8 - The Dreamy Desire To Fade Away
[NEXT DAY, MOSCOW]
“You’re the unluckiest luckiest person I’ve ever known.” Nacht sighed.
“You gotta be more transparent with , Nacht.” Aleksei said, leaning against the white-painted walls that had a yellowish hue to them. Next to him was the entrance to the university’s library. “Why are you avoiding him so damn much?”
“You’re not trusting my word?” Nacht asked.
“No, that’s not the case.” Aleksei said. “I just-”
“You have a point, though.” Nacht replied. “The closer you get to him, the less the chance he’ll suspect anything.”
“Why don’t you get close to him yourself?” Aleksei asked.
“Cause I’m a shy person.” Nacht smirked. “Besides, think about it. I have no reason to appear to him yet.”
“You’re approaching this as if you’re trying to get to know a girl.” Aleksei said. “Look, he’s just a guy. He’s gonna be here soon, just hang around for longer and then go ahead and speak to him. Introduce yourself.”
“Nah. He’s not ‘just a guy’.” Nacht said. With the corner of his eye, he saw Sakuto erge from the flight of stairs attached to the hallway the two were staring into. “Oops, gotta bounce.”
“Dude!” Aleksei exclaid, trying to grab Nacht, but the latter quickly ran off.
“Oh, hey.” Sakuto said, tired. He looked like he didn’t sleep well that night.
“Ah, hello. Everyone else from the group should be there already.” Aleksei awkwardly said. “I can’t handle this back and forth anymore. I gotta sohow set him up and let him et Nacht.”
“Right.” Sakuto said. “Are they inside?”
“Yeah.”
“Let’s get to them then.” Aleksei said, opening the heavy glass doors of the library. The two went inside, and the place looked peaceful. Akin to most modern libraries, there were computers stationed almost every two steps.
“Well, Nacht is my friend, after all.”
“He trusts .”
“There they are.” Aleksei said, greeting the group. They were in one of the private rooms, with glass walls, a large whiteboard, and a white table with a laptop on it. They entered, Sakuto awkwardly nodded, and they sat down by them.
“Looks like everyone’s here. And they’ve been here for a while.”
“They’re all good friends, Aleksei included. Looks like I’m the outsider again.”
Sakuto was on his phone for most of the discussions. He awkwardly glanced at the rest of the group, who were all talking to each other and joking around and laughing. He felt a few eyes stare at him, more specifically, his eyepatch. Minutes passed very slowly, probably because Sakuto was checking the ti on his phone every few seconds or so.
“They’re not even working on the project. They’re just ssing around.”
“And whatever they’re talking about holds no aning or value. They’re just talking for the sake of talking to each other. They’re so friendly...”
“But they don’t want to be friendly with . I can’t join in their conversation.”
“And even if I could, I feel like I wouldn't be able to socialize properly.”
“Just like in the old days.”
“They look vaguely similar to all the soulless that I culled during the war.”
He felt an urge to scratch the bandages parts of his arm that concealed his scars. He also realized that just scratching them with his hand wouldn’t feel enough.
“I wonder if they suspect anything...”
Sakuto scrolled social dia, refreshing his feed every few seconds. He spun his phone around in his hand, almost dropping it a few tis. He stared at the ceiling to kill ti. The others were starting to play a ga. Sakuto feared that he would be offered to play too, he knew that the invitation wouldn’t be a product of desire, but out of obligation to appear nice to people and follow the moral guidelines of politeness.
“At the sa ti, maybe it’s a good thing I’m in this group.”
“I can properly investigate who this Aleksei guy really is.”
“Guys, we still have the project to work on.” Aleksei said, finishing laughing at yet another joke Sakuto couldn’t understand.
“If I had brought that up, I’d be crucified.” Sakuto thought. He was grateful that Aleksei finally said sothing.
“Ah, you’re right. I don’t think we’ll manage to do everything...” Lily said. “We booked this room for only an hour, there’s only around 20 minutes left. We won’t have ti. I guess we could book another day.”
“Are you fucking kidding ?” Sakuto thought.
“Then what do we do with the 20 minutes in question?” Aleksei asked.
“Whatever we've been doing for all this ti. We can play another ga.” Lily said. “Any suggestions?”
“Nope, I got nothing...” Aleksei shrugged.
“I’ve got one.” Sakuto said. Everyone seed to be surprised at his initiative. “We go around, and each one of us has to ask a question to the person next to us. The question you ask must be of the sa topic as the answer you give.”
The group was a little skeptical, but Sakuto needed that initiative to go through.
“He seed stressed like hell when I used my acclamation, so I couldn’t really read his body language during my initial interrogation. But now that the atmosphere is cool and there’s a crowd, I’ll definitely see sothing.”
“Sounds good.” Lily said after a bit of thinking. Sakuto was seated right next to Aleksei. “You can start since you suggested it. We can go clockwise.”
“Right, that ans I have to ask Aleksei a question.” Sakuto said. He was sitting right in front of him. “Ready?”
“Sure.” Aleksei said. He felt a little weird. To everyone else, the only weird thing was Sakuto’s unexpected involvent and willingness to play gas.
