~ ROWAN
I stilled, my hands wrapping tighter around her. It was the most vulnerable I’d ever heard her.
"I won’t, I promise," I whispered to her.
I walked over to the bed, lowering myself onto the warm mattress. She nestled closer to , her head resting in the crook of my neck, her breaths coming out in soft pants, brushing against my collarbone.
"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked, brushing her hair off her shoulder.
She shook her head. "Not really."
"Nyssa-"
"Please, Rowan," she cut off, voice shaky. "I just... can I stay like this?"
I sighed, smothering the urge to ask more questions. "Of course, baby."
Her spine went rigid at my words and she pulled back only a little, just enough so she could lock eyes with . She opened her mouth to speak but at the last minute she decided against it and buried her head back into my throat.
"I won’t be able to do any of the work today," I mind linked Aria imdiately. "I have to be with Nyssa."
"Is she okay?"
I debated my next words.
On the surface, Nyssa was more than fine. Internally however, I couldn’t discern just how she felt.
"She will be," I said finally. "If there is anything that can only be done by , just shove it aside. I’ll deal with it tomorrow."
"Okay," she sighed. "Just... take care of her. I’ll deal with everything here."
She cut off the mind link and I was imdiately filled with a rush of gratitude for my sister.
Not taking a Beta was one of the most daring decisions I had ever made. I didn’t trust anyone enough to have them as my second-in-command except her but she didn’t want the posotion either.
Aria had always been very anti-authority. She hated the title of princess and loved to live as a free spirit. However, I knew that if it weren’t for her help, the kingdom would have gone under.
Nyssa and I sat there in silence, neither one of us speaking. I listened to the sound of her soft breathing and our hearts beatng in sync. As the minutes passed, our heartbeats beca like a lullaby, silently lulling to a state of blissful sleep.
I was unsure of how long we sat there, curled up in each other’s arms but I woke up to a loud scream and my eyes flew open just as Nyssa threw herself off .
"Don’t touch !" she scread, eyes wild and teary.
She’d done the sa earlier in the car. It was strange then and even stranger now, especially since she was the one who begged not to let her go earlier.
"Baby, are you okay?"
I reached for her and she scread again, the sound blood curling and echoing long enough that I thought my ear drums would fucking shatter. She wrapped her arms tightly around herself, scrambling bavk from on the bed.
Light stread in from a gap in the drawn windows but rathee than pull the windows open completely, I reached over and flipped on the bedside lamp, illuminating the room in a warm orange glow.
"Nyssa, it’s ... Rowan."
She went still, her heart beating violently in her chest. "Is it really you?"
I nodded, holding my hands up as I stepped closer to her, letting her see my face clearly. "It’s just , I’m not going to hurt you."
"Why am I naked?" she asked harshly. "Did we-"
"Of course not!" it offended that she would even ask. "I would never take advantage of you in this state. You didn’t want to let go of earlier."
Her brows furrowed as she tried hard to rember my words.
I didn’t bla her for not rembering, she was in such a catatonic state that I would’ve been surprised if she did.
I reached for the shirt that lay discarded on the floor from earlier and handed it over to her. "You should put that on."
She stared at for a long mont before glancing at the shirt I’d placed on her lap. Very carefully, she reached for it and pulled it over her head, her shoulders sagging slightly once she realized that she was fully clothed.
"What happened?"
Her lips pursed, hands crossing over her chest. "Don’t worry about it, I just panicked-"
"Don’t worry?" I asked scoffing slightly. "You panicked in my arms for the second ti today. You can’t tell not to worry about it."
She frowned. "Please, Rowan, leave it alone."
"I can’t, not when there’s a possibility that you’ll panic each ti you wake up."
"I won’t," she responded defiantly. "I know that."
"How?"
"Because I only panic when I feel soone’s hands on !" she scread.
Silence stretched through the room at her outburst. I opened my mouth to speak, but the words would not co out. Her eyes were hard, tears gathering behind them as the seconds ticked by.
"Nyssa-"
"He..." she trailed of fwith a sigh, her arms wrapping tighter around herself. "When I feel hands on , I think they are his and I panic. I’m sorry if that made you feel so type of way but I cannot turn it off."
Guilt, fierce and bitter slamd into .
It tasted like acid at the back of my throat, burning away every word and shred of self righteousness that was inside of .
"I didn’t..." I cursed low. "You don’t have to explain."
She ran her hands through her hair as a stray tear slipped from her cheeks and I could have sworn my heart fucking shattered.
I did that.
"Nyssa, I’m sorry."
To be honest, I wasn’t sure if I was apologizing for what I just did or everything else.
She shook her head, holding out a hand to stop . "I need a minute."
"Nyx."
"Rowan, please, I... I need ti to process all of this. So much has happened and I just.., I can’t think okay?"
Leaving her was the last thing I wanted to do, but I could not trample all over her wishes.
I nodded slowly. "If you need , I’m through that door."
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