Becca.
For days, I lived in a house with hushed whispers and stolen conversations. Neal had been acting beyond odd lately, and even Allegra, who tried to smile and play off Neal’s behavior, was being odd. I wasn’t sure what it was about the situation that set off entirely, but I knew for sure it had sothing to do with the phone calls Neal kept getting.
“Hey, so I was thinking that maybe we could take the kids down to the beach today,” echoed into my ear, and as I turned my gaze from where I had been watching Neal, I smiled at her.
“Yeah, that sounds great. Why don’t you go ahead and get little man situated, and then I will find out from Allegra and Neal if they want to join us?”
Nodding her head, the nanny quickly disappeared from sight, and as I sat there, turning my gaze back to where Neal was standing, I continued to contemplate what it was that was bothering him so much.
This had been a big move for all of us, and with my father going to be here in just a few days, I had hoped that things would be better before he arrived.
Standing, I let a heavy breath escape , the sigh causing Allegra to look at with concern on her face. “Is everything okay?”
Taking a mont, I considered not saying anything. However, I was sick and tired of not saying anything at all to anybody. I was tired of having to bite my tongue, which was sothing that I didn’t enjoy. “I don’t know. You tell .”
She seed a little taken aback by my response, and furrowing her brows, she stood and walked over to where I was standing. “Becca, is there sothing wrong? Did I do sothing?”
“You didn’t.” I sighed as I turned my gaze back once more to where Neal was. “I know sothing is going on, and I know you and Neal are not telling what it is. I don’t appreciate the secrets. I thought we were past all of this.”
Again, taken aback by my response, she hesitated, her eyes gazing over to where her brother was standing. His ssy hair and pale complexion revealed an angry scowl on his face with his lips thinly t. The disheveled look upon him seed as if he hadn’t been sleeping, which wasn’t like Neal, who seed to usually take pride in his appearance.
“I think it’s just work, Becca. You really shouldn’t bother yourself worrying about it. If he wanted to tell you sothing, he would.”
I half expected the response that she gave , and as I gazed at her once more, I gave a look that let her know I wasn’t buying the bullshit. “You do know that I know you and your brother pretty well by now, and I can tell when sothing is business related and when it’s personal, right?”
Ever since we had moved to New Zealand, I had figured that everything would get better. Of course, I had been pregnant at one point in ti, but even then, the emotional relationship between Neal and had slowly begun to fizzle out. I wasn’t sure why one day we had been so romantically involved with each other, and then next it just seed to be turned off like a light switch, but it had happened.
“Becca, I swear it’s nothing to worry about. I told Neal, if I were him, I would tell you he’s just stressed out about so stuff, and he said sothing about possibly going back to the states, but then he feels guilty about leaving you here....”
At her words, I shook my head. “That’s ridiculous. If he has to go back to the States and deal with work, he must go. He doesn’t have to stay here on my account.”
This did make sense. I could see where he would not want to leave , especially after I just had the baby. But Dahlia and I were fine, and I was spending ti with the children, so there was no reason for him to think that he couldn’t leave for business.
“Perhaps you should have that conversation with him then,” she said softly with a smile. “I’m sure he would feel much better about the situation if you gave him permission.”
“Yeah. I just wish he didn’t think that he needed my approval. Business is important to him, and you guys having to start over your lives here with is because of all the shit that happened, and that’s not your fault. I should never have gotten you involved the way I did.”
I felt slightly guilty that he was feeling this way, and Allegra and he had to start their new lives over here in New Zealand with . I know they could have gone anywhere, but they didn’t want to leave my side, and part of wondered if that was because they were concerned that sothing would happen to if they did.
I was a grown adult, capable of taking care of myself. I didn’t need soone to hold my hand, and now with the money that Jas had left and the kids, I could support us without anybody being here.
Biting my bottom lip, I looked back at Neal once more and then slowly walked over to him. “What’s wrong with you? Is it work?”
