*Olivia*
Giovani and I were on our way to the appointnt that he had scheduled for us. I squeezed his hand tightly, a mixture of excitent and nervousness fluttering through . I was so happy to finally see if we could get so answers about why I wasn’t pregnant yet, but at the sa ti, I was terrified that my biggest fears would co true, and the doctor would tell us that we weren’t able to have children of our own.
I had never considered myself soone who was desperate to have children before, but I found myself desperately longing to be able to have a baby that was half mine and half Gio’s. He really would make the most perfect dad.
He squeezed my hand back, then brought it to his lips and brushed them against my knuckles. His gentle touch reminded to take a deep breath; it was going to be okay. No matter what, we had each other.
We pulled into the parking lot of the doctor’s office, and I was put at ease by how modern the building looked. The ground floor had floor-to-ceiling glass windows with a heavy tint so that people couldn’t see inside, and it had a plain sign displaying the na: Centro Schmidt.
I appreciated that they had nad it after the founder instead of having a more obvious fertility-related na. It seed that their main objective was discretion. Giovani had explained to that it was a place commonly used by wealthy Italians, including celebrities, and that they knew how to best handle clients who would need extra care to protect their identities. It made feel much better knowing that Giovani’s enemies would never know that we were trying to have a baby.
Once inside the clinic, we were greeted by a woman who looked to be in her mid-50s working the front desk. She had gray hair cropped short to her head and a no-nonsense look to her.
“Welco to Centro Schmidt! I’m Greta,” she said in a voice that was surprisingly warm. I imdiately took a liking to her.
She stood up to shake our hands and handed over a folder of paperwork for us to fill out. It was overwhelming to look at the packet of docunts, but Greta assured us that our doctor would go over them with us to ensure that we filled them out correctly.
Instead of having us wait in the lobby until our doctor was ready, Greta opened a door in the hallway behind her desk that led to a private waiting room. It was a peaceful little room with light blue walls and a large painting of a waterfall. There was a comfortable-looking loveseat pressed up against one wall and two small armchairs facing it. I sat down on the loveseat and Giovani sat next to .
“Whenever you co for an appointnt, you can just walk right through this door and wait here. We have a few private waiting rooms, and this one will be dedicated to you whenever you co, so you don’t have to worry about walking in on anyone else.”
“Thank you,” Giovani told her, and I nodded my agreent. I was amazed at the asures they went to to keep the identities of their clients safe. It made wonder who else was coming here.
“No problem at all,” Greta responded with a little bow of her head. “Dr. Schmidt should be with you in just a few monts. She’s finishing up with another couple right now.”
She left us to go back to her desk, closing the door behind her. Gio wrapped his arm around and leaned over to kiss my cheek. “How are you feeling?” he asked quietly.
“I’m impressed,” I told him honestly. “I really like this place. You seriously did your research.”
“Only the best for our family,” he said with a smile.
It was stuff like that that made want to give him a child so badly. He went above and beyond in everything he did. It would have been easy to just take us to the first fertility clinic that had popped up on an internet search, but he had clearly taken the ti to research exactly which one would be the best for us. I snuggled against his shoulder and sighed happily.
There was a sharp knock on the door, and we both sat up a little straighter, waiting for Dr. Schmidt to co in. She swung the door open and imdiately introduced herself.
“Hello! I’m Dr. Ida Schmidt! You must be Giovani and Olivia,” she said in an endearing German accent.
She looked nothing like any other doctor I’d ever had before, which made like her all the more. Her hair went down to her shoulders and was dyed a shockingly bright shade of pink. Instead of a white lab coat, she wore one that sported a rainbow tie-dye pattern. She had on a pair of rainbow earrings to match it. Looking at her, it was impossible not to smile.
“Hi, nice to et you,” I said as she shook my hand.
“Likewise!” she exclaid before sitting down in one of the chairs opposite us. “So, tell , what brings you both in today?”
I glanced at Giovani, but he was looking at , clearly waiting for to tell her our story. He kept his arm around my shoulders, and I used that to center myself.
“Well, we just can’t seem to get pregnant,” I explained. I felt a bit awkward about having to lay out our sex life for a stranger but reminded myself that she was only thinking about it through a clinical lens. She was a doctor after all. “We’ve been having unprotected sex for about five months now, but unfortunely, I’m not pregnant.”
She nodded at , her face neutral. I suspected that she was very good at keeping a poker face.
Giovani added, “I’m worried that my age might have sothing to do with it.”
I looked at him in surprise. I hadn’t known that he’d been worried about that. I reached my hand up to grasp the hand he had on my shoulder and entwined my fingers with his. I wanted him to know we were in this together.
“I see,” Dr. Schmidt said in a voice that didn’t betray what she was thinking. “Well, let’s get right to it then! For younger couples, it is recomnded to wait until you’ve been trying for at least one year before worrying about fertility, but since you are a little older, Giovani, I think it’s good that you ca in. There’s no harm in getting so testing done just to see where we’re at.”
Butterflies filled my stomach at her words. Was it possible that we just hadn’t been trying for long enough? I didn’t dare get my hopes up.
“So, first thing’s first. Giovani, we will need a sen sample from you so that we can check your sperm count and see how strong the little guys are. And Olivia, I will perform a pelvic exam on you just to see how everything is looking. That will be the first steps, and then once we have those results, we can discuss the next steps.”
