Here you go, Rain my boy. Gingerly handing Sir Inkys egg-sized stone, Taduk shuffles off to the other end of the boat and clasps his hands together, possibly in prayer but more likely to stop himself from stealing the stone back. His brow furrowed in anguish, Taduks gaze is firmly locked on the tiny patch of Spiritual Algae left behind, barely enough to cover the nail on my pinky finger. It pains his heart to part with even this minuscule amount, but its for a good cause.
Its weird though. For as long as Ive known him, Taduks goal has been to cultivate a garden full of Spiritual Plants, but hes never been covetous of the plants themselves. Back at the Bekhai village, he had twenty-three Spiritual Plants within walking distance of his warren, but he didnt harvest a single one. Every week hed bring and Lin out on a day trip to check on one or two of the plants, though now that I know he can run across empty sky, Im fairly certain sure those trips were mostly an excuse for the three of us to spend more ti together.
Im glad he did. Those trips through the beautiful mountain forests are among my safest and happiest mories. Back then, every ti I went out on my own, I almost always inevitably encountered a close brush with death, but with Taduk and Lin at my side? Not even once. Well, thats not true, there was the ti Lin almost let a flock of giant birds carry her off a cliff because she refused to let go of her captured kite, but thats the only ti I almost died when they were both nearby. Again, I now know its because Taduk has OP shadow guards watching his back, but back then I thought Taduk and Lin were my lucky charm, keeping safe and sheltered from all the scariness in the world.
Thinking back on those days, Charok and Alsantset were pretty negligent letting tween wander the mountain on my own, but I guess they respected my need for space and solitude. At least they had the sense to insist I bring Pafu and Suret with else who knows what sort of animal poop Id end up as. Snake, bear, boar, bird, wildcat, the list goes on.
As much as Id enjoy a long trip down mory lane, the big takeaway is that Taduk had easy access to multiple Spiritual Plants, but left them untouched for years until Guard Leader uprooted them to feed Mama Bun and her babies. Poor Taduk, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, but what I dont get is why hes making such a big fuss about losing this bit of Spiritual Algae. Its only real value is its ability to replicate, and according to him, the Algae hasnt done so since we stole it from Sir Inky. Considering how quickly algae grows, with so strains doubling in size every day, then it stands to reason this Spiritual Algaes replication process requires more than just sunlight and water.
Enter, the octopus. Opening the lid on Sir Inkys portable ho, which is rely a cauldron by another na, I greet the molesting face-hugger with a cheery smile and hope hes in an obliging mood. Familiar with our routine, Sir Inky pulls himself up onto the cauldrons rim and stretches his tentacles towards my wrist, ready to enjoy his hour of bobbing around in the bay. Eyes widening in alarm, Sir Inky zooms in on the stone clenched in my fist and tilts his head, giving my knuckles a polite tap-tap before shooting a hopeful look.
Either Im projecting human emotions onto Sir Inky or this octopus is wicked smart and has learned how to read and give social cues. Even though he tried to impregnate my face and is still a weird, lumpy, alien-looking thing, Sir Inky is starting to grow on . Okay, so long as he shares his secret horticultural skills with us inferior-brained, land-dwelling bipeds, Ill overlook his previous transgressions and call off the octopus genocide I have in the works.
Plucking the stone from my open palm with a dexterous tentacle, Sir Inky gives it a thorough inspection through squinted eyes. Quivering from head to... chin, I guess, he tucks the stone under his tentacles and into his mouth before closing his eyes in sheer satisfaction. A few seconds later, he pulls the stone back out and plops it into my still open palm, wet, slimy, and Spiritual Algae free.
...I dont know why I thought this would go differently. A blind man couldve seen this coming.
Unbothered by Taduks shrill shrieks of disbelief, Sir Inky slides back into his cauldron and settles down for a nap, presumable to digest his Spiritual Algae snack. With no choice but to accept things as they are, I cover Sir Inky up and head over to soothe my distraught teachers temper. Theres little I can do though, with no more clever plans or sches to offer. Whatever his secret, Sir Inky doesnt seem inclined to share, all too happy in his new, comfortable ho.
I cant bla him either. I an he has free food, shelter, and a chance for sex. Hes got it good.
An hour later, after Ping Ping finishes her afternoon swim and the quins are all tuckered out, we head back to shore where I imdiately order my n to move Sir Inkys tub out of Taduks yurt and into the safety of my own. Praying he doesnt go full tentacle beast and rape in my sleep, I change clothes and get ready for my business dinner with Yo Shi-Woo. The na sounds familiar, but I cant quite place where Ive heard it before. All I know is what Yuzhen wrote in response to my request for a recomndation, that Yo Shi-Woo is the younger cousin of Centrals Marshal Yo Jeong-Hun and well equipped to aid in my venture. All I need are able hands, sharp minds, a place to work, and a mountain of raw resources. Then, if everything goes according to plan, the rest will fall into place and open the doors for an age of innovation and discovery.
