It was Christmas, and I was spending the whole ti at ho. And it wasn't because I had no plans or no one invited to hang out but majorly because I still wasn't done recharging my social battery from yesterday's interaction.
Lying on my bed, the screen of my mobile was lit beside . I was scrolling through social dia, and most of the people were uploading pictures and stories of what they did on Christmas Eve.
I wasn't a person to be actively part of such a debacle.
I was scrolling past Tsūn's account and noticed that he uploaded that picture we took yesterday in his story and tagged all of us on that. A peal of soft laughter left my mouth as I stared at the picture for a few monts.
I was reminiscing about the phone call with my sister last night. She called to wish Christmas but we didn't talk much since she was with her friends.
"rry Christmas, Sai!" She said in her energetic voice as always. The conversation between us lasted for a few minutes, mostly just exchanges of how either of us was doing.
I also rember my mobile going crazy with notifications as everyone was spamming wishes in group chats. I also got a few personal wishes but two of them were completely unexpected.
They were from Kizhashi and Reina.
"Why can't you co?" Was the text that Gaisen sent last night. I didn't want to trouble their plan because of so I ended up making an excuse for catching a cold.
Gaisen was aware of my sensitivity to changing weather, so he just told to take care of myself and didn't give it much of a thought.
I recalled how lonely I was on Christmas, the previous year. It's not like Tsūn and Gaisen weren't my friends back then. They invited to hang out with them last year as well and I still rember how hung up Tsūn was when I rejected them.
He tried to convince but I just couldn't vibe well with them at that point in ti.
It's just that due to my sceptical nature, I ended up taking a lot of ti before I could trust them.
I rember laying on my bed, in darkness. The sound of the clock ticking in my room felt way too loud for so reason. I wasn't sleeping, my eyes were wide open, staring at the ceiling.
I was drowning in my thoughts.
People tried to get closer to but I just ended up pushing them away despite their intentions towards . They might have been well intent towards , but I couldn't care less about it.
At least that's how I used to think.
eting Tsūn and Gaisen changed my perspective a lot on these thing.
My mindset was like that probably because I had t no one I could consider an actual friend till that mont. All my life, I've been around superficial people who spilt nothing but sugar-coated words.
They liked the person I was from outside, but not a single person tried to understand how I was personally. And if I think back on it, neither of them would've actually accepted for who I'm.
The more I realised this, the shorter my tolerance grew for these kinds of things. To simply avoid being involved in such interactions, I walked on the path of a Loner.
Once you get addicted to solitary, it becos difficult to return to interactions.
It reminded of the last Christmas I spent with my family. I rember my mum and dad talking with my sister at the dinner table. She was in her final year of high school at that ti, so she was still living with us.
The sound of their laughs and the sight of their smiles still linger upon my mind, as if that was just yesterday. Sotis when I order takeaway food, or I'm not in the mood for cooking, I miss the als my mother used to cook.
Even though I was never the one to be actively taking part in family conversations. And it was not like I was way too imrsed in myself, but rather the fact that I've been shut off by them every ti I wanted to say sothing.
I didn't give it much of a thought at first, but after the sa thing being repeated so many tis, I slowly shut myself out from them.
Though it wasn't the worst thing and I couldn't care less about it. It's not like they used to do it intentionally, as I could tell by their expressions that they didn't consider anything of the ordeal.
Though recalling back, spending Christmas with your own family does have a certain essence to it. And it was more prominent for because I was well aware of the subconscious void in my mind.
Why did she have to be like that?
I only ever wished for a normal life and always tried my best to put up with her.
My sister used to bake cakes for Christmas. It was mostly a delightful ti since our dad used to be on his break and it was always great to spend so ti with him. And he brought presents for us as well.
I don't despise them, I'm just disappointed.
I realised that the more I think about it, I'll keep sinking in this abyss of despair.
It was a funny thing.
How hatred has no limits, yet your love for sobody ends at a particular point. A person who loves must be prepared to face what hatred is as well. After all, love and hate are just two sides of the sa coin.
Looking back at how my life changed over the years it still astonishes .
"Heya!" I heard a cheerful voice call out to , followed by rushed footsteps pacing towards my bed.. I shifted my glance around and got face to face with lustrous silver hairs.
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