*Giovani*
I held Olivia as she fell apart. We were sitting on the floor of her bedroom, but I didn’t want to move. I didn’t want to do anything but hold her tightly. I couldn’t believe I had almost lost her. She was so precious to , I didn’t know what I would do if sothing happened to her. Hell, I wanted to cry about the whole ordeal myself, but I couldn’t let her see how shaken up I was. I didn’t think she’d feel comforted at all if she knew that I was as terrified as she was.
“Shhh,” I murmured and ran my hand through her hair.
She was trembling like a leaf in my arms. For years, I had been forced to confront death as a part of my career choice, and I was comfortable with the idea of dying, but I had never had to consider the death of the person I loved. That was sothing I would never be comfortable with. It was sickening to even imagine a world without Olivia in it. And when I thought about how close I had co to that world today... well, I couldn’t let myself think about it.
Olivia still had her head pressed tightly against my shoulder, but I could hear her sobs quieting down. She was still shaking slightly, but she seed to be coming out of the shocked state that I had found her in. I pulled back so I could look at her face. The expression she wore made want to punch a wall.
She looked at with huge, pitifully sad eyes, tears streaming down her cheeks. Her bottom lip quivered as one last sob overtook her, and she closed her eyes again. I brushed her hair behind her ears and tried to wipe away her tears, but they just kept falling.
“I’m s–sorry,” she said shakily, hardly able to catch her breath. “I can’t get it together.”
“Oh, sweetheart, you don’t have to get it together. This was a horrible day for you. I get that. Just try to breathe through it, okay? That’s all I need you to do for , is keep breathing.” I pulled her back against my chest and rubbed my hands up and down her back.
Her tears subsided, and her breathing started to even out. I kept rubbing my hands up and down, up and down. I knew the repetitive movent would help keep her calm. I forced myself to take deep breaths so she could match her breathing to mine.
“That’s right, baby, just breathe. You’re safe now,” I leaned down and whispered into the shell of her ear, then kissed her temple.
She leaned into my kiss.
Finally, she was calm, or at least, as calm as she could be considering what she had gone through. I stood up, pulling her up with , then sat on the bed, pulling her onto my lap. I wanted her as close as possible. I needed to feel her, to remind myself that she was okay.
“Gio, I–I think I want to go ho.”
Her words crushed . Of all the things I had expected her to say, that hadn’t even crossed my mind. I supposed so part of had been aware that she might consider that option, but I was so certain that she would want to stay here with that I hadn’t been worried about it.
But I knew that stopping her would be purely selfish. As much as I hated to admit it, the further she got away from here, the safer she would be. And I did want her to be safe. I brushed a hand down her arm and tangled her fingers in mine, encouraging her to go on.
“I’m just so scared. I want to be a badass who isn’t fazed by seeing n killed right in front of , but I’m just not that person. I’m scared of the Russians. I’m scared of what could have happened today, and I’m scared of what could happen in the future. I can’t live always looking over my shoulder, too scared to trust anyone.”
“I can protect you,” I couldn’t stop myself from saying, even though I had promised myself that I would just let her speak. I hated that she felt so scared. I wished that bastard today had survived so I could kill him myself.
“I’m not just scared of that,” she continued. “I’m also terrified of what happens if Alessandro tells Dahlia about us. If Dahlia finds out... I just don’t think it’ll be good. I just want things to be calm. I want to live a normal life. I want to be with the man I love without being fucking blackmailed.”
I perked up a bit. She had just said the man she loved. Was she talking about ? This wasn’t just so hypothetical man, right?
“The man you love?” I asked gently, not wanting to freak her out in case she had just been talking about sothing else.
Her cheeks flushed an adorable shade of pink, and I wanted to lay her down and make love to her until she scread right then and there, but I sensed that this was an important conversation for us to have. I couldn’t let my dick do the thinking.
“I–I ant... the man I like, or, or am with or, well—”
“I love you, too,” I interrupted her babbling to put her out of her misery.
