After sitting in a sealed box on wheels for the entire day, I wholeheartedly believe that anyone who claims to enjoy long carriage rides is either a liar or a masochist.
Aesthetically designed by Luo-Luo and decorated with lifelike carvings by Charok, calling it a box on wheels is being a little disingenuous, but its all flash and no substance. The curved undercarriage hosts a set of inadequate shocks, the seats arent deep enough to settle back into, the satin cushions are too hard, and the octagonal windows are set in the centre of the cabin, aning Id have to lean forward to look out even if they hadnt been closed and shuttered for the entire ride. The interior lacks much needed comfort and safety features, like headrests, armrests, hand holds, or seat belts, topped off with a cushioned bench which is too shallow to rest in, too upright to lean on, and too slippery to comfortably sit on. Given how bumpy the ride was going at a sedate pace over smooth, military roads, Id hate to find out first-hand what itll be like travelling at breakneck speeds over dirt and grass. Its all too easy to imagine biting my tongue off, impaling myself on my sword, or crashing into the other passengers and breaking all my fragile, non-Martial Warrior bones while our carriage breaks through a blockade or flees from an assassination attempt, assuming the pretty golden-yellow wood (which tastelessly screams faux-Imperial) even holds up beneath the initial attack.
All in all, this opulent monstrosity is pleasing to the eye and hazardous to ones health, which essentially makes it Luo-Luo in vehicle form.
Thats not entirely fair, because its hardly her fault shes as popular as she is, but I cant help but resent her for being the source of so many woes. Taking a deep breath and reminding myself to be nicer to Luo-Luo, I sit alone in the dim carriage interior and continue listing off its flaws and inadequacies, because there isnt much else to do while waiting for Binesi to give the all clear. Everyone else ditched and disembarked as soon as the carriage ca to a stop, even sweet Aurie and loyal Mama Bun, but Im stuck in the carriage until the camp is secured. I cant just call my guards over and head out, noooo. Scouts need to comb through the surroundings and report back on areas of interest, patrols routes have to be drawn up and scheduled, defences dug in, checkpoints reinforced, passwords and confirmation codes exchanged, and a whole slew of minor details to handle and go over before I can step out into the open air, because Binesis safety asures makes my schizophrenic paranoia look like minor anxiety.
Then again, if Im assassinated, itll probably spark off a civil war which will doom the Empire, so I guess better safe than sorry.
...The carriage needs more ventilation. It reeks of unwashed bunnies, aromatic wildcats, and heavily-perfud courtesan, but probably because all the windows are shut. Ooh!, I should install bunbun receptacles. Small, cushioned boxes for them to rest in, like how they used to sleep in saddlebags when they were babies. Theres plenty of room under the future armrest, and over it too, so long as theyre padded on the outside just in case of impact. Gotta make sure we have one for every bunbun, so I wont have to worry about squishing soone every ti I shift in my seat. Thisll an more room to stretch out once I rip out the seats and replace them with more comfortable couches, ones deep enough for my wildcats to curl up on. Seriously, why do we need all this empty space and bare walls in the carriage? Its not like theres a fold-out table to work on, or a lantern to provide enough light to read by. There isnt even a cup holder or weapons receptacle, though to be fair, Mom, Alsantset, and Charok all seed pretty blase about holding their spears all day, and even Luo-Luo didnt seem to mind cradling her sceptre and silly George at the sa ti.
...Its this god-damned mundane sword. I hate it. No matter how I wear it, it doesnt feel right, and I still cant get the hang of swinging it around. Ugh. Besides, this is really my fault anyways. I knew Luo-Luo was light on practical experience, so I shouldve paid more attention during the whole carriage creation process, but in my defence, I never expected to actually sit in this rolling coffin. I figured this would be Luo-Luos carriage, and Id ride Zabu everywhere or sit on a rickshaw with Lin-Lin, but man proposes, and Heaven disposes.
Or more aptly, shit happens, and real shits going to happen right here in this carriage if Im stuck waiting much longer...
