Reincarnated into a Snow Griffin Chapter 38

"Co on now, eat up, you have to eat sothing..." The boy says again at my side, but as always I do not respond, actually I do not even turn to acknowledge his presence, I only stare into nothingness, clenching at the remaining pride I have to stubbornly hold up like this, as silly and pointless as it may look.

It did not matter to who or why I was doing what I am, I just needed to feed my rebel stubbornness as part of still is in denial from all of this, of how things went down south fast.

In the end, I just wanted to pretend that I had a choice in all of this, that I had so sort of power over my own life and that I could live as I wished even though I knew very clearly just how wrong that is.

Just how far from reality that is...

All this ti preparing, even being aware, sohow, that this would be the outco, and what good ca out of it? I’m just a child, what about that bullshit of becoming strong, I’m was just full of delusions, expecting great things from this life of mine and taking for granted just how much I already had, think that I was greater than the small creature that I am.

Is like that old saying goes, you only learn to value sothing when it is gone, isn’t it?

And yet the worst is not when I’m hitting at my own sore points and wounds, but when my mind goes to you... when my mind goes to you, mother, even my breathing shudders.

Mother... how are you now? Where are you? Are you doing fine? Of course you are not... but don’t worry, I survived, sohow, no need to cry over ...

Did that filthy man already try to touch you?

That gets a reaction out of as I clench my fists and jaw in fury, the single thought that I try so much to ignore always keeps coming back, tensing my body up to the point it hurts, my jaws clenching so much that my teeth would rasp against each other, that my nail would cut open the wounds they carved before once more, denting the skin with fresh oozing blood, and yet my expression would not change, no cry of pain would co from my lips.

All that pain kept hurtfully aware, of how-...of how mother must be being treated up above right now, thinking that not only her son is dead, but being held captive by that inconspicuous lion, that filthy unpleasant pervert scum-...

Only when I started to shiver from the anger would I take a deep breath and try to stop the overflowing emotions and thoughts from overcoming , for I could not cry, no, I would not cry, no matter how painful, how sad I’m about now, because I’m sure mother must be suffering ten tis more.

So how could I, with these thoughts screaming inside my mind, ever pay attention to the mask wearing boy beside ? Had we et at different tis I would never leave him hanging like this and lose face by being this impolite, nor be so unguarded by a stranger’s side, no matter how much he cared for at the mont and the fact that he saved my life for it would actually only make even more suspicious of him since he may want sothing in return of such grand act, but now is not even a matter of choosing to ignore him, but having an iron door between us, preventing from reaching out to him.

His is my Savior after all, I should at least thank him, but by the ti I rely opened my mouth to say sothing my mind would conjure unseen images, making my teeth clank close back together and my body to let out a shivering sigh.

I don’t know for how long we stayed like this, probably days, maybe weeks, I could only count the night that brought many terrible thoughts to mind, and without sleeping or eating my already in bad shape body only worsened by the day, to the point that I stayed laying down most of the ti for lack of strength in the arms and back.

It was not a matter of logic mind you, it was not that I had forgotten mother, nor my plans for revenge, is just that... sotis your mind, your heart even, just... shut up, the pieces too broken to nded together, leaving an empty space where once a warm pulsating young stood, only to be filled by the cold air of this empty eerie night.

It was lost, grief, depression, emptiness, void, pain and suffering, and it was easier to give in than to fight back when there was no fire to fuel my heart back to life, and no pulse to share it with my limbs.