Jiang Yan forced himself to believe that people actually need to talk.
Although I often feel that I don't want to talk, I don't want to move, I just want to be so boring, trembling, afraid that even a small movent will stir the mud under the calm water.
But the sa words and thoughts lingered in my mind. Every ti I touched a place, I left a trail, going back and forth, slowly piled up, and finally turned into a mountain that could not be passed.
Open your mouth, speak out, hear your own voice, hear every word, every word in your heart, every word, what you think, complain, aggrieved, angry, puzzled ... From mont to mont, you pull away sentence by sentence, and the last thing left is the direction in which you are buried deepest.
In the last week before the final exam, Jiang Yan went to B University three tis to find Xu Xingzhi.
"It's not psychological counseling, you can talk to ," Xu Xingzhi said, "you say, I listen."
In so words, in the face of a relatively unfamiliar person, Xu Xingzhi was a perfect listener in this kind of venting confession.
He didn't even give any suggestion, just listened quietly, and occasionally should say one or two.
Jiang Yan felt that what he had said in a month was not as much as these days. He never thought that he had so many things in his heart.
"I'm not afraid of being denied. I haven't been much affird since I was a kid. I have to be certain of myself, and I have to listen to myself. I said I'm okay, I'm okay." Grasping gently, "How much I did for him, if it were to be erased one day, it would be erased. I don't care, I do n’t want him to rember , think of , how good I am I know, I do n’t need him to know what I did, what I want to do, because I want to. "
"It's hard to buy anything, I'm willing." Xu Xingzhi said.
"Well," Jiang Yan pinched the cat's paw, "but I know why, I always wanted to ask why, why? Then I thought, there is no why, how did he grow up, and under what circumstances Yes, what he is most afraid of is earning nothing, because he knows what it ans to be earning nothing, and giving up himself is his best protection thod, whether it is to protect himself or to protect others ... Did you say that? I feel like I say it every ti? "
"I didn't pay attention," Xu Xingzhi smiled. "Say the important thing three tis, and always say the most important thing ... you have a better voice today."
"It's a lot better, the chop throat has returned to the male duck's throat," Jiang Yan drank, sipped his tea, and looked down at the squinting cat. "It should be fine during the holiday ..."
"The other day you said you still wanted
to et my sister, didn't you?" Xu Xingzhi reached out from the window sill and hugged a passing black cat, rubbing his hair on his leg.
"Well, I know about it, it's ... it's very difficult for you," Jiang Yan bit his lip. "But now I have no other way. I like little girls, and even if there is a little girl The progress of her can also let her brother see hope. "
"I can go, but if he does, he doesn't agree?" Xu Xingzhi said, "After all, you two are like this because he doesn't want you to make nothing."
This sentence made Jiang Yan frown.
Every ti he faced Xu Xingzhi as if he was talking about himself, he avoided this detail.
No, this is not the details, this is the source of all his talks.
Avoided by him, although he did not intentionally avoid it, he did so subconsciously.
He said to himself, to Gu Fei, he could explain all why,
why, he why.
It's like an old fairy who knows everything through the world.
But when Xu Xingzhi said "Now you two are like this
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