His eyes slowly t mine, and with a sad look upon them, he shrugged his shoulders. “There’s a lot of things going on right now, and I’m just stressed out about it. I don’t an to take it out on you. I’m sorry.”
I didn’t understand what he was talking about. He wasn’t taking anything out on unless he ant his current depressed, moody state that he had been in for the last few days. “Don’t be silly. You’re perfectly fine. If you need to go back and take care of business, you can go.”
A soft chuckle escaped him, and as it did, he wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled close into his embrace. Being in his arms was comforting. It was sothing that I enjoyed, and I hadn’t had it very often because he’d been so distant.
“I might just have to take you up on that offer. I just hate leaving you here.” I couldn’t understand why he thought leaving would be an issue. Technically, we weren’t actually together as in boyfriend or girlfriend or any kind of thing like that. We were simply friends who had had a romantic relationship.
Perhaps he just felt that with everything that happened with Jas, he needed to be here for , both as a friend and a romantic partner, and that wasn’t the case.
“Neal, it’s quite obvious that for so ti now, our relationship hasn’t been what it was. I don’t want you to feel like you’re obligated to because of everything that happened. I can take care of myself, and I want you to be happy even if it’s not with . If that’s what would make you happy, then do that.”
Seemingly taken back by my response, he pulled away from , narrowing his gaze in confusion as his hands fell at his side. “What would make you think that I wasn’t happy with you? I care about you, Becca.”
I didn’t know why I was having to have this conversation with him. I was supposed to be getting ready to go down to the beach with Layla and the children. However, this conversation was indeed important.
“Neal, I know you care about , but it’s quite obvious that over the past few weeks, the romantic relationship that we once had is gone, and there’s no saying that it won’t co back... but I also know that with things as complicated as they are, I would not be ready to have that kind of relationship after everything that had happened to .... I’m not ready for more right now...”
For so reason, part of felt like I was breaking up with him, even though we were never really officially dating. I didn’t understand it, but as much as I loved and cared about him, it was more like loving and caring for my best friend than it was a man that I was actually in love with.
Even though he had treated like nothing but a queen.
With wide eyes and parted lips, he looked at , absolutely stunned. “Don’t say that. I understand that things have been hard, and I’m sorry that I’ve been acting the way I have, but I don’t want you to say that. I’m in love with you, Becca, and nothing is going to change that, and nobody is going to take you from .”
He didn’t bother to stay around to let finish the conversation. Instead, he turned away from and walked off, leaving dumbfounded by why he would think sobody was trying to take from him. There was nobody to take from him.
After a mont, I turned my attention to Allegra, who had been standing nearby listening to the entire conversation. A sad look crossed her face before her shoulders sagged, and she turned, walking away from .
Perhaps I had ssed up in my judgnt in thinking that he simply did not want to leave because he felt guilty. I knew he cared about , or at least I knew he did at one point, but the last few months, everything had changed.
From how he acted, I accepted that his feelings had also changed.
I guess I thought wrong, and looking at it now, I felt horrible for thinking he didn’t care.
At the end of the day, I just didn’t know if I was ready to continue anything like that on. Not after everything that had happened. Jas and Tally dying were a huge factor, but then I had to move my entire life as well.
All I wanted more than anything was to be able to get my life together. To be able to move forward and make sothing of myself instead of having to feel like I was relying on a man to make happy.
It’s hard to be happy with soone else when you don’t even know how to be happy with yourself, but I didn’t know how to explain that to Neal. The soft footsteps of Layla coming down the hallway got my attention, and pushing back the emotions that I felt, I rushed down the hallway to et her.
“I was just coming to find you. I have the bags packed, and Dahlia is awake, so I went ahead and changed her. Did you want to get going?”
“Yeah, that sounds great,” I replied smiling as I turned toward the nursery. “Just give a mont.”
As much as I would rather have curled up into bed and cried my eyes out for the confusion and hurt I felt, I couldn’t. Dwelling on all of this was just going to make crazy, and even though he said it was just work bothering him...
I didn’t know if I believed it.
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