“What’s your favorite na?” Sakuto asked.
“My favorite...na?” Aleksei was confused. “I guess I like my own na a lot.”
“Hm...yep, that’s it. Fair answer.” Sakuto pretended to smile. “That’s a great na. See my favorite na, for example, is Nacht. I was curious to hear what your opinion was.”
“Nacht...sounds cool. Even a little intimidating, hah.” Lily said. “I guess it’s Aleksei’s turn to ask a question...about nas. Ugh, I hope you don’t ask a corny question.”
“Haha, I’d never.” Aleksei awkwardly laughed. He noticed Sakuto’s glare, it startled him a little, but he tried his hardest to hide it.
“He knows Nacht’s na?!”
“But back then, when he took down...he questioned , not him. He couldn’t detect him despite all the supernatural fuckery he was doing at that ti.”
“There’s a lot I need to ask Nacht.”
“What was that, Aleksei?” Sakuto unexpectedly asked.
“What?” Aleksei asked back, now visibly panicking. “Wait, no, there’s no way I said all of that out loud!”
“Well, your answer. It was your own na, correct?” Sakuto asked.
“Yeah.” Aleksei nodded. Seeing the subtle changes in his behavior, Sakuto barely concealed his smile.
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“Anyways, Lily.” Aleksei said. “You have a dog, right? Which new na would you pick for it if you had to?”
“Oh, haha...I have no idea. Let think...” While Lily tried to answer the question, Sakuto glared at Aleksei even harder.
“He seed startled.”
“I saw this trick in a TV series not too long ago, didn’t think it would actually work.”
“When he tried to reach for his phone, he did so unnecessary hand motions, as if his hand was delayed. And his breathing got a little heavier.”
“It’s all easy to read. Sothing’s off.”
Sakuto sighed, closing his eyes and putting up another fake smile.
“It’s easy to look at the fields while you’re in the mountains.”
“Maybe that’s why I’ll never feel what running around in the fields feels like.”
“Get out of here...”
“Sorry, I gotta go now.” Sakuto suddenly said, standing up. “There’s so urgent things I need to take care of. Goodbye.”
“But we didn’t finish the-”
Lily’s voice was interrupted by the door quickly opening, Sakuto left without even looking back.
“Ah, we didn’t decide on the next etup, did we?” Aleksei said. “Tomorrow at the sa ti?”
“Sounds good.” Lily said, her other friends nodded in agreent.
“I’ll go tell him.” Aleksei said, quickly leaving the room. He sprinted across the library, catching up to Sakuto who was close to leaving it.
“Huh?” Sakuto wondered, encountering him.
“We forgot to tell you, the next eting will be tomorrow, sa place, sa ti.” Aleksei said. “Also...there’s sothing I’d like to tell you.”
“I’m all ears.” Sakuto said. His own presence was made a little higher, he was on the defensive.
“Later today, say, at 8, would you be available to have dinner with ? There’s a great restaurant a few blocks down from here, they serve good seafood. What do you say?”
“You’re asking out?” Sakuto wondered. “Sorry, I don’t swing that way.”
“No, that’s not my intention!” Aleksei quickly cleared up the misunderstanding. “I just thought there’s so tension between us, and uhh, yeah...that, and my friend wants to et you as well. I believe that you two need to see each other.”
“Huh...alright.” Sakuto said. “Who is your friend? What’s his na?”
“I’m sorry, Sakuto, I gotta go back. I don’t want to leave everyone else in an uncomfortable situation.” Aleksei said, running away. “Take care!”
“A dinner invitation?” Sakuto thought. “And a friend, especially one whose na he apparently doesn’t want to share...”
“Yeah, I’m definitely onto sothing.”
Sakuto slowly left campus. But on his way out, sensed a faint yet familiar presence.
“Hey, it’s you.” Jacob waved, approaching him. “What have you been up to? You uhh...you managed to find that soone?”
“Maybe yes, maybe no.” Sakuto replied, still a bit disappointed that he was involving himself with his business.
“Did that stunt you pulled off help you at all?” Jacob said.
“Now that I think about it, it helped quite a bit.” Sakuto replied. “Sorry if it bothered you too much.”
“Well, aside from changing my underwear I didn’t have to do anything.” Jacob chuckled. “Which way are you going? I’m off campus too. Gotta get to work.”
“Just down the main road.” Sauto said, walking down exactly there.
“Ah, we’re taking the sa route.” Jacob smiled. “Hey, can I ask you sothing? You’ve got a soul-bound weapon, right?”
“Yeah, what about it?” Sakuto asked.
“Nothing much, just thought I’d ask if I could see it. Never seen one up close, especially one belonging to a powerhouse like yourself.” Jacob asked as if he were a fan trying to get a signature from his idol.
“Sure.” Sakuto said, summoning his blade.
“Woah...” Jacob said, amazed, slowly touching the blade, making sure not to accidentally cut himself. “Looks sick.”
“It took quite a lot of lives.” Sakuto said, sounding a bit disheartened.
