I would think about it That was what I said, nevertheless, the answer I wanted to deliver was more or less settled.
After returning ho, I grabbed my phone and continued to stare at the ceiling as I lay on the untouched and untucked futon. The call would be connected to the barcode manager with a simple button press.
Then what would I say?
Please let resign.
That single remark would likely convey the implied ssage, followed imdiately by a sigh of disappointnt from the manager.
What I heard from Takenaka was a phenonal story.
I felt it was not a territory I should venture into. Or rather, I felt it was a territory I could not penetrate.
I an, after all, who would believe it? Even I still felt like I was dreaming.
Like that huge armor and helt that appeared behind Takenaka from ti to ti. The man who was caught on security cara screaming in grief. Or that woman who was attached to the windowpane.
To know that I have to look at those things every day from now on That was absolutely impractical
My cell phones call button was still not pressed, though, both out of sha for quitting after only a week and out of a sense of apology for the night shift workers that remained behind. In all the places that I had been allocated, I had never worked anywhere else in my life with such a shortest record.
No, that didnt matter, not really. I didnt want to be regarded as one of those who had left, I supposed.
That type of obstinacy isnt essential, a calm part of whispered, yet I couldnt help but think that it would be better to just leave
I was too clouded to draw a decision in one stroke. Saying quitting was easy but deliberately attempting to go to a place I didnt want to go to was not right. No, but a sense of responsibility abounded . Even if it was only a part-ti job, ending it so easily was not acceptable. I wasnt a child.
Even Takenaka warned to steer clear, or I might end up in ssy situations again.
Although I was starting to develop a rapport with Aoyama and Hirai, was this really the right way to end things?
Conflicted, the answer eluded . Despite pressing only one button and things would end, sothing was holding back.
Frustration was beginning to sink in. With so much going on today, I was exhausted, confounded, and unclear, causing to struggle with information indigestion.
I kicked the sliding door of the closet next to mine with all my might out of desperation.
What!?
That turned out to be a mistake.
An avalanche of junk and cardboard boxes that had been piled within ca tumbling down as the poor, battered sliding door was on the edge of falling apart.
I was shrieking, held down by dusty magazines and the like, and sobbing profusely due to the sll of dust and the pain. This was the worst. I was at my breaking point. Damn it.
Before, my mother barged in with my sister and told that there were too many things and that I should organize them when I got the chance. This was the result of leaving them unattended.
Ah ah.
Was that what people call a whole catastrophe for this?
The avalanche dispersed the magazines and mangas I had taped together into a jumble, and the contents within the cardboard boxes were crushed with a mighty thud. Dust was dancing on the futon, above my head.
My sister would probably respond, Pfft, serve you right, if she saw it, which would irritate .
Even though I hated it, I was compelled to clean it up. Dammit What a day today was.
Lacking motivation, I was dazedly sitting cross-legged for a while looking at the ss.
My cell phone rang subsequently.
This pattern of incoming calls was
On the screen, I found the person I had been debating whether to call, the Manager.
I picked up the magazine with one hand, took the phone with the other, held it to my ear, and pressed the call button. The managers voice ca through when I answered, and it had a strangely muffled tone.
[O-Oh, Hakamada? Are you okay?]
What is it?
[No, you see. You didnt reply to my email.]
Ah. Speaking of which, I forgot to reply to him I an, was that the only reason he called ?
My mind was conjuring up an image of the barcode manager calling with his complexion changed.
[Is there sothing bad happening?]
Although I didnt find the manager very appealing, I thought he had good instincts at this point. A week has passed, after all. The manager must have been prepared for this.
No nothing.
Actually I wasnt certain whether to open up the conversation but I made an effort to proceed as if nothing had happened.
Then
[A lie.]
What?
[The way your voice sank, I knew there is more to it than that.]
Eh?
What you the barcode manager, what were you talking about out of the blue
Hahaha, just kidding. In fact, I heard from soone this morning that your face was completely pale when you left thats why.
So that was the reason
[I beca worried. Hey, did nothing really happen?]
[So sothing did happen huh.]
I gave up on concealing it, lying about it wasnt doing any good. Furthermore, this person may have already conducted dozens of instances of this type of correspondence. There was likely no way for to hide things from the person who had gotten the knowledge from soone who already knew everything.
[I see, that was tough for you]
After listening to my story, the manager said, I see, I see, as if to reassure . I asked the manager one thing that bothered .
Manager, have you ever seen that too those things?
[Yeah. Sotis when I substitute for the night shift, and on rare occasions during the day its really terrific there.