By so miracle of the Mother, a knock sounds at the carriage door only monts before I call for my chamber pot once again, and Binesis voice sounds out. Ready and waiting, he intones, and I all but leap out of my seat to charge the door. Catching myself at the last mont, I take a second to compose myself before cracking the door open just a hair, ready to head out to use the latrines but not so eager to die just yet. Seriously, usually Im agonizing over the lack of safety asures, but even with Baby-Sitter Binesi here to dot the Is and cross the Ts, Im still not entirely at ease.
Then again, thats probably normal, given my current situation. Five Supre Families are gunning for my head, and while Yuzhen and MuYang have done a passable job fending off all the Imperial lackeys in the Northern Citadel, were on the road now and Dads back at the citadel along with his many, many soldiers. Its just and ten-thousand Sentinels and soldiers against the world.
Fun, fun, fun.
A half-second later, biology wins out over uncertainty and I march out the carriage, hoping I look suitably calm and collected for my waiting friends and family. Alas, even if I do, theyre not around to appreciate it, as the only people waiting to receive are my Death Corps guards and loyal, ever-present Ping Ping, with my caring family, sweet betrotheds, and lovable floofs all nowhere to be found. Heartbreaking, but Ill live, so I smile and hug the sweet turtle before turning to Green One to whisper, Escort to my tent please. Not my yurt. Which is set up less than ten ters away and makes suspect Binesis bullshit about securing the camp was probably just an excuse to keep miserable. Then again, maybe not, since Binesi was stuck standing outside the carriage the entire ti instead of leaving to my personal protectors. I need to go. To my tent.
Picking up on my none-too-subtle hints, Green One salutes, bows, and replies, rcy, Imperial Consort. This one has failed you. Your tent was not set up, as per Major Binesis orders.
Shit in a pot like a proper noble, private. Though delivered in the sa neutral monotone as always, theres a hint of satisfaction in Binesis inflection as he scans our surroundings for danger. Move. Too exposed out here. After a short jaunt to the yurt, Binesi puts his hand on my chest to stop from going in and heads up the stairs to check the interior, then all but tosses inside. Nodding at the chamber pot, he adds, Enjoy.
With the conversation finished as far as hes concerned, Binesi moves to shut the door, but I raise an arm to block it. Hang on. Bad move considering the difference in strength, but he magnanimously holds back from breaking my hand and glowers instead. Weak. If Akanais glower is a ten, and Milas an eight, then Binesis is barely a tepid four, but I still shoot a nervous glance at the shadows to my left. Major, if you would be so kind as to raise a Sound Barrier please, I say, and after a long pause, he rolls his eyes and complies. Or at least I assu he does, since he gestures at to go on, so I nod in thanks and continue. Am I right to assu we have uninvited guests lurking about? Binesi nods, but I knew as much thanks to Pong Pongs astute senses alerting to Scrying eyes all day. While we werent travelling at top speeds, we covered close to fifty kilotres today, which ans were well out of range from spies situated inside the Northern Citadel, so any lingering eyes still with us are sowhere nearby. Considering the losses theyve already incurred, I doubt these shadowy presences are of Eastern origin. Dad and Charok slaughtered almost a hundred well-trained and well-equipped Imperial assassins during their heroic ride back from the farm, and I doubt the Supre Families have hundreds more hanging around Central. Were probably looking at locals, either hired knives under contract or personal killers of influential families.
Local blades kill just as well as Imperial ones.
Well, unlike Imperials, these killers might not have any qualms about keeping things quiet. The corpses of the Imperial assassins had all been neatly removed and disposed of by the ti I rode back to the Citadel a few hours later, which I thought was kinda weird. Every civilian from here to the farthest reaches of the Empire can see Im not a welco addition to the Imperial Clan, but I guess the Legates enemies would prefer it if no one knew they were actively trying to have murdered.
Latching on to my train of thought, Binesi frowns and scratches his chin, mulling over the possibilities. Youre worried theyll strike regardless of the consequences.
