[Suggested song for this Chapter – Only Love Can Hurt Like This, Paloma Faith]
ili showed the guards at the palace gate her pass and quickly walked through the thick walls of the Forbidden City.
"Tan Bowen!" she called out to the man with delight.
He stood alongside a Tan family carriage but had been staring pensively into the distance when she finally erged from that hotbed of plots and intrigue that he so disliked.
There was far too much corruption, violence and greed within those walls for him to ever be at ease while i ili was trapped in there. It was like keeping a priceless masterpiece in a dusty shed... she didn’t belong there, and she could easily be damaged.
"i ili!" he responded. "You look so thin," he exclaid. "Are you eating properly? Have you been unwell?"
"No," she laughed, "I’m perfectly fine, don’t worry about ".
She took his hand and climbed up into the carriage, where he followed her into the box, not caring for proprieties as usual, she saw, with a fond smile for the naughty man.
"I’ve just been a bit anxious, that’s all, worrying about you all kills my appetite. That’s why it’s so good to see you alive and well, my friend."
She couldn’t help clasping his hands in happiness to see him ho from his assignnt in Shanxi.
"Well luckily for you, I’ve co prepared for all eventualities."
Tan Bowen took out a pretty bamboo basket and opened the lid. An array of gorgeous pastries from one of the best bakeries in the capital glistened in the dappled sunlight as the carriage curtain fluttered above them.
"Eat one. I insist. You’re too tiny to get that thin, my dear. I’m worried you’ll blow away in the wind. Although it might be a good thing if you blew right out of that prison you’re living in," he muttered, placing a sweetheart cake into her hand.
ili nibbled on the delicious pastry.
"It’s not a prison, Tan Bowen," she chided him gently. "I’m privileged to be able to serve by the Emperor’s side."
"Privileged, huh? Privileged to have sobody attempt to drown you? Privileged to be snatched in the dead of night for God knows what nefarious purpose?"
"Don’t scold , Tan Bowen," she begged him. "I’ve missed you. Let’s just enjoy each other’s company?"
She searched his face as she implored him, noticing a sadness in his eyes she had never seen there before.
"Alright, alright," he agreed. "So long as you keep eating these pastries and let fatten you up a bit," he said with forced brightness.
"I’ll do my best," she gave the cake another nibble. "I hear you’re engaged to the daughter of the Governor of Shanxi. Are congratulations in order?" she asked carefully.
She recalled the Crown Prince telling her that Tan Bowen had been tasked to befriend soone on his mission, so she didn’t want to presu anything about his ti up there.
"No," his voice was flat, and his expression uncharacteristically grim. "It’s a temporary thing. The engagent will be broken off soon enough."
He pulled the curtain aside and stared out the window, unable to et i ili’s sympathetic gaze.
"Pull over here," he called to the driver.
He took ili’s tiny hand in his, helping her down from the carriage.
He continued to hold her hand as he walked her over to the steps of an abandoned temple.
She didn’t pull away from him, sensing his need for the comfort of a friend, and that he didn’t an anything more by it, the act of holding her hand was unconsciously done.
The pair sat down on the steps to the temple, the capital laid out before them from their position on a steep hillside. It was dusk, and lanterns were being lit all over the city.
"What a pretty view," i ili exclaid in wonder.
"Yes. I co up here sotis when I need to think. It helps give one a sense of perspective. Of your importance, or lack thereof, in the cosmos."
ili looked up. The moon had just erged. It was particularly beautiful from this vantage point, round and golden and seemingly resting on the horizon of the capital.
"Is your engagent part of your assignnt, Tan Bowen," she asked him, in a voice filled with empathy.
She stroked the palm of his hand with her thumb.
He nodded. "I shouldn’t be telling you this, but yes. Wang Feilin was my target. I’ve been very successful in my mission," he said sarcastically, his voice dripping with self-loathing.
"Oh, Tan Bowen," ili cried in sympathy, "you poor man. What an awful thing to have to do to soone. And I’m sure she’s just an innocent young girl drawn into the war through no fault of her own, simply by being her father’s daughter. You must be upset to have to toy with her affections like this. Have you fallen for her even a little, Tan Bowen?"
He shook his head despondently, giving a huff of incredulity. How could the woman he loved think he could have fallen for a girl he was tasked to spy on? Did she think so little of him? Of his constancy?
"Oh dear. How terrible. Have you told her yet that you plan to break off the engagent?"
He shook his head, "I head back there this week, and I’ll break it off with her then."
He put his face in his hands.
i ili drew the man against her, gently embracing him.
She thought that Bai Li would forgive her touching another man given the circumstances he had put their friend in, and Li knew what a sensitive fellow Tan Bowen was.
Tan Bowen rested his head against her for a long mont, enjoying their closeness and a mont in the arms of the girl he knew was getting further and further beyond his reach.
"I’m sorry, i ili. I’m being overly dramatic. I should toughen up. How can I expect to be a spy for the Kingdom if I take everything to heart like this?"
"That’s what makes you the beautiful soul that you are, Tan Bowen. Don’t go changing. Don’t let these assignnts corrupt you."
"I don’t see how they cannot," he cried. "How can I be unchanged when I’ve learned to be duplicitous, to lie with such ease? How can I be unchanged when I’ve beco a man who feigns affection to earn the love of a young lady, only to dump her like so much rubbish?" his voice was filled with pain.
She stroked his hair.
"It’s a necessary evil, Tan Bowen. War is a terrible thing. It makes n commit atrocities in the na of the greater good. You had no choice. Sotis a terrible act is forgivable when it’s committed for the good of the People. You’ve stepped up and done your duty, nothing more, nothing less. Never doubt that, Tan Bowen."
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