Then again, when does anything ever go as planned?
Wishing I had Diyako, Husolt, or really, anyone smart here with , I head over to Luo-Luos yurt and knock on her door. Cracking open ever so slightly, an unfamiliar face peeks out and asks, Who is it?
Did I knock on the wrong yurt? Er... Falling Rain. Is Luo-Luo in?
Ah, Lord Husband. Luo-Luos voice sounds from within the yurt, and she adds, Invite him in little Sorya, but rember to close the door behind him.
Yes Lady Luo-Luo. Opening the door enough for to squeeze through, Sorya, a fetching young woman wearing flowing white robes and two silk ribbons in her hair. Master Rain, the Lady bids you enter.
Uncomfortable with all this formality, I step inside where Im imdiately assaulted by all manner of pleasant scents. Towering over her wooden partition, Luo-Luo greets with a bare-shouldered smirk, obviously in the middle of changing. With great effort, I tear my gaze away from the tantalizing sight of her exposed skin and focus on the fully-clothed woman beside her, almost an exact copy of Sorya helping Luo-Luo get dressed. Picking up on the unspoken question, my concubine introduces the two strangers as her new handmaidens, Sorya and Anrhi. It turns out theyre Joranis sisters, both forr slaves in Sanshu and freed by Jorani after the first attack on the rchant convoy. Following him back to the Wall, they were here in Nan Ping serving as camp followers, helping launder clothes, cook als, and perform other miscellaneous tasks my soldiers are too inept to handle.
Akanai wasnt thrilled by the prospect of bringing non-combatants to Nan Ping, but the forr bandits in my retinue have no concept of hygiene or cleanliness, much less the ability to cook anything besides charred at. All it took was a single week at the Wall without camp followers and my Grand ntor caved, disgusted by the horrid conditions my retinue were willing to tolerate. Its partially my fault. Between training, recovering, sleeping, and sentry duties, they dont really have ti for anything else. Not everyone can be like and only sleep four hours a night. Hell, even I cant keep it up anymore, Im so tired all the ti now...
Nodding at the two handmaidens, I say, Welco. Thank you for taking care of Luo-Luo. Feeling my self-control waning, I head for the door while speaking over my shoulder. Ill wait outside. Co out when youre done.
Sorya, dont let him leave.
Leaping to obey, the little handmaiden blocks the door with her body, her eyes widening in terror as realization sinks in. Sparing the poor girl my displeasure, I turn back to find Luo-Luo grinning like a cat, evidently pleased by her new handmaidens loyalty. Lord Husband, she begins, her voice sweet and seductive, This one begs forgiveness, but she would be remiss in her newly appointed duties. Sorya, help Lord Husband look presentable as we discussed.
Yes Lady Luo-Luo. Master Rain, please sit.
Taking the proffered stool, I resign myself to my makeover while Luo-Luo slowly gets dressed, pretending not to notice my errant stares while doing everything she can to nonchalantly entice . Eventually, I lower my head and stare at my feet, shutting out the inviting slls, sights, and sounds as I reach for Balance, but sweet relief is denied for the second ti today. Before, I was too sad, but now, Im too... agitated.
Yea, lets go with agitated.
Twenty hellish minutes of brushing, clipping, tucking, and straightening later, Luo-Luo deems my appearance presentable and we set out for our eting. With the Death Corps soldiers jogging alongside, I endure a hellish scene of tantalizing seduction as I cram into Taduks rickshaw with Luo-Luo, Lin, and Li Song. Too small to hold four people, Lin seats herself in my lap and leans into my embrace, while Luo-Luo rests the side of her breast against my shoulder, holding my arm tight so I cant escape from her long rendition of things Im not supposed to do or say. Its not like I have anywhere to escape to, since Li Song sits on my other side in full armour, her arms crossed and eyes daring to make a move so she finally has an excuse to cut down once and for all.
Well, that last bit is probably all in my head. Maybe. Hopefully? Truth is, I didnt expect her to co along, with Mila busy doing her Captain competition, I guess Li Song has no where else to go. It seems I really am stuck with her for the rest of my life, but it wouldnt be so terrible if she didnt hate so much. Plus, now shes lecturing about brushing my pets everyday? Aint nobody got ti for that.
Also inviting themselves along, Ping-Ping follows behind with all my pets in tow, Shana, Zabu, Mafu, and the pups included. Luckily, I had the foresight to warn my hosts of this possibility and asked they not prepare any food for the Guardian Turtle or any of my pets. Frankly, theyre all getting too fat, and adorable as it is watching Roc scurry around like a chicken, it breaks my heart to see him left behind as his flock soars through the skies without him.