Yes. Chances are, theyve been given orders or made assurances to their Imperial backers, and desperate people do stupid things. Like launch a suicidal attack on a military camp of ten-thousand soldiers in the hopes of assassinating an upstart Imperial Consort. Im not too too worried about that, mostly because there really isnt anything I can do about it. If their forces are strong enough to kill here, with Nian Zus Famous Fifty, the Marshals veteran honour guard, and my mother watching over , well then I guess Ill die. What Im concerned about is what our enemies might do if they think they have no chance of success, because I doubt theyll just slink ho and say, sorry boss, we couldnt do it. If it were up to , Id do my best to introduce new variables by spoiling the food supply, blocking the road, killing soone else of importance, or most effectively of all, kidnapping a cute and lovable niece or nephew to force into a vulnerable position.
Hell, if soone demanded my death in exchange for Tali or Tates life, Id slit my throat myself.
And what sort of idiocy are you planning?
Swallowing a snappy retort, I smile and say, To give our enemies hope, so they dont do anything too too smart or too stupid. Ignoring his grimace, I push on and explain, Weve left them no chance to strike at , which ans we cant predict where or when they will attack, but if we leave a flaw in my defences, an opening in my routine, then we can be ready and waiting when they inevitably strike.
So you want to play the sacrificial goat and lure the tigers down from their mountains. Eyeing in doubt, Binesi asks You know usually what happens to the goat, right? Much as I would enjoy being relieved of my duties, my job here is to keep you alive and prevent a dood rebellion from plunging the front lines into chaos and giving the united Defiled an opportunity to break through. Curling his lip in a sneer, Binesi shuts the door and adds, Remain inside until we are ready to set out tomorrow morning.
Im not asking for permission, I yell, hoping he can still hear . Only for your cooperation.
Faster than I can blink an eye, the door rips open and Binesi marches in, prodding at my chest even as he slams the door shut behind him. Step outside without my permission, he snarls, looming over like a spectre of death, And I will have you drawn up on military charges and whipped within an inch of your life. This is no ga, foundling. This is the fate of the Empire, the lives of hundreds of millions of people at stake here, so you will obey, or you will be made to
Its alright Naaran. Straightening in surprise as he finds a spear at his throat, Binesi stands stock still while I address the aged Bannerman holding the weapon in place. Major Binesi just got a little heated and ans no harm. Besides, hes well within his rights to have lashed if I were to disobey direct orders. Leaving his spear there for a little longer, Naaran grunts and steps back before fading into Concealnt once more, as gruff and unsociable as ever. I didnt know exactly who it was, but I knew soone friendly was hiding in the shadows to the left of the door, and even if that person wasnt a match for the enraged Major, Kuang Biao is also hiding sowhere nearby. In fact, I think Binesi knew Kuang Biao was hiding behind and was ready to fight him off, but Naarans presence on his left caught him completely off-guard.
This just goes to show that not all hidden mountain ninjas are created equal. I dont know much about Naaran, except that hes got amber eyes and Akanai once used him as an example to belittle Dads skills. Its nice knowing the Bannern are still looking out for , even though three of them already lost their lives keeping safe. Khagati, ngu, and Kharnate, three of latest nas added to the tally of Falling Rains folly. More will die before all this is done, and I hope brooding old Naaran isnt one of them. He should be living out his twilight years in peace and comfort, or if thats not his thing, fighting in battles of his own choosing. Instead, hes lurking in the corner of a young idiots yurt and threatening a fellow mountain warrior whose only sin is trying to do his damned job.
Focus. Pity parties are for later. Sorry Major, but you left so abruptly I had to say that to get you back here.
Nothings changed, Binesi growls, shooting a dark look at where Naaran disappeared to, but the old spearman is already on the other side of the room. Or maybe thats Kuang Biao, and Ive lost sight of Naaran. Its hard to tell whos who when theyre all in Concealnt. You go against orders, and its the lash.
Even if it costs him his life, Binesis glare implies, but I wave off his grumpy dramatics. Yes, I am a soldier of the Empire and beholden to your commands, but Ive other duties to attend to, duties you have no right to interfere with.
What duties?
Puffing up my chest with a smile, I point at myself and say, I am Falling Rain, the Divine Turtles Attendant, a duty bestowed upon by the Legate himself through Imperial Decree. Specifically, I was given free rein within the Empire to carry out my Holy Duty, and any parties caught hindering said Duty are to be executed without trial.
