4 - Will You Accept
And so, weeks went by.
They t up quite often, grabbing snacks after classes, spending ti hanging out in the park, and most importantly, texting each other all the ti. At first, they were only seeing one another twice a week, but they started to et up pretty much every single day after the second week had passed following the park visit.
In class, they were eager to stick together for group activities and such. Out of class, Yu kept coming up with more and more poems, and Kaito kept calling all of them beautiful and brilliant, all while Yu complented the many philosophical ideas that Kaito thought of.
None of them had any friends, so no one ddled in their one on one etings. No one even cared about them, so no one really spread any gossip about them either.
But soone did notice them. Soone who was keeping an eye on Kaito.
“He’s changing.”
Fedor thought, watching Kaito look at his phone and smile in the middle of his lecture. While everyone else was busy on an assignnt that Kaito had already done before, he himself looked...genuinely happy.
“He’s not the Kaito that I know. Or maybe...he is. He just finally got an opportunity to show his true colors.”
“Alright, class is over.” Fedor said after a while. To his surprise, Kaito was the first one to leave class. With the corner of his eye, Fedor saw Kaito walk towards Yu, genuinely laughing.
“I see...” Fedor thought/
“So it’s that girl.”
“Kaito isn’t an ordinary guy, and I heard that the girl herself isn’t ordinary either.”
“Kaito has a history of violent outbreaks. He hurt people when he thought it was justified and never apologized or felt remorse over it. He’s obsessive over many things.”
”I’ve had to hard edit many of his writings because they advocated for rather extre things. His head works fine, but it feels like it’s a bit...too cold.”
“But he’s warming up.”
“It’s like he finally found soone to keep himself together.”
He took a deep breath.
“Good grief, after looking like a corpse for so long...you honestly deserve it.” Fedor said to himself. “He’s still weirdly obsessed with that essay of his, though.” he thought.
At the sa ti, outside...
“Kaito, wanna go stargazing today?” Yu asked, a bit shyly and almost reluctantly.
“Stargazing?” Kaito asked.
“Yeah. You know, laying in the grass, looking at the stars...” Yu continued. “I wanna write sothing about the stars. I feel like I can cram quite a bit of symbolism into that, heehee...”
“We’d have to go out at night, though.”
“Yeah, of course.” Yu said, confused. ”There’s...there’s not stars visible during the day. We’d obviously have to go there at night.”
“Well, I’m just worried. I don’t want you to be too tired.” Kaito said.
“Tired? Hey, you know how long we text for.” Yu said. “I’m sure I’ll handle it. But...”
Yu paused for a second.
“I think...we should also talk about a few things.” Yu said, looking more concerned, even scared.
“Right.” Kaito slowly nodded. “Right...we’ll talk about whatever you want to talk to about. I’ll go now, I’ve got classes, so just ssage the ti and location.”
“Mhm.” Yu nodded. Kaito walked away.
“A conversation...?” Kaito thought.
“We’ve gotten very close to each other. Does she an that she wants to...”
“Well, that could be an option. I don’t think I’m ready for that experience, as a matter of fact, I never thought I’d need to prepare myself for sothing like that. But still, I’ll think of what to do on the spot.”
“But...”
“If it is what I think it is...why did she look so sad while talking about it?”
He went to class and then back ho, wandering about the sa thoughts. He tried to figure out just what was going through Yu’s head at the mont, with all of his theories being overwhelmingly optimistic.
...
The two t up. The sky was full of stars, and so beautiful that even one glance at it would make an artist dizzy, and deafened by their muse screaming into their ears. They t up at the city’s outskirts, in a rather isolated patch of land that was covered with grass and illuminated by the astral spectacle above. Yu stood there, under a large oak tree.
And Yu looked so damn beautiful under the moonlight. She wasn’t spectacularly beautiful, nor did she have a perfect model, but sothing about her made Kaito have difficulty even looking at her. It felt to him as even glancing at her was a cri of the worst degree, that he was too unworthy to even gaze at her. She looked like brightness itself, all while in reality she was just an average girl.
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“You got here...earlier than I expected.” Yu said. She had a certain sadness behind her smile.
“The sa could be said about you, Yu.” Kaito said, slowly approaching her. “Aren’t you cold?”
“I’m fine.” Yu briefly answered. She looked at the sky, and so did Kaito.
“It looks pretty.” Yu said, struggling to pull the words out of her throat.
“It does.” Kaito said. He looked at Yu, whom he found even prettier than all the stars to have ever existed. “You said...we needed to talk, right?”
“The stars that paint the pitch black sky...”
“Their warmth is cherished by those who see,”
“But their dimming is pitied by those who feel.”
“I made this one up on the spot too.” Yu said after a brief pause. “And yeah, I...did want to talk.”
“Then let’s talk.” Kaito said. “Let’s talk how we usually do.”
“But...can we?” Yu asked.
“We can talk about anything.” Kaito said.
“Kaito, I...” Yu began. She took a deep breath and paused, before taking her glasses off. Sohow, she looked even prettier. “We’ve gotten...pretty close to each other, haven’t we?”