Sorry my floofies, but its ti all of you went on a diet. Even Mama Bun and her babies are getting kinda round, and theyre vegetarians. I need you all to live long and happy lives so you can keep my family company after Im dead and gone.
After resisting my erotic urges during the longest half hour of my life, my trip in the Rickshaw of Excessive Temptation cos to an end as we pull into view of the Yo Family estate, a stately, elegant riverfront manor in central Nan Ping. Waiting at the gates is Yo Shi-Woo himself, a man in his mid-fifties, alongside two familiar, painted faces which set off alarms in my head. Feathered Big Bro and Snivelling Young Fop stand together at Yo Shi-Woos side, their fake smiles doing little to hide the smouldering rage and blistering dissatisfaction burning in their glares. I dont bla them either, I beat the crap out of both on my first day in Nan Ping. I even gave a whole speech about how useless Snivelling Young Fop was, humiliated and shad him by comparing him to my other defeated foes. Why would Yuzhen send here? Is she trying to get killed?
Despite my reservations, I approach with Luo-Luo and Lin clinging to my arms, ready to defend them with my life if need be. It doesnt seem necessary as the Yo family patriarch bows at the waist and greets with what looks like a genuine smile. Yo Shi-Woo greets Imperial Consort. Your grace honours this ones humble ho with your presence. Turning to his children, he frowns and says, What are you two waiting for? Dont be rude, greet the Imperial Consort.
Ill never hear that title and not feel ashad. Falling Rain, Imperial Manwhore, reporting for duty. Ugh. Mistaking the reason for my displeasure, Yo Shi-Woo growls at his sons who hop to obey, introducing themselves as Yo Chong-Woo and Yo Sung-Hoon. Regular nas are hard enough to rember, but Central really pushes the envelope. Still, I make an effort to rember which one is which, but almost imdiately forget as Shi-Woo brings us inside and introduces the rest of his family, alongside a few close family friends who just happened to be here visiting. Luo-Luo warned this might happen, so out of respect, I smile and nod through a hundred or so introductions while Lin, Li Song, and Luo-Luo head inside to settle down and freshen up.
Im so glad I requested a private eting. Who knows how many people would be here if I hadnt.
The good news is that after the introductions, Shi-Woo shoos everyone out the door and brings to his private garden for dinner and drinks. As per usual with the people of this world, no ones supposed to discuss business before the food is cleared away, but the problem is, the Yo family prepared a lot of food. As the only prominent guest, I cant even enjoy the al in silence as Im forced to make polite yet awkward small talk with Shi-Woo while his sons sullenly push food around their bowls. Lin, Li Song, and Luo-Luo are all free to eat to their hearts content, and in an uncharacteristic display of good behaviour, Lin even conducts herself as a proper young lady should, her smile dazzling and manners impeccable throughout the entire al.
Its adorable, almost as adorable as all my pets lined up and drooling behind . Except for Ping Ping, the big girl doesnt drool, and she seems content to nap next to the fish pond too small for her to swim in.
Thankfully, all of Luo-Luos careful warnings pay off and I miraculously make it through dinner without offending our host too much. Once the servants clear away the last course, I settle in to do what I ca here for, strike up a partnership with the Yo Family and get cast iron items into the hands of the people. Following the pre-arranged script Luo-Luo had morize before hand, I delegate this arduous task to my business-minded concubine and sit back to enjoy my tiny cup of warm rice wine.
Truth be told, Im pretty impressed with how Luo-Luo handles herself, especially given how male-dominant the Empire can be. She never outright refuses or corrects Shi-Woo, only making an inference here or a suggestion there, allowing him to reach to the conclusion on his own. Its silly, so of the strongest warriors I know are won, but the gender bias is real. I should do sothing to fix it, but how?
Even though I understand every word exchanged, at tis it feels like theyre speaking in a different language as they jump from one topic to the next with seamless effort. From the price of grain to the distance between provinces, or the population of Nan Ping and how many people drink tea or cook their own als. I dont understand what theyre rambling on about or how any of it is connected, but Shi-Woo seems impressed and enthusiastic, so I figure its in my best interests to keep my mouth shut and let the smarter people talk.
No Rain, dont let your ego get in the way. Youre an idiot, rember? Be quiet and nurse your delicious wine. This is good, you got the sches and Luo-Luos got the know how.
Five cups later and its all I can do to keep my eyes open. Not because Im drunk but because Luo-Luos nonsensical conversation with Shi-Woo is putting to sleep. Luckily, Im not the only one as the currently featherless Feathered Big Bro also looks ready to crash. Snivelling Young Fop seems to be following along well enough, and even chis in to ntion sothing about art and decor, to which Shi-Woo and Luo-Luo both nod in approval.
I dont get it. What does any of this have to do with cast iron?
