Chapter 366 Just the Way it is
~ SASHA ~
Hours later, back in the City, Sasha sat in the hall with the females.
She'd been overjoyed to find that two or three had left the hall to seek out family or friends during the night. Though most of the females were still in the communal space, Sasha couldn't help feeling that things were looking so positive and bright. It was probably a good thing she'd learned that after she spoke to Nick that morning. Her buoyancy would have made him suspicious, she was sure.
She kept having to stifle it when she spoke with the females who were still frightened. She didn't want them to think that she didn't care.
The thought made her turn and look for Mae again, who was sitting next to the window, peering through a gap between the hides, obviously looking for soone in the Courtyard outside.
Sasha approached slowly, but when Mae saw her coming, she took her hands from the edge of the hide and turned, trying to force a smile.
"You don't need to stop for ," Sasha said, rubbing her back. "Do whatever you want. I'm just glad you're here. Have you been down the stairs yet?"
Mae shook her head, but her eyes stayed past Sasha towards the door at the end of the hall and the stairway behind it.
Sasha watched her, her heart squeezing at the pining on Mae's face. Yet the female didn't move. Didn't even look like she was trying.
She looked around to make sure no one was paying attention to them, then leaned into May. "I don't want to pry, Mae. For real. But if you want to see him, I'd be happy to go find him and bring him to the bottom of the stairs, just to say hello?"
Mae shook her head, tears squeezing out between her lashes to roll down her cheeks.
Sasha clucked and pulled her into a hug. "I'm sorry. I didn't an to push. I don't want to scare you. I know you've all been through terrible pain. I'm sure he'll wait to see you—"
"No, no, it's not that," Mae said, pulling out of her arms to straighten and wipe her eyes. "He's my mate, I know he wouldn't hurt . I'm not scared of him, Sasha-don. I'm… I'm afraid of his rejection. How he might react when he learns…"
Sasha waited, but Mae's forehead furrowed and she looked down at her hands, wringing them against her stomach.
"React to what, Mae?" she asked quietly.
Mae closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "I can't have offspring anymore," she said in a tired, grieving voice. Her brows pinching together. "It was the one thing we both wanted. The reason we decided to mate so young. But I didn't get pregnant those first couple months and then… then I went, and now I can't and he's going to be so…"
"Oh, Mae… He can't be angry with you for sothing you have no control over!" Sasha whispered, horrified.
Mae shook her head. "He won't be angry. He'll be…devastated. He'll wish he'd never mated . And I can't… after all this, I can't see that in his eyes. It would break ."
"Mae, no! It's not your fault! He won't reject you—"
"You aren't Chira, Sasha. You don't understand. He won't be angry, but he will be upset. And… and it is my fault that I submitted and I went. They… they ruined , but I gave them the chance to do it!" she wailed.
Sasha sat with her, holding her hand while the female cried. She struggled with feelings of guilt—after all, she was looking forward to having babies with Zev… as soon as she could be sure they'd keep them out of human hands.
That was a point! She made a ntal note, that they needed to get out of here before her next cycle. Just in case.
Four weeks, she told herself. Twenty-six days, to be precise. Because those sickos were following her cycle. They needed to get out of here before they did anything else to interfere.
There was no way on God's green earth that she was letting those n have anything to do with her child.
She shuddered at the thought but forced herself to turn back to Mae.
Would talking to Kyelle help? According to Zev, and the few little hints that Kyelle had dropped with her, it sounded like Kyelle had grief around this as well.
But surely the males didn't really reject them because of this?
She made another ntal note to ask Kyelle to co speak with Mae at so point—at the very least the two shared an experience. That was always bonding for females. Even if Kyelle didn't have advice, at least neither of them would feel like they were alone.
When Mae was back under control, Sasha tried again. "What about if I told him for you?" she said hesitantly. "Gave him a warning, so you could talk to him without having to see that… initial shock? I'm sure if we told him, he'd co talk to you after he's had ti to think about it. He was so heartbroken yesterday, Mae. He loves you! You're mates! I know Zev would still love if I couldn't—"
"You're ardent, though, right?" Mae said, her voice resigned and thick with tears. "It's different. We ford the bond because we chose each other. We got to know each other. We grew together. We were… were going to be happy, but now… I don't know."
"I know… I know it's a change to your future. I wish… I wish there was a way we could change it," Sasha whispered. "But I also know—I'm confident—that he loves you and he wouldn't want you here crying over this by yourself, Mae. I'd hate to think of Zev carrying a burden like that by himself.
"I know. I know. He's kind. He would be kind. But that's… that's part of why I can't, Sasha-don. He'll… pity . And then I won't have anything left." Her voice climbed to a weep and Sasha's heart broke for her all over again.
"Okay, Mae, okay. I'll stop trying to help. I'm sorry. Please don't cry. Just… if you want help at any ti, just know I'll help you, okay? I just hate to see you like this."
The female nodded and they hugged. But inside Sasha was cursing the n who'd changed these poor won's lives in such horrific ways.
She was going to make them pay for this. Once and for all.
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