“I...I know.” Jacob said. “You know, when you used that ability, everything felt kind of weird. It’s...sothing you do on purpose, right? Like, to disorient and demoralize your opponents, right? Because everything just felt empty and...almost desperate. It felt like the world beca such an empty and cruel place.”
“Kind of.” Sakuto said. “Dunno. I think it’s just like that by yourself.”
“I see...” Jacob said. “And your soul presence...”
“I know. Everyone calls it scary.” Sakuto said. “The first one was Ichika.”
“I uhh...I gotta ask you, man. Are you okay?”
“Huh?” That question caught Sakuto off guard.
“No, I uhh...I don’t an it in a condescending way or as an insult, I’m just...worried about ya. I an, shit, is everything alright?”
“I see.” Sakuto took a deep breath. They continued walking down that empty road beneath a cloudy sky. “Nothing is alright.” He said with a faint smile, gazing at the dark gray sky.
“I’m...sorry to hear that.” Jacob said. “The war must be a pretty-”
“Surprisingly enough, it’s not as much about the war.” Sakuto said. “It’s about everything. All the garbage that’s been in my life for so long is fucking over at the sa ti.”
“Do you go to therapy?” Jacob asked, showing genuine concern. “Sounds like you’re in a pretty deep ss. I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Funnily enough, I was offered therapy not too long ago.” Sakuto replied. “Told him I’d let him know what I thought. He was a drunk old fart, so I don’t know if he’ll even pick up his phone.”
“Well, I recomnd-”
“Why do you care?” Sakuto asked, suddenly getting defensive. “I told you to keep away from , right? It’s for your own good. Why are we having this conversation?”
“Because I wanna know that you’re doing fine.” Jacob said. “You seem like a good guy, I wanna get to know ya better.”
“Good guy?” Sakuto asked, feeling almost insulted by the response. “That’s what you concluded? Are we for real?”
“Before I stopped you from potentially killing those assholes on campus, I saw how you approached them. You wanted to help the guy that was getting pressed, right?”
“That’s not-”
“You managed to restrain yourself, at least for a bit...” Jacob said. “I think you’re a good guy. Hell, even if you killed them, I wouldn’t think any less of you.”
“...huh?”
“I wanna be your friend.” Jacob said. “I think you’re a really interesting guy. Let’s be friends.” He extended his hand.
“You...really want to be friends with ?” Sakuto asked.
“Yeah? Is that...weird to ask? Fuck, am I being too cliché?” Jacob asked, panicking a little. “I uhh...you get the point, man. I wanna be there for you.”
“But why?”
“Does there really have to be a reason for two people to beco friends?” Jacob asked. “I just think you’re cool.”
“I...hah...” Sakuto couldn’t find the appropriate words.
“He...willingly wants to beco my friend?”
“I an, he’s a soulful, and I don’t sense any foul play, but...holy shit, he...”
“Am I really worth sothing?”
Sakuto slowly shook his hand. He didn’t say anything. Jacob acknowledged it.
“Right, I uhh...I really gotta go to work now. Part-ti jobs are a pain in the ass, but paying for tuition is necessary. Especially considering all the volleyball practice costs...”
“You practice volleyball?” Sakuto slowly asked. He didn’t look like he was focused at all.
“Yeah. I wanna get to the top of the ga.” Jacob smiled. “I wanna be on a world champion team one day.”
“Right...”
“...”
“He...wants to be my friend...”
“I hope you make it one day.” Sakuto slowly said before turning around and leaving. “Goodbye.”
“But why...”
“Why would anyone want that...?”
Sakuto couldn’t find the answers he was seeking for. His head lost in thoughts, he walked down the street even more before ultimately realizing he went the wrong way. He ca back to the turn he ssed up at and took the route leading to his hotel.
“I gotta get ready to see Aleksei soon.”
“And after that, I...”
He took a deep breath and looked at his bandages.
“I don’t know what will happen to .”
“But hey, at least there’s one guy who wants to get close to .”
“Maybe he can help out of this shithole.”
Aleksei was sprinting back to the library, but on his way there, he was startled by a familiar voice.
“So, what’d you do?” Nacht asked, grabbing Aleksei by his shoulder.
“I’m gonna et up with him, and you’re gonna be there too. You’ll talk things over instead of playing cat and mouse.”
“Are you...no, wait, hold on.” Nacht said. “Are you genuinely stupid?”
“I’m sick of this shit, and I’m sick of not knowing things. What if there’s sothing important going on underneath this? How do you even know him, and how does he know you? He knows your na!” Aleksei lashed out, but quiet enough not to be heard by Sakuto.
“And you want us to talk things out? You think that’s gonna work?” Nacht asked.
“It is. And you don’t have another choice.” Aleksei said.
“Whatever.” Nacht said. Suddenly, his mood shifted. He looked much more upbeat. “You know what? You’re right. Let’s go. Perfect timing.”
“What do you an by ‘perfect timing’?” Aleksei asked.
“Just...forget about it. Go on, go to your little eting.” Nacht said. He unexpectedly smiled. “I have my own classes to attend. You’ll tell the ti and date of your etup later.”
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