Becca.
One could say you could expect a lot of things when you’re dealing with a man who has mixed emotions and also a traumatic past that seed to haunt you at every corner. However, the last thing that I expected was to see Neal strolling out the back door into the garden as if everything was fine, and we hadn’t spent the last fifteen minutes arguing over the sa damn bullshit.
Here he was, though, in all his glory, and as my eyes caught the smile that crossed his lips, I held Dahlia closer to . “Did you forget sothing?”
My words were soft and gentle, but there was no mistaking the hint of irritation within them. He quickly cleared his throat, shaking his head as he stood before , his hands instinctively going into his front pockets before he rocked back and forth on his heels like a boy who had been in trouble and was trying not to get scolded by his mother again.
“I just wanted to apologize for earlier. I didn’t an to co off as being an asshole or anything like that. I just have a lot of things on my mind. But I promise it has nothing to do with you. It’s just work, and of course, trying to take care of everything now that so much has changed—”
He was lying. I knew he was lying. It wasn’t just work. Even Allegra said that he was concerned about . So for him to stand there and lie and say that it had nothing to do with , well, that just made even more suspicious.
However, if he wanted to play gas, I was down for that. I had nothing but ti, and at the end of the day, this was my ho, and he could either be honest and live here, or he could f*ck off and find sowhere else to go.
I didn’t want to be that kind of person because I did care about Neal, and I was very fond of him. A part of him would always reside in my heart. I just didn’t have ti for the bullshit anymore.
“I see.” My reply was short and sweet and to the point, and he seed to notice that. Yet even though he did, he didn’t speak on it, which irritated even further. “So what are you doing out here? I thought you had sowhere that you needed to be.”
“What gave you that impression? I never said that I had to go anywhere,” he replied, furrowing his brows in confusion as if my words were the most ridiculous thing that he had ever heard.
“You didn’t have to say anything by the way you acted, storming out of the house like a f*cking three-year-old, having a temper tantrum because you didn’t get what you wanted.”
That was it. My explanation completely shocked him, and as he stared at with parted lips and wide eyes, I knew that I had struck sothing deep inside him that didn’t believe I had it in .
Was I being a sadistic bitch? No, but I was going to make it clear that if he was going to continue acting like this, I wasn’t going to tolerate it.
“Becca, I said. I was sorry. What’s gotten into you?”
“Nothing’s gotten into . I’m just sick and tired of people trying to hide shit. Like, I don’t know what’s going on. You’re hiding sothing from . It’s f*cking obvious, Neal. And Allegra covering for you....” I scoffed, shaking my head as I turned my eyes out toward the water.
There was no reason to explain myself. What was it honestly going to do?
It wasn’t going to solve anything. They were either going to continue to do what they were doing, or they were going to f*cking figure sothing else out and end up telling the truth. Either way, I was more likely to be upset because if they had to hide it from , it wasn’t good.
Neal stepped closer to as he laid his hand gently on my arm, turning to face him once more. “Since coming here and being with you, I’ve been nothing but happy. But I can’t say that I’m not worried about you because I am. I’m worried every single day that they’re going to co here and try to take you from .”
“Who, Sergie’s son?” I laughed, shaking my head. “Co on now, Neal. If he was honestly going to co, don’t you think you would have f*cking done it by now?”
His hand fell to his side as he stood there thinking over what I had said. I wasn’t wrong, and he knew it, but before he could say anything, Layla quickly strolled out back, stopping in her tracks as she glanced at him and then turned her eyes toward .
“I’m sorry, do I need to co back?” she said softly as she waited for a reply. Yet, Neal shook his head and turned without saying another word and made his way inside.
I hated how he walked away every ti we were in a discussion or having an argunt. He always walked away as if that was the best answer because leaving things unsaid just made everything a hell of a lot better.
“Sorry about that, Layla. Everything’s fine. He’s just being Neal.”
I didn’t miss the way that she watched him walk back into the house. It was obvious from the day that she had stepped foot into my ho that she had a thing for Neal, and where one girl may have been jealous at one point over this whole situation, I honestly wasn’t.
I had wondered what it would be like to see Neal with sobody else and not . At one point in ti, I couldn’t have imagined that. But so much had changed between then and now, and even though Neal had been there for , and we had been intimate... we weren’t there now.
I wanted to see him happy—and ,apparently, I didn’t know how to make him happy myself.
It was just that there had been so much stuff that had happened, and even if Jas was still alive, I probably would have still called it off. Being with Jas and then Neal had been complicated. Everything was always complicated, and though Neal had treated like a queen since the day he took under his wing, it didn’t change the fact that he had his flaws too.
Hell, we all had our flaws. But the feelings that I felt for him once upon a ti were slowly fading, and nothing that I could do would fix that. At least not anyti soon. “See sothing you like?”
Layla quickly shook her head, turning back to as a shade of pink tinged her cheeks from embarrassnt. “I’m so sorry. I wasn’t aning to stare at him like that—”
Holding my hand up, I’d cut her off mid-sentence with a smile on my face as I laughed. “Layla, Neal and I are not together like that anymore. If you like him, tell him you like him. I would be happy as long as I saw him happy. Even though we’ve been through so much together, I cannot give him the happiness he’s looking for right now when I myself am trying to heal and live a life as a new mother.”
She was taken aback by my forwardness in telling her to dive into Neal if she felt like it. As much as I wanted to be the one that was able to kiss and hold him, to have him hold , to be wrapped and entangled within his arms, it just wasn’t there anymore for .
Perhaps the only reason why I had such an infatuation with him before was because I so desperately wanted to feel loved when Jas had made feel like I was nothing.
Whatever the situation was, Jas was long gone dead at the hand of an evil man who I wished more than anything I could kill myself. I’d give anything to have Jas back, but not in the way you would think.
I just wanted him to be able to see his daughter, to see what we’d created.
I wasn’t the kind of woman who believed in church and all of the other stuff that people believed in. I was the kind of woman who did believe in fate, though... I believed that every action had a positive or negative reaction.
“Shall we get going?” She was quickly changing the subject as she grabbed the handle of the stroller pushing the blankets back inside. I knew she was changing the subject because she no longer wanted to speak about Neal.
I just didn’t know how to let it go. I’d have to find a new tactic to get her to spill the tea without her actually spilling the tea. It was sothing I had beco fond of doing.
“Layla, can I ask you sothing?”
Glancing over at from the corner of her eye, she nodded. “Of course, you can.”
“Why is it that such a young girl like you decided to beco a nanny? You just finished school not long ago and are already entering your adult life. Yet you want a job as a nanny. Why?
“Honestly?” she squeaked in shock as she continued walking down the path toward the beach. “Are you sure that you want that answer?”
“Of course, I’m sure. Why wouldn’t I be? Tell what made you decide to do this.”
Biting her bottom lip, she stopped in her tracks and turned to face completely. “I want to make a difference, and working with children, I can. Not to ntion working with you, I automatically get to travel to other countries.... I have never seen anything outside New Zealand.”
Laughter escaped like a wild river as I took in exactly what she said.
I hadn’t ant to offend her or be rude in any way. I just couldn’t contain the laughter that I felt over this entire situation. She had literally done it because she wanted to travel, which I don’t bla her. Honestly, had I been in her shoes, I probably would have done the sa thing.
“Fair enough. I admire your honesty, and I want you to always be honest with , which is why I will go ahead and let you know again that if you want Neal, you need to take the leap and go get him. A man like him is not going to be around forever, and I’m giving you my full blessing if that is what will make you both happy.”
Even though I spoke the words, there was a tinge of pain in my heart.
A pain that may not ever go away but with ti hopefully would fade.
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