I return to my room.
Amal is not there in the room.
She’s probably at worship. Noticing a sense of relief in myself due to her absence, I exhale a sigh as if to admonish myself.
I sit down in a chair.
I close my eyes and think. My raison d’être as a Peregrinus. My relationship with Amal. The continuation of the dream that Shizuyo sought. Everything was connected.
If that’s the case, then the place where I was and this Stonehurst were also connected. That’s why I could co here.
(…But, it might be unrelated. The reason I ca here might just be by chance, and the word Peregrinus might an nothing more than a foreigner. There might be no special intent behind it.)
…As Johanna said, this is just one way of perceiving it. It might not be the truth. In the first place, dream analysis is terribly ambiguous and lacks foundation as evidence.
(—Still, the reason I can’t help but think so is)
Because of the existence of my twin sister, Shizuyo.
Thinking up to that point, I roughly run my hands through my hair. Then stretch my hand to my face and cover my eyes. My vision is engulfed in complete darkness.
I had to reflect on my past as Ando Takashi and my relationship with Shizuyo, the parts I had deliberately avoided until now.
I thought I had left it behind. Since leaving the village and losing Shizuyo, becoming utterly alone, I convinced myself that I had left everything behind in my hotown of Ryohu Village. No, I wanted to think so.
…But it was different.
I hadn’t left it behind at all.
In fact, it was looming right behind .
The past was quietly trailing the current , step by step. So, it never fades away.
Only, I had been pretending not to notice it.
Even though I knew it was creeping up right behind …
***
…Ryohu Village.
A place hidden in the deep mountains of the Chubu region, not even marked on maps. My birthplace, my hotown.
To talk about mine and Shizuyo’s relationship, I have to explain our standing in Ryohu Village. And for that, my family ho, the “Ando house,” is deeply involved.
The Ando family, which holds the most significant power in Ryohu Village. The reason is that the Ando family has been taking on the role of priests overseeing the village’s festivals for generations.
The surna Ando was originally attributed the kanji for “Ando,” aning hall or temple. I don’t know the details, but at so point, it ca to be written as Ando with different kanji.
The word “hall” refers to a building to enshrine gods or Buddhas, and “peace” carries the aning of tranquility.
Ando implies “one who peacefully calms the place that enshrines a god,” in short, indicating a family line of priests. And I, Takashi Ando, was to be the next head of such an Ando… Ando family.
That was precisely the reason I left my hotown.
I couldn’t stand being the next successor… No, correctly, I couldn’t stand having to do sothing that as the successor, I must do.
Because it was an act that went against societal norms that should never be allowed in modern tis.
An act that could only be completed with the existence of
and Shizuyo. The foundation of which can be understood from our nas.
To “prosper” the village, to “calm” the gods, and to pass it to the next “generation.” From our birth, we were expected to do just that.
I refused it and chose to leave the village. But Shizuyo was different. She accepted it, and even more, she desired it.
And believing that I would surely return one day, she waited for
until the very end, dreaming of , even in that pitch-black place… and even after her life ended.
Considering that, it’s undoubtedly that voice from back then that triggered my coming to Stonehurst.
—Don’t leave
behind.
The voice of Shizuyo trying to hold
back when I left the village.
It was a word directed to the past
who left her behind and to the current
who told her that I would live on, walking forward.
“I want to see the continuation of the dream,” Shizuyo in the daydream told
so. The continuation probably refers to what Shizuyo and I were supposed to do. And this continuation of the dream corresponds to the role expected of
in Stonehurst as a Peregrinus.
Yes… The role we were supposed to play in Ryohu Village. I clutch at my chest. My heart throbs noisily. It’s a pain so intense it feels like I could die.
I bite my lip hard to bear it.
Warm, thick blood drips.
The taste of rust spreads in my mouth.
To forget the actions required of , to wish to forget, hence I detached the history and role associated with the Ando family and preserved only the image of Shizuyo as my sister.
To utter the content of that role is to invite a sharp pain to my chest.
It must not co true. It must not be allowed. Because we, we are siblings. Yet, do you still desire the continuation of that dream?
“Shizuyo, do you desire
that much…”
I couldn’t form the words that followed. It felt as if voicing them would crush
under the weight of her feelings.
Ah, I exhale. I breathe in the exhaled breath again and realize, “I see.”
This Stonehurst is not only the “prison of saints” but also the “prison of the living.” A prison that confines and chains so that I can never escape again, never leave behind again, that is Stonehurst.
“So, you called
here, didn’t you? Shizuyo… hey, that’s right, isn’t it?”
Silence.
No answer ca back.
I close my eyes. And I look up at the sky. I look up at the sky I cannot see, blocked by the walls.
—Lord, Lord, why have you forsaken . My God, my God, why have you abandoned ?
Author’s note : I never said Amal was the only yandere.
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