Noticing my boredom, Shi-Woo chuckles and says, The night grows late and these dealings tireso. Let speak with my people to set things in motion, and our representatives can discuss the details of our arrangent in the morning. Clapping twice, he summons a swarm of scantily dressed maids into the courtyard, a neat trick Id like to learn soti, so long as Mila doesnt murder for it. Claiming old age and infirmity have taken their toll, Shi-Woo excuses himself from the festivities and leaves with his two hostile sons as the maids play a rry tune and dance for my pleasure.
It quickly becos evident this isnt a dance ant for children, and Lin is less than pleased. Li Song is downright murderous, but in my defence, I didnt ask for this. At least Luo-Luo isnt glaring daggers in my general direction. In fact, she seems pleased by this turn of events, though why, I dont know. Either way, I put a stop to the music and the dancing as soon as I can, waving my hands for silence and definitely not in panic. Making eye contact with Feathered Big Bro, I smile and say, As much as I appreciate the effort, I am a man more accustod to quiet gatherings.
Taking the hint, Feathered Big Bro dismisses the maids with a wave of his hand, though not before wrinkling his nose in silent disappointnt. Equally displeased, but less diplomatic about it, Snivelling Young Fop snorts and says, Spineless. Falling Rain speaks and you jump to do his bidding, how fitting. Do you even know how much those girls cost?
...Is he slow in the head? He literally gave up without a fight and he has the audacity to criticize his stronger older brother? At least Feathered Big Bro was brave enough to face . Reminding myself to play nice, I try and be upfront about things. Lets clear the air. Filling both of their cups, I lift my ridiculously tiny wine cup in both hands and offer a toast. While we may have had a rocky start, why dont we treat today as a new beginning in our relationship. Let bygones be bygones, our forr enmity rely water under the bridge. A toast, to this collaboration between our two groups.
Pei. Emboldened by too many cups of wine, Snivelling Young Fop dumps his wine on the ground, which I guess is supposed to infuriate . Its a little inconvenient, because now my fur babies will want to co over for a taste, but otherwise, I couldnt care less. You think you have us fooled? Snivelling Young Fop asks, his face red with fury and drink. You know as well as I, youre nothing but a puppet, a figurehead for whoever stands -
Hand over his little brothers mouth, Feathered Big Bro puts and end to Snivelling Young Fops rant. My apologies, he says, still struggling with the younger hothead. My brother has had too much to drink. He doesnt know what hes saying.
Its fine. Let him go. Waving Feathered Big Bro out of the way, I drain my cup and settle back into my chair. Id much rather have a comfy couch, sothing I can sink into, but then again, I could hardly expect to find one out in the garden. Pouring myself another cup, I do away with civility as I address Snivelling Young Fop. Youre unhappy because of the things I said after you tried to yield during our duel. Draining my cup, I sigh and continue. I stand by my words. Youre a snivelling little brat who has no place on the battlefield. Being there will only get yourself killed, or worse, soone important killed.
Feathered Big Bro grabs Snivelling Young Fops shoulder and shakes his head, shifting his body in front of the little shit just in case I feel like attacking them. Hes a good big brother, but Snivelling Young Fop needs to learn his lesson. Youre a smart kid. No really, I an it. Youre smart. Why not follow in your fathers footsteps? You think all this was easily earned? No, it took hard work and dedication, generations to build up this much wealth, so why not continue the tradition? Armies need quartermasters just as much as they need generals, if not more, so why trade good food, good wine, and a beautiful ho, for a soldiers life?
Surprised by the question, Snivelling Young Fop blinks in question and looks to his brother for advice, but Feathered Big Bro is just as lost. With the confidence of youth, Snivelling Young Fop musters his courage and replies, I want t-to fight the Defiled and f-find honour and glory in battle.
Hah! Moving to pour myself another tiny cup, Li Song takes the pot of rice wine and shifts it out of reach. Resigned to my fate, I rest my head on the table fix Snivelling Young Fop with a sad smile. See, now I know youve never been to battle. I an, I couldve guessed, but your answer gave it away. Ti for a truth bomb, one he needs to hear. A soldiers lot is one of sacrifice. You leave the warmth and comfort of ho and family and trade it for a hard cot in a drafty tent. You spend hours riding and marching, training and patrolling, always watching for the Enemys approach. When nothing happens, youre relieved, but bored beyond belief, because theres nothing to do except wait and pray the ti for action never cos.
Closing my eyes, the mories of war flood through my mind, all the discomfort, exhaustion, and sheer terror of battle, the close calls and near deaths all made real once more. But it will. Action always cos, and when it does, theres no ti to think. You take up your weapon and you fight, because thats the only option left to you. You fight, and you fight, and you fight, and you pray the battle ends before you can fight no more.
Voice dropping to a whisper, I sigh and conclude, There is no honour or glory in battle. There is only victory or death.
Wooo.
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