I ate with Airi while thinking more about the awakening. A thought that seems to plague more than my nightmares lately.
The woman that keeps speaking to told about how I’d need to rip my heart out. I don’t really know if that is literal or not but I might have to test it.
Can I really rip my own heart out? That takes a lot of strength to just dig into my own chest.
The pain is also going to be a lot to deal with as I try to rip it out. Nobody really considers doing sothing like this so it is kind of a new idea.
"You’ve been kind of quiet, everything okay?" Airi asks with so concern in her voice.
"I’m okay, just thinking about so stuff," I answer while looking down at my arm.
Airi helped cover it back up after the nightmare I had. It feels weird seeing it completely covered, even though it was like that for a month.
"Are you really considering what I said?" She asks with curiosity.
I need to get stronger so if this will help... Then I am considering it. Nothing about it will be easy and I don’t want to be a burden if a fight breaks out.
Airi could have soone who is actually able to fight by her side. I also want to be able to kill zierel with more than just your help.
"You want to die?" She asks with a bit of panic.
Sotis you just have to take a leap of faith.
"Liam, Liam," Airi calls out.
I shift my gaze back towards her.
"Do you think this awakening will kill ?" I ask with a serious tone.
"You’re worrying about the awakening. That makes a lot of sense why you are out of it," Airi responds while ignoring the question.
"Will it?" I repeat.
"No. I’m confident that nothing bad will happen to you. You just need to be patient while I get so stuff figured out," Airi answers calmly.
After that conversation I just help her clean everything up before heading back to my room.
I shut the door and take a seat on my bed like always. It takes a mont but I unwrap my arm completely again.
The moving around underneath my skin is always a nice reminder that the infection is still there. Squirming around, making feel uncomfortable all the damn ti.
I don’t really have a whole lot of choices when it cos to strength. Airi is figuring sothing out before she can help awaken, but I also have another solution of my own.
Being able to do it is a completely different story though. I don’t want to die either.
What will happen when I tear it out? Will that just be the end of my life or will sothing special happen to ...?
Questions that I don’t have any answers to.
I don’t know how that’ll help awaken anything either which is the other problem; Awakening by ripping a heart out?
None of that makes any sense to in the long run but who am I to question so many things. Taking the leap is the best thing I can do right now instead.
"Doing this could an you’re gone forever," the voice speaks up.
Her voice isn’t as clear this ti for so reason.
"I’m positive this is the best choice," I reply quietly.
"I didn’t think you’d take it literally..." Her voice gets even further away.
If I don’t co back from sothing like that... Then it isn’t ant to be. I don’t think I’ll be reunited with my family at that point either.
A dagger forms from my arm, a lot like the one I used against the zierel.
This is definitely sharp enough to cut my chest open, but the endurance is the hardest part. Pushing through it all to actually get to my heart... It is not sothing I never thought of before.
"Overthinking it won’t make it any easier," she speaks up.
"I know. I know," I reply softly.
"I don’t think it is actually a good idea but it could help... Or it could be the worst possible thing to do," she says nervously.
Airi definitely wouldn’t allow to do this if she knew about it. I don’t even think she’d leave alone in my own room at that point anymore.
She’s probably going to give a bunch of grief about this when she finds out.
"Do it."
"Yes you should do it."
"Death won’t happen."
A series of voices is all I can hear from around the room, voices that I don’t recognize in the slightest.
My eyes begin to circle the room as if I need to find sothing or soone. But I don’t find anyone or anything to explain the reasoning for the voices.
I’m all alone in this room so why do I hear voices?
The infection in my arm stops squirming around for the ti being as my grip on the dagger tightens.
Ti is passing and I need to get this done already. Letting this drag on will only give more reasons not to do this...
I didn’t realize it at first but my hands are shaking... Even while my grip is tight on the dagger itself. Fear is overwhelming in more ways than I can imagine.
It isn’t enough to keep from doing this because I realize that the dagger is already at my chest.
"You can do this Liam," I say to myself.
I plunge the dagger into my chest and the pain imdiately follows. The cries of pain are sothing I can just barely hold back as I push forward.
Digging with the dagger into my chest more and more.
Splat!!!
Blood is beginning to flow onto the floor with each mont that passes.
"You really do want to die," she speaks up once more.
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