“Glory be to God on high. An, Hallelujah, and—ugh, damn .”
I curse myself as if spitting the words out. Twisting my lips, I exhale. Irritation cos first, stirring my chest and invading my head without reservation.
It’s infuriating and sohow deeply sad.
—It was a beautifully clear morning.
Lying on the grass behind the monastery, I gazed up at the sky. The clouds were thinly spread, and the sunlight sparkled brilliantly. The weather was truly fine. Annoyingly so.
I hadn’t wanted to look at the sky for comfort. Nor had I wanted to lie down so carelessly. I just wanted to do it. That was all there was to it.
Idly, lazily, I tracked the movent of the clouds with my eyes. They drifted, faded, and vanished. Just watching them, engaging in an unproductive activity that yielded nothing. In its own way, it was fun. Which was why it was so hopeless.
Amidst this, a face suddenly popped into my view. I involuntarily furrowed my brows. There had been no sign of anyone approaching.
“…Johanna, don’t startle
like that.”
“You don’t seem very surprised, though.”
That’s not true. I muttered vacantly. She narrowed her eyes at
and let out a small sigh.
“So, what’s troubling you?”
“Nothing’s troubling .”
“…Just talk about it.”
My objection was ignored.
For now, I attempted a silent protest.
I invoke the right to remain silent.
“From that reaction, I can tell. It’s about her, isn’t it?”
I sulkily fell silent. I didn’t want to answer, and I had no intention of doing so. This was my problem. Nothing more, nothing less.
“Kuro-sama is indeed quite easy to read. It’s endearing but… also a bit frustrating.”
Johanna smiled softly, sat down beside , and looked up at the sky.
“…I saw her visiting the Kuro-sama’s room at night.”
My eyes widened. I sat up and turned to look at Johanna. She watched my movents with interest and then spoke up softly.
“Please don’t misunderstand. I have no intention of blaming you, nor can I.”
“I’m telling you, I haven’t laid a hand on Amaru.”
“Yes, I know. You, Kuro-sama, are a person who is both very kind and very cruel.”
“… cruel?”
At my words, Johanna quietly nodded. There was no hint of bla in her tone. It was a sowhat pitiful-sounding voice.
“Have you ever considered the aning of her visiting your room, sir?”
“Amal said she was lonely…”
“Indeed, won’s chastity is highly valued. Regardless of the reason, it is not permissible for a woman to sleep in the sa room as a man who is not her spouse.
Even if nothing happens, the people around them will not think so.
Therefore, when a woman shares a bed with a man, she prepares herself to beco his woman, or perhaps might beco one.”
I was at a loss for words. Was Amal intending to do that from the beginning?
Johanna spoke calmly.
“Doing nothing, even if it’s a good deed, might not always be the best course of action.”
“…Are you saying I should have accepted and embraced Amal?”
“No. It’s because you can’t do that, Kuro-sama, that you’re troubled, right?”
Is that so? I made a sullen face.
Errr.,. .
It’s not wrong. It’s not wrong, but!
“Johanna, you’re such a sadist, aren’t you?”
“Doesu? What does it an?”
“It ans you have a natural bullying personality.”
Johanna turned her face away as if offended, and continued speaking with a sullen voice.
“Kuro-sama, are you picking a fight with ?”
“You’re the one!”
Johanna flicked her thick blonde hair and narrowed her eyes.
I snorted. It felt like the bell for the start of a match rang in the bottomless sky.
“I’m kindly listening to your confession out of goodwill.”
“You’re lying! You’re enjoying this, you sadist!”
“Well, well, what can a wavering, indecisive person say?”
“You just said sothing you shouldn’t have! You did! What color is your blood!”
“It’s red, but what does that have to do with anything?”
“Shut up! I know that!”
“What’s with that?” She looked exasperated.
What are you? I retorted with a disgusted look on my face.
For a while, we exchanged utterly trivial words, and in the end, nothing ca of it. But, my mood had cleared up a bit.
“Well, I’ll be going now.”
“What the hell did you co here for?”
“Nothing, really. Just that you seed lonely.”
“…You’re kind of nice, you know?”
“What, you just realized? I’m honored, you fool.”
“…You’re pretty foul-mouthed, aren’t you?”
Johanna twisted her mouth into a smile. It was a wicked grin. I slumped my shoulders in frustration.
She really is a sadist.
Enough already, you sadist!
Be gentler, scold
more softly.
“Kuro-sama, I’m not telling you to accept. I’m just telling you to acknowledge. The heart of that person who thinks of you. Because it’s sothing you can’t asure by your own standards. No, you shouldn’t asure it. Everyone has their own unique entanglents. But you can throw such things by the wayside. Because being unrecognized by anyone or anything is, after all, a sad thing.”
The last words seed to be directed at herself. If everyone has their own entanglents, what are hers?
I stood up and roughly rubbed Johanna’s head. She was surprised and opened her eyes wide. Her blue eyes trembled.
“…What are you doing?”
“Nothing, really. Just that you seed lonely.”
“…You’re kind of nice, you know?”
“What, you just realized? I’m honored, you fool.”
“…You’re kind of an, too.”
Johanna smiled.
It was a beautiful smile.
A bottomless blue sky kind of smile.
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