We both nodded and waited for her to go on. I felt the tension in Giovani’s body and realized that he was just as nervous about this as I was. I was so glad that this was sothing we were going to tackle together.
“Alright, so we are going to get your paperwork filled out, and then, if you’re ready, Giovani, we can go ahead and get that sen sample today. Olivia, while he is doing that, I will take you out to Greta to get your pelvic exam scheduled.”
She talked us through the paperwork, and before we knew it, we were separated so that Gio could provide his sample. It felt strange to leave him in an exam room knowing what he was about to have to do, but he was a good sport about it. He didn’t even bat an eye when he was left with a little clear plastic cup and instructions about what to do.
After leaving Giovani, Dr. Schmidt led back out to Greta’s desk. I wanted to schedule the pelvic exam as soon as possible, and they luckily had openings for the next week.
Dr. Schmidt then led to her office, where we waited for Giovani to finish up. We made small talk while we waited, and I complinted her on her lab coat.
“Oh thank you!” she exclaid. “I love rainbows, and it seems especially appropriate considering the number of rainbow babies that my services have helped to conceive.”
I must have looked confused because she went on to explain that a rainbow baby was a baby born after a couple had experienced a miscarriage.
“Because a rainbow cos after a storm,” she said.
The sentint was so sweet it brought tears to my eyes. I surreptitiously wiped them away just as Giovani was brought into the room by a nurse.
He sat in the chair next to mine, both of us facing Dr. Schmidt sitting behind her desk.
“Okay, so the last thing I want to discuss is what other options you are both open to besides natural conception. This is sothing that I like to discuss early on so that you can know exactly what your options are before you get to the point of having to make decisions. Two things that my office can help you with are in vitro fertilization and surrogacy. There is, of course, also adoption, but that is sothing you would need to explore elsewhere. Now, when it cos to IVF or surrogacy, there are pros and cons to both. Olivia, IVF would allow you to carry the baby and give birth, which is important to a lot of won. Of course, that isn’t always an option, in which case surrogacy can be a way to have a baby that is biologically yours but would be carried by soone else. I have pamphlets discussing both options more in depth, and I also have this pamphlet from an adoption agency that many of my clients have worked with. I will send you ho with all three so that you can discuss between yourselves. Again, this isn’t saying that you won’t be able to conceive naturally. These are just backup options.”
I took a deep breath and picked the pamphlets up from her desk. I hadn’t really considered what we would do if we found out that we couldn’t conceive on our own, but I appreciated the extra information. It would definitely give us a lot to think about.
Dr. Schmidt stood up to shake both of our hands one more ti, and we stood to follow her back out to the lobby. Back in the car, I handed the pamphlets to Gio so he could look over them. He studied each one, his face scrunched up in concentration as the driver took us ho.
By the ti we got back ho, both of us had read through each pamphlet at least two tis, but we hadn’t discussed if any of the options interested us. I knew that Gio would probably support whatever I wanted, but what I most wanted was to be able to carry his baby, conceived in our bedroom.
Giovani hugged and let know that he had business to attend to, so I went to find Dahlia and talk with her about everything I’d learned. She was in the kitchen drinking tea and flipping through a magazine when I found her. I prepared myself a cup of tea and settled down at the table next to her, finding comfort in her presence.
“So, how’d it go?” she asked with excitent in her voice.
“I don’t know....” I trailed off, trying to collect my thoughts. “The doctor was great, but I’m honestly overwheld now. She was talking about IVF, and surrogacy, and adoption, and I just–I can’t help but think that I don’t want any of that. I just want to go the old-fashioned route.”
“But what if that’s not an option?” she asked gently.
I passed the pamphlets over to her so that she could read through them.
“I just don’t know, Dolly, I’m not really excited about any of this.”
“I think you just need to take so ti to let it all sink in.” She reached out her hand and rubbed my back. “Honestly, Olive, I think surrogacy could be a great option.”
“Really? I don’t know, there are so many variables. I can think of a ton of shit that could go wrong.”
“Like what?”
I blew out my breath in a huff, not really wanting to list all the horrible things I could think of but also needing to get it off my chest. “What if the surrogate was only in it for the money? What if she didn’t keep herself healthy or got pregnant and then ran off with our baby?”
“Well, I think that last one sounds like the plot of a movie, so we probably don’t have to worry about that. As for the rest, there would be a contract and tons of legal shit she’d have to follow. Plus, you and Gio would interview her and could screen her and stuff. And you know Giovani has access to super detailed background checks. And our family has amazing lawyers.”
I nodded, knowing she was right about all of that. But there was one other concern that I had, one that I didn’t want to even voice because I knew it was stupid, but I couldn’t help myself from feeling it.
“What if–what if she decided she wanted Gio for herself? And what if Gio sees her growing his baby inside her and he falls for her?” I asked so quietly I wasn’t sure she could hear .
“Oh, Olive,” she gasped and wrapped both arms tightly around . “You know that would never happen! Giovani is crazy about you!”
I sniffed, feeling ridiculous for even worrying about that. “It’s just hard because I keep blaming myself and thinking that so other woman would have given him a baby by now.”
She laid her head on my shoulder, offering silent comfort in the way that only a best friend could do.
“I think you need to talk to Giovani about this. Then you’ll know that you don’t have to worry at all,” she said after a few monts.
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” I agreed.
I promised myself that I would bring up my fears with Gio for sure. Because Dahlia was right–surrogacy just might be the best way for us to start the family that we dread of having.
Reviews
All reviews (0)