Becca.
As I stood before Neal, staring at him, trying to process the words that he had said, I felt my heart slowly beat faster. A man that I had shared a bed with many tis and grown to care about was a cold-blooded killer.
How was it that this kind, gentle person who had done everything in his power to take care of could kill people without hesitation?
I didn’t know if I could believe that any of it could be true. I couldn’t see Neal being that kind of person. Yet, as he spoke, I knew the words were truer than I wanted to admit. It was the first ti in a long ti that soone had been genuinely truthful with , and that raw information gutted to the core.
“Please tell that you’re lying, that all of that is just sothing you said to upset . Tell that’s not true.” As tears filled my eyes, I waited for him to say anything that would suggest the fact that he was simply making it up. But as I stared at him, I could tell he wasn’t.
“Out of everything I just told you, you want to admit that I was lying, as if what I’m telling you couldn’t possibly be accurate.”
The sinister, snide remark that he gave , with a look of disgust across his lips, made flinch. He had never looked at this way. And yet, as he stepped back away from , I couldn’t help but feel that I had completely ruined any kind of relationship that we could have had between us.
“I’m not saying that you were lying.... I’m just—I don’t know. I don’t want to believe that what you’re saying is true. That a man I had grown to care so much about could have that kind of past.”
Neal scoffed at my comnt, rolling his eyes as he shook his head. “So you don’t want to believe that I could have that kind of past, but you are sure find it acceptable that Jas had one. Co on now, Becca. That’s a bunch of bullshit, don’t you think?”
Perhaps it was. Perhaps judging Neal for his background was wrong of because I had sort of accepted the way that Jas’s life was and the issues that ca with him and had still loved him regardless of it.
But yet, hearing everything that Neal said to scared . It terrified knowing that I had been sleeping with a man who had killed people for a living, or at least that his family had, and that he had even killed people just because he wanted to prove a point.
“I’m sorry that I’m finding it hard to process all of this!” I yelled at him, throwing my hands in the air as I quickly turned towards the door. “It’s hard to process everything going on when you’re acting the way that you are. You can’t even have a normal conversation about this. Instead, you’re lashing out at when all I did was care about how you were feeling.”
Before I could even reach the doorknob, Neal grabbed my arm and turned to face him. The look on his face was unrecognizable. He wasn’t angry, at least he didn’t look angry. But what was there was remorse and guilt as well as a little sadness?
“I’m sorry, Becca,” he said softly as his eyes cast to the floor. “You’re right, I shouldn’t have acted that way. I just don’t want to relive my past constantly, and I don’t want people to think that my past defines who I am now.”
“Neal, you, of all people, should know that. I wouldn’t judge you like that.”
My quick response caused him to glance at again as another scoff left his lips that I didn’t understand. “You didn’t see the way that you looked at when I told you that. You looked at as if I was so foreign stranger trying to kill you.”
I couldn’t believe that that was what he thought. It wasn’t that I thought he was going to kill . What I thought was that he had kept these secrets from and hid them. Lying to about who he was as if I couldn’t handle the truth.
“That is so far from the truth, you have no idea,” I replied, trying to make him see reason as I slowly took his hand in mine. “All I want for you to do is be honest and not feel that you have to hide shit from . We all have parts of ourselves that we’re not proud of, and yes, I am shocked that you are the kind of person that could have done sothing like that, but it doesn’t make think any less of you.”
I didn’t know what to say to try and make the situation any better. There were no words to really help the matter, but from the look of things, one thing Neal did need was ti to process that he had told what he did, and honestly, I needed the ti to process exactly what he had said.
“I’m sorry.” It was the only response that he could give as he turned away from , pulled his hand from mine, and made his way across the bedroom.
“Don’t let this pull us apart,” I whispered, watching him refuse to face . “I’m going to go get in the shower, and I think you should do the sa. Then if you want, you can co join in my room and watch a movie with .”
He didn’t bother to acknowledge what I had said or even look at . But I knew very well that he had heard what I had offered, and without saying another word, I turned from the room and closed the door behind as I stepped into the hallway.
To no surprise, Allegra stood there waiting with her hands at her side and a defeated look on her face. “He told you?”
Nodding my head, I turned from her and went further down the hall towards where I was sleeping. I didn’t really want to have a conversation with her, but from the sound of her footsteps behind , I felt she wouldn’t let go until I did.
Not bothering to close the door behind as I made my way into my room, I heard the door shut softly, and as I turned, Allegra stood there with tears in her eyes as if pleading with not to change my mind about her brother. “Becca, I can explain.”
“There’s no need to explain anything, Allegra,” I replied, holding my hand up to stop her from talking. “We all have pasts that we’re not proud of. What hurts the most is that the two of you thought you couldn’t tell the truth. After everything that happened with Jas, you should have told .”
“I know, and I wanted to so many tis, Becca, but Neal’s story wasn’t mine to tell, and had I done that, it would have just caused more issues. Not to ntion there were so many things going on at that point in ti—”
Allegra rambled on, trying to explain why she did what she did and that she hadn’t ant to deceive . However, the thing was, she didn’t realize I wasn’t angry at her. I wasn’t even angry at Neal.
I was more upset that they felt they couldn’t talk to about sothing like this.
There was no doubt that I had my own reservations about everything. Especially knowing that Allegra and Neal were actually Russian, knowing that they ca from a long line of assassins and that they had killed more people than I wanted to even know about.
At the end of the day, though, they both were people who had been there for more tis than I could count, who had had my back through everything, and had even risked their own lives to co into Jas’s ho to rescue .
The two of them had co in to try and save . To save my unborn child.
I would be forever grateful for what they had done, and because of that, I could overlook the past issues that they had tried to hide away. “It’s okay, Allegra, honestly.”
She paused for a mont, her lips quivering as she nodded her head. “You don’t hate ?”
“No, I don’t hate you.” I chuckled, pushing a smile onto my lips that surprisingly wasn’t forced. “Am I a little shocked to know that the Duchess of Fashion was actually a trained assassin? Yes, but you surprise quite often.”
My comnt made her laugh. And with it, the tension in the room quickly died down, and smiling faces appeared before the chaos. “I’m glad that you’re not angry at . I don’t think that I could honestly take you being angry at .”
“Stop worrying, Allegra. Now I’m going to climb in the shower, and I’m getting in bed to watch a movie. I told your brother that he could join if he wanted to, but honestly, I don’t think that he will. Not sure if you wanna go check on him and make sure that he’s okay.”
Nodding her head, she turned and quickly exited the room, and once again, I was left with my own thoughts. The hot shower that I had wanted to take before sounded better and better, and as I moved towards the bathroom, turning on the shower head, I couldn’t help but wonder if there was more that Neal hadn’t told .
Not in a bad way, but I felt bad for him that he’d had to keep all of this to himself.
Nobody deserved to go through all that without anybody to lean on, and even though it seed like he and Allegra were very close, I couldn’t help but wonder if I needed to be the rock that he could turn to in his ti of need.
Also, I wondered if all of the nightmares that he had been having were simply because he was a young boy who hadn’t asked for that life but had been thrown into it without a choice.
Sothing that I would have to find out in ti.
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