Check and mate. If only my Imperial enemies were so easy to beat. After a long silence, Binesi sighs and rubs his forehead, no doubt stressed and frustrated to the extre. So you go and get yourself killed. Then your blood-thirsty father rebels, his blood-thirsty ntor backs him, and the Sentinels are left with no choice but to follow because theyre already guilty by association. Hes the first person Ive heard use the common word for Sentinel, which is nice because now I know what it is. More language woes, but thats neither here nor there. Is this your goal then, boy? To use your death to deliver the Empire to the Defiled?
First off, if the Imperials have killed, then I dont give a shit what happens to their Empire. Dangerous words to utter, but its the truth. Secondly, I dont want the People or the Sentinels to rebel, because that ans all my loved ones will probably die. Third of all, I growl, poking Binesi in the chest and imdiately regretting it as I jam my finger on his armour, I have fought, bled, and suffered for this shit-hole of an Empire. I havent served as many years as you have, but Ive given more than my fair share of ti, blood, sweat, and coin to this war effort, so Ill thank you not to question my fucking motives, Major.
After a long silence and strenuous struggle, Binesi swallows his anger and nods in assent. Fair enough. Your motives are good, but your reasoning is still shit.
Ignoring the jibe, I ask, Is the Sound Barrier still up? He nods, so I explain, Between here and Central, there will be at least one attempt on my life. There is no question of that. However, if Im under strict guard at all tis, then its anybodys guess as to when, where, and how our enemies will strike. Give them an opening, and we can seize the initiative. Shrugging, I add, I even have the beginnings of a plan, or at least a suitable excuse.
The Guardian Turtle. Eyeing skeptically, Binesi asks, You ant to bring her out on a jaunt to the river or sothing. Is there any more to your grand sche, or is that it?
Exactly that, but the way he says it makes it sound stupid, so I shrug and reply, Said I had a plan. Never claid it was a good one.
After hashing it out for a few minutes longer, Binesi heads out to make arrangents and I scurry over to the chamber pot to do my business. Stopping in place with my hands on my belt, I look around for Naaran and settle on a weird shadow situated at the foot of my bed. Erm, sorry, but you guys might want to step outside for a few minutes or sothing. Or yanno, at least turn around and not look please. God this is humiliating. How can anyone live like this? Cant a man just shit in peace?
The weird shadow disappears and Naaran stands in its place, the change so sudden and subtle it feels like he was always there and my mory is playing tricks. How can you spot , boy? he asks, his grizzled frown deeper than usual as he tries to figure it out. Not even Khagati could find so easily.
I cant actually see you, just signs of your presence. Shrugging, I explain, Sotis its a shadow that stands out from the others, and other tis its a blur in the air thats only visible from certain angles. Once, I noticed a blind spot because soone was hiding in front of sothing I was looking for, and another ti it was like soone took a realistic painting of the world, cut it in half with a Honed scalpel, then put the two pieces back together slightly off. Theres always a subtle... wrongness which goes with Concealnt, but itd be hard to spot outside of familiar surroundings.
Plus Ive had a lot of practice lately trying to spot stupid, adorable Kukku. I noticed that sotis when I go to visit Ping Ping, hes roosting atop her head, which is just the cutest thing ever except I cant actually see it and he leaves whenever I draw close. Dumb cowardly chicken, let love you...
Or... at least I hope its Kukku, and not Monk Happy himself. That would be weird.
And this ti?
Your shadow was wrong, I reply, gesturing at the single lit candle in the yurt. The other shadows flicker and move with the firelight, but not where you were standing, or up in that corner over there either. Nothing magical, just the mundane powers of paranoid observation.
Instead of Kuang Biao as expected, one of MuYangs silent, Oath-Bound comrades drops down from the area of roof I just pointed at and offers a respectful salute. I should salute him, for hanging up there in the first place. All there is to hold onto is the roof struts, which ans he had to Lighten like crazy and cling on by his fingertips. Nodding in reply, I glance around one last ti and find nothing out of place, which leads to wonder where Kuang Biao is, but I have more pressing matters to attend to. So err... your efforts are much appreciated, but my pants are coming off soon and then things are only gonna get more unpleasant from there, so uh... yea.
