*Olivia*
Oh.
That was the only thought that passed through my head in the few seconds I had. There was nothing else in my mind but TV static. The shock and dizziness overwheld as I tried to figure out what the hell was going on.
I was confused, utterly and completely bewildered, as Alessandro’s lips pressed closer to , his dark eyes firmly locked on mine.
I was frozen in place, my heart beating rapidly in my ears as he grew closer and closer by the millisecond. It was like I was stuck in slow motion, unable to move.
But right before our lips touched, I ca to my senses.
I reared back, my eyes wide, and he paused, swallowing before he pulled back. There was an awkward silence between us for a mont as we stared at one another.
I sucked in a breath before words I couldn’t stop fell out of my mouth. “I’m so sorry! I’m flattered, really, I am. But I’m really confused too. My head’s just really not in the right space right now for sothing like that.”
Guilt shot through my heart, and I clasped my hands together, pulling back entirely as I gazed at the emotionless look in his eyes. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking, but my heart was racing.
It wasn’t like when I felt excited like when Giovani kissed . It felt warm and fluttered like butterflies dancing in my chest. It wasn’t like when Giovani had in his bed either. That was like electricity crackling along every inch of my skin.
This kind of heart-racing, chest-pounding anxiety was sothing entirely different, the kind you felt when you walked into a room and found a kangaroo in your kitchen, or when you had to deliver a big speech and found you could only speak backward.
Everything was upside down now. Grass was blue, and the sky was green–and Alessandro had just tried to kiss .
What the fuck was happening?
I’d always seen Alessandro as an older brother cause that’s what he was to Dahlia. Since we were kids, he’d always had the protective big bro shtick down to a science. I never thought he saw as sothing... more.
Sure, Alessandro was handso. I’d always known that, but I never thought about dating him or kissing him or anything like that. I thought he’d felt the sa about .
I was his sister’s best friend, a second kid sister. Since when had he been thinking like this?
I wanted to deny it, to think that this wasn’t actually happening, but that would be lying. An absurd kind of laughter almost burst from my lips, like when you see a bear juggling at a circus.
But I could never do that to him. I owed him better than that.
I bit my bottom lip, not sure what to do now.
Just as I was prepared for Alessandro to never speak to again, he smiled softly and with understanding. There was no trace of hurt or anger on his face, but I was still worried.
He nodded, kindly. “You’re totally right, Livi. Sorry for rushing you. I didn’t an to surprise you like that.”
I breathed a sigh of relief at the total nonchalance with which he shrugged it off. He grinned playfully, leaning his head on his hand as I shot him an apologetic look.
“It’s okay, Livi,” he laughed. “That was my bad. I got a bit too impatient, I think.”
“You an, you–” I frowned, trying to think of the right words to say before I decided to just blurt it out. “You an you like ?”
Surprise colored his face as he gave an incredulous look.
“Livi,” he chuckled, shaking his head. He leaned forward, and I flinched on instinct, but he only raised his hand to pat on the head like when we were kids.
“Of course, I like you,” he smiled, happily. “You’re funny, amazing, pretty, and the kindest person I know. How could I not like you?”
I was stunned.
He really liked –like as a woman and not as a friend? The thought of it was mind-blowing to . I just couldn’t comprehend it.
Why? The tension was like nothing else I felt, unsure of what to say or do. I felt like an awkward tween again receiving my first confession. Did I turn him down? Did I agree? What should I do?
But I wasn’t a kid anymore.
I was an adult. I thought I had beco better at this, but it was different when it was your childhood friend. This was Dahlia’s brother, for god’s sake!
“You really don’t hide anything, Livi,” Alessandro chuckled. He pinched my cheek, pulling my lips up into a forced smile. “Stop worrying so much.”
I wondered what kind of look I had on my face. But perhaps he was right. Maybe I was just blowing this out of proportion.
“Sorry,” I said after he let go of my cheeks. I rubbed them; they were a little sore and probably red. “I’m just a bit shocked. It’s been a lot.”
He nodded understandingly, sobering as he glanced at his tea with a self-deprecating smile.
“I do admit I should’ve waited until a better ti to tell you,” he admitted sheepishly. “Things have been a bit tense lately. You don’t need more things piled up on your shoulders, so don’t worry too much about it, okay?”