I was so enchanted by her that sotis I forgot that she could be shy around . I didn’t want her to feel too shy to admit her love. With everything that had happened, it was important that we be honest with our feelings about each other. What if I had never told her I loved her, and today had been too late? The thought alone made want to punch sothing.
“You do?” she asked, her face filled with wonder.
I felt guilty when I realized how unsure she had been. How did she not realize how much I cared for her? I knew I needed to reassure her.
“Oh, Olivia, of course I love you,” I said and squeezed her into a tight hug. “I was so scared today thinking I could have lost you. I can’t even imagine living in this world if it doesn’t have you in it. I love you so goddamn much, I don’t even know what to do with myself. I spend all my ti thinking about you. When I’m not with you, I count down the seconds until I get to be with you again. When I am with you, I just want ti to stand still. There’s nobody that I want to be with more than I want to be with you.”
“I love you too,” she said, her voice choking up with emotion.
Tears shone in her eyes, and I was worried that she was going to start sobbing again, but she smiled at , and I was reassured. She leaned up and kissed on the cheek.
This was one of those monts where I wanted ti to stop. I felt so at peace, so happy here with the woman I loved wrapped safely in my arms. But I knew I needed to let her finish what she had started to say. As much as I would love to pretend that she hadn’t made a comnt about leaving, I couldn’t just ignore it. If she would feel safer in the States, then that’s where I would send her. Hell, I’d take her there myself if that’s what she wanted. But then I would have to co back here and leave her....
I stopped my train of thought before I could lose the nerve to ask her if she had really ant it when she said she wanted to leave. I rubbed her back, then set her gently on the bed. I couldn’t say this with her snuggled in my arms; her presence was too intoxicating. I stood up and took a deep breath, determined to do the right thing by Olivia, no matter what it cost .
“If you want to leave, I understand,” I said, unable to look her in the eye. “I know this is a lot more than you bargained for when you ca to Italy for university. You probably thought the biggest danger you’d face would be getting too hungover. And I need you to know that I support you if going back to Arica is the choice you want to make. You don’t have to be scared that I’ll be mad at you, because I won’t.” I forced myself to stay standing, still avoiding looking at her.
“Gio,” she said softly.
I still didn’t look. I couldn’t handle this conversation if I had to look into those beautiful eyes, especially after she had just professed her love for .
“Gio, look at ,” she murmured.
It was like she could read my mind. I didn’t want to obey her, but I knew I couldn’t avoid it any longer. I turned around and looked down at her, staring into her eyes as she looked up at . This was my favorite angle to see her. She looked so sweet when she gazed up at .
Her teeth scraped against her bottom lip as she bit it slightly. I swallowed hard and willed my body to stop responding as I felt myself starting to grow hard. There was no way I’d be able to have this conversation if lust took over. I glanced down and realized that she was still in nothing but a towel. Sohow I had forgotten that when I had been so focused on comforting her, but now as she stared up at through her lashes, her bottom lip swollen and her cheeks slightly pink, I found myself unable to focus on anything other than the fact that she was one small movent away from being completely naked. I wanted her so badly. The need was coursing through my body. I clenched my fists and forced my feet to stay planted.
“Gio, I don’t want to go ho. I just want you,” she said, her voice husky with desire.
Her words were like fire in my veins, and I wanted nothing more than to sink myself deep into her, but as I gazed down at her sweet face and beautiful body and thought about how earnestly she had told she loved , I knew that I didn’t want to just fuck her. I wanted to make love to her. And it was going to be sweet and slow.
“You just want ?” I asked as I reached down to trail my finger down the side of her jaw.
She moaned at my touch, and I knew she was already wet. I smiled, thinking of everything I was about to do to her.
“Yes,” she gasped and started to pull her towel off.
I grabbed her hands before she could even get the chance to move.
“Not so fast, baby,” I leaned over and whispered in her ear before nipping her earlobe. “This is going to be nice and slow.”
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