In response, Naaran plants his feet and tosses a blanket before disappearing from sight, and this ti I make no effort to find him, or the silent Adherent who is no doubt still lurking about. At least this way, I can hide my head under the blanket and pretend theyre gone, even though the door clearly didnt open and theres no other way out of the yurt...
One long, humiliating ordeal later, I head out with the stinky pot in hand and pass it over to a Death Corps guard with all the grace and dignity I can muster. Sorry. Thanks. Also, theres a blanket by the door inside. Please have it taken away and washed. I only had it draped over my head for privacy, but the sll alone was enough to convince itll never be clean again. No idea why it was so bad today, I barely ate half a lunch. Stupid Fung, BoShui, and Zian ca to visit and I had nothing else besides my lunch box to offer, but they didnt hold back at all. They split my dumplings, spiced at, pickled veggies, and stead dessert bun between the three of them, and only left the cold noodles, fried rice, and empty box behind. Heartless is what they are, but I suppose I deserve it for not reaching out since I ca back from Sinuji. Truth be told,I didnt even know they were coming to the banquet as Nian Zus guests until they showed up outside the carriage, conveniently standing behind the Death Corps guard with my chamber pot.
Note to self: add so sound proofing or sothing, so people cant hear peeing from outside, or better yet, so I cant hear their choked laughter. Stupid tal piss pot, so god damned loud and echo-ey. Also, whats so funny about a man using a chamber pot inside the privacy of his carriage? Its completely natural...
With Binesi and an entire contingent of Death Corps at my side, I lead Ping Ping down to the man-made river which is only a short jaunt from our camp. Granted, our camp fits ten-thousand soldiers, so the river is still awhile away, but Im fine with taking things nice and easy instead of hurrying the big girl along. Tired from her full day of running, she ambles happily beside and nudges every so often, excited to see after a full day apart. Im happy to see her too, and she gets hugs a plenty, which help sell the story that Im out here because of her. Im fairly certain we wont co under attack today, but I remain on full alert for all the good itll do , nervously looking around and keeping one hand close to my sword.
At least I dont have to worry about having my act seen through. This is genuine anxiety right here folks, and my would-be assassins are probably eating it up.
With so many ships and barges pulling ashore for the night, it takes a little effort to find a place Ping Ping can slip in from, but the sweet girl refuses to go for a swim and stays on dry land instead. Daintily stretching her neck to slurp water from the river, she keeps a close eye on her surroundings while insisting I stand in the crook of her shoulder. Im not sure if its my imagination, but it feels like shes been more alert these past few days, maybe blaming herself for letting those assassins almost kill . Also, I think she really misses her red panda friends, because every ti I duck in to visit her in her Natal Palace, she brings over to see them and squeaks in distress next to the chunkiest of chonkers. Its heartbreaking, and Im almost ready to tell the Legate that Ping Ping needs to go ho for a spell. I could spin it as part of my most important Turtle Attendant duties, which is how I ca up with this whole idea in the first place.
Please let that giant red panda still be there. I wanna hug him sooooooo bad...
After drinking enough water to fill a backyard pool, we head back to camp with a noticeable spring in Ping Pings step. Making a note to have the Death Corps bring her water to drink during lunch, I discuss the logistics with Green One until Binesi chis in to tell us there are whole wagons filled with barrels of water, just for soldiers to drink. Since theyre filled every night, theres no harm in giving Ping Ping two or three during lunch, and we make it back to camp in high spirits thanks to the noticeable lack of bloody holes in my chest. After feeding her a few treats, I say farewell to the sleepy big turtle and leave her to rest, though it pains to walk away from her mournful squeaks which tell she still wants to play.
I wish she were small and cute like inside her Natal Palace, then I could bring her into my yurt and carriage where we would cuddle all the ti...
I hate living like this, under strict guard at all tis, and as I head into my yurt, I stop to watch my friends and family enjoying themselves after a long days ride. Lin-Lin and the twins busy themselves running around with the animals, while Mila, Yan, and Alsantset sit around in a distracted daze, wholly conscious and responsive, but not really entirely there. Mom is more or less in the sa fugue state, though at least shes aware of her surroundings, and she responds to my gaze with a carefree smile and a sympathetic tilt of her head, though not sympathetic enough to co over and join in incarceration.