Is that so
The manager returned back saying in an accustod tone of voice, Thats right.
I couldnt work if I was scared.
[So, what is your plan, Hakamada?]
Huh?
[No pressure really. I just want you to tell how you really feel.]
It was clear imdiately what the manager was going to ask .
[If youre not particularly bothered about it, thats great, but judging by the way you react, I assu you arent? If you dont like it, the sooner the better to quit Besides, a long ti ago, a girl who forced herself to continue working part-ti fell into a highly perilous position so I dont want Hakamada to face that kind of danger, and if you think its not right for you after all, then you should just go ahead and say it]
But
[Even if you opt to do so, neither I nor the people on the night shift will ever characterize you as an insensitive person, dont worry.]
Again, I fell into silence.
The manager was right. Perhaps resigning at this point would be the safest thing to do without needlessly inconveniencing them. The answer I had been wavering over seed to have sohow been finalized.
As I was arranging the ss at that ti, one of my arms tripped over a cardboard box and it fell to the ground. The contents were spread across the futon after it was knocked over again.
Ah back to square one
With my phone between my shoulder and head, I used both hands to collect up all the stuff that had been scattered and tried to put it away again.
And thenSothing fell out of it.
I wondered what that was and it turned out to be a dusty, slightly faded photograph. Mixed in amongst all this was a single photo.
When I picked up the photo and flipped it over, I
gulped at the sight of it.
This photo was
Instantly, my hand, which had picked up the photo with my fingertips, quivered subtly. My breathing rhythm fluctuated erratically, and my heart pulsed wildly as if I had been racing at full speed.
Turmoil
Why did this photograph appear in front of now?
While I didnt want to look at it, I couldnt throw it away. I had forgotten it existed until just now.
Was it a coincidence that it popped up before ? Or was it
My eyes couldnt detach themselves from it and I wondered how long I had been doing so. The managers voice drew back in just as my thoughts were starting to stray.
[Hey, Hakamada?]
Eh, ah.
No good, I had completely blanked out.
[Whats wrong?]
No
Nothing. Even as I attempted to answer that, before I knew it, even my voice had been stifled, clearly establishing that sothing must be amiss. Over the cell phone, the managers concerned voice played again.
Manager.
Instead of putting it back in the cardboard, I carefully laid the single photograph down on the futon. Taking a small, inaudible deep breath, I opened my mouth.
[Ehhh!?]
The manager was still astounded by my response and raised his voice so high it almost cracked.
It was too loud. Dont make such a loud voice.
[Hakamada, did you just say that you want to continue?]
Yes.
[Youre going to keep working the night shift at that convenience store!?]
Didnt I already say that? Dont make repeat it, you bald! As expected, I couldnt say that but I uttered the word yes again.
The manager growled.
[I have no idea what you saw, but Hakamada, you must have figured out this ti that place is a place that chooses its people and yet.]
I am simply having difficulty finding another place to work. In any case, I will get used to it.
[Is that really the reason?]
Silence would be taken as an affirmation. I hastily composed my next words and moved my mouth to formulate them.
Right, and the fact that I am not injured, I dont think its going to be a problem. I want to keep going.
[Even if you said that]
This ti, the manager fell silent.
Because of my position, I cant force you to quit or continue.]
Even so, the manager said that he hoped that I would prioritize myself.
[If there is sothing bothering you or sothing you feel guilty about that is forcing you to continue, then]
Todays manager struck an uncanny chord with . Even though I thought so, what was on my mind right now was not sothing that I could talk to the manager about. Telling him wouldnt accomplish anything, nor did I want to tell him.
I had already set my heart on it.
Once a decision had been reached, I would push forward to the very end, irrespective of who might oppose , for I was the type of person who was stupid, foolish, and impulsive.
Foolish, incurably stupid.
[I see if you insist that much I would appreciate it if you could continue too but dont strain yourself, Hakamada, youre a normal person after all.]
Having received an unexpected response back, the manager voiced his concern to and hung up the phone.
My cell phones screen displayed end of call, and I silently closed it while staring at it.
A silent mutter escaped my lips.
This cant be a coincidence, can it?
Not looking at it, I unconsciously rolled up the photograph I had laid down on the futon and viewed it once more.
It was no coincidence
All the inexplicable things that were unfolding around All of them, no doubt.
My own
No way I could run away from it. Escaping wasnt a choice for .
Therefore, I had to keep going.
I would stay in that place.
No matter what may befall.
I pressed the photograph I found in the junk tightly to my chest and shut my eyes. My heart throbbed naturally, and the center of my chest ached slightly.
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