“We have.” Kaito said, his heart starting to race for probably the first ti in his life. His head felt hot, his stomach growled, his legs felt like they weighed more than a cruise ship. His eyes were locked on her.
“Kaito, I’m sorry.” Yu said. “I’m scared.”
“Hey, it’s okay.” Kaito said. “I’m right here.”
“That’s what I’m scared of, Kaito.” Yu said. “You’ve...probably realized that you’re the only person I really talk to. I’m scared of just that.”
Kaito didn’t want to ask for clarification, so he just remained silent.
“Everyone I’ve spoken to ended up worse off because of .” Yu confessed. “Sotis my behavior gets bad enough to the point where it affects them. It’s like...”
“Yu, do you think I’m worse off because I’ve started spending ti with you?” Kaito asked.
“Probably.” Yu said. “What do I even do anyways? I just...I just make people tired, and unhappy...I...”
“Do you think I’m unhappy right now?” Kaito asked, taking a step closer.
“I don’t know.” Yu answered, starting to tear up. “And I’m scared.”
“I’ve only been happier and happier ever since we started getting closer.” Kaito said. “So please don’t think that way. As a matter of fact-”
“You would’ve been just as happy with any other girl.” Yu said, now sounding upset. “Don’t say that. You would’ve been even happier with any of them. They’re all so...valid, and uhh...acceptable...”
“And what are you?” Kaito asked.
“I’m broken.” Yu said. “I’m the thing that doesn’t even get acknowledged. I’m soone who shouldn’t even exist.”
Kaito’s breathing slowed down.
“That’s why your poems have sadness to them, isn’t it?”
“Those poems that I wasted my life on...? Yeah...” Yu said. “You’re right. Ah, and look at ...” She said, briefly glancing at the sky. “Look at ruining this night. Should’ve just...kept my mouth shut so we could properly do what we ca here to do. Good job, Yu, ruining everything as always...”
“You’re not ruining anything.” Kaito said.
“I am.”
“No you’re not.” Kaito said in a much sterner voice. “If you need to talk about this, we will talk. And I’ll listen, and I’ll do what I did back then. I’ll understand you.”
“Understand ?” Yu asked, taking a step back. “Why, because you think you read through the lines of one of poems?! You can’t understand , I’m not sure if anybody can!” She said with a louder voice.
“I’ll understand you because I feel that I am similar to you.” Kaito said.
Yu quietly gasped in surprise.
“Yu, do you think my life was good before I t you? I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t depressed, but I also wasn’t happy at all.” Kaito said. “Everything felt cold, and empty. Like I was thrown into a freezing forest.”
“And I’m just here to make it worse...” Yu grunted.
“No, you’re here to make it better.” Kaito said, looking deep into Yu’s eyes. “Because with you, I actually feel alive. I look forward to waking up and reading the poems you sent overnight. I’m excited to go to class knowing I’ll sit next to you. And I do get nervous every ti we go out. I feel...like I’m actually a living creature, and not just a husk drifting through life with no goal or purpose.”
“So even if I am in a taiga....”
“You’re the campfire keeping warm.” Kaito said. It felt like a weight was dropped off of his shoulders, his entire body felt warr.
“...warmth?” Yu asked in disbelief. A lone tear ran down her cheek.
“Yes.” Kaito replied. “I feel like I have a purpose now.”
“Even if...” Yu continued. “Even if I’m like this? If I’m a...depressed ss...that...doesn’t think that it deserves to live...”
“Even if you’re depressed.” Kaito said.
“Even if I tried taking my own life not too long ago?”
“Even if you did.” Kaito said. “I’d still be devoted to you. I’d still want to be with you.”
“You’re...the only one who’s ever said sothing like that to , you know that?” Yu asked, with another tear streaming down her face before falling on the grass beneath.
“I’m not surprised that I am.” Kaito said.
“...why?”
“The flower that blooms with grace...” Kaito quoted. And Yu’s eyes sparked up.
She took a step forward. She took another. And she lunged at Kaito, embracing him.
Kaito was shaken. He returned the gesture that he was so unfamiliar with, trying to be as comforting as possible as he felt the sobbing against his chest.
“So this...is what a hug feels like?”
“It feels warm. It even feels safe.”
“Kaito...” Yu whispered between her sobs. “Can you promise...that you won’t leave ...that we can be like flowers, together...”
“I promise...” Kaito said. “I’ll accept you even if you feel like you’re the most broken flower in the world.”
“I think the appropriate thing to say here is...”
“I love you, Yu.” Kaito whispered. Upon hearing those words, Yu clung onto him even tighter, repeating the sa phrase back to him over and over.
“Yes. That’s what I feel towards her.”
“It’s exactly as was described in all the dia I’ve consud over the years.”
“...”
“This must be why the world feels alive.”
“When Professor Fedor told about the necessity to have sothing to live for...I think I can understand it now.”
“My purpose is Yu’s heart.”
They stayed like that for a while longer. The moon and the stars watched them, and the wind gently danced with them. For a mont, nothing could separate the two flowers who had finally found one another.
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