Grandpa Du claims theyre all like this because a part of their minds are still ruminating on the mysteries of Insight. He followed up the statent with a look like he expected to jump for joy and praise the Mother Above or sothing, but I an its cool and all that theyre receiving an upload from the universe, but thats not proof of anything. It only proves theres sothing strange but beneficial afoot, which I already knew because Chi. Maybe its the Mother Above, or maybe were all living in a simulation and our overseers are downloading kung-fu moves straight into our brains for shits and giggles. Who knows?
Seriously though, cmon Mother in Heaven. Is this really how its gonna be? Im crippled here, and youre gonna taunt by giving my family and loved ones casual power-ups? Totally not cool. Napping with turtles and playing in their Natal Palaces is nice and all, but I'd like sothing more tangible please.
As Luo-Luo picks up the pear-shaped guitar-thing she calls a pipa, I spot Song heading off with a bucket of raw at in hand. Going to check if her weasel-bear friend followed us all the way out here, no doubt. Shes been feeding him for days now, or feeding so animal, because even though she leaves at out twice a day, she has yet to lay eyes on him since she first set him free. I doubt it followed our convoy fifty kilotres south, but I hope she finds him again, and not just because I want more floofs. She deserves to have a friend all of her own, and Im rooting for her to be happy.
But I still want to pet it, so she better be okay with sharing. No matter how I imagine the combination, a weasel-bear just sounds so adorable and floofy.
Clearing his throat from beside , Binesi nudges back into the yurt with only mildly less force than a boot to the ass. Grumbling about the indignity of it all, I look around and greet Naaran and the shadow guard with a slight nod, to which the forr responds with a disgruntled Sending. Difficult to secretly guard you when you give away our presence, he admonishes, and I wince at my own stupidity. I cant help it, its just... manners, you know? If soones there, you greet them, thats just how it is. Your man ca by with so docunts and placed them on the table. Stop nodding and do not answer. I will stand guard, and you will go about your business as usual.
Almost nodding in agreent despite the warning, I head over to the table and glance over the docunts with a smile. Its a stack of correspondences with various people representing various interests, most of which are business related and entirely genuine, but strategically placed towards the bottom with a corner poking out is a letter from Situ Chi Gan, who according to Zian, is one of Patriarch Rang Mins strongest supporters. Apparently, Chi Gans son, Chi Lok, was a part of the group who chased us off after the Society Contests, and ended up deader than dirt, so Chi Gan swore to have his vengeance upon the Bekhai, which ans my enemies should find it strange to see a letter from him in my possession. Less than a quarter of the letter is visible, but theres enough there for any spying Scryers to determine that Ive co to an agreent with Situ Chi Gan and were plotting to work together.
The letters a forgery, of course, because not only did I not know the man existed until a few days ago, even if I knew who killed his son, Id never hand the person over like the letter implies, but its enough if my enemies believe it. Once word of this reaches Situ Rang Min, it should be enough to sow the seeds of doubt in his mind, but even if Rang Min has complete trust in Chi Gan, which I sincerely doubt, then its not like I invested a whole lot into the wasted sche.
Technically, MuYang did all the work, with Juniors help. Theres also a folder of forged docunts Ill peruse later tonight, once Pong Pong alerts to Scrying again, just in case leaving incriminating letters around is too obvious a bait. Honestly, it wouldve never occurred to that the little turtle could sense Scrying of all things, but it explains why he glares at nothing so often, and stops when I go and investigate. According to Mom, Scrying is like shaving off a slice of your Domain, attaching it to your eye with Chi, and sending it out to look through. While the chanics dont make much sense, I know that any external Chi construct will rapidly fall apart if it cos in contact with a living body, which ans I was probably walking straight through their Scrying eyeballs while heading over to see what Pong Pong was staring at, and thereby ruining their little peep show.
Even going by the few tis I can confidently say soone was Scrying, I feel like way too many people have seen walking around naked. I absolutely hate it, but unless I can teach Roc to sense Scying and ram his feathery ass into them, then Im shit out of luck.
