"And until you change this yourself, we are not going to start any internal cultivation."
The mont I heard this, I felt a pang of desperation. "But how do I change this? How do I overco these ntal barriers?"
Master stood up, his expression stern. "You must find that answer yourself. ditate on it, reflect on your past, and challenge your fears. Only then will you be ready to move forward."
He began to walk away, leaving with my thoughts. "Rember, if you try to deceive , it will not end well for you."
I swallowed hard, feeling a sudden chill. For so reason, I sensed that Master was far more dangerous than he appeared. His calm deanor hid a depth of power and experience that I could only begin to comprehend.
As he disappeared into the night, I was left alone to grapple with my thoughts.
The path ahead was daunting, but I knew that if I was to unlock my true potential, I had to confront my inner demons and change my perception of myself.
********
The next week was a grueling test of endurance and self-reflection.
Each day, I spent hours ditating, trying to confront the ntal barriers that had hindered for so long. The process was slow and frustrating, but I persisted, determined to find the answers within myself.
In the mornings, I would wake before dawn, sit in the cold air, and focus on my breathing, visualizing the flow of energy within .
The darkness I saw in my mind was no longer a sign of failure but a canvas waiting to be understood. I tried to see the walls and barriers for what they were—manifestations of my fears and insecurities.
During the day, I trained with my new squad, though it was clear that I was an outsider. They made no effort to include , and their distrust was palpable.
The constant reminder that no one wanted to trust their back to was a heavy burden, but I refused to let it break .
'I need to get rid of these thoughts.'
Slowly but surely, I was starting to see the reason why those barriers existed in my head. Whether I did it intentionally or not, all those monts and events that ca successively took a toll on my head.
It was inevitable that I would feel lost.
'Feeling lost.'
I rembered how it felt when I was disbanded by my family. The crushing weight of rejection, the disbelief that they could cast aside so easily.
When my mother called a disappointnt, it was as if she had driven a stake through my heart. Her words echoed in my mind, a constant reminder of my perceived failures.
I always reminded myself of the mories of my past, the fleeting monts of pride when my father looked at with approval, only for those monts to be overshadowed by his disappointed gaze.
Each ti I failed to et his expectations, the weight grew heavier, reinforcing the barriers within .
'All those things were pulling back.'
The realization hit with startling clarity. Every harsh word, every dismissive glance, every ti I felt inadequate—all of it had contributed to the walls that now stood in my way.
I had been carrying the burden of my family's expectations and their subsequent disappointnt for so long that it had beco a part of . The fear of failing them, of being the weak link in a lineage of warriors, had seeped into my very core.
'But what if I let it go?'
The thought was both terrifying and liberating. What if I could release the hold these mories had on ? What if I could move forward without the weight of their expectations dragging down?
I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath. The darkness in my mind no longer felt suffocating. Instead, it felt like an empty canvas, ready to be painted with new experiences and realizations.
'You are more than their expectations, Lucavion.'
Slowly, I began to dismantle the walls, piece by piece.
'That is right.'
Sohow, I felt sothing.
A pang of feeling.
A mory surfaced in my mind.
A mory of soone speaking to .
'Never forget.'
The voice in the mory was clear, resonating with a calm wisdom. "Never forget what has happened, for it is part of who you are. But do not let it weigh so heavily on you that you neglect the present and fear the future."
Who was this person? I asked myself. The sound was crystal clear and sothing that felt like I was accustod to.
However, at the sa ti, the na of the person nor the face ca to my mind. It was all blurry as if a foil was covering it.
'As if sothing is blocking .'
I knew there was a part of that was different from the Lucavion. A part of knew about the novel Shattered Innocence.
Yet, at the sa ti, that part of was unknown to , as I couldn't rember anything. Neither the na, the face, or the life.
Yet, at the sa ti, I felt a bit scared because it was unknown.
'Fear the future.'
But, the quote constantly rang in my head, reminding of the words of a philosopher that I had read in a book when I was going to middle school.
"How long are you going to wait before you demand the best for yourself, and in no instance bypass the discriminations of reason? You've been through the elents; you've suffered much from your disposition. You must realize that by now, and not be like a child, but an adult who is no longer a child, and one who is no longer moved by the conditions he is subject to."
'Middle school…..'
It was a word that did not belong to this world. Sothing from the other part of mine.
But before I could ponder any longer, the mory faded, leaving with a profound sense of clarity. The past had shaped , but it did not have to define . I could honor my experiences without being chained by them.
Piece by piece, I continued to dismantle the walls. Each barrier I encountered was acknowledged and then gently set aside. The process was slow, but with every step, I felt lighter and more in control.
On the battlefield, I was forced to survive on my own. The lack of coordination with my squad made every skirmish a desperate struggle for survival. I relied on my instincts and training, pushing myself to the limit. Each fight was a test, not just of my physical abilities but of my resolve to keep going despite the odds.
One particularly brutal day, I found myself separated from the others, facing a group of enemies alone.
My body moved on autopilot, blocking and parrying their attacks.
Maybe because I felt more lightheaded compared to the ti before, maybe for another reason, the flow of the fight beca much more clear to .
'Indeed. The first key is moving forward. Believe yourself.'
Each strike I landed was fueled by the determination to prove myself and take a step further every second.
I could see the movents of the enemies more clearly, and even though the weapon in my hand was a spear itself, I sohow did not feel repulsed by it any longer.
Rather than forcing myself to accommodate the spear, I made a small change and forced the spear to accommodate myself.
However, the results were not as good as how this sounded since I was just a beginner, and my strength was not sufficient for to effectively deal with a number of enemies.
"Arghk-!"
Filled with wounds, I sat on the ground, leaning against the wall at the end of the brutal fight. My body ached, each cut and bruise a reminder of the battle I had just endured. I closed my eyes, taking shallow breaths to manage the pain.
As I sat there, my thoughts drifted back to my childhood, to the tis when I would practice endlessly. Back then, I was afraid of sothing—pain. The sting of failure, the physical discomfort of training, and the fear of not living up to my family's expectations.
But now, as I looked at myself, battered and bloodied, I realized how far I had co. The fear of pain that once held back was no longer a barrier. I had faced it head-on, pushing through the agony to beco stronger. All this ti, I had been improving, yet I had never acknowledged it.
My mind flashed back to those endless hours of training, the tis when I felt like giving up but didn't. The determination that kept going back then was still with now, driving to survive and fight another day.
"You're not the sa person you were," I muttered to myself. "You've changed, Lucavion. You've moved forward."
Just then, a shadow fell over . I looked up to see a soldier standing there, extending a hand. He wasn't from my squad, but we often fought alongside each other on the battlefield, on the borders between our groups.
"You did well today," he said, his voice filled with genuine respect. "Thanks to you, we were able to get over today's hurdle."
And the mont I saw the hand, I felt sothing inside breaking.
–THUD!
As if a spell that was binding broke.
I felt relieved.
And the river in my head started flowing down, no longer blocked.
-----------------------
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