the woman carrying my baby as my child was implanted and beginning to grow. It was as close as I could get to carrying the baby myself, and I was honored Elena had allowed to get so close to the process.
“I know you’re excited, Olivia, but as a doctor, it is my job to be realistic.” Dr. Schmidt folded her hands on her desk. “This may not work the first ti. We’re only implanting two embryos today, so you have more than enough to try again, but procedures like this often take two or three tries.”
I nodded. I’d been through all the brochures and paperwork she’d given us, most of them so often that the corners were starting to wear down. I sat up at night worrying that the embryos would never take until we ran out of money or I ran out of eggs. Neither of those things would happen soon.
“And we won’t know if it worked for twelve to fourteen days, at the end of which we have to co back in for you to test if she’s pregnant,” I repeated.
Dr. Schmidt chuckled. “I see sobody’s been doing the howork.”
I blushed. “I really, really want this to work.”
“Don’t worry.” She smiled. “You’re in wonderful hands.”
A knock sounded on the door, and I shot up out of my chair. A nurse I’d seen around poked his head in.
“It’s ti,” he said.
The nurse led to the procedure room while Dr. Schmidt went to prepare. Inside, Elena lay on a comfortable reclining dical chair, similar to the sort they use at the dentist, wearing a floral cloth hospital gown. The walls were the sa cool, comforting blue I rembered, and soft, guitar music with an Italian flair played from a speaker I couldn’t see.
Elena’s face lit up as I entered. “Olivia!”
I crossed the room to her quickly. “How are you?”
She shrugged. “Very relaxed, which is apparently important for my uterine walls.”
I laughed. “Sounds thrilling. Are you ready for this?”
She nodded resolutely. “I’ve heard it’s easier than a pap sar.”
A door at the back of the room opened, and a person in a white coat with dark hair that I hadn’t seen before rolled in with a cart containing a few tools and a single petri dish.
I raised a shaking hand to my mouth. “Is that...?”
He smiled. “Sure is. Do you want to see up close?”
I nodded vehently.
He lifted the petri dish closer, and my heart thudded in my ears.
My baby.
My babies.
This would be my first look at them.
I stared, but it only looked clear with two black circles that seed more like targets than cells.
I furrowed my eyebrows, and he chuckled as he replaced the dish on the cart.
“They’re too small to see with the naked eye at this point. Dr. Schmidt took so pictures under the microscope, and you can see those if you like.”
I huffed a sigh, and Elena grabbed my hand and squeezed.
“Dr. Bianchi here is a joker. He was a lot of fun while I was getting set up,” she explained.
I squeezed her hand back, grateful for the comfort, as the man turned and retrieved two pieces of photo paper from a lower shelf of the cart.
“There’s not much to see at this point,” he warned as I took them.
To a certain extent, he was right. I held in my hands two grayscale images of a small pile of overlapping circles, surrounded by one larger circle.
Tears filled my eyes. In reality, I held the first picture of my baby, and the feeling overwheld . I knew these might not take, that we might go through this process two or three or half a dozen tis, but all the work and thought and hope Gio and I had put into this exploded over at that mont.
Each tiny embryo represented a profound connection between and my future child. They represented all of our dreams for our family and our future. We couldn’t build that future the traditional way, but at this mont, that hardly mattered.
Gio and I would build our future, however we had to do it.
Elena squeezed my hand again. “Can I see?”
I leaned the pictures toward her.
She smiled. “That one’s got your hair.”
I laughed wetly. “Can I keep these?” I asked Dr. Bianchi.
“Of course,” he answered warmly.
I swiped at my cheeks. I couldn’t wait to show Gio our first baby pictures.
Dr. Schmidt strode into the room, snapping a pair of latex gloves around her wrists, with two nurses on her heels.
“Alrighty, are we ready to get started here?” She took in my teary eyes and the papers grasped in my hand. “Ah, the pictures. I thought you’d like those.”
“Thank you, doctor. They’re beautiful,” I said.
She smiled at , then turned to Elena. “This might be a little uncomfortable, but it shouldn’t take more than a couple minutes. Afterward, bed rest for the day, but then it’s most likely to take if you’re up and moving. Nothing too strenuous, but light walks and regular activity are good.”
Elena nodded. “I’ve got a great bed set up and everything.”
She smiled. “Then let’s get down to business.”
Dr. Bianchi left, and Elena settled her feet in the stirrups on the chair. As Dr. Schmidt turned to the cart, I t Elena’s eyes.
After all my fears, all the stress and research of choosing a surrogate, I was so thrilled we’d ended up with Elena. Her gaze burned into mine, all full of hope and determination. I knew at that mont that, like Gio and I, she would do whatever needed to be done to have this baby safely. I tried to return the sa determination to her, and all the trust I was happy to put in her.
Dr. Schmidt turned back to us with the first tool in hand, and the procedure began.
I couldn’t describe the procedure exactly later, but at that mont, I was overwheld by wonder. At any previous ti in human history, Gio and I would have just struggled for years and never had the family we dread of. Because we were here, now, we could not only have a child but have my child, even if we couldn’t have his.
A team of dical professionals swirled through the room, effortlessly trading out tools with only the bare minimum of communication. Elena’s face pinched once, but otherwise, she seed perfectly serene, as though the procedure was as simple as getting her toenails painted. Tears welled in my eyes once more as I watched all these people, all these strangers, performing at the top of their ability to make my and Gio’s dream co true.
At that mont, as much as I loved my baby, I loved all of humanity just as much. It would have been impossible to do anything else.
Finally, Dr. Schmidt stepped back, and the nurses with her. “And it is done.”
Elena exhaled slowly, squeezed my hand one last ti, and let go.
A wave of emotions welled up in my chest, almost impossible to parse.
“Elena, you’re going to have to sit here for half an hour or so, but then you’re free to head out. You have transportation ho?”
She nodded. “The Valentinos are driving .”
“Did it work?” I blurted as nervous anticipation took over.
I knew we couldn’t know if anything at all had just happened for two weeks, and I would have to pass those two weeks without annoying the shit out of everyone in my life, especially Gio. I could already feel the fidgety energy in my limbs.
Dr. Schmidt smiled indulgently. “The transfer went well, but you know as well as I do that no concrete answer can be given now.”
I nodded sharply as hope blood brilliantly in my veins. Elena could be pregnant right now. She could be sitting there, carrying our child–no dozen attempts, not even a second one. Sotis it just worked, and Gio and I were owed a little luck by the universe.
Nine months from today, I could be cradling my baby in my arms.
Elena looked to . “I’d like a little ti by myself before we head out, if that’s okay?”
“Oh!” I said. “Oh, yes, of course. You might have just gotten pregnant, of course you need a mont.”
Dr. Schmidt let out into the hall and pointed the way to the waiting room. “I’ll send her out when she’s ready.”
I walked down the warm but sterile halls of the clinic that I’d walked so many tis now, my head spinning with more emotions than I knew what to do with. I clutched the embryo pictures in my hand and reminded myself that Gio lay at the end of this walk, that he would be excited and nervous in a way that steadied .
As I took my last step into the waiting room, one final emotion rose to the surface–vulnerability. Whatever ca next for us lay in the hands of fate.
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