Settling down to wait for dinner, I open up the folder of forged letters in case soone is Scrying right now, while inwardly reviewing my lessons from Luo-Luo. Id ask her to co help review in person, but I had a difficult enough ti keeping my hands to myself when she was sitting across from in the carriage, and that was with Mom right there beside . I dont know what it is, but theres sothing about Luo-Luo today which is so... alluring. Normally, shes so prim and proper all the ti, with her flawlessly arranged hair, pristine posture, and perfectly smoothed skirts, but today, she looked a little out of sorts and less, I dunno, intimidating. I an, she could still show up at a formal ball and fit right in, but there were minor imperfections which stuck out and sohow made her more appealing, approachable, and... vulnerable. A stray lock of hair out of place, the shoulder of her dress slipping slightly to one side, her seated posture laid-back and inviting, and her lips parted ever so slightly while she watched with a wide-eyed, adoring stare... it sounds horrible to say, but she seed so relaxed and defenceless, I had this primal urge to go over there and...
I didnt though, and wouldnt have, even if Mom wasnt there, but I wanted to, even after her constant humming was starting to grate on my nerves. The animals loved it though, along with her impromptu performance from Alsantsets carriage, and I kinda wish I knew more about how it works. Ping Ping loves it when I hum to her, in real life and in her Natal Palace, but I dont feel anything different about it. Pong Pong on the other hand couldnt care less, and the rest of my floofs just love the attention, so I need to do more testing before I can co to a definitive conclusion on whether my humming has the sa effect as Luo-Luos strumming.
But all that is for another ti, along with figuring out how to use Chi, repair a shattered Core, and how I can Devour Demon Ichor through touch. Right now, I have a much more difficult lesson to learn, which is how to fucking be polite. This ans sitting down and reviewing my lessons in decorum until everything becos second nature. No more wild, manner-less savage and foreigner Falling Rain, I must beco a noble, respectable young man worthy of my lofty new station. It sounds easy, but the people here are so backwards when it cos to social interaction, and its all because of face. Its a stupid concept, and I still dont understand it, which is terrifying because even though everyone knows I dont understand face, no one can really offer a proper explanation. As far as I can tell, face is linked to dignity and prestige, but is a separate concept from both. Dad tried explaining it once and said, Face can be given, fought for, or lost, but it cannot be taken, and to demand face is to surrender all face you possess.
Which is like... what does any of that even an?
The way I see it, face is about ego. People strut around with their giant heads, and lose their temper when theyre inevitably taken down a notch. Except its not inevitable, because everyone else tiptoes around their ego and say theyre giving face, which is stupid because why should I be responsible for coddling soone elses sense of self-worth? If you dont want to feel stupid, then dont do stupid things, which is a perfectly logical way to go through life, except everyone Ive ever brought this up with has been horrified by my take on face.
Its not about the individual, Dad explained, Nor is it rely personal pride. It is more than that. It is respect earned by generations before, the dignity afforded to noble heroes of tis gone by, or prestige earned by the community as a whole. Face is given to an individual, but it is shared as a whole.
Which still doesnt really explain the concept, because there isnt a proper explanation for face. Its just this intangible currency were all supposed to take pride in accruing and feel ashad if ever lost, but no one can tell how much face they have or really compare it with anyone else, so it becos this endless contest of oneupsmanship where people compete with their exploits, wallets, heirs, and whatever else might co to mind.
In other words, its all complete bullshit.
No, thinking like this is why I keep getting into trouble all the ti. Theres no point complaining about the broken system, because nothing will change, so like Nian Zu said, I need to learn from my mistakes and stay inside the lines. I just... gotta give face, and need to save face, because people will try to make lose face. Cant act without regards for face, because that would be shaless, but I also cant appear to want face too much, because that would also be shaless. If Im too thick-skinned, Ill appear rude and unsociable, but being too thin-skinned will turn into a laughing stock, because again, Ill seem desperate for face. There are no hard rules when it cos to face, which is disastrous because that ans I only have my own judgnt to rely on, which history has proven is complete and utter shit.
So I guess Im dood. Or not. Who knows. Not . Definitely not .
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