My heart ached at how lonely he looked. Even though he said he was okay, my pulling away had to have hurt him a bit.
I glanced down at my tea, a thought coming to , and I smiled hesitantly at him.
“Besides, you don’t like lavender tea anyway,” I joked, lifting my mug.
It was bad, but Alessandro glanced at with a huge grin, and the awkwardness faded away as we both burst into laughter.
“You’re such a dork, Livi.” He grinned as he flicked my forehead. It didn’t hurt, but it reminded strongly of when we were kids.
“Hey,” I pouted playfully. “Like you’re one to talk.”
“Touche.” He shrugged and then suppressed a yawn with the back of his hand. “I should probably go back to bed.”
“I should probably do the sa,” I nodded. I drank down the last of my tea and got up to rinse out my empty mug in the sink. I heard Alessandro’s steps behind , and I stiffened as I felt his heat against my back.
I spun around, an awkward smile on my face as I clasped the now-clean mug tightly in my hands. He was close–too close–and he nodded as he snaked his arm around to reach the water.
I stepped to the side, away from him, as I settled my cup into the drying rack. Alessandro was right behind before I could take a single step away.
“I’ll walk you to your room. I’m just a few doors down,” he told softly.
I nodded, pretending I wasn’t uncomfortable as I thought of what this would look like if soone walked in on us. He kept close to , enough that our arms brushed together as we walked upstairs.
I counted each step, trying to keep my mind off of Alessandro and the way I felt his eyes continue to flicker to , watching . I was overly attentive of it now that I was aware, and not in a good way.
Knowing that he liked , I wasn’t sure how to react to him anymore, especially considering my relationship with Giovani.
Giovani and I... were sothing. We definitely weren’t nothing, and we definitely weren’t just sex. We felt sothing for each other, but I didn’t really have a na for it. It was a secret, but that didn’t an it wasn’t there.
I felt guilty now. I’d almost let Alessandro kiss . What if Giovani found out that Alessandro had feelings for ... or about what had almost happened in the kitchen?
I didn’t want to hide it, but I didn’t want to reveal Alessandro’s feelings without his consent. I couldn’t do that to him.
Besides, Giovanni and I hadn’t even figured out our own relationship.
I sighed heavily as we turned the corner, and then I froze in my tracks.
A familiar figure stood right outside my bedroom door, and his eyes drifted to mine as soon as we stepped around the corner.
Giovani stood there, his arms crossed over his chest as he waited patiently.
“What are you doing in front of her room, Giovani?” Alessandro asked defensively, a suspicious look on his face.
Giovani glanced at and then Alessandro, his emotions hidden deeply behind his mask. I bit my lip, guilt brushing in even though nothing had happened.
What if he got the wrong idea?
Giovani only smiled, relaxed, as he answered casually, “I was just coming to make sure she was getting so sleep. But I guess you went for so late night tea.”
“Uh, yeah,” I shifted from foot to foot, unsure of where to look.
“It’s not the first ti you’ve snuck off the kitchen at night.” He smiled amicably, and I stiffened, trying not to give myself away. “Did you get enough sleep?”
The first ti we’d really spent ti together–I had almost forgotten.
I laughed, stiffly, hoping it sounded at least a bit more real than it did to .
“Not much, actually,” I told him, avoiding his burning eyes. “But I’m going to try for so more now.”
I saw Giovani nod from the corner of his eye, and Alessandro glanced between us with a weird look before he stepped forward.
He turned to with a smile, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow,” I nodded, hurriedly.
I stared at the floor, avoiding eye contact with both n as I rushed to my room.
“Goodnight,” I called out as I shut the door in a hurry. I slamd my back against the door, breathing out in relief.
I groaned silently. I had totally ssed that up. There was no way Alessandro hadn’t figured out there was sothing between us, or that Giovani had figured out sothing happened in the kitchen.
What was I going to do now? How was I going to explain this to either one of them?
An idea popped into my head like a lightbulb going off, and I realized that I didn’t have to say anything to them. Like how I’d dodged Alessandro’s kiss, I could use the stress of the past few days as an excuse, not that it wasn’t true either.
The nightmare still burned in my mind and seared into every inch, and I was sure it wasn’t going to be my last. Problems just seed to keep lining up for .
I sighed, feeling exhausted once more.
I was right, after all.
Things had been so much easier when we were kids.
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