**Ethan’s POV
I had two hours before I t with Talon later tonight. Walking into the bedroom I sank down on the bed, falling backward and staring up at the ceiling, willing my mind to go blank.
During the day, it was easy enough. There was plenty to do, especially with the conflicts heating up along the border. I could focus my rage on the enemy.
But now...
It had been more than three days. Despite all of my n’s efforts, we had found no trace of Rosalie’s body, not even a scrap of fabric.
The river rushed through the rocks there, and the cliffs were jagged and full of crags. There were a thousand places for evidence to hide.
The sun was setting and it was getting dark, but I didn’t bother to turn on the light.
All of a sudden, I seed to hear a sound from the living area.
I got up to check it out, but froze as soon as I entered the room.
In the dark sat a figure that I thought I would never see again. Soone I could not help but recognize instantly, no matter where, no matter when.
Her sweet scent surrounded , and she was looking out at the window.
I felt as if my heart had stopped beating. Before I knew it, I was standing behind her.
“Rosalie?” I whispered hoarsely. “You... you’re back!”
My heart swelled with overwhelming joy and relief as I reached for her hand.
But there was nothing for to grab.
“Ethan...”
She turned around to face . Her voice was sweet and gentle as usual, but her face was as pale as paper.
“I’m here to say goodbye...”
“What do you an?” I started to panic, my heart pounding in my ears. “No, not again! Rosalie, co back!”
Suddenly, I couldn’t see her. A roar ripped its way out of my chest. “NO–”
I snapped awake, panting heavily.
D*mn it!! How had I fallen asleep?!
My heart was still racing, and I closed my eyes, trying to slow it down.
At that mont, I felt sothing.
It was like a pull, a very gentle pull... like a thin thread tugging on from a great distance, willing to go in that direction, and telling that I was needed far, far away.
I felt like, at the end of that thread, I would find soone that I had never t before– soone I was ant to et.
It was such a strange thought, a mysterious sensation.
But I didn’t spend a lot of ti pondering it.
What was there to think about, anyway? I wasn’t going to allow my stupid brain to sneak in another nightmare for .
I made my way to the shower.
The ice cold water beat down on my skin and imdiately cleared my mind. That was exactly what I needed to start my evening.
Stepping out of the shower, I was ready to concentrate on my work– when I realized all at once that my bedroom wasn’t empty.
Soone was sitting on my bed.
My heart started racing again, even though I knew it was impossible, but what if...she was back?
My finger hovered over the light switch. I had to control it from trembling.
The lamp next to the bed was turned on.
It was... Madalynn.
She was sitting there, wearing a pink robe and a pouty expression on her face.
I could hardly believe what I was seeing. Yet, here she was... and it was no mystery what she was doing here or what she wanted.
I was infuriated, but I was also way too tired to deal with her tonight.
“Madalynn, what the h*ll are you doing?”
In a husky, seductive voice, she said, “Waiting for you.”
“Who gave you permission to co into my room?” I replied coldly.
“I’ve been so worried about you, dear. You haven’t been eating. You hardly sleep. You keep going over to the cliff. Why don’t you co here and let take care of you?” She crooked her finger at and licked her lips, batting her eyelids.
“Madalynn, this is my room! DO NOT ever co in here again without my permission!” I tried to press down my anger, but she was pushing her limits.
She took her robe off and set it beside her on the bed, revealing a matching, tiny pink nightgown.
“Please, Ethan. Let show you how much I care about you. Let hold you. Let ... love you.”
In about four long strides, I crossed the room and picked up her robe that I saw on the end of the bed.
I tossed it at her, covering up her body. “Put that on, and go to your own room.”
The noise that Madalynn made was a bit like a dying goose.
“What?” she asked. “But Ethan! You’re my fiancé! You’ve been under a lot of stress lately. Why won’t you let help relieve so of that stress?”
I gritted my teeth, my hands at my sides. “Go to your own room. Now.”
Grumbling, she pushed her arms into the silk pink robe and tied it at her waist. “Everyone has been so worried about you, Ethan. Everyone! You need to... process this. You need to at least acknowledge it.”
“What I do and do not do is none of your concern, Madalynn!”
What I needed at the mont was for her to get her f*cking a** out of my room before I did sothing I’d regret.
She stood and walked toward , her eyes flaming.
“I will never understand you, Ethan! Look at !” She spread her arms wide, as if putting her body on display again, although this ti it was mostly covered by the robe. “I am a beautiful woman, and one of noble birth. I have perfect genes, high standing, and am more than acceptable to a man of your class!”
I knew what she was getting at, and I didn’t want to hear it. “Watch yourself, Madalynn.”
But she pressed on. “Any child you bear from will be intelligent, well-bred, and gifted in any number of ways. You will never have to wonder whether or not there will be so sort of... defect in a child of mine.”
She was insulting my deceased child, and it lit a fla deep within .
“Shut your mouth, Madalynn!” I ordered in a strained voice, every muscle in my body tense and coiled, ready to strike.
“But with her – that d*mn breeder – who knows what you would get? After all, you don’t really know her lineage, do you, Ethan? What if she cos from street rats? Chattel? Prostitutes? Who the h*ll knows? They could all be illiterate, backwoods, inbred—”
“Madalynn!”
I lifted my hand to strike her, but stopped. I would have to deal with Jas or Roro if I hit her and I had zero interest in that. But if she didn’t stop, I was afraid I would lose control of myself.
“That’s enough,” I hissed in a low, pained voice. “Do you understand who you’re talking about?”
“Of course I do! I am talking about your dead breeder, Ethan! I’m talking about that woman that you chose over ! I am trying to understand why in the world you would rather be with her than with !”
She pointed at herself, jabbing herself in the chest with her fingers so hard, I thought it might leave a bruise.
“Please, explain to how the h*ll you could possibly prefer her company to mine!”
I couldn’t– I couldn’t explain it to her.
Not because there weren’t a million reasons why I would rather be with Rosalie than with Madalynn. No, that would be the easy part. But standing there and listing off all of the reasons why I would rather be with Rosalie would an listing all of the reasons why I missed her.
And I wouldn’t allow myself to do that.
I couldn’t allow myself to do it.
“What is it, Ethan?” she shouted at , tears stinging her eyes now. “You won’t do it, will you? You won’t talk about her because you’re afraid if you do, then you’ll have to acknowledge that you have feelings, like every other human being that walks the earth.”
“Knock it off, Madalynn,” I turned around. I could hear my knuckles cracking as my fists clenched.
I couldn’t even stand to look at her anymore. I wanted to grab the collar of her robe and haul her out of the room. Using the mind-link to call the guards to have her removed before I hurt her was a viable option, one I probably should’ve used from the get-go.
“Fine, Ethan. Keep pretending. Keep burying it all deep down inside! And the rest of us will keep walking on tip-toe around you, pretending like we don’t notice what a f*cking ss you are!”
“Shut up, Madalynn!” I spun around to face her. “Shut your f*cking mouth!”
“And then, one day, when you need – when you realize your precious Rosalie is gone, and that if you really want to have an heir, you’re going to need to spread my legs–! You’re going to have to co back to , begging and pleading– and hoping that I have forgiven you for falling in love with that f*cking breeder when you were supposed to be in love with !”
“GET OUT, Madalynn! GET OUT NOW!”
“I’ll leave when you admit that you’re willing to accept that stupid f*cking breeder Rosalie is dead!” she shouted.
I grabbed her by her arms, shaking her, one hand sliding up to squeeze her throat.
“Never, ever say her na again. Do you hear ?” My growl was more animal than human. “I never want to hear her na co out of your f*cking mouth again!”
Her face turned red and then pale. Realizing I was hurting her, I let go of her, tossing her aside.
“GET THE F*CK OUT!”
With her hands on her upper arms, she panted heavily. Then she rushed out of my room, murmuring under her breath about what a b*stard I was.
Maybe she was right. Maybe I was a b*stard.
With her gone, I sank down on the edge of my bed, the scent of Madalynn’s floral perfu forming a cloud around . It stung my nose and made it hard for to breathe. I didn’t want to sll it, but there was no place to go to avoid it.
I wanted to sll Rosalie’s soft, sweet scent instead. But the longer she was gone, the more it faded from the room.
And the harder it beca to rember what it was like to feel her.
To hear her voice as she sang, the lody filling the room like a beam of light that cleared the darkness.
With each passing day, it was a little harder to rember her beautiful, angelic face, the sound of her laughter, the way she made feel like I was not a monster— or that I could choose not to be if I tried.
Madalynn was right about one thing. I hadn’t let myself think about how I felt about Rosalie. And I wasn’t about to start doing that now.
Pushing everything out of my mind— including the fight I’d just had with Madalynn— I headed into the bathroom to wash my face. I would rinse it all down the drain. Then, I’d go to bed like Talon suggested. I’d go to sleep for a couple hours, think about none of it, and in the morning, I’d wake up and completely focus on the war efforts.
Because it was much easier to be the b*stard who waged war on the enemy than it was to be the b*stard who couldn’t even admit